Thread: Tell me about this thing called cheating.

Originally Posted by Oneironaught

Well OK, let me tell you about cheating. First, let's define terms here:

Cheater: 1) A selfish b@stard - male or female - who thinks that their personal whims are more important than their integrity and the well-being and feelings of those they falsely proclaim to love. 2) Several of my Ex. girlfriends.

Cheating: A selfish act perpetrated by a cheater upon a mistreated, well-intentioned romantic partner.

Cheating is one of those things that p!sses me off and diminishes my respect for people. I've ditched friends for cheating on their partners and I've lost lovers to cheating. Your integrity is all you've got in life. If you lose everything, your character is what will determine the outcome of the experience. Your character reflects your, actions, your circle of friends and your life's path. Why compromise your character? It's your most important attribute.

Equally as vital is the effect on those you lie to and steal from. Cheating is lying and stealing. If you don't like being lied to and stolen from then you'd better not do it to others. If you aren't satisfied with the one you're with then say so and get out. But, damn it, don't f*ck over others for your own selfish pleasures.

As may be evident, I hate liars, I hate thieves and I hate cheaters. I've been screwed over by too many of each in my life. I don't screw you over, don't screw me over.

Now, in the interest of full disclosure - and so I'm not a hypocrite - I must confess that I slept with a soon-to-be-married woman once (when I was right out of high school). I lost a friend that day, I lost a little respect for myself and I had to cope with the guilt for awhile. They ended up getting married (postponed) still but I hate the thought that I screwed over two people that day. I knew damn well I was wrong but I was stupid and selfish. I learned from the other side of the fence that day that the grass is not greener on the other side.

I would never do that to some one I pledge my heart and commitment to. It just isn't fair to either of us. It just isn't worth it.

I wish I could tell you that cheating isn't common but, it seems like every you turn, there's some @sshole sleeping around. That's why I've been single for a few years. When I find some one I feel I can connect with again, they're already taken. I don't trust too many women these days. I'm not the type to be jealous and worried all the time. I'm also not the type to jump into a relationship for the sex alone. Oh, I love the sex - don't get me wrong - but if that's all there is then don't waste my time.

Did I mention that I'm a bit gun-shy these days?

Wow. That's a lot of pain. Although I agree mostly.

I would say that there is another category of cheaters, who fall into the "I'm shallow and need it to make me feel better about myself" category.

I can understand to some extent how some people could do it, I am in a relationship, very seriously, with someone whom I love and trust completely. Yet at the same time I am attracted to other people, mostly physically (one emotionally) whom I could very easily sleep with or cheat on my girlfriend with, and I would consider it something completely pysical and nothing more that filling the primal urge to "spread my seed" as a man.

But, I don't, because cheating isn't about sleeping with someone, it's about breaking trust. As soon as I do something to break my girlfriend's trust in me, I have cheated, whether it's sleeping with someone, or asking them for the time.

I wouldn't be able to wake up and look myself in the mirror each morning knowing that I've done something to break her trust in me, to hurt her, for however simple, selfish, or completely accidental reasons. So that's why I won't do it.

I have NEVER cheated on any girl I have been with. But I have been cheated on. And I am of the thinking now that it is infact the minority that don't cheat. It's a nasty thought to have, and the more you are hurt, the more your going to e suspicious of new relationships! I don't know how I'm going to let go should I find someone again. I have been hurt plenty in the past!! So much so that the last relationship I got into I already had the mentality that it was all going to end with me being hurt, so didn't really put much expectation in to it being worth trying for. And it did all end in tears!

But, I might just be unlucky I guess. Maybe I attract the wrong type of girl, who knows?

Good luck in your search for a decent guy

Originally Posted by 13redfan

I would say that there is another category of cheaters, who fall into the "I'm shallow and need it to make me feel better about myself" category.

Nope, that falls under my first definition: Cheater: 1) A selfish b@stard - male or female - who thinks that their personal whims are more important than their integrity and the well-being and feelings of those they falsely proclaim to love.

...and I would consider it something completely pysical and nothing more that filling the primal urge to "spread my seed" as a man.

I've got to say, I don't like that train of thought at all. That's the kind of thing cheaters tell them selves to justify and excuse their cheating behaviour. "But it didn't mean anything... You're the one I love..." Those words make me cringe.

But, I don't, because cheating isn't about sleeping with someone, it's about breaking trust. As soon as I do something to break my girlfriend's trust in me, I have cheated, whether it's sleeping with someone, or asking them for the time.

You nailed it right there.

Thanks for the replies guys.

Yet at the same time I am attracted to other people, mostly physically (one emotionally) whom I could very easily sleep with or cheat on my girlfriend with.

See that sort of thing would already break my heart a little. Maybe I expect too much by wanting to be someone's one and only?

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

Maybe I expect too much by wanting to be someone's one and only?

I don't think you expect too much.. Why would it be expecting too much to have one person as devoted to you as you are them? I would love this! To be able to give my all to someone, without feeling that they might not want to reciprocate...

I've never cheated on a girl in my life, but the majority of girlfriends I've had have ended up cheating on me. The past week has been a living Hell because of my fiance, who lives 8 hours away from me and is more than likely cheating on me. Getting drunk with a bunch of guys at her place by herself, then when Im on the phone with her some guy is tickling her and telling her he loves her. What does she do? Laughs it off. Anyways...

Why do people cheat? In the end, they're weak. They are either doing it to get you back for something, or in most cases, they are just too damn weak to suppress their own animal instinct for sex. Extremely sad, in my opinion.

I don't do relationships at all, because of this cheating thing. You're right about being the minority.

Originally Posted by ranma187

I don't do relationships at all, because of this cheating thing. You're right about being the minority.

You'll have to do it eventually. We're programmed to be happiest in relationships (in good ones, anyway).

Horizon, I feel like you really have got to have a serious chat with this girl. If you don't you might endure more heartache than you can handle.

Originally Posted by AdamA

I don't think you expect too much.. Why would it be expecting too much to have one person as devoted to you as you are them? I would love this! To be able to give my all to someone, without feeling that they might not want to reciprocate...

Now that makes me more optimistic.

Oneironaught, thank you for sharing those things in your post. Very helpful to see other people's experiences like that.

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

Thanks for the replies guys.
See that sort of thing would already break my heart a little. Maybe I expect too much by wanting to be someone's one and only?

Well I do have a strange situation, but anyway I don't think you're wanting too much.

My girlfriend is my one and only, and I'm her one and only (as far as I know) and I wouldn't consider doing anything with anyone else, regardless, and if I am doing anything that someone might consider crossing the line, I ask her or tell her 1st, if she's not comfortable with it then I won't.

But that doesn't mean I don't find Angelina Jolie attractive, or any other hot girl for that matter. The same as I don't mind that she thinks Johnny Depp is the sexiest creature ever born.

cheating is of the selfish nature of jerks from females to males... they break peoples hearts just to fill their own

I've been cheated on and it wasn't the act itself that broke my heart, it was the complete and irreparable shattering of the trust I'd allowed myself with that bastard.

I didn't care who it was he slept with or why. What I could not stand, and what physically sickened me, was that he'd taken my trust, used it and abused it and then expected me to take him back.

I can not fathom why someone would cheat. I mean, if you want to be out getting laid by someone different every night, don't get into a relationship for Christ's sake. Or at least have the decency to break up with the person youre cheating on so that they can deal then move on.

Originally Posted by Vex Kitten

I can not fathom why someone would cheat. I mean, if you want to be out getting laid by someone different every night, don't get into a relationship for Christ's sake. Or at least have the decency to break up with the person youre cheating on so that they can deal then move on.

Exactly.