Xanous' Dream Journal

This series of dreams were a little disappointing. I am embarrassed at how sloppy I've become. I made a number of mistakes and really didn't get anywhere with my goal. At least I got multiple lucids!

I took a longer WBTB than usual (longer than 5 min) with this one and got on Playstation Home Doctor Who pack and explored the TARDIS a bit trying to take in all the visuals of the inside. I think it would have been helpful if I had actually summoned one up or just materialized myself straight inside versus making the blue box first. I was worried about insomnia when I went to bed as I was super wakeful. I had to use my technique for falling asleep and abandon any lucid induction. I was surprised to DILD but with Galantamine it's almost effortless the first few hours. I really need to concentrate on my techniques after my mini awakenings instead of just falling back to mantra. It works... sort of, but I think the experience would be much better with a little more focus. A lot of times I just want to get back to sleep as fast as possible but still try for lucid. Mantras seems to be my fall back method during these times.

Coffee:

#216 - 3:25AM - DILD

I have an FA and find my self getting some coffee. The set up looks like work but its a checkout line at Wal-Mart. I try to grab a Styrofoam cup but they are dirty with holes in them. I move the to other side and see some clean new cups. I get coffee from the dispenser. Mary, the janitor is standing next to the coffee machine. I nod at her and walk away sipping my coffee. (No physical sensation or taste)

My cousin starts texting me while I am walking and though I cant read the words I seem to think that I know what we are saying to each other.

Suddenly, I am in my living room on the floor next to the couch. I still have my coffee in my hand but I am not really drinking it. I am in contemplation and I feel something is off. I am drinking more caffeine? This isn't a good idea if I am going to go back to bed and try to get lucid. SHIT! I should always RC after any awakening I do a nose plug but don't really put thought into it. I don't even know if I blew threw or not. Then, I hear someone going out the front door. It's my wife. She tells me that she is going outside to get something and I can hear the keys jingle in her hand. No. She should be asleep. That's not like her at this hour. I AM dreaming! I walk to the front door and remember to pause and take in the detail. I look at the door and notice it is very different than waking reality. There is a large window in the middle of it. It's wooden and the paint is weathered and peeling off. Then I forget this and rush outside because all I want to do is get in the TARDIS.

Outside the air is cold. Always the air is cold in lucids. Why is this? I enjoy the feeling of it, but I begin to notice that I feel really odd like I have a head cold and there is cloth wrapped around my head, chin to top. It feels heavy and I try to ignore it. I wonder if something is happening to my body in bed. I suddenly feel myself lying on my back and there is nothing on my head now. No don't want to do that. I focus and continue to walking with no other distraction. There is a street lamp to the right and void to the left. I let control slip a bit and just allow myself to wander in a random direction believing I will go straight to the TARDIS. I realize that I am walking barefoot but this time I feel like I am wearing shorts with a hoodie instead of the usual underwear only. Suddenly, I feel a sharp and realistic pain in my left foot and assume I stepped on a peddle on the sidewalk. I let out a whispered, "Ouch!" And grab my foot for a moment. I am shocked at the vividness of the pain but quickly put it out of my mind. I come around to the driveway side of the house and stop. I think it should be appearing now and can faintly hear that unique sound of it's engines. I get several brief and dim images of the TARDIS spinning in flight and appearing in various positions in my driveway. Suddenly, I hear the explosion of a gunshot from somewhere behind me. My physical body jerks in reaction to the sound and the dream breaks apart waking me up.

Mirror:

#217 - DILD - 4:29AM

I hear my son crying and my wife gets up. The light is on but I have a blanket over my face and lying on my left side. I try not to move because I think I am trying to WILD and I am still in the same position that I laid down. Something feels odd. I can feel the air of the ceiling fan on my face and my breath is not obstructed in the least bit. Then, I hear an electronic robotic buzzing sound from behind me and the blankets vibrate like a strong wind is blowing. I immediately know that I am dreaming and do not feel frightened. The sound stops.

