12/07/2014

Last night I had some small dreams. Not enough for 1 whole Dream Journal, but I just had to write something about it, since it was quite the experience.

It started off with a dream about Lucid Dreaming. Which I always find a good sign. It means I am filling my head with the subject. Also if I can remember how I feel when I think about LD in a dream, that might help me out too. So I was in a good mood when I wrote my first dream down. Then I went to sleep again (took me a while).

Now here it get's interesting. I had a dream, where I didn't really care about what happened. I was quite indifferent for a while, until at some point a bit later, I thought that it was a dream anyway. Then I did a double take. And only after that I actually realized I was dreaming. And then I woke up. So I dreamed that I thought it was just a dream anyway. And then like a second later, I actually realized I was dreaming. Pretty weird. Too bad I woke up so fast, too.

So I wrote all that down (using my new and improved Journal). Then I went back to bed and again took a while before I could sleep. Now it get's even weirder. I had a dream without any visuals. I can't remember seeing anything. There was just the feeling of the peddle of my piano, and a sound. Like church bells every time I pressed it. I could feel the iron really well and hear the tunes it played as well, but I am pretty sure I saw nothing. Not even darkness. There just was no vision somehow. Then I noticed that my piano should not make any noise when I just press on the peddle. Let alone, ring some bells! So I figured out I was dreaming again. And I woke up again.

I think this all happened within the first minutes of falling asleep. It was almost like the dream wasn't completely there yet. I felt like I realized I was dreaming before the dream actually was completely formed.

So I wrote down all that. And I went back to bed. Again took a long while to fall asleep. And believe it or not, it now get even more interesting!

This time I wonder if I even ever lost awareness at all. I went to sleep like I normally do, only while laying awake for a while, rolling around a bit, having itches all over my body. But when I finally fell asleep, I somehow noticed I was sleeping and opened my eyes again. I basically instantly woke up, after falling asleep. Then I threw up a bit in my mouth (I have been sick earlier this week).I was scared that I had to puke so I wanted to grab a bucket, but I couldn't move. I tried REALLY hard to move, but nothing. Then my mom came randomly into my room. I tried to signal her somehow, but I couldn't. After a bit I realized, this was probably SP. So I tried to breathe irregularly since I had heard this wakes you up. But after about a minute of randomly changing breathing patterns I gave up. I kinda realized I probably didn't really need to throw up and the sensation faded. I realized my mother was not really there and she kinda lied down peacefully at the end of my bed. I somehow felt like I had everything under control. So I figured I'd just go back to sleep, into a real dream and then wake up properly. I closed my eyes and I felt something poking at my feet. But I could just think that away too. Then I woke up.

So.. I'm not sure what to make of all this yet. It's positive that I could recognize myself dreaming multiple times in one night. That's a first. But it's also not good that I lost the dreams so fast.

Though most importantly of all, I think I have now fully overcome my fear of SP. It wasn't scary at all for me