Dthoughts

Neuuuuu

MY valk failed me , I feel I was coming home from dreamwork and my trusty valk was riding me home in my new dreamhome and i remember the window was open and light was on and my valk I was guiding my trusty valk to fly me into the window, where I remember is my home. And thoughts ran into like my neighbours woud hear my comingm from the window but used to it. I pay me neighbour and I remember coming into this window several times by bird. I just don't remember the insides. Or anything. And I circled around the roof a few times but never made it inside. I simply woke up.. :'(

It's soo sad because I was so tired and wanted to go sleep in my new dream house. I even felt my valk was kinda like, yep I faild. I can't land...

That's all I remember even though I remember a little about moving in.. I don't feel like I can ever go back to this dream even tho it felt so real..

omg. its so saddd

Soo.. My friend has regular night terrors cause she got raped twice. and she fears it still.
She just has a lot of night terrors. For some reason I dream of her being very frightened in the night. In this dream she was living next to me and had a boyfriend over. I heared her having sex... I did not want to disturb her sexy moments so i made to my room next to her. She gets awfully loud. I kinda get excited myself. Then her boyfriend gets harder with her. Suddenly she doesn't seem to have so much fun and she is screeching in terror. [I didn't want to intrude in her sexcepade because it's non of my business. ] rather, a voice in my mind said ; 'go help her' or something .

earlier - iemand liet mij verschillende klassieke componisten zien

4-11 - Wern, lsd spugen, heb je alles op? vroeg hij disappointed. Yep, manic, lol.

5-11 - Lauren tillen, winkelstraten, zwaar, kon het redden.

5-11 - mountaintop, ice-climbing with people/family and dad. Have no ice-boots just sport shoes. Fall a little, dangerous. Use holes of other people's boots to hold on to and climb and make holes myself to hold onto, fel like i can fall, feels comfortably safe. come to the top. lie on the peak with my belly. saw my dad there before, saw someone jump off and slide down the mountain. the peak looks like the inside ring of a tree. (dad) looks at me as if that should be obvious. i'm the only one that fits there, someone wants to get up, nobody can come up there before i slide off. i'm afraid to look down and feel like i lose the nerve to just slide off safely.

Non-Lucid

I'm in the living room sitting next to my mother and my father on a couch 90' in front of us.


I'm pissed and expressing this because during the dream I realize that my father is not my father who is Terence Mckenna. (Terence Mckenna I look up to as a father figure during age 16-20)
Thoughts come up lke, Who is this man? My father is on work-vacation this guy can't be here.
Then my anger gets suddenly directed towards my mother; "If that's not my father, that guy there is ur secret lover!"
"But Terence Mckenna is dead since 2000. That means this guy has pretended to be my father for almost all my life!"
I become more angry at my mother bc her response is not of a real person either. I think subconsciously all this was realizing that these figures in my dreams are not real.
My mother goes on saying, he'll prove that he is real by drinking a glas of whiskey.
"Yeah right? How's that gonna prove anything" He then proceeds to say to break a glass. I'm like, fuk no, give me that glass I will break it. I can't break a coffee glass. I take a little weaker glass and I break it, hardly. I am semi-satisfied. But still kinda pissed at this whole situation and I walk out the door. My mother and father both looking very busy.
I am curious what these programs are doing now. I re-open the door.
In this split-second their whole demeanour has changed. Their faces both look extremely intently at me. They stare at me with eyes of excited exticipation. They show no further sighns of sentience or anything. It's so creepy that I wake up.

I find myself lucid upon re-entry to dreaming. The LD is not so interesting.

Lucid

Total time in lucidity; ~45 minutes.
Recall about a minute's worth..

I'm in my home and I am lucid, Yet, I can't do much dream control. I smash some windows by throwing things. During all this I wake up. I think I really woke up once, then I was like, nah, i'm going back in this LD, and I did, then I had false awakenings, I'm still in my home, during this I throw things at windows because I Believe i'm in a LD. I feel kind of guilty because now I've really thrown shit broken.I remember what someone said on my FB dreaming group about being unsure if ur dreaming or not. How that can be awkward. I see that now, the window is broken. I do a breathing reality check later.
I'm more naturally lucid later and find myself outside;
It starts out angry and excited. It's been months since i've been lucid in dreams. I've feel really trapped in materialism. I am excited to be free. I am frustrated that I am not able to exert basic dream control. I'm still stuck in the laws of the physical dream. I smash a lot of glass at home. I make it the roof and all. There seems to be no people. I don't want to be in my home-town. I remember clearly that I wanted to go to BakingNomad's Appartment. I try closing my eyes and when I open them, I'm there. I've tried a few methods. I got so pissed that I'm still in my home-town that I used that energy to lunge myself into the ground and go underground. This works, but underground is still very similar to my home-town. (there's a sky and houses, just a slightly different scenery) I remember just before waking up that I should use a mirror and this would probably work. That's a good schema. I instead remember BakingNomad's initial guide in the RPG. I stop and do nothing. I breathe. I enjoy the dream. This is the calmest, most serene and probably the most enjoyable moment of the dream, albeit short. Clarity and vividness of the dream increases. There was some object moving around my hands? Yet, I am still manic , I find it difficult to stay put. I probably move around.