I get up and am in the kitchen. I see my wife standing there in the doorway looking very sexy. I grab her and we passionately kiss like its the first time. After a moment, I remember my task and let her go. We can do this later. There is a coffee pot full of coffee on the edge of the sink. I laugh. What is it with coffee in my dreams? I spend several minutes aimlessly searching the house for the TARDIS but don't have any real focus.

Then, I see the front door, but it's not a door at all. It's a large mirror. I run to it intending to dive head first. I pass a DC. Was it my daughter? She says something but I am focused on the mirror. I can see my reflection as I get closer. There are two of me but for some reason I think it's normal. Then, as I dive there is no reflection and I focus on reaching beyond. I get stuck at the waist for a second and wiggle through. I stand up and realize that I went from a very clean and tidy version of my house to a very dirty and messy version of my house. I look around still trying to find a TARDIS but suddenly, the dream collapses.

I try to DEILD but find myself stuck in bed. I realize my head is floating and not touching the pillow. I roll into the floor and stop. I am in another bed with my head floating. I roll again, fall once more and stop on the floor. I suddenly wake up.

Fridge:

#218 - DEILD? - 4:47AM

I either wake up or have a FA. I berate myself for letting awareness slip again. I mantra, "I am dreaming." but suddenly realize that I either I never really woke up or I went straight into a DEILD. I say, "I am still dreaming." (from the times maybe there was not so much a gap after all.)

I am in the kitchen again. No... a different kitchen. I see a very large fridge and decide to turn it into a TARDIS . There only seems to be one light source in the middle of the room and the area the around fridge is cast in deep shadow. Feeling the fridge, I circle around it into the void phasing past cabinets and walls. I am blind now but my physical sensation is vivid. I imaging how the outside of the TARDIS should feel and it quickly takes shape. When I think I have it, I open my eyes. The sensation of my eyelids feels startlingly real. I pause a moment but realize I am hugging a huge blue box.

I excitedly step back but it just looks like some wardrobe with solid wood doors painted TARDIS blue. I become annoyed and obsessed with getting it at least somewhat right. I spin the front around and try again. I just want to see "Police Call Box" on the front before I go in. When I spin it back around there is some cheap ass black label with white random letters on it. Something catches my eyes and I look left. There is the damned Police Call Box sign handing from the ceiling above the kitchen sink.

I decide to let that go and turn my attention back to this half formed TARDIS. To my dismay, the blue box has turned to a type of plastic cardboard. I try to straighten it out and shape it back into a box but not matter what I do, the entire process is clumsy and the material becomes increasingly floppy and weak. I stop and realize the humor it in all. I take a moment and just laugh at it. Then I let out a mocking "WHOOOOHOOO!" I enjoy the sound of my dream voice and shout out again. Laughing I say something Doctor Who-ish, "Dumbily-Wumbily." I just laugh at myself and suddenly wake up.


The next time I wake is around 7:50AM with no other recall. For some reason I thought I had 4 lucids. The feeling of forgetting something is maddening!

#212 - 2:31AM - DEILD

I wake from some dream and DEILD. Almost immediately, I have a false awakening and find myself lying on some raised bed in what looks like a mobile trailer with other test subjects around me. The scene is similar to a mobile blood drive with donors but I already "know" that we are going a Galantamine study. Then, I see a hand come in front of me from my right and I instinctively shake it. I turn to see who it is and am shocked to see Wurlman smiling at me, "Hi. I am David."
I tell him that I know who he is and I immediately think that I have to be dreaming. I say, "This has to be a dream... We are dreaming." Wurlman just laughs with delight and says, "Yep!"
I say, "Shit dude! You did it!" I am so glad that he is lucid too.
He smile again, "Yep!"

I look around at the other people and want to do tell them all that this is a dream but I become nervous that maybe we are not really dreaming yet and I will just make a fool of myself. So, I do the ol' nose plug and blow through. I stand up, "OK. Everyone. This is a dream. None of you exist." I catch eyes with one younger large build man. He rolls is eyes at me shakes his head. I find that mildly interesting but have no desire to talk to him. I turn to Wurlman, "Well, let's go." As we step outside say, "Shit niggy. We got lucid." We both laugh and I pat Wurlman on the back.

