Needing some help. This is getting outta control.

**Shelby** · 10-11-2011 09:01 PM

I've been broken up with my ex boyfriend for almost 10 months now, after a horrible break up. We were together for almost 2 years and broke up a few days before our 2nd year anniversary. After he broke up with me, we had no contact whatsoever and it's been that way for the past 10 months. A month after we broke up, I found out that he had been cheating on me for the last 2 months of our relationship and had started dating that girl a couple weeks after he broke up with me. Right after our break up, I had dreams about him every night. We'd either get back together in my dreams or we'd be fighting. Then, the dreams stopped because I started to hate him after I found out abotu the other girl. Now, I feel like I'm a little more at peace with everything and I don't hate him anymorea nd I'm not even angry. But for the past 2 weeks, these dreams have come back. Every night, I'll either have a dream of him and I being back together. Everything that's happened between us has still happened in my dreams, but we've moved past it all and are back to how thingsu sed to be.
Or
I'll have dreams of his step mother and I (who used to love me, but now hates me for no apparent reason. Keep in mind, the rest of the family still loves me because they know what he did to me) are the best of friends and hanging out .... and he's in the backgroubd of my dreams fighting with his girlfriend or just watching me.
I need to find a way to get him out of my head. It's just hurting me more.

And last night was the weirdest dream of all.
I'm at his house, wearing a red silky dress, red head bank (i know it's a headband because I keep moving it around and stop it from falling off during the entire dream), red shoes, and carrying a red purse. He is nowhehre in my dream, but my mother (who passed away almost 2 years ago) is in it at his house with me...and so are all of his family who still have a really close relationship with me. They're all helping me get ready for a dance at the high school. I remember grabbing my black jacket and then my ex's cousin, who is my best friend, walked out with me to the car. But for some reason she's just in a t-shirt and jeans . In my dream, she is already graduated even though her and I are in the same grade. Anyways, I'm driving the car and she is in the pasenger seat and once we're on the road, we're driving through my hometown in Nebraska (keep in mind that my ex lives in Colorado and that's where I graduated high school) and I miss the turn to go to my old high school and I end up driving us completely out of town, but then I realize what I'm doing and I turn back. Once I'm at the dance, I'm by myself in the middle of the dance floor and our song, "My best friend" by Tim McGraw comes on and I start to cry and suddenly I am sitting in a park in the snow by myself and I feel frozen and then I wake up.

The song part is weird because I haven't listend to that song since we broke up. I just can't and won't even try because I know I'll start crying if I hear it. But I could hear it plain as day in my dream, word for word.

Please help me understand this. These dreams have been going on for a little over 2 weeks now. And each day when I wake up, I feel really sad over him, which I haven't really felt in months. And it makes me really miss our relationship and who he used to be.

**Robot_Butler** · 10-11-2011 09:18 PM

I still have dreams about ex-girlfriends all the time. Dreams are extremely powerful and emotional, so these dreams really hurt. Even if I haven't heard from the girl or thought about her 10 years, my feelings in the dream are perpetually fresh and powerful. I know how much this sucks. I think the best thing you can do is live a good life and meet new supportive and loving people. We can never forget the past, but we can provide ourselves with a bright future to look forward to.

Have you ever tried lucid dreaming? If you become lucid in one of these dreams, you could confront the dream directly, or push it in a better direction.

**Kona** · 10-12-2011 03:22 AM

Like Robot_Butler said, if you learn lucid dreaming you could confront these dream characters head on and give them a piece of your mind or find out what they mean and resolve the issue. Also, since you have these dreams a lot, you could EASILY use these as a dream sign and since it is so often you could get lucid very often!
But like Robot said, we can't forget the past but we just need to move on. If he treated you like that then he didn't deserve you. Find some new friends and know that they are your true friends and not the other guy.

I'm not totally good with emotional situations but I hoped this helped you a bit. Definitely try lucid dreaming and confront them though! It could be quite interesting.

Good luck!

**dreamst8** · 10-12-2011 04:41 AM

If he treated you like that then he didn't deserve you.

