Recently my brother has been interested in lucid dreaming and we've been talking about it quite a bit. I don't really ever do any of the excercises or reality checks that you're apparently supposed to do, but I've still been intrigued by it.

So last night I had a dream that I was hanging out with this really cool girl and some friends. We were all having a great time. I remember going outside to check the waves (i surf, and it's really what I'm thinking about most of the time. The ocean is honestly the love of my life) and the ocean had this kind of mystical look to it. I decided I was going to go out for a surf. So before I went to get my wetsuit on I was thinking about how great of a day this was, and how I really hoped this wasn't a dream (I've been dreaming a lot of my ex girlfriend who left me pretty broken up about two years ago, and waking up after things being normal again is pretty disheartening). So there's this cool girl who I actually like and great waves and just thinking "please don't let this be a dream."

Well, as soon as I thought that... I KNEW I was dreaming. There were no reality checks or anything like that, but somehow I knew and I was dissapointed that this wasn't real. I know STAYING lucid is hard because people get excited that they're aware of the dream and then wake up. I think maybe the fact that I was dissapointed had something to do with me staying in the dream.

So then I decided to take advantage of the situation. "What do people do when they're lucid? They fly!" and so I went flying, only I couldn't go horizontal for some reason. It was great. I flew over buildings feeling like Superman. I've had lots of flying dreams before, but this time it was special because I knew I was lucid. So then I woke up... or I thought I did. Only the flying dream was just a dream within a dream. I woke up as someone else in a bedroom with a woman yelling at me. I thought this was REAL life. I was no longer lucid... then I REALLY woke up.

I'm completely new to this, but definitely want to do it again. It was so liberating. I am a very spiritual person (not religious) and feel that lucid dreaming can teach me new things about who I am. I plan on surfing perfect waves next time

I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but about an hour into my sleep I suddenly woke up feeling VERY afraid of dying and feeling so... mortal... I don't know how else to explain it. Almost like my life was meaningless and as Pink Floyd says "all that you touch and all that you see is all that your life will ever be." This thought hit me like a sledgehammer and it scared the shit out of me. This has happened many times before, but not recently. So, don't know if this has anything to do with it, but I figure I'd put it in there for all of you here who are experts on the subject.

So basically... what's next for me? Where do I go from here? And WHAT THE HECK happened last night?