You sounded about 90% to a lucid dream. The light forming that you saw was most likely the dream forming, not light coming in through your eyelids. It all faded when you clenched your eyes shut because it was a signal from your body to your brain telling it not to go to sleep. It's the same as rolling over when you fall asleep, it only wakes you up. The fact that you got this close is very good considering what you've told me about your past attempts. You just have to allow it to spread/form into the dream and once it's stable you can carry on with whatever you want.