non-lucid

I had a dream that we lived in our neighborhood and my 9-year-old daughter kept sneaking out and playing in outher peoples houses in the middle of the night. I was upset with her, but not too much, I figured it was a phase she would grow out of and she would stop after I told her too. Then a pregnant lady that looks like my 9 year olds teacher came to my house and rang the doorbell in themiddle of the night, she was very angry, she was returning my diaghter to me and said "your kid was playing in my house in the middle of the night!" I appologized, she said "this happend all of the time and everyone is sick of it!" I appoligized agian and then she said "We all just want uyou to know that we think you are a terribal parent and we want you to leave!" "We don't want you in our neighborhood anymore!" I started crying because it was so mean and I said- why would you say that? am so lonely, maybe if you just let me walk with you guys or do things I wouldn't be so lonely and my girl would act better. She got angry and told me that she did not appriciate me trying to manipulate her! Then she aksed me what I was going to do about my girl. I picked my daughter up by her ears!?? Ans was tellign her sh eneeded to listen and I was so angry that now we had to move and no one liked us because she wouldn't stop doing what she did. I was sobbing and breathing hard in the dream and my 10 year old woke me up because she was worried- hearing me breahting so hard.

Have been having extremely vivid dreams lately due to the fact I have been drinking a little less Kava and recently enjoyed a legal treat in Colorado, which seems to make my dreams very deep and vivid. I took a nap this afternoon because I had a very sore back. In my dream I was a teenager again, and my friends were getting together to hang out. I didn't know I wasn't an adult because when a friend and I were hanging out in a bedroom I pulled out some weed shared it with her. I laughed and said "That's one of the reasons I like being a grown up!" To which she looked at me like I was crazy and said "Your not grown up." I looked in a mirror and realized that she was right, I looked like I was about 16. Then we went to an out building where people were shooting pool and listening to music, there must have been 100 people that I remembered from the past, I was lighter, happier and more jovial in the way I interacted with people. I'd run up to people and smile so genuinely and give them a hug or pat them on the shoulders, I was flirtatious too, the feeling that I could potentially make any of the guys fall in love with me. It was truly like being 16 again. I smiled at one guy who was very handsome and looked very Native American, he gave me some kind of complement, like "you are so cute!" and then looked me strait in the eyes and said "I miss this part of you." That's when I woke up, he was one of those DC's that seemed to represent a part of myself, he definitely acted in an unexpected way. I felt light and happy for a few hours afterward, but thought about how I did miss that side of myself, and how I should try to rekindle that outlook on life.

This is an interesting dream because I have been to this dream location before, and experienced many of the same feelings. I am in a city, I am in the older part of the city, in a place where the main road makes a T down the original main street of this town. Next to the intersection is an open field surrounded by kitschy tourist shops and a couple of mom and pop restaurants where the price of coffee hasn't changed since 1971. The old waitresses hangout outside the places in their starched aprons and "Flo" hats, smoking cigarettes and chatting about the past, how wonderful it was, how the times have changed. The times have changed, the city has moved on, sometime in the late 90's all of the business moved further down the freeway into a new part of the city, leaving these people and their memories relics of a past not quite too old to remember. I am there on a college trip, we are doing anthropologic studies. My husband is with me. I go and interview the people at the restaurant right at the T shaped crossroads. There are Splintering Wagon Wheels framing the ponderosa style deck, the restaurant hasn't seen a face lift since 1986. If you look down the old main street you can see a row of shops, grand windows now empty, now webby and dusty, some cracked some boarded. The local I am interviewing sighs * "It wasn't always like this, this was the place to be until about 1998, and then everything moved further down to the city. This place was a paradise, an escape in the summer for the high school kids, back in the 70's they would fill up the park and the bandstand, laying out in their bathing suits and spending their money at the shops. At Christmas the shop windows were filled with gifts and Christmas displays, people would line up and walk around the block just to see them all"- my interviewee look sad, reminiscing about a past that will never come back. He shows me a picture in a very 80's frame hanging on his restaurant wall, it is a picture of Christmas Eve, a huge "Macys day - esque" parade is going down the street, there are announcers on a float. People are crowding into the streets, bundled up in moon boots and hats with fuzzy balls adoring the tops. It is all so real, I remember people looking like this when I was a kid, the details are amazing, the children are in snowsuits with alligator clips on their mittens, there are balloons being handed out but they only float half high because of the cold. Then the picture comes alive like one of those pictures in Harry Potter, He is narrating the whole time - "Important people came to see the festivities, everyone was here- even Hollywood Stars watched them. I see Woody Allen step into the street holding his daughters hand (I realize in my conscience mind that he will marry her someday, and I think about how gross that is) I see his wife looking annoyed and rushed as they cross the street. The picture stops moving. I realize at this point that even though I am watching all of this, i ma actually pulling most of my information about this place and it's past from some sort of memory, being either my own or a collective one I have tapped into. I feel a sadness of the place that lost it's greatness, for the memories that were trapped there like a ghostly echo bouncing off of empty glass windows, moving though deserted diners and dying in the whispery grass where loud amazing summers had boomed through the field. I had a final thought : "I just experienced something amazing, I think I saw through someone else's memory." Then I slipped seamlessly back into the story line and had another dream about a friend falling in love with me, we lived in a crazy apartment complex where natural disaster had flooded it and broken it apart. I had a courtyard with a fountain that lit up. He told me he was in love, I said No, I am married, he took me on a bus and started driving like a maniac- I told him to let me off and he did. I felt bad because his sister was still on the bus with him. I went and told my husband about it. The dream ended and began a new one where I the details are so fuzzy now I can't piece them together.

