MeiSEKAI

Okay, so the first half of last night was fairly disappointing. I awoke from a nice dream and started going over it in my head, still tired. Somewhere along the way I got the impression that I had recorded the dream in my phone rather than DJ so I didn't need to write it down, and now I don't remember it at all ;v; Don't worry though, it gets better.

Dream #1 (Fragment, Non-Lucid):
I was in my ESS classroom, in a miserable mood and maybe trying to take a nap. I talked to this guy named Jason and turned an assignment in. It was pretty vivid so it's a shame I don't remember anything else.


Dream #2 (Non-Lucid):
First thing I remember is that there was some random family in my house—a father, mother, and little boy. The mom in particular was very vivid to me. She was skinny, wearing an off-the-shoulder dress, with freckles splattered all across her shoulders and face. Her dirty-blond hair was tied in a half-up, half-down style, and she had a freaky smile and wide-open reddish eyes. [Now that I'm awake, her appearance reminds me of a character named Roselia from the most recent chapter of King's Maker.] I did not like her.

They were talking about something gross, don't remember the particulars, when the little boy asked what would happen if the dad died. He responded that the mom would have to get pregnant to one of his two older brothers (one of which was Sunny from OMORI)?! The mom didn't say anything, just cuddled up to her husband and smiled her creepy smile, nodding at everything he said.

I was so disgusted that I ran away screaming. They chased me, and I fumbled to unlock the front door. As soon as I was out, I got dizzy and the plotline was forgotten. My vision wasn't aligning properly with where I was looking and I could barely move my body. It was like trying to play a PC game that needs a mouse with your keyboard touchpad.

The door was ajar and I worried that Nile (dog) would escape, so I tried really hard to turn around and adjust my vision. I managed to do it, just in time to see Nile dash out of the house. I attempted to pounce on him, but my arms just flapped pathetically in his direction.

A moment later a tigress followed; she was very overprotective of Nile. I had recovered just enough to grab her by the scruff, although unlike last time I could not muster the strength to grab her face and shove her back in. [In the dream I knew this had happened twice before, but now I think they were false memories rather than previous dreams or a replay of events.]

She struggled against me, demanding that I let her go. I thought she might bite me, but I was not very scared. In the most confident and authoritarian voice I could muster, I said, "[Name]! Did you not learn anything from the previous two times?! You running out to find him just overcomplicates things! My mother and I are perfectly capable of finding him ourselves, so stop freaking out. Why do you always insist on making a nuisance of yourself?"

I actually managed to convince her, and she went back inside. Then my mom came out and yelled at me for letting Nile escape. I told her that my vision wasn't that good right now. Ms. F [math teacher] was in the back and implied that I had the same eye-related disease that she did [she's colorblind in real life but in the dream it was something much more serious]. I interrupted her and said, "No, it's just something that makes me dizzy from time to time, it's already going away."

And it was. I could see and move properly now. I was uncomfortable because I didn't want my mom to freak out or interrogate me, so when she started asking a question I ran off to find Nile.

I don't think the dizziness happened again, but I felt extremely tired and had to stop in the middle of the road. There was a young boy nearby and I wondered what would happen if I fainted in front of him. I started thinking about naps and a Wikipedia-esque hologram appeared, listing off the different types of naps. There was "a light nap," "a good, refreshing nap," "an overextended nap," maybe a couple others, and "an Endless Nap." (Far in the back of my mind I was reminded of an OMORI fan-song called Endless Dreaming.)

They all had descriptions and that one's was something like, "A slumber with no conclusion; a lifetime doomed to interminable rest." I thought, So like a coma? An alternative definition was, "A student sleeping through exam day. They sleep through test after test, hyperbolically deemed a series of endless naps."

I eventually turned back to my house and saw my mom beckoning Nile with a treat, him running to meet her. I woke up after that.

———

I woke up some minutes before my 6:15 alarm and wrote down my dream. I didn't have to go to school in the morning because the freshmen were taking some test, so I wrote down my dream and tried to do WILD. It took over an hour to fall back asleep, but it was not for naught!

———

Dream #3 (Lucid):
I had a false awakening in my bed and heard my dad playing with Nile downstairs. It seemed to be a really intense game and I could hear Nile hyperventilating from how much he was exerting himself. I was a bit concerned about his health, but figured it was fine since he's a dog. (I was also disappointed that my WILD attempt had failed and wanted to try again.)

When my dad finished playing, he came up to my room (even though I had been hoping he wouldn't) and tried to wake me up. I told him that I didn't have school this morning and he left dejectedly, saying something about how the house was so quiet and lonely. Even in the dream I knew it was out of character for him, and was thinking about the ruckus he had been making with Nile not five minutes ago.