Someone who I owe money and wasn't happy i didnt pay him back sent his 'hitmans' he talked about to me.

They are at my window , I am hiding behind the couch just below the window. I get kinda fucked cus there's a whole bunch of spiders and my head it right in their web. I hope they leave soon, I exit my head.

They are leaving, they are taking a break, coming back later.

I was Lucid dreaming in the Supermarket behind the cash register in front of the line. I was dreaming I said to myself but I was remembering stuff from my real life as well. Where my body is and I woke up and then I forced myself back in the image and the voice went "I am not dreaming" and I had to force it to say "I am dreaming". It ended up not so great but still a nice effort non-theless.

Went to bed really early. As I hasn't slept yet. Woke up in the morning and figured maybe I would wild. I didn't, I fell asleep but I had lucids.

Non-lucid - Don't remember but there was a small scenario playing
Aas I got lucid i managed to come to a post-industrial city. Bigger than usual, with decent industrial activity, for the rset it was a ghost town. It was quite mega but nothing too sci-fi or very special. I managed to fly and didn't know where to go. I did not want to go up becaseu of the clouds where dark and foreboding. I lost my ability to fly. I really WANTED to fly but I realized that really wanting to fly would not help. I tried intending to fly but I fell more and more. And as I fell , just before the ground started looking much larger, the dream scene transformed into what it was before I got lucid

-No rewcall

Piss my dad off dad pissess me off give him punches.

Renegade game, mining, Obelisk, avoid the ApCtower! run behind the rocks and hide. and place ur C4 in the buildings. Obelisk Hand of nod. Barracks. Go in the shower and watch Yara. The girls The boys. Touch girl. Hug her, Feel her Warmth.


wake up

This is reality. This is a dream. Don't laugh at me. This IS a dream..!!!
No it's not
But it is dream... I'm going to sleep

sleep and dream in the showers of renegade. Go to the boys showers. Give the girls a look. Don't look at Yara. The girl comes to you . . . Takes off her bra. Nipples still covered by bra. You take off the rest. Kiss her tits. Small tits. Her expression is pure. She likes you.

Wake up from audible hallucinations. Dog wakes up too :/

Fight my dad in a car. He's being annoying again and i'm fed up. Call him all sorts of evil and lose my voice every single time he reacts. Want to call more names but can't. He locks me in. He holds my hands. At some point he tried to make up with me and I distrust him.

He: Give me ur hands, let's make peace.
I: No, show me what's in them first

I see tiny hooked knives in them. He grabs my hands and hooks them in. I feel pain, lose my voice. Have no strength.

..

My little nefue is with me upstairs in the bathroom. He get's called from down and he's so excited and runs to the stairs. I think of the danger, I want to ask if I should pick him up but I am doubting and he's already running; Step, step, step step. So fast no control. Half the stairs he falls down and makes 3 flip flaps before he falls flat face on the ground seeminly unconscious. My sister comes to check on him, talks to him, asks him ; Is this Dwight's fould? .. No it isn't he says... he get's up his face is completely like in the movie face-off. Red and bloody. But very fake. He talks to me and is very nice to me saying I should not feel guilty etc.

I tell my sister what happened and that I could prevent it. She remains blank.

My family. My bigger nefue, his little brother that doesn't exist and his sister that is from another uncle are all one family. They say they will get married if their mom and dad don't drive together to my family next time they visit. This little brother was very chill to me. A beautiful little girl walks past me. sits in front of me. I feel she fancies me to. Do not talk.

Ride bike with adrie near playground at home. Make a wheelie by accidant, in the back of the truck. Gain instructions to hold it on. let loose. hold it in. suprisingly accurate to handle the accelarator!

Girl insists on letting me hug her. hold her. etc. feels good at some point she turns to kiss and I feel like it's the kiss of the dementor and my soul is sucked body while I wake up from a false awakening and realize something is still happening and resist by finding energy to go supersaying mode and I feel the leeches unnatach when I finally use my strength of voice.

Something about games. Accidantil sexy time. Wake up. Take galantamine+CDP choline. hard time sleeping. but experience some dreams and accidantal WILDs without being Lucid.

People outside. A little war thing people on the roofs. I hang out with them. GO to the top. Make friends. Become Lucid.

