Xanous' Dream Journal

#395 - SSILD - 5:00AM

I somehow become lucid and have some impossible sex with my wife. At one point I am filled with something like guilt; I wasn't going to use a LD for sex. However, it is my wife and I am really enjoying it so, what the hell?

Spoiler for sex details:

I was going to leave out the details but it's odd enough to mention. First I started with making her give me a blow job. By the end of it, I was giving her oral while simultaneously having traditional sex in the missionary position. I thought how odd this was but remembered that anything can happen in a dream. I pay close attention to the feeling of her vagina on my mouth and enjoy every sensation to the fullest.

I must have enjoyed myself a little too much because, I eventually lose lucidity and find myself in something like and FA. We are in my old bedroom at my parents old place and D.N. from work has set up his office in a small section of the room. He has interrupted my love making with my wife and I scramble to find my clothes. I am pissed and embarrassed at his intrusion and have a lot to say about it. My mom shows up and I loudly tell her how the "asshole" woke me up and hour early. I go downstairs to have breakfast but my dad is being obnoxious and I leave the house.

*Memory gap*

Something about being a truck driver. I need to unload my trailer but another trucker gets in first. My memory is bad here, but this is what I think must have happened: As I wait, I become introspective and aware. I end up having what feels like a tremendously long lucid adventure in a GTA 5 world though, I remember almost nothing. Something about being invincible and all around bad-ass while I fight some gang members.

I have a pause in the action at some point. I feel energized and emotional about the epic adventure I just had. My lucidity reaches a high level now and I recall that I had a goal in mind. I wanted to meditate while in the dream state. I close my eyes and clear my mind. Suddenly I am weightless and my dream body dissolves. I become a ball and begin to spin as I bounce around in a tight cube. I say, "Ah this is just like SP sensations. It's really not that cool." I decide to see how long I can maintain meditation and go back at it. Of course, my concentration doesn't last long and I quickly have another FA. I should have anchored myself with a mantra or a sensation.

I am in some bedroom. There is a Buddhist monk sleeping in a twin bed along the wall. I am now holding a dough-ball about the size of a baseball. I tap the monk's arm wanting to tell him about my amazing lucid dream. I am still really excited about whatever the hell I did in GTA Land and, In amazement I say, "Holy hell!" The monk only stirs a bit and rolls over. I decide that it's going to take more effort to wake the monk so I feel I need to put the dough-ball down. However, I need to preserve it and not let it stick to wherever I put it. I look for some flour but only find baby powder. Close enough. I powder the dough up and set it on dresser. I realize that I am not quite sure what my dream was about. I spend some time thinking it over as I wake up.

#244 - DILD
I get to bed early at 7:30pm! This is a weak LD but I am going to count it considering how random and aidless it was.

1:26am

I am driving some place and my wife calls me. She leads me to my old house that I lost during my divorce and bankruptcy. I pull into the driveway and go in. She is there and tells me that she was able to buy it. I spend some time talking to her about it and at one point to go ahead and do a nose plug. I blow through but I am not sure this is right. I do a second nose plug and know this only happens in dreams. I am so happy about her getting my house back and my wife still talking so much that become too distracted to think about this much.

We talk some more and my wife tells me that the payments are only $166. This seems like it's too good to be true so I ask how that can be. I ask her about insurance and taxes. I hope that the actual payments somehow match what we are used to. I say, "You must have got one hell of an interest rate."

As if she suddenly gets an idea, she say, "I did!" We go on to talk about this some more but I am not totally convinced. I feel something is off. She says, "I don't know. I just showed up with $800 down and was able to buy it."

I ask, "Where did you just get $800 without me noticing?" She gives no reply. In fact, she has gone brain dead like so many of my DC's in past. I think this has to be a dream but I am so hopeful this is all somehow true that I chose to ignore this. I wonder if she donated plasma to save the money.

As if she read my mind, my wife says, "I donated plasma to save up the $800." I think this is my own thought and must be a dream. Again, I don't want to believe this. I begin to wonder how all of this is possible. The last I knew, someone bought this house. How did the lose it so fast? Is this house cursed? The people before me got divorced and sold it. I got divorced and lost it. Maybe the people after me got divorced too. I don't want to end that way again. I resolve that whatever the curse well will break it.

I am lying in a bed cuddling with my wife. I tell her how happy I am about all of this. I look out the window and see two giant wild boars. I say, "Look! Boars! One looks like it has a turtle shell on it's back. "Turtle pigs?" I look closer and see that the one that I thought was a turtle actually has a box on its back. The dream fades and I wake up.

I am really pissed that it wasn't real!

I feel wide awake and decide to have a mini WBTB and SSILD

4:34AM

Some guy sees a huge storm brewing on radar in South Africa.