I looked at my clock and saw it was 10:01. Oh no, I thought, I was supposed to meet J at the library at 10:00 today [true]! Better hurry.

I climbed down from my bunk bed and went to my drawer. There was what seemed to be a really horrible Miku costume on the ground, and I wondered if my mom had made it. It was extremely small and discolored, made out of some gross wrinkly material, so there was no way anyone could wear it.

Then I opened my drawer and saw a bunch of frilly, flamboyant clothing that I would never wear. I felt threatened, but only for a moment. I considered the possibility that my mom had replaced all my clothes because she wanted me to wear these instead. But it was still strange, so I decided to do a reality check.

The first one, finger-through-palm, didn't work. Then I tried the nose-plug RC, and it also didn't work, but I kept trying. Something was not right about this. After a full five seconds of paying close attention, my breath shakily started coming through!

"Yes!" I smiled and wondered if it had taken so long because I was exhaling in real life until that point, and was relieved that my intense inhaling hadn't roused me.

I was pretty clear-headed and remembered my goals immediately. I looked at my open bedroom door and tried to summon a dream guide. A faint shadow appeared to walk in, but it wasn't efficient enough. I imagined someone behind me, hands on my shoulders, but it just gave me a sensation of warmth. I sighed and moved to leave the room, nearly bumping into a young lady, 21-ish, if I had to guess).

I looked her over. She had light-pink skin and oddly realistic—as opposed to anime—blue eyes rimmed in eyeshadow. There were black dots on her upper cheeks and nose, but they weren't freckles; maybe makeup or something alien. She had a small, smirking, red-painted mouth and a pink bun with two tassel hairpins going through it. She was wearing a colorful, kimono-like dress, maybe sandals too, and her nails were dyed a deeper pink than her skin.

A little dumbfounded, I asked, "Are you my dream guide?"

"Is that what you really want?" she responded, and I wasn't sure what to say. Then she ran past me and jumped out the window.

"Hey, wait!" I yelled, rushing to the window, being careful to avoid the glass shards. She was already on the ground running away. It did not really occur to me to chase her, and I went downstairs.

My brothers were home, playing video games. I briefly wondered why since they didn't have off this morning, but didn't think too hard about it. They were judging me for some reason, I could tell. Then I stepped into the living room and BAM, half my vision went away just like in my ten-second lucid. It wasn't quite as unstable as that time, though.

I rubbed my hands together, and although the sensation was vivid, it wasn't doing much. So I held a hand over my blind eye (it didn't look like I was staring into darkness, but rather a wall of skin), and some of my vision came back, but it was extremely distorted. I tried everything to stabilize it! Focused on smell, all I smelled was air; focused on sound, my brother was playing a shooting game on a tablet, which helped a bit I think. I stomped my feet and listened to the thuds, and yelled, "One of you talk to me!" to which my dad responded from behind. (Don't remember with what.)

I thought about closing my eyes and trying to teleport but was worried that when I opened them I'd be awake (like last time). I guess I could've spun around or fallen backward, but I didn't think of it.

Alas, despite my best efforts, my surroundings were gradually replaced with that of my bed. I was awake.

———

It was 8:40 when I woke up. This will be the last entry in my current (physical) dream journal, since I've run out of space. That's something of an achievement, to fill up a DJ, right? And this LD is a nice way to end it off

Here are some quick sketches of the dream scenes:

I had a ONE-SECOND lucid last night

I was sitting outside somewhere, maybe in front of our car, thinking dejectedly, "No way this is a dream, but I guess I'll do a reality check anyway."

I did a nose-plug RC, and it faintly worked! But for some reason, I still wasn't excited or entirely convinced. I did it again, and yeah, it really was working. I closed my eyes (I don't know why), and when I opened them, I was awake in my bed.

The dejected mood from the dream carried over. I thought, Of course, and went back to sleep without writing it down I only remembered it this morning when I did a reality check in the bathroom.

A LOT happened last night. I went to sleep at my normal time, 11:30. This time my goal was to do an RC in my dream. Did MILD (poorly) till I drifted off.

Dream #1 (Non-Lucid):
First thing I can remember is me walking up the sidewalk in my neighborhood, thinking about how calling someone could potentially result in a bomb being dropped nearby. (Before this point multiple bombs had already been dropped but I can't remember any specifics, might've even been a false memory.) I came to a stop at a place where I could look down at the grassy area between two rows of houses, and a line of trees/bushes 25 feet in. I called J for some reason, with a feeling (though not a hope) that a bomb would drop on the pool about a mile away... and it did.

