midnightfire

Lucid for a second
Some time ago...last year...

After practising reality checks for a while...the reality check was usually looking at my hands and counting my fingers.

I do this test in a dream a couple of times on different nights. One time I realise I am dreaming but then lose it a second later, next time I count more fingers than I should have but then convince myself I am not actually dreaming! This happens in about two other dreams...I almost realise I am dreaming, I do the reality checks, but then I don't take myself seriously and even though I see something abnormal like six fingers I don't believe I am in a dream.

On reflection, I think I was not doing reality checks correctly and they had become a habit and reflex action rather than a point of true focus and questioning. I was so used to doing them like a chore throughout the day that that's all they became in a dream and didn't alert me to anything different

Lucid For Another Second Some time in April this year while away on holiday

I almost become lucid... I am sitting talking to my friend in one of our favourite locations and I realises that the context is wrong. Hang on, I can't be here, because I am still on holiday in a different state, I think. The dream is really clear and focused, more focused than they usually are. But I don't do anything about this realisation that they context is wrong because I then wake up - perhaps the realisation actually woke me up or perhaps there was a noise in the room.

My first lucid dream (?) 14/6/2015

After joining Lucid Academy. Lucid Academy - Harnessing the Power of Lucid Dreaming
This course didn't have any profound new information, but the way it was set out was the first thing that actually motivated me to actually stay with the practices. Sean Kelly tells us it is a mistake to just look at whether we Lucid Dream or not as whether we have succeeded or not. Instead we need to focus on all the small ways we have succeeded eg. beginning to remember more dreams, dreams becoming more clear etc. even if we hadn't actually had a lucid dream. His positive approach really had a big influence on me in terms of motivation - he gets you to focus on the fact that you will lucid dream - it is inevitable if you keep doing the work, and to look at it as you are already half way there just by taking an interest in lucid dreaming and overcoming certain initial obstacles.

About two weeks in I had been doing the practices he recommends - writing down my dreams, remembering them every night, setting intentions before bed, doing 10+ reality checks per day, changing the symbols that remind me to do the reality checks, learning and understanding more about prospective memory.

I woke up after around 8 hours of sleep...more than I usually get. I got up went to the bathroom etc. Then I wrote down my dreams, went back to bed and thought strongly about the last dream, seeing myself becoming Lucid. (MILD).

I fell into a dream:

I woke up after having another dream (I am 'awakening' in a dream) and peered at my alarm clock on my bedside table, trying to read the time. (In 'reality' my clock wasn't sitting on the bedside table but across the room on my bookshelf). My eyes feel so blurry with sleep that I can't read the time properly.

Next think I know, I'm in the car with D. We are driving somewhere - to a restaurant for dinner. I push the seat back down to lie back as I am really tired. It is D's car. I close my eyes and doze for a bit. When I open them D is still driving but we are in my car??

Next I am back at my house sitting at the table writing down my dreams in my dream diary. D's mate B is there about to head off after a day's work. I look at the time...it is now around 8:30pm at night. Huh? When I was in the car it was evening, so the rest of the night and then a whole day has passed.
"Wait, wait" I stop everyone (My mum is there, D is there and B is there).
"What is happening? I Can't remember what happened tonight, or today" I say. "How did it go from morning to night?"
I sit there very confused and feel a strange sensation wash over me as I try really hard to remember. Everything is a blank. What happened before....there is nothing but a blank like I've never had before. Complete blank

I KNOW before I even do a reality check that I am dreaming. Everything seems to slow down and it's as if an inner voice whispers "you are dreaming". I look at my hand and it's blurry. I look again and count the flinger and there are more fingers than I usually have. I do the palm push and my fingers don't actually go through but when I look at my hand again there is a thumb, and then two fingers sprouting off my index finger!

"I'm dreaming!!!" I half expect to be woken up by the realisation but I seem to be keeping my cool.

When I look up I'm in some kind of outside market. The stalls are very close together so that it is like a maze walking through them. I'm still lucid - I can feel a pressure on my body and it's as if it's hard to walk (it reminds me a bit of the feeling of being stoned - feeling a pressure from all around me). I don't like the crowded market place - I don't want to waste my time shopping when I am dreaming and the place