Guys,
I am not regular user of any forum. I use them in pragmatic manner, asking when there is something really SPECIFIC to ask.
So brief info about me. I am natural at this, probably as a result of many parasomnias. Started with eleven, finished with god-mode ideas at about 25, since then I practice ALL ENCOMPASSING consciousness, something like I AM EVERYTHING *because in reality in LD you are that tree, that dog, that "other" person – “other” beeing banal and misleading term because in LD there is no “other”, I mean, really...
OK, so, I need to point you in the right direction about motivation for this. Somewhere in 2005. I have stumbled upon a copy of Tibetan Book of Dead. There was an experiment,a practice, an idea there (please DO NOT DO THIS). It was about dichotomy, duality of our world – “I AND OTHER” PARADIGM. It was NOT meant to OVERCOME THE CHASM, but to MAKE IT DEEPER and MORE PAINFUL. Huh, not willingly really, I write about this. When you use mantra "I am, I am, I am I am I am I am..." numerous time --- WORLD CEASE TO BE, I START TO BE. Or plainly speking WORLD START TO FADE AWAY and I START TO BRIGHT... Unfortunately, after this one-time experiment, year of 2005. For me was marked with NUMEROUS PANIC ATTACKS, night terrors, and depression. I WASN'T SURE IF ANYTHING WAS REAL ANYMORE, I mean ANYTHING BUT ME... I wasn't sure if everything was in my head or not... Some kind of twisted spiritual solipsistic pseudo-reality. Anyway, like with my other sceptic attacks, i have realised that there is no way out of this, NO WAY TO BE SURE - so I’ve just stopped thinking about it, accepted panic attacks as side-effect of exhaustion brought by combatting the reality and went on... It took some time to stabilize mood, but it was OK in the end.
So fast forward to few years back. I got bored in my dreams from time to time. And started using "I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am x100" manta in them. Huh, this is where things start to be really interesting.
After this the strangest s... happens. And I mean THE STRANGEST. Always the same... This night for example, I was walking down the overcrowded boulevard this night in my dreams, and started flying on some low height and started notorious "I am I am x~20" mantra.
... ONE BY ONE EVERYONE STARTED LOOKING AT ME... (totally INCEPTION-LIKE). First girl came and started flying by me. She was frienldy. Not so friendly guy came second. As always, with that mantra, they are extremely hard to exterminate by any magick means (by magick i mean that god-like mode whatever extermination methods – something like any FRP magic). After some moment, I heard sound "here we are, here we come for you". Numer of people encircling me grew EXPONENTIALLY till the DREAMWORLD collapses resulting in the strange false awakening. I have not been afraind - in fact I have envisioned this. Yet it always follows same plot. Like my avatar, dreambody, somehow BECAME CENTER OF some "dreamsocial" BLACKHOLE, where every LOOK and every PERSON gravitates towards me till destruction of whole dreamtime-space!!??!?!
So, here comes the question??
Why is this happening? Is it of any use? How to contain, to control this? Is there anyway to attain stability of the world after using "I am I am I am ..." mantra.
PS Please guys, IRL it is better if you do NOT use that mantra. I have told you what happened to me. If you use it, expect consequences. It is on your responsability. I thought I was strong enough, I was sure - but I wasn't. Do NOT delude yourself. Experiment in your dreams.
Cvelee
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