The explosion was vivid, albeit unrealistic. I saw the mushroom cloud billow up and felt the vibrations in the air and under my feet, and the wind was especially tangible. I ducked between two cars as it blew against me, still holding my phone, with a tinge of uneasiness. I thought, "These bombs are interesting once in a while, but only once in a while... Then again, if I selfishly enjoy even them even once, perhaps I should accept them happening all the time with no complaints... but no, why should it be that way? I'll want what I want, when I want!" It was quite a realistic thought process.

(A note: I'm pretty sure this same explosion actually happened earlier in a slightly different way, with me behind rather than between the cars, but my subconscious rewinded and edited it. That happens fairly often in my dreams.)

The wind kept coming, and suddenly it really picked up, stronger than all the previous bombs. I held onto the car handles to support myself and move forward while listening to the cars on the highway smash into each other, to the sound of screeching metal. I was only thinking vaguely about how weirdly easy it was for me and the cars near me to stay still in comparison.

Then for some reason all the highway cars appeared in the line of trees in front of me, except one totally wrecked and empty one which was much closer to me on the grass. Tons of people spilled out and were fleeing into the woods, and that's when J and her twin sister L appeared. I told them enthusiastically what happened ("The wind was so strong it pushed the cars and I could hear the collisions!"), not mentioning that I was the cause of it. L almost interrupted me once but I spoke over her.

J was like "wow" and I'm a little confused about this part, but apparently only parents were able to flee by going through the line of cars into the woods... kids weren't allowed? We hopped through the empty car anyway but nothing happened.

Anyway, L was apparently a graphic artist in this dream and had to go somewhere to draw. J and I went with, to a random and dark parking lot, and I brought along my own drawing tablet. I had to remember how to use it and did so by accessing real-life memories of it in my room and of plugging it into a computer. Not sure what happened during this time but L eventually turned into S and we were making a story together, drawing the two main characters. She drew a teen girl in a somewhat grainy and realistic art style that vaguely resembled Tinkerbell. I was probably drawing the other character, a man in his twenties. In the story, they were both prisoners helping each other escape. I remember specifically that the girl escaped first and was going to break his restraints so they could leave together, although they didn't know each other well and he was kind of a gruff and unfriendly guy.

S held up their drawing and said that they liked the sketch, so they weren't going to pay anyone for a better version. (I'll just include this here: I think some time in this dream I was at S's house and their dad was speaking condescendingly to me, but I have no idea when this occurred.)

Then some stuff happened that I don't remember, all I know is that I was acting like a baby (pouting and whining), so J treated me like one (but not meanly). We went to a gas station, I think to buy some build-it-yourself Japanese-speaking machine, though I don't remember what for. In addition I bought some Cow Tales, permanently-locked measuring tape, and small, blue-wrapped candies, wanting to spend the little money I had for whatever reason. (This definitely also happened before in a slightly different way and was rewinded by my subconscious. I think the first time I got functional measuring tape.) I remember walking to the cash register, but I don't remember paying.

Next scene I can recall is being in a large room with a wooden floor, sitting on a bench/bed with my dad. I think there were a few other people in the background as well, and the permanently-locked measuring tape was on the bench-bed. It had a green sticker warning people not to unlock it, with an X'd out image of the down-arrow safety lock and the number 4. I figured that meant you had to move the safety lock downward four times to unlock it. I went "Hmm" and decided to try it. I asked my dad what would happen while I did so, not believing it could be too bad or dangerous—after all, it was a company, they couldn't sell stuff like that!

It snapped open before he answered, and small circular serrated blades (like shuriken) burst out in all directions. I jumped off the bench and subconsciously prevented myself from being stabbed right away because it would mess up the plot. For the same reason, my dad did not get injured, even though he was right next to it. I was supposed to be the sole target, he was supposed to watch. I was somewhat aware of this choice... even thinking something like "(dream) logic" in the back of my mind. (And AGAIN, something similar happened earlier in the dream but I subconsciously erased it—maybe it was too difficult and I got hit by the blades.)

Belatedly answering my question, my dad calmly said, "A bunch of blades would pop out." Well gee, thanks, Father. I can see that.

I slumped on the floor to dodge the blades, but they kept spinning around in somewhat predictable patterns. I was stuck in the corner of the room dodging them, not able to move properly due to fear. It was scary and quite vivid; so was my hyperventilating (which was intentional but also not) when I finally managed to get away. My dad said unsympathetically, "That's how bugs feel every day." I briefly imagined it; the atoms and minuscule organisms in the air dodging my legs as I ran. Then I woke up.