The scene skips to him in South Africa. He is standing on a hillside watching an enormous storm roll in. There is thunder and lightning. He is worried about this being something on a global scale.

This is a man surfing as the storm rolls in. He is taking advantage of the huge waves. I feel as if I am in the barrel roll with him. Suddenly the wave stops and there is a wall of waving clear light or maybe it is a water probe like in the Abyss. It is coming for him. He puts the board up in protection but a tendril juts forth and pokes holes in it. There is a wall of air to the left. It seems like atmosphere. A voice says something about "to the ends of the Earth".

Suddenly, I am in a mall that is just off the beach. I know the wall of.. energy?.. Is coming. Everyone is panicking and looting. I pause at some store and pocket some cheap jewellery. The shop owner sees me but lets me go. I pass an actual jewellery store but it has been cleaned out. I mentally kick myself for missing that one. There are some thuggish looking dude walking off with a chest full of jewellery. I feel envious of them.

Suddenly, I become lucidly aware. I look around and notice the bright colors of the mall. It looks similar to the Children’s Hospital in Kansas City. A random woman pass by me and wonders off into a hallway. I remember my simple goal to observe my tattoo on a mirror. I look around and see some Whack-A-Mole game near a wall with a mirror. I think this is good enough and walk towards it slowly. My breathing is way too fast and I feel excited. I feel that I must concentrate to hold the dream together. The walk other there is taking way too long and the dream fades.

I have a false awakening and begin to DJ with a black sharpie and a scrap of paper. I struggle to write the first sentence of my dream until I actually wake up. I do a nose plug to be sure.

#206 - 4:00AM - SSILD

I am having some NLD talking to a female DC and changing clothes in front of her. I realize this doesn't make sense because the last thing I remember is rolling over to my right side doing SSILD cycles. I decide I have to be dreaming and start to wonder off but quickly remember the task. I go back into the bedroom of some version of a house I lived in once. The woman does not really look like anyone I know but I think she must be my wife. I say, "Hey, DC."
She is sitting on the edge of the bed in an all white night gown. She looks up at me and responds, "Yes?"
I quickly ask, "What is the meaning of life?"
Her answer, "Something good."
Knowing that this dream feels like it's about to collapse already, I turn away and say, "Thanks DC." I suddenly wake up.

Pre-Bed
3grams Fish Oil
5 MG Melatonin
1 cup Ginkgo Biloba Tea

Bed time 10:15PM
Alarm at 12:00AM
Move to recliner and do a few quick SSILD cycles before I past out.

#130 Regrets and Holidays - DILD - 1:44AM

I am working for my old boss P. She is next to me and I am printing out photos for her on the ID station printer. I keep asking, "Does this look OK?"

Then I am printing old photos of my mom and me when I was around two years old. Then I am with my dead grandma (nanny). I am looking at a live sized computer screen of a old Christmas tree. The background is solid blue and it looks like a bad photo shop job. I can see discoloration on the edges like it had been cut-and-pasted on the blue background.

Nanny is standing to my right wants a copy of that photo but I think it's too late. She tells me to just use the Christmas tree and do a new one. I see my toddler self and my mom posing in front of the tree. We look like a photo but we look we are really there. I say something to Nanny about it. Then I realize she is dead and become lucid. I start to become emotional but luckily the first thing I think of is the flower TOTM. I quickly reach behind my back and summon a rose. I don't feel it in my hand but pretend its there. When I bring it in front of me it looks like a normal red rose. Nanny wordlessly takes it. Then the emotion takes over me. I begin to cry and hug her. I feel mild pressure of her against me. I say to her. "I love you so much. I really miss you. I wished you weren't dead." I go on to say some other things but I forget now.

I guess because of the emotion I lose lucidity as my awareness gradually becomes a dim thought in my mind. I am suddenly in front of my Grandpa (Pawpaw) and I continue crying and talking. "I am really sorry that I did not call or visit you two before you died." He looks at me disinterested and shrugs a bit. I looks like he mouths something, "Ya." I think how I was a least hoping he was going to tell it was OK, not to worry, but he didn't seem to care. I feel really terrible.

Now, I am sitting at a Thanksgiving feast with my parents and my wife. I act as if nothing happened and feel completely happy. I assume my grandparents are going to join us but I don't see them anywhere. Instead of a Turkey there is a Turkey Pie. Actually, I see 2 pie and both are half eaten. I think there is not enough turkey for everyone. I hear my mom say, "I don't know but I better be getting my pie of turkey." Then I remember that my dad and I ate some earlier and I decide to pass on the Turkey Pie this round so there is enough for everyone.

I go back to sleep.

3:00AM no recall.

100MG Caffeine
2x Valerian Root

I am awakened by a noise at 3:30AM. I feel like I was just on the cusp of a lucid dream but I can't recall what it was. Couldn't go back to sleep after that.