One of them is a big bloke.
He tells me of a dream he had of Darth Vader. I tell him of the dream symbolism involved and that I had a similar dream. I suspect this is an aspect of my unconscious.
Find something akin to what feels like meeting The Oracle in the Matrix. There's an old man in a chair. I walk on walls and practice dream control by walking on the ceiling. I wake up in that room. I felt like I could control the entire dream but didn't

Lost in "almere" loads of water. boats. building sites. builders. building on water.

A store across the river with a big mushroom sign and a guy watching TV. I'm afraid to bother him but he seems unbothered to turn off his movie and talk to me, I ask him if he sells psychedelic mushrooms. He flips a coin. 50 cents.

Oh. 50 cent? uhh. I think about it. 50 cent a gram? Yes!!

That's about it. I try to find my family get lost across the town at some point when making my way back to the store or something and I somehow know that my uncle tried to find my in his car. I am almost lost in the freeway now. I first made my way across a strange building site. Am suprised that I made it all the way to the freeway.

Habitual sleep pattern. set alarm for 2 hours maximum. No pre-sleep

Am naturally lucid. Half convinced that I am dreaming. Making jumps with other people. Flying at slow speeds. Think to myself. Not sure if i can fly harder. Or if i'm dreaming. The non-linguistic voice in me tells me this: You know ur dreaming. Trust urself.

Two or three people are flying with me. They ask me questions. Can we fly harder or will we wake up?

I fly harder. I've done this before. Trying to look cool. I wake up not longer after. It was euphoric

Lie on my back, head on the edge of a couch. considerately uncomfortable but so damn tired i just didn't feel like moving an inch and fell asleep with the TV on low volume.

Not long after am dreaming of two friends standing near my kitchen talking to me bout something i did which they thought was dumb. i could have been playing a video game with a friend that i really wnted to play in HD on his game-station. Then they specifically mentioned LOTR the game. (which means little to me, however i did ask my friend for a favor and he sort of denied and i was like well fuck it, nevermind) this probably alludes to that or it is senseless

I realize that I must be dreaming by looking at my environment. This is not my room. Things start to shift. And I start thinking of things to do. (I was 100% convinced I was dreaming but I had in my mind that I wanted to do a check anyway. Just to increase vividity) I just coulden't think of something. Then one of my friends said (apparently he can read my mind) I will help you. And he did some motion as if he was pulling a bag on my body. I get sort of pissed.. Why would you do that. I don't trust anyone who is capable of having conversations with me in my dream at this point in time. So I distrust intentions and I make an escape move. Just had nothing specific in mind but the intention to escape. I saw a DNA strand in my well.. third eye vision that I use in normal life. Except it's different here, it could encompass the entire dream if I want to. IT feels as if this DNA is somehow the same feeling as my spine.

I see the dream scenes change from scene to scene and become less stable.. I open my eyes. I am suprised how long this unstableness is lasting and I still haven't woken. I feel like my eyes are open but somehow I am still dreaming .. This would be amazing if this was true. There is no way of knowing. I try to imagine a dream scene, maybe that helps but by this time I am truly awake.

Let's see if i can retrieve some memory..

"I know I was not lucid because I believed in every dream.." How do I stop this?

-O's face behind a window - Dream sign.. i never see him

-It's thursday.. I am my parents. I am "not looking forward to today" .. I have an appointment with my parents on this day along with my caretakers
^This should have been obvious. A dream sign.

-Vivid thoughts rather than dreams of a girl. She "reacted".. not sure if imagined or how I predict she would react..

-I certainly didn't dream as much or recalled but I enjoyed this little piece of death more than usual. the melatonin from weed was very comfortable. I ddn't want to wake up.

..

Had dreams of standing on a rooftop earlier this year. Had another strange dream where I felt considerately free and somehow I linked these two together ven though they where had on different days. The link I believe is that Is tart believing both are actual realities that I was creating/living and not a dream.

.

Earlier

- Walked past Miquel's house. Spoke to him last week. He was surrounded by a bunch of college looking girls.

- Yara hasn't been in my dreams for a while. Adrie hasn't been. Esmee.

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Sniper, someone on the roof. Shoot. See my sister across the corner. taking a look. Can't actually hit. far targets.
Bigass-modern-Unrealtournament sniper

A girl in my dream with pink hair is singing a song about a messy past relationship. It's not exactly a song but the whole process is considered holy to her. There's these little bugs dancing to it and these bugs are pretty scary and they extend outside of her environment. This whole thing has a shamanistic feel to it.

The girl who it probably is (I can't decide between two) Always had a strange effect on me. Like she could somehow enter my mind but she said/acted as if she knew nothing of the sort. While taking mushrooms in her vacinity for example a pinkish glow just invaded me it was a bit like rape.