It is night time and I look up. We seem to be in the country with very little light pollution and the stars shine bright and numerous. I say something like, "Wow look at the stars." Then remember I had a task to do (Go to Hell in the TARDIS). Since it's dark I feel the need for a light source before we continue. I pull out my phone and fiddle with it to try and get the LED on. For some reason it wont work. Wurlman, nudges me and says, "Dude look." He reaches down beside him and blind summons a flashlight. He seems to be holding nothing but there is a light beam wherever he points his cupped hand. I realize what he is doing and do the same thing. There are now two light beams lighting our way. Feeling satisfied I say, "Well do you wanna go to Hell with me?"
Wurlman seems totally shocked at this statement, "What?!?!"
I try to cover it up, "I mean, I have a TARDIS. It's just right around the other side of the trailer.

I lead the way with out further comment and we walk around. There is a flat bed trailer with a blue box strapped to it. A street lamp casts it into silhouette but I can see that the box looks more like a port-o-potty than a TARDIS. I try to ignore this fact and continue on anyway. We step in and I am disappointed that the inside looks just like a plastic port-o-potty. I say, "AAHHH! It not bigger on the inside." I push on the walls hoping something would happen but it just feels plastic. I turn to the door and back again trying to picture the inside of the TARDIS. Nothing changes. Then I open the doors to leave and see a TARDIS console siting in the open under the street lamp. It looks a lot like the junk TARDIS from "The Doctors Wife" episode.



I excitedly run toward it but the dream goes dark and I wake up.

Non lucid false awakening. My ass feels wet so I get out of bed. Glenn from works walks in the bathroom and laughs. He tells me I shit my pants. I take off my underwear and see I'm drenched wet with spatters of brown. I think I must have horrible diarrhea. I wake up on my left side. My ass was out of the covers and got cold.

#182 - DEILD - 5:26AM - 2 of 4

The alarm goes off and my wife hits snooze.

I hold still and concentrate on awareness. I feel someone stroking my hair next to me. I think it is my mom. The TV is on. I hear my dad on my right. I feel like a little child again. I am trying to get lucid. My left leg twitches and my mom laughs at me. She says something about me falling asleep. My dad just grunts a "huh". I twitch again letting my body do its natural falling asleep. I am aware. This time both legs twitch. My mom giggles. My mom? What the hell?

I realize I am deeper that I thought and get out of bed. I go straight outside out the font door. It is chilly and I feel like I am just in my underwear. The wind picks up. I feel it swirl around me then lift me. I am suddenly sucked off the porch and land in the yard. When I roll over to my back I see the porch light has become super bright. The intense yellow hurts my eyes and I advert my gaze so that I don't become lost in it.

I wonder around in the yard a bit, looking at the grass, feeling it and stabilizing. I see many stars but for some reason looking up is difficult. It's like my head wouldn't move up and my eyes kept darting back and forth. I wanted to focus on a star and fly there but I just couldn't hold it still.

Then I remember my original task and proudly proclaim, "I'm the doctor!" I left the TARDIS right around the side of the house. I fully believe myself as I walk around. I can see my back yard and a street light and BAM! A dark silhouette of something like a tall box. Not quite what I had imagined in my MILD attempt earlier but it'll do. I run up to it and when I get next to it, I see its about half my height. It's dark but I can see the police call box sign and the blue doors. NO! Not good enough I reach inside it and pull it apart. It stretches out and becomes big enough to step into. Ah but its just a dark box! I am a little irritated that it's not bigger on the inside with that sweet center console but I'm just glad I finally found it. I decide not to close the door and just imagine that its going to work anyway. I see the scene outside morph and change. It looks snowy for a second then darkness. Then someplace bright and sunny, Then I am flying. I see treetops and stars. Then it gets all wobbly. I can't seem to control it so I decide to bail. I jump out and find myself face down in the grass. There is darkness and confusion.

I am back in bed. I get up and try to open my eye but I feel like I open my real eyes.

The snooze alarm goes off.