I'd put this in the help section, but..

**blahaha** · 08-20-2008 11:50 PM

I need some advice soon and I can't really wait a few days for an admin to put this in the help section.

Ok so earlier today my best friend's dog got run over and killed. I think he was about 4-5 months old. He lost another dog at the same age to parvo right before he got this one. He also just lost his fiancee so basically he has a lot of problems and is kind of unstable. Well he just called me up told me about it and started demanding that I give him my gun. Well I don't want to give him my gun so he can kill somebody just because they accidentally hit his dog. Now he's really pissed off at me because apparently since I won't help him kill someone he think I don't care about him or his dog. I tried to tell him how it was probably an accident but it's in his head that they did it on purpose. He's very stubborn and I can't really get him to calm down. Some drunk neighbors messed with him last night too so he's pretty pissed off and I think he might do something stupid like hurt someone or leave or I don't know. I think he wants to run away or something like that. I want to talk to him but it's starting to piss me off that every time I try to talk to him he just yells at me and hangs up since "I don't care".

What the hell can I do to get him to calm down?

**Abra** · 08-21-2008 12:19 AM

If you think he's planning on killing someone, or even threatening someone with a gun, call the police. Talk of homicide needs to be dealt with immediately. It will help both parties in the long run. Even if this situation blows over, I'd suggest some behavior modification sessions, to prevent him from blowing up and hurting anyone (including himself) after a future disappointment.

**blahaha** · 08-21-2008 12:27 AM

He doesn't have a gun, I do. And I'm not going to give it to him. He likes to talk a lot of shit when he gets angry.. he's not going to kill anyone. He'll probably go get in a fight but he's not going to kill anyone. He didn't threaten anyone either, he just wanted me to give him my gun. That's not the first time either, I actually let him use it once, he didn't even do anything. He doesn't have it in him to actually shoot someone. He acts a lot tougher than he really is.

But that's not the point. I can stop him from doing something stupid if the problem arises, that's not what I need help with. I'm just wondering if there's anything I can do to calm him down... He's taking his anger out on me, like yelling at me and stuff and all I'm trying to do is talk to him. I don't really know how to handle this situation?

OK so let's just say I've been through quite a few traumatizing experiences in my life. So now when something bad happens, even stuff like people or animals dying, I tend to not show emotion or anything. A lot of the time people think I don't care because I'm acting like I don't care, when really I just don't really know how to show it anymore. I'm trying to help him but I'm not going to break down and cry for his dog. Oh by the way I'm pretty close to his dog too, I used to let him sleep on my lap when he was 6 weeks old.

CT · 08-21-2008 12:28 AM

why do you own a gun.

No offence, but from the way you're asking this question and how to deal with this situation, you don't really seem like anyone I'd be comfortable with having the responsibility over a piece of equipment designed to kill people.

Don't give your friend the gun. Try to calm him down, don't let him manipulate you into doing things for him because he's calling you a bad friend or whatever bullshit. He'll thank you later.

**blahaha** · 08-21-2008 12:31 AM

Hahah you guys are fucking insane. Just because I own a gun I'm a bad person or I'm someone you wouldn't want to hang around? Maybe read my post and you'll see that I'm NOT going to give him my gun. And you know, just because I own a gun doesn't mean I wanna kill someone. Say someone breaks into my house? and/or threatens my family? I'm certainly not going to sit there and do nothing.

Fuck off people. I'll handle this by myself. Thanks for the help. (not)

Maybe I'll go shoot you! haha (joke)

**kichu** · 08-21-2008 12:51 AM

Ok, hold on. That was just one persons post. And everyone has a right to their opinion, or to view a situation a certain way.

What about the part where you said you've had traumatic stuff happen to you and that's why you don't show as much as emotion as you could/should? Does he know this about you? Why don't you tell him that? That way you're relating to him and also explaining that although you care, there are reasons why you have a hard time showing it.

**Taosaur** · 08-21-2008 01:07 AM

Even if it feels forced at first, you might want to employ the 'pace and lead' technique here: http://lifehacker.com/software/perso...son-202099.php

**kichu** · 08-21-2008 01:09 AM

Originally Posted by Taosaur

Even if it feels forced at first, you might want to employ the 'pace and lead' technique here: http://lifehacker.com/software/perso...son-202099.php

Good suggestion!

**Taosaur** · 08-21-2008 01:26 AM

Originally Posted by kichu

Good suggestion!

I know, constructive and everything...maybe I'm coming down with something.

blahaha, I'm sure you're not thrilled that this person killed the dog, either, so maybe meeting your friend at his level will help you vent as well, and then you can bring both of you down to a level where you can deal with it more calmly.

**blahaha** · 08-23-2008 09:55 PM

Thanks for the help everyone. I apologize for blowing up at first, I was pretty stressed out.

**nitsuJ** · 08-23-2008 10:02 PM

You should let him know the consequences of such a stupid act as to killing. Killing won't bring back the dog, but it will have him in prison.

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