My re-introduction - it's great to be back!!!

**Darkmatters** · 07-31-2011 10:18 AM

Actually I never made an introduction before, so in a way this is it!

I left rather suddenly about a year ago, and I thought I should explain why and what's happened since then.

When I was here before, it was the darkest time in my life... my mom had learned she had the debilitating and fatal disease COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) and I had moved in with her to help take care of her in her final years. Basically a diagnosis of COPD means your life expectancy is about 4 years or so. But fortunately she had lived a long and very fulfilling life, and she had no regrets, and even had a very philosophical attitude about her impending death, which helped immensely. But still it was very hard to watch her slowly waste away, needing to be attached to an oxygen machine constantly.

To make things even harder to bear, my dog was very old and also nearing death... and my mom even commented a couple of times that she didn't know how I could stand being in this house of slow death. But I stayed strong for her and made her life as comfortable as I could, and I didn't even realize how much of a toll it was taking on me emotionally until after she passed away last august. There came a point where I felt like I was waking form a very long and terrible dream and was beginning to open up emotionally again - and it wasn't until then that I realized I had sort of shut myself down in order to bear up through it all.

So it was in the midst of this situation that I joined Dreamviews in 2009. Then sometime in the middle of 2010 things took a sudden turn for the worse... she began a series of emergency trips to the hospital interspersed with tests and therapy, but it was clear she was dying.

At this same time, my dream life had taken a bad turn. I wasn't having any more lucids, and just about every dream I did have was essentially telling me that I shouldn't be posting my dreams here for public viewing - they were all dreams of my privacy being invaded by strangers and such. It all seemed to come to a head at the same time, and I decided it was time to stop worrying about dreams and invest myself solidly in waking life.

Well, now I've buried my poor dog in the backyard of Mom's house, and I've scattered her ashes around the flowerbeds she used to tend there, as per her instructions. And I've inherited a duplex just up the street that I've become the landlord of, and taken in my sister's dog Pepper. It's been nearly a year now since mom passed away, and I've gotten over the main emotional mourning period, though I still miss her quite often.

I stopped keeping a DJ through those terrible months, but I did record a few of the more memorable ones. And now just a couple weeks ago I thought about this place and the friends I left behind here, and decided it's time to try to pick up where I left off... only this time I won't be posting a dream journal!

I had actually stopped everything I was doing that was dream-related, including chakra meditation and kundalini yoga, reality checks and thinking about dreams etc. But I'm getting back into it, and just now I'm reading Malcolm Godwin's excellent book The Lucid Dreamer: A Waking Guide for the Traveler Between Worlds. It's really amazing, and I highly recommend it... in fact I'd call it the best LD book next to EtWoLD (that I'm aware of anyway). It's sparked an interest for a few books by Carl Gustav Jung that I just ordered as well.

Well, guess that about covers it. Sorry this got so morbid, but hey... that's been my life, at least it was back then. I feel that my earlier time here taught me a lot (perhaps more than I realized), and now that things are less turbulent I'm ready to take the next steps on my journey to both sleeping and waking lucidity.

**Mancon** · 07-31-2011 10:38 AM

Welcome back Darkmatters!

I'm extremely sorry about your mom and her COPD

As for the dog, I know what that feels like, and am sorry about that also. It seems like you are a strong person and handled it well, though.

I have a cat named Pepper

It's great your starting a DJ again! I've never actually heard of The Lucid Dreamer: A Waking Guide for the Traveler Between Worlds, I'll have to check it out! Good luck with lucid dreaming, and in life

**Darkmatters** · 07-31-2011 10:43 AM

Thanks Mancon! Pepper is a great name for a pet, isn't it?

I AM starting my DJ again, but only in the notebook I keep next to the bed... I won't be posting it publicly in here. I know a lot of people on here post their dreams and it doesn't seem to bother them, but I guess I'm a bit too sensitive for that or something... heh, it was really bothering me that strangers were able to look into my inner world and possibly see things that I didn't even see there myself.

I actually had never heard of that book either, until I read Thomas Yuschak's Advanced Lucid Dreaming - the Power of Supplements. He listed only 2 books there for additional reading, that one and EtWoLD. So I decided to try it out, and was not disappointed!

But yeah, I am journaling my dreams again (privately), and it feels good to reconnect with that inner dream life again.

**Mancon** · 07-31-2011 10:46 AM

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

Thanks Mancon! Pepper is a great name for a pet, isn't it?

I AM starting my DJ again, but only in the notebook I keep next to the bed... I won't be posting it publicly in here. I know a lot of people on here post their dreams and it doesn't seem to bother them, but I guess I'm a bit too sensitive for that or something... heh, it was really bothering me that strangers were able to look into my inner world and possibly see things that I didn't even see there myself.

But yeah, I am journaling my dreams again (privately), and it feels good to reconnect with that inner dream life again.

It is!

Yeah, I totally respect that. Some people would rather not share their dreams with the world. Personally, I don't mind it but everyone's different

**BobbyLance** · 07-31-2011 01:26 PM

Welcome back to DV my friend.

Always remember that you are not alone. We people of dreamviews stand as one. If you have problems, then all of us has. I'm sorry for the series of events happening in your life. I do feel your pain(well, just the dog part, must be very hard about your mom). If you have some questions, we(the whole dreamviews community) are always ready to answer. Sorry again, always remember that your love ones are now in a better place.

**Darkmatters** · 07-31-2011 08:11 PM

Thanks weakamon - it feels really good to know that! And writing that here seems to have helped somehow purge it from my life... like it's cleared the way to move ahead.

**Karlitaki** · 08-01-2011 01:08 AM

ur really very welcome back mate !

hope everythings all right now and get to lucid dream world back

**Darkmatters** · 08-01-2011 01:11 AM

Many thanks KT!! It' good to be welcomed back. This is such a friendly forum!

**ninja9578** · 08-01-2011 01:06 PM

back, I definately remember you.

**Darkmatters** · 08-01-2011 11:41 PM

Awesome! Thanks Ninja! I was kinda wondering if anybody remembered me or not.

**Raspberry** · 08-01-2011 11:45 PM

Get over here and give me a welcome hug.

**Darkmatters** · 08-01-2011 11:48 PM

Hi Korley! Nice to meechya!

**Raspberry** · 08-01-2011 11:53 PM

Hmm.. if you left a year ago you may have been around when I joined up. I was Raspberry up until a few weeks ago. In fact, I think I remember you name.