Solid statement and one you should always keep in mind. It's only natural to miss someone with whom you've had a long relationship -- even have mixed or lingering feelings. Remember that your dreams ARE you. They are your subconscious, so your inner feelings will manifest in your dreams. You even have ties to him through his family. Strong ties. And you obviously care somewhat deeply about how his mother thinks of you. All of this equals up to the fact that you are still VERY connected to the relationship, even if you don't talk to him. Not saying that's a bad thing, it's just how it is.

Whether you believe in fate or not, the fact is that you have found yourself here -- at DreamViews, looking to solve a problem. The answer to your problem is most likely not a simple one, and certainly will take time. BUT, you have something in common with each and every one of us here. We all have questions we need answered or challenges to overcome -- or both. I'll use myself as an example. I'm here hoping to get a better grasp on who I am and where my mindset is by interpreting and learning from my dreams. From what you've stated, you are here for that as well. Not for the same reason that I'm here, but with the same general purpose.

Robot_Butler and Kona above both expressed the possibility that lucid dreaming could help you with your problem. I'm echoing that for a few reasons.

1. You can confront your ex in your dreams and any other "supporting cast members" that constitute the relationship. This can be VERY therapeutic, and can even sometimes provide closure.

2. You are obviously a sensitive person (which is a good thing

). Also, you have a natural ability to recall your dreams in great detail. You have a real curiosity when it comes to your dreams -- even if it's only just become apparent because of your current situation. All of these things would prove to be great STRENGTHS as you learn to lucid dream. In short -- you'd probably be AWESOME at it!

and

3. Lucid dreaming is FUN!! It opens a WHOLE NEW WORLD up to you. You will feel so enchanted by your new world that it will diminish your negative feelings about the relationship with your ex. And no, it's not running from your problems. It's replacing something negative with something POSITIVE. Remember that he cheated on you. You didn't do anything to deserve that. That is all on him. You shouldn't be bearing the weight of that burden.

Learning to lucid dream means giving yourself POWER. The power to literally create HAPPINESS for yourself. It is very real. The bad feelings you are getting from the dreams about your ex -- they are very real feelings, aren't they? Yes. So doesn't that mean that you can have GOOD feelings from GOOD dreams then? YES! And when you learn to lucid dream, you learn how to CREATE GOOD DREAMS.

In your lucid dreams, you are empowered. You are a force. You're a creator. You mold your surroundings to be what you want them to be. You make yourself happy and free. And the best thing about it is -- that it's YOU the whole time. When you wake, you have very real memories of your experiences in the dream, and you can carry with you whatever you've learned about yourself or your world -- and you can APPLY those lessons to your waking life.

This is a fork in the road, Shelby. I, personally, feel that learning to lucid dream will not only help you with the issues you're having right now regarding your ex, but will lead you to a much more independent and joyful life all around. The choice, of course, is yours. If you decide to look more into lucid dreaming, you are in the right place. This is a great support system. You have tons of friends here. You'll notice early on that compassion, friendliness and good will is a common thread here. If you have any questions, there are plenty of members (including myself) who you can PM that are willing to lend a hand. I'm relatively new here, so I can't provide as much guidance as some of my friends who are 'veterans' here, but I'm still willing to help, and long-standing members are just as willing and even more so.

Sorry if I've gotten long-winded. I tend to do that when talking about something that's causing someone pain. I hope I've helped at least a little. I wish all the best for you, Shelby. And I do hope to see you around here.

PS: Sometimes in life, for our own happiness, it's ok to get a little selfish. Remember that no one can love you like you can love yourself. So it's ok to show yourself love by doing something purely to make yourself happy.

**Shelby** · 10-12-2011 05:38 AM

Thank you all soooo much! It really means a lot that there are people willing to help me out with something like this. It's hard to talk to people about these dreams who have never really had dreams like this or have a hard time recalling their dreams. I have actually always been really able to recall my dreams in great detail. I used to get night terrors 2 years ago when my mother was diagnosed with cancer and then after she passed away a few months later. And somehow the night terrors just stopped after one really crazy dream that I had. I'll post more detail on it, but what I'm getting at is that I feel like dreams are so powerful and I don't think many people I know look at them the way I look at them. So I am so glad to have found a place to express these feelings of dreams and for it to be understood by others. Anyways, I would love to learn more about lucid dreaming. It sounds like something I could really use. I have actually resorted to counseling for this because it's just had such a huge effect on my daily life these last couple weeks. If lucid dreaming can help, it'd sure save me a lot of money.