Sperm from hell

[Dthoughts]

Okay well whoosh, where to begin.. @shadowofind, short you say eh??? Well it turns out i really enjoy writing big walls of text haha. I hope it is not too heavy. I tried to make it so that it is both educating and entertaining to the reader. Let me quickly inform you about a substance i came into contact with and have been obsessing about long before i decided to try it out for myself. DMT is a simple alkaloid chemical closely related to Serotonin. It is an endogenous drug which means it is found naturally in the human body. It is active in very small amounts and when smoked produces intense hallucinations which last for generally 5-15 minutes. Some researches are trying to find out if DMT plays a role in people who are scizophrenic or are in psychosis. There is a lot of myth revolving around the substance, which is understandable considering some people swear by it and claim to meet all sorts of entities, deities, fairies and even god while using the drug. I can speak from my own experience that actually using the substance feels to me as if i am eating a very healthy fruit. It takes a lot of courage for me to use it but when i do decide to use it i am always glad i did and feel rejunevated after facing an intense 10 minute trip. I do not recommend everyone to go out and try it because it CAN be difficult. It is however certainly not poisenous and nobody has ever died from taking DMT. -- Kk, all that done. Unto the silly part. I smoked some DMT and was immediately greeted by a motherly entity which i believe i have been in contact with before. The sensation is as if being hugged and taken for a ride. The visuals range from traveling through plasma-like structures and actual human beings. In this particulair experience for instance someone i kind of fell in love was shown sitting next to me and warmth came off of her body. It is hard to explain, it is lovely though. I swear everyone will love to have an experience such as this. The womanly presence speaks in a telepathic way to me and gives me reassurance and advice on how i should feel and behave. I don't remember what we talked about that much but emotionally it affected me so i could feel extremely positive so i could afterwards speak with people from a loving place i feel inside my heart. At some point though the entity said it had to go. And i could see her presence as blurry colorful lines fading away into the darkness. The visuals stopped and i was getting ready to go to sleep now. I had my window open and here's the weird part. I saw a black entity rush and felt a chilling presence of negativity coming at me from the open window as soon as i turned off the light. Here comes what i think the most significant part which is most important to understand; What i saw when i looked at my body was some of my internal organs, a bit as if i'm seeing in X-ray. I could see an image of my heart which was actually how i envision an Astral heart if i know one. A pulsating object made of plasma with a hole in it. It had a hole in it because I could see this black entity forcefully digging an entrance in it as if it is a sperm cell entering an Embryo. (i see the inherent symbolism here. the entity actually looked a lot like a sperm cell. (Carl Jung would have a field day with this but i reject symbolism here, i believe form in this hallucination is reality) In my confused state of mind i thought this was all part of the loving motherly experience. When i started seeing thick black lines before my eyelids I knew something was up. I felt not myself anymore. All i could think was CONSUME CONSUME. and i assessed this demon must have taken advantage to my vulnerable state and made an entrance into my body as a parasite. As soon as i realized i stopped feeling openness, and the entity had nothing more to consume. When i assessed the demon's presence i gained memories of where i came from. The place i saw was strikingly familiair with pyramid carvings of the Underworld made by ancient Egyptians. No astral inferno but loads of darkness and like a shit load of other demons. Kay so.. I communed with this demon that i shall let him find shelter in my heart on the condition that it behaves. If it does not operate out of love i will throw him back into the abyss. I said this because it seemed like it was actually fleeing from this Abyss. The feeling i got was that these other demons are more powerful than him and he is too weak to survive there. Yet he is quite a beautiful creature to me. I was not repulsed by it. What makes it so convincing is that i have a clear image of how he looks like and remember exactly how it feels to be him as a sentient being. Greed, fear, mostly greed. It sucks oxygen and likes to breathe greedily. I can sort of change my breathing pattern in which i start sucking up air forcefully. This reminds me a bit of how the demon feels. In the Abyss I think perhaps what these things need to breathe is human misery or something. I told it i will meet it in a lucid dream tonight because i want to know more about it. Where it came from etc. From there i promised i will teach him how to ascend into heavenly realms so it doesn't have to be stuck in the abyss. After about 30 more minutes or so the DMT completely left my system and i was feeling more or less baseline. I stopped talking to demons, they weren't there anymore but i was still feeling a little edgy. I started thinking about my usual things I think about. Now, here it get's a little bit difficult. I am not a violent person, but for the last months before this happened i have felt more and more agressive. When i felt hurt by people for instance i almost involuntarily imagined killing them. Just envisioned myself with a knife in my hand and stabbing them. The sort of thing you could try out in dreams but never in real life. I think these images settled down but they must have still been archived in my memory somewhere. And here's why that is important to understand how i'm thinking; Just after the demon encounter i just started thinking about a friend i have in Amsterdam. Someone i would never hurt deliberately but who sometimes crosses/frustrates me mildly. Never to the point where i'm actually angry though. Here's the weird part. I felt like i had little control over it. It really felt like the demon used these archives of anger and violence to play with my imagination. When i thought about her i instantly got really mad and my imagination started going wild with murder scenes and fucked up stuff like that which i would NEVER imagine doing to her.. Now, i suck at lucid dreaming. But i remember having promised the demon i would meet him there. I stayed awake all night and in the afternoon I went to a friends house to feed cats. I fell asleep there and mind you i feel a little lovy dubby feelings for her, else i woulden't be feeding her damn cats every weekend (nah, jk i really love hanging out with those cats). I remember a dream that is unlike any other i have ever had. I was completely not in control there. Upon analysis in this dream i was actually two persons at once. I was seeing it from a third person perspective. I saw a bench with a guy and a girl. A magician was doing tricks and becoming increasingly agressive. I was the guy on the bench and was being talked to by the magician. But when the magician talked i actually felt like i was doing the talking. So my sense of I got a little blurry here. It made a lot more sense when i woke up from it. Even though i was the other guy. When i talked as the magician i spouted a million ton of vulgarity. What i remember is that the magician said; "You are supposed to talk to me but here you are messing around with your girlfriend." Then he talked and talked increasingly faster while threatening the girl and completely drained out all my energy until (me/the guy on the bench) had enough and told him to shut the hell up. (something that is 100% in line with my own personality. I would endure vulgarity until i can't take it and have had enough) These last 3 paragraphs is what i really wanted to share with you. The other stuff is just hastily written and not so important here, i just deemed a proper introduction was necessary. I want to know more about these dreamds it is just unfortunate i have had not much more than 20 minutes of lucid dreaming since then. Any comments is appreciated but know this, my mind is set. So if you choose to debate you better come with some solid arguments here. Ofcourse sharing personal stories is even more welcome. I would love to hear similar accounts i know of very little of those.