Xanous' Dream Journal

#428 - DEILD - 6:28AM

I intended to have G + Menthol during WBTB but I just could not get out of bed. Luckily, I pulled off a late morning DEILD. I was slightly disappointed that I got my dream goals all wrong, but I was super stoked to get lucid regardless.

I am watching YouTube through my TV and I see that CanisLucidus has his own lucid dreaming channel now. There's a lot of how-to talk and then does some funny skits and songs like some variety show. At first I think Wurlman and I need to step up out podcast game, but I quickly decide that we have our own thing going and shouldn't try to one-up CL. I find his show very entertaining and I am amused that we now have a really cool lucid dreaming TV show. I notice my father next to me on the couch and I expect him to say something about how he dislikes what I am watching, but he remains very quiet. I wake up.

At first I am pissed that galantamine didn't do much for me but then I realize I passed right back out when my alarm went off. I move a bit and get comfortable and settle right into meditation. Instead of focusing on breath I use body awareness in my hand and arms as my anchor. I hit heavy HI really quickly and my daughter says something about my hands feeling numb. at the same time, I realize they are very tingly like I had my circulation cut off. I say to her, "As soon as my hands start feeling different [normal] you let me know. OK?" I wonder, Will that really work? If I lose lucidity will my subconscious tell me when I am fully in the dream? Right after this thought, I notice I have vibrations. I decide now is the time to shift my awareness to something external — the center of the room. I start to feel some tendency to separate, so I try sitting up. It takes a lot of effort to move only a few inches and I hear a voice, "You've got to work those astral muscles. It's been awhile so it's going to feel tough at first, but the more you exercise the better..." I accept what my inner-self is telling me and make I several efforts to get up; each getting easier. Once I sit up completely, I visualize the motion of running and a scene quickly comes to view.

I am in a kitchen in a different house. I spot a back door and run to it. As I step into the back yard, I notice the numbness in my hands still, so I shift my awareness from body once more to the dream environment and quickly forget the hand sensation. I try to think of my goals, but my mind feel slightly jumbled. Flying. I was supposed to fly. I look up at the day time sky and begin to make swimming motions allowing me to slowly rise up. There is something about the swimming motion that brings my focus back to my body and the dream darkens, threatening to crash. I stay calm and simply shift my focus back to something more visually external. I see that I am tangled in a tree and I use it to pull my weightless body up higher then, jump onto the roof of the house. Now I think maybe my goal was to make music with random objects in the dream. I look around and, on the house, I see some sort of wooden structure with many different types of roof vents lined up. I decide these will make great drums and I begin to strike them with my hands. At first It is just a dull flat sound with no real rhythm. I try harder to have some sort of pattern, but my visuals won't match the sound. I decide it's better to just look away and I quickly get some sort of drum beat with realistic sounds. A song quickly forms and I sing the first words that some to my mind in a jazz tone, "Well, my little baby... she's a real sexy lady now.... Yeeaahhh." I am slightly startled how different my voice sounds, but I don't let it distract me. Organ music begins play a little tune now as I see movement in the corner of my eye. A black cat is walking along the road out front and I feel a strong desire to go after it, but I can't decide if I want to stop the music now or play a little more. I am torn between the two and sit there undecided as I suddenly wake up.

color code:
Gray = Comments
Black = Non-Lucid
Bold = non lucid dream cues
Italics = dream thoughts
Red = Lucid

I have a couple DILDs but once I realized I was dreaming Immediately woke up. All I could remember was random thoughts and images like I wasn't fully dreaming yet. It was probably just strong HI. I later have this really vivid NLD

I am at some sort of whole food market like FoxFarm here in town. I have a dip net and there is a tank with various live sea creatures. I pick out a lobster, and some shrimp, and something I call an amoeba. It looks like a flowery ball of rubbery flesh about the size of a tennis ball. I look back and ask some guy that looks like CL if he wants anything else. I don't think he answers but I realize that since wear are together we must be on a business trip so it's probably on the company's dime. I decide to get some more shrimp.

I get to the register with my seafood and and some big salt shaker. I think that it is full of some kind of seasoning like salt and vinegar. The seafood costs $3.45 but the seasoning cost $9.15. I am surprised and make a disgusted face but say nothing.

I hand the lady my card I notice the previous customers card is still in the machine. The cashier is a really old woman and appears confused. She has to subtract the amount from that card and re-ring everything up. It looks like she is using a laptop do everything and I begin to feel really impatient as she blankly stares at the computer screen through thick glasses.

My wife says something snoody. I look back and see her holding our son looking really pissed off. I shake my head to tell her to be nice. She leaves me standing there to watch the batty old woman make a mess of the whole transaction.

I was going for WILD after my WBTB but I was very tired and my WBTB was too short. I had several awakenings but only remember two of the dreams.

#1
I am at work with some silver can in my hand it looks like a tall boy beer. I get the idea that has huperzine in it. I take a long drink and note the taste. It is very sweet and fruity with a pleasant alcohol after taste. I look at the can and see its Blueberry Pomegranate flavored. I remember taking huperzine earlier and try to calculate how much huperzine is in my system now. I worry that it will be too much.

I see Frank walk by and he comments on my drink. Something about how he wants to try some so he can get lucid. I am shocked and happy that I turned so many people at work on to lucidity. (actually just 2 in waking life).