———

It was 3:40 or so when I woke up and at first I did not remember anything except the very last scene of the dream, and even that was fading. But somehow I managed to focus and backtrack all the way back to where I started the entry. I didn't finish writing till 4:34, then I lay down and attempted WILD, repeating "reality check, reality check" in my head. It didn't take as long as a couple days ago but it did take a while before I finally fell back asleep.

———

Dream #2 (Non-Lucid):
This dream may not have been lucid but it sure was interesting. I started out sitting up in my bed, looking down at a giant yellow slug-caterpillar thing on the mattress. I whimpered and flipped it over, trying to push it off, but I didn't push hard enough. Then I thought, "Wait, this is probably just a hypnopompic hallucination!" and stared at it till it went away.

But now I was curious, and tried to take advantage of my supposedly sleepy state. I stared at my sheets and tried to visualize chicken nuggets. At first they showed up as those blob-lights you sometimes see when you close your eyes, but I focused on one until it cleared up and was a real chicken nugget.

Tentatively, I picked it up, fascinated that I could really feel it. (I was briefly reminded of Koomer and Oguigi from my tulpa phases.) Slowly I lifted it to my mouth and bit down, and it tasted so real! A bit on the watery side but whatever. I thought, "I have to tell J about this" and was imagining it, then I think I woke up briefly before entering another dream.

Dream #3 (Lucid):
This time I was in the bathroom washing my hands, but the faucet was weird. When I turned the hot water on, the water would stop running altogether, and I could bend the knob all the way backwards. It freaked me out a little to be honest and the possibility of dreaming popped into my head.

I thought "No way" but did a nose-plug RC anyway, and there it was—that explosion of air like in my semi-lucid a few days ago! I couldn't believe it and stumbled backward in shock. My reflection disappeared and the mint-green walls seemed strangely oppressive and unsettling. I tried to get a hold of myself, crouching down and rubbing my hands together, but it was too late. I woke up.

...Except I didn't, because it was a false awakening! My first one EVER! I don't know why—I always forget to RC in the morning—but as I was listening to the sound of my dad opening the shower door in the bathroom, something must have tipped me off because I plugged my nose and breathed. And I could breathe! Normally! It didn't feel stuffy or explosive! I was so amazed I did it twice, then sat up, grinning and feeling my sheets on my skin. It actually felt a little oversensitive, like when you're sick and your nerves are fried.

I climbed down from my bed (it's a bunk bed) and saw my youngest brother sleeping on the floor, though I didn't think much of it. I remembered my steps but only briefly checked for false memories, skipped RC because I already did it, then whisper-asked for my dream guide to come through the door. (Whispering because it was dark and quiet in the room.) Nothing happened so I asked again, thinking that my expectations were not high enough.

While I waited, I turned my attention to the Miku poster on the door. There was no coat rack like in real life and it was taking up the entirety of the door, maybe the doorframe too. The art looked different, better than in real life, and I leaned closer, saying aloud, "Miku is really beautiful, huh." [I know I'm a trashy weeb okay? ]

But then I remembered a DJ post (by Nerefa) that I read yesterday, about dream faces not being as realistic as they seemed, only as much as your waking-life awareness. I wondered if she would actually look ugly upon closer inspection, and when I peered into her face it turned derpy. I assumed it was just because I was expecting it rather than my real-life awareness being that bad, and I must have sensed myself waking up because I was thinking, "Maybe if I had stayed focused on the dream guide this wouldn't have happened..." And then I woke up, for real this time, at 5:55.

Dream #4 (Lucid; Fragment):
Okay so this happened before I woke up, but I don't know where it fits in relation to everything else. I was mentally explaining to someone (possibly myself, or imagining telling someone in the future) that my DJ was occasionally censored when a topic like suicide or self-harm came up because I didn't want people snooping and seeing that. I said that I sometimes couldn't remember these scenes properly even when I read them again, because I was so vague in my DJ.

Eventually I was in my bed looking at a (false) entry with a self-harm scene, but my dream journal was all cut up. The part mentioning SH was cut in a way that the word "WHAT?" was spelled out. So someone had seen this entry, understood it despite my censorship and vagueness, and was concerned.

I had been exposed and obviously felt dread and shock, but at the same time remembered that I have a lot of dreams of being exposed by people in real life. Maybe it was because I desperately wanted to deny the situation, but I was sure that it was a dream. I said aloud, "No, this isn't real. It's a dream, it must be."

Then I think I performed a successful nose-plug RC, and that's all I remember.

———

Well, that took a while. But now my lucid count is up to 10! Here are some quick sketches of the dream scenes: