i am so fucking bored i don't know what to do. i am drinking BY MYSELF like a fucking newb. I can't even bitch about all the crap in my life to anyone, not even on here because it's too personal lol. I'm getting drunker and drunker and i have no one to shrae anything with. i wish i had friends in real life so i could be distracted, so I had something fun to do, but NO. I have NO FUCKING FRIENDS IRL. That isn't an exaggeration, it's the truth. Most people who say that really do have 1 or 2 close friends, I have none. I'm 21 and the last friend I had was a girl who half had mental problems or something who I hated when I was 14.
Everyone on Steam is deleting me for some reason or another. What hte fuck did I do? A girl I have NOTHING against fucking deleted me, and a friend told me she deleted me because I was annoying when I'm drunk. Do you realize how fucking unjust this is? Playing those games and drinking and talking was the only social experience I've had. I was deprived of it and when I was exposed to it on those rare occasions, I might have gone overboard. i wasn't even talking that much, I suppose my thoughts are just too strange and annoy people, like my description of a certain line as a y=4x line. I take a lot of math courses and that was honestly the first thought that came to mind of how to describe the angle of the line. Furthermore I've always been 'paranoid' (although I guess it isn't paranoia if what I feared was happening) of being viewed as annoying. But when I expressed the fears to a person or 2 they assured me I wasn't. I cannot stand to be viewed as annoying, and now I hear this shit. She and I are in similar situations, and I've been nothing but nice to her. I even appologized to her when I said something to her in the game I suspected might have sounded mean.
Then I went in the IRC on DV here to see if I could talk to someone, but NO they were having some convo about nothing, it was like 20 fucking trolls decided to join a chat together. No one is on MSN, I added back a friend on Steam who deleted me but he won't fucking readd me. I am alone, I have no one, I've been drawn to making some stupid post here.
AND MY FUCKING COMPUTER, HOLY FUCKING SHIT. My hard drive was being difficult and locking up within 5 minutes of turning on my computer, so I eventually had to reformat my hard drive. I had another low-space hard drive that I transfered the files to I wanted to keep. I reformatted the hard drive and kept the second one in as a secondary one and everything seemed to work fine. Then in the last few days it started fucking up again, the same issue but a bit different.. it's hard to explain, same symptoms but I could just tell it was different. I noticed some retarded folder called 92872498372843 or something in my C drive and couldn't delete it even after changing the permissions, so I'm guessing it's some kind of virus. So after a long time I decided to just reformat the hard drive again. I HAD gone to a few questionable web sites (not porn), so maybe I got a similar virus again. I transferred back all of the files, and reformatted, CAREFULLY selecting the right hard drive, the one in slot 0, to reformat. Then, when it's finished, IT REFORMATTED THE WRONG HARD DRIVE. I LOST ALL OF MY FUCKING DOCUMENTS, after being so god damn careful. The only good thing is that the more important and smaller documents like journals, etc. I had backed up onto a flash drive. But all of my images of many things over the last few years, along with some other things, are forever lost. I was so afraid of that happening and was SO careful to select the right hard drive because I didn't want to lose anything, and then it happened anyway. It was like it was inevitable.
|
|
Bookmarks