I fell back asleep around 8:30 am. And I had a dream that I was seemingly no longer an alcoholic but able to have fun and party if I wanted too. Then the dream spun into a divergence of reality and obvious non reality- my hallway filled up with water and the bottom dropped out to make it a short pool. I stood looking at the water, feeling a negative presence. I looked up and saw a demon that had black eyes and tried to say something to me but in anger that I was being deceived I yelled at it to go away. "You are a deceiver!, You have no control over me! Get OUT GET OUT GET OUT!" "YOU are Simply a thing of my mind- NOW DISAPPEAR!" And I blew it into dust with my mouth. I then wanting to prove to my self the utter silliness of the situation belly flopped into the pool, and the water felt like condensed air but not wet like water and I levitated myself a few inches from it. I realized the significance of the dream- that I could speak out, when before my voice would become muted and I couldn't hear my self shout. I gained some sort of power this way, mental or spiritual in some way. Between this and the next dream sequence I tried to wake my self up but I couldn't pull myself through to consciences and saw my physical body trying to separate from my spiritual body. It was not going to happen so I let myself slip back into dreaming. Next I remember realizing that I had been on some sort of wild drug and alcohol binge that I could not remember. I had sewed the sides of my arms like I had been sutured for a wound. I realized that this was bad, that I had been completely gone mentally when this happened. I went to my husband and said I know something happened but I cannot remember using or what I did what did I do? He explained to me that at first I was happy and energetic, almost crazy- thinking I could fly and making sounds like a jet engine, then it turned dark. I closed my eyes and I could see flashes of memory almost like circus posters first of the fun and manic episode and then the darkness that took over. He shivered and said that it was something special I could do that. He then said he would remove the stitches from my arm- my father called and I woke up.

I was tossed head long back into the insanity of a nonsensical dream seemingly out of nowhere.

I have been drinking Kava at night for about 3 months. It blocks alcohol cravings which is wonderful. It also blocks lucidity it seems. Last night I had a dream about my ex Mother -in-Law who takes care of my son most of the time (ugly ex story when I was too young to figure out how to advocate for my rights as a mother) It was most definitely a stress dream, not a lucid. I found out she decided not to bring him for his yearly month long visit and was beyond angry. Where I told her that she had made the wrong choice and I was going to talk to my lawyer and have him reinstated to me. She then disappeared and I couldn't find him and she was no longer a person but some sort of a shriveled up, sick spirit hiding from me. I never got the issue resolved in my dream.

3 drinking dreams in a row~ no awareness in my dreams that I should make better choices. Though I do realise in my dreams that I do not enjoy the feeling of being drunk I continue to drink and hide it in my dreams. Need to become Lucid during my next using dream and put a stop to this behavior. I have decided that next time I become lucid I want to ask the narrator to show me "The Clear Light of the Mind" the energy that is pure and the result of letting go of attachments and duelism. No aura colors- just clear light. The narrator or someone answered me last time i asked a question so I will ask a new question.

Two nights ago I had a lovely lucid dream, I noticed everything, the world was very vibrant, I was talking to a man in my dream and he had a very "normal" name, I told myself that I needed to wake up and write down this name because it was different and not part of the dreamworld. I kept telling myself this I felt it was of the utmost importance and that the name was a real name, and that it had something important to do with waking life I kept reminding my self of this, saying his name over and over again. The DC's around me were different than the man, they lacked depth, he did not, he seemed very real and human. The DC's coaxed me after he left me and said "you will remember, don't worry, you will remember, this is so important it will stick and you will remember." I felt like they were trying to get me to forget, they were distracting me until the memory would slip from me. I woke up in the morning vaugly remembering the "real" man and I couldn't remember this important name, I felt irritated with those decietful DC's for stalling me until I forgot.

I had a long dream spent mostly just in dreamview and not lucid. The central characture was friend of my mothers named "Betty" I grew up going to her house where my parents would play dominoes and drink wine, she was always kind to me. The last time I saw her was at my wedding, she and her husband drove four hours from Denver and he took a million pictures for us. We accidently lost their thank you so I wrote her a nice involved long thank you note on Facebook because I had misplaced their address. I think she never got over being offended. When I saw her in my dream I felt that vibe from her, she spent time cleaning my house and helping me with laundry. Finally when she was fixing up my bathroom I decided to become fully lucid and tell her that I knew she wasn't the real"Betty." I said to the DC I know you aren't the real Betty, so which part of me do you represent? The DC was irritated, "which part of you" it asked? "What do you mean, I am not any part of you." "Yes" I replied "I have heard that dream people are representations of parts of ourselves so tell me now, what part are you? What important news do you have to tell me? " She kept saying she wasn't part of my psyche and with each rebufff she grew a few inches taller until she was crowding the bathroom. I felt she was trying to bully me into leaving her alone, like a puffer fish! I consentrated on growing as well but only grew a few inches and kept asking her my question. The DC grew bigger filling up the space and towering over me, I felt a little bit threatened and began to lose stability- so I stuck my finger through my palm to regain my stability. It worked for a moment but as soon as I saw how big the DC had become I fully lost control of my dream and I was kicked out and woke up. I am tired of my DC's giving me a hard time, why won't they just answer my questions!?