Yes, whatever sounds good to you, will be effective.
Only thing I would recommend, change future tense to present. So leave out the "I will'. Our mind recognizes only "now" and "some other time, just not now". And you want to have LD now, not some other time, that could be who knows when in the future.
And if you can, make it a little shorter. But I'm sure it will sort itself out, as you repeat it at night, you will find a phrase that will fit into your breathing pattern and feel natural.
Just in case you interested, here is a classic mantra "next time I'm dreaming I realize I'm dreaming". If you practice "looking at hands RC", you can add "Next time I'm dreaming, I look at my hands and realize I'm dreaming".
Whatever your mantra is, it will work, if you "feel it", if it feels and sounds good to you. It's most effective, if you say it as falling asleep and if it is a last thought just before you fall asleep.
And it gets even more effective, if it matches your natural breathing pattern, because then it will become hypnotic. Remember, your mantra should by in rhythm with your breathing, not the other way around. Happy dreams
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