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    1. #1
      Knight
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      need help with joke!

      Can some of you make a clean joke or two off of this bible passage? It's for religion class. Help is appreciated.....



      1. But it happened after a while, in the time of wheat harvest, that Samson visited his wife with a kid; and he said, I will go in to my wife into the chamber. But her father wouldn't allow him to go in.

      2. Her father said, I most certainly thought that you had utterly hated her; therefore I gave her to your companion: isn't her younger sister more beautiful than she? Please take her, instead.

      3. Samson said to them, This time shall I be blameless in regard of the Philistines, when I do them a mischief.

      4. Samson went and caught three hundred foxes, and took firebrands, and turned tail to tail, and put a firebrand in the midst between every two tails.

      5. When he had set the brands on fire, he let them go into the standing grain of the Philistines, and burnt up both the shocks and the standing grain, and also the olive groves.

      6. Then the Philistines said, Who has done this? They said, Samson, the son-in-law of the Timnite, because he has taken his wife, and given her to his companion. The Philistines came up, and burnt her and her father with fire.

      7. Samson said to them, If you do after this manner, surely I will be avenged of you, and after that I will cease.

      8. He struck them hip and thigh with a great slaughter: and he went down and lived in the cleft of the rock of Etam.

      9. Then the Philistines went up, and encamped in Judah, and spread themselves in Lehi.

      10. The men of Judah said, Why are you come up against us? They said, To bind Samson are we come up, to do to him as he has done to us.

      11. Then three thousand men of Judah went down to the cleft of the rock of Etam, and said to Samson, "Don't you know that the Philistines are rulers over us? What then is this that you have done to us?" He said to them, As they did to me, so have I done to them.

      12. They said to him, We have come down to bind you, that we may deliver you into the hand of the Philistines. Samson said to them, Swear to me that you will not fall on me yourselves.

      13. They spoke to him, saying, No; but we will bind you fast, and deliver you into their hand: but surely we will not kill you. They bound him with two new ropes, and brought him up from the rock.

      14. When he came to Lehi, the Philistines shouted as they met him: and the Spirit of The Lord came mightily on him, and the ropes that were on his arms became as flax that was burnt with fire, and his bands dropped from off his hands.

      15. He found a fresh jawbone of a donkey, and put forth his hand, and took it, and struck a thousand men therewith.

      16. Samson said, With the jawbone of a donkey, heaps on heaps, With the jawbone of a donkey I have struck a thousand men.

      17. It happened, when he had made an end of speaking, that he cast away the jawbone out of his hand; and that place was called Ramath Lehi.

      18. He was very thirsty, and called on The Lord, and said, You have given this great deliverance by the hand of your servant; and now shall I die for thirst, and fall into the hand of the uncircumcised.

      19. But God split the hollow place that is in Lehi, and water came out of it. When he had drunk, his spirit came again, and he revived: therefore the name of it was called En Hakkore, which is in Lehi, to this day.

      20. He judged Israel in the days of the Philistines twenty years.

    2. #2
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      Why did the Philistines encamp in Judah?

      Because its the goddam Bible.

    3. #3
      Knight
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      Any body just please make a true joke?


    4. #4
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      mine was good

    5. #5
      Veteran of the DV Wars Man of Steel's Avatar
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      What do you get when you combine Samson, a Philistine army, and the jawbone of an ass?

      Biblical ass-whooping.

    6. #6
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      With the jawbone of a donkey I have struck a thousand men.

    7. #7
      Member Amethyst Star's Avatar
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      You know your Firefox is malfunctioning when you see a Philistine's field on fire.

      ?

      "If there was one thing the lucid dreaming ninja writer could not stand, it was used car salesmen."

    8. #8
      Cosmic Citizen ExoByte's Avatar
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      Deleting my post... jerks.
      This space is reserved for signature text. A signature goes here. A signature is static combination of words at the end of a post. This is not a signature. Its a signature placeholder. One day my signature will go here.

      Signed,
      Me

    9. #9
      Member dahitman474747's Avatar
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      then Samson collected the 2,000 testicles and gave them to Jesus

    10. #10
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      It looks like a pretty decent joke already.

    11. #11
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      <span class='glow_0000FF'>Man of Shred</span>'s Avatar
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      Why did Samson cross the road?

      A: to yield to temptation.
      The Best of my dream journal
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      MoSh: How about you stop trying to define everything, and just accept what you experience, and explore it.
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      Quote Originally Posted by The Cusp View Post
      I'm guessing those intergalactic storm cloud monster bugs come out of sacred energy vortex angel gate medicine wheels.

    12. #12
      ex-redhat ClouD's Avatar
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      The punch-line is that God doesn't exist Jesus died.


    13. #13
      Knight
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      Never mind some of these were funny though.

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