I can't lucid dream, I know this for a fact because I can't control my dreams.
Just wanted to clarify you this one: lucidity is not the same as control. Control can happen frequently when you're not lucid, but being lucid does not necessarily means that you can control the dream. I'm sure if you work on it not only you can lucid dream, but you will also be able to control them. It's all about practice Maybe it would be a way to get a better understanding of what these dreams mean?

Also, since this post regards dream content that seems to be troubling you and the theme keeps occurring, I'm moving this to Nightmares and Recurring Dreams in hopes you can get more suited replies there.