I realize that having beer at work will get me fired so I try to hid it under my desk. Then, I not a horrible side effect of drinking huperzine beer in the day time. I am incredibly aroused and it will not subside. My boss asks me to come over to talk to her but I am too embarrassed get up out of my chair. I quickly wake up.

#2

I am at my old Jr. High cafeteria in Smithville, TX watching some play on the stage that was there in waking life. Then play ends but we they begin a second showing and every moans about it. We stay because we all feel obligated to support our children.

The curtain opens and someone is trying to hang something on a wall that had busted out sheet rock. I am curious if this is the actual play of if they need to fix the set. I wonder up on stage and some toddlers come out to play with me. I talk to one and then realize I am on stage. I duck and army crawl away.

I have a brief awakening and focus on my awareness and body.

#186 - 5:18AM - DEILD

I find myself back at my old Jr. High but I am outside in the commons area where we used to hang out before class. I am staring at the concrete and see the trash can that is always there. I look and see the grassy center and the structure around me. For a moment the memory is so vivid that it conjures up old indescribable emotions that are only connected to that time and place. For just that moment, I am completely overwhelmed and think that I literally somehow teleported there in waking life.

I quickly recover from this and assure myself that I am dreaming. I look around at the scene and note how correct everything seems. After a moment my vision gets a little blurry so I stop and remember my task. I walk around toward the gym and shout out, "CANISLUCIDUS!" CL's name sounds and feel a little thick in my mouth so I shout out his real name which is much easier to say. Nobody shows up so I decide to just call him on my cell phone. I reach to my right pocked were it always is and at first I feel nothing but after a few pats I feel a lump and then the shape of my phone.

I pull it out and blindly push something on the screen saying CL's first and last name then put the phone to my ear. I immediately hear a very stereotypical Russia man on the other end.

The details are a little hazy with the dialogue but I remember basically what was said. I may have to paraphrase a little here.

Man: This is [firstname][lastname].
Me: Uuummm. OK. Where are you?
Man: Rustonovic Farms (or something like that then some Russian phrase)
Me: Rustonovic Farms?

I repeat the Rustonovic Farms and the phrase several times to remember. I quickly decide this is gibberish and let it go.

Me: I want to talk to the real [Firstname][lastname]

There is silence on the line but I wait. Then...

CL: Hey! How are you?
Me: Hey! What's up,man? This is Mike. You know from the Internet. It's Xanous. (CL begins talking excitedly but I interrupt him.) I want to tell you something. You are dreaming.

I want CL to actually be here so I look over to my right expecting to see him. He's standing right next to me on a cell phone but he doesn't seem to notice that I am here. I look at him while talking.

Me: You are DREAMING. Get it? This is a DREAM.

The light of recognition seems to come into CL's eyes now.

CL: OH WOOOOW! Yeah I am.
Me: Ok good! So here's my code word. It's [code word] Remember that. OK what's mine.
CL: Account numbers.

I realize we started walking together now and notice that we made our way over to the high school parking lot. I look over at CL and he still has the phone to his ear like he is talking to someone else.

Me: Really? Account numbers? That's two words.
CL: [Gibberish]
Me: Ok so account numbers it is.

I realize that CL's voice has gone sort of flat and lifeless. I wonder if he's lost his . I look back over at CL and I see that he is a boy now and we are at my waking life car. I open the door. The dream is getting unstable and my lucidity is starting to slip. CL climbs up into the car and sits in a car seat. I go with the motions and strap him in.

Me: You're not really lucid are you? Are you even [first name]?

The scene goes dark and I find myself in the void. I quickly wake myself to remember the dream.

Bluffs - 4:20AM - semi-lucid

I forgot the first part of this dream and I felt semi-lucid

I see a boy of about 10 in a shallow river next to some shallow bluffs. He looks like he is sorting and cleaning small pebbles next to a really large rock (about the size of stock pot) up on a natural rock "trough" in the water. I use my mind to send a wave of water and wash out all the rocks. It even carries the large one way. He mutters something and put the large rock back.

I walk up on a much higher bluff with some unknown person behind me. I want to think that it is NyxCC but I am not sure. I see CanisLucidus and NewArtemis sitting down talking. I already know what CL looks like in waking life and he appears normal. I didn't get NewArtemis' face but I kind of got and idea of her height and build in my mind. We all have a long conversation about lucid dreaming as I am looking out over the bluffs.

The scene is bright and sunny. The area is rocky and dry like Texas in mid summer. The water seems a little too brown. I suddenly see NA jump off the cliff in the corner of my eye. I look around and only see a slight disturbance in the water below. CL says, "That's her experimental exit." I wonder is she just woke herself up or it she went into a different dream. CL continues talking, "She's younger than you. Probably around 26 or 27." Then he goes on talking about how "exceptional a dreamer she is" and how she "just dreams so much". (How thick am I? )

We talk some more and the fourth person stayed quiet but I am aware of his/her presence. I soon wake up.

5:38AM

I am on the computer chatting with CL about my dream. I see the posted some long VM but the words "Go go go win win win" Pop out at me clearly and vividly. Then I look at the time and it is 4:34PM. I feel panic when I realize I never went to work and I'll probably be fired for no-call-no-show. I try to think how I'm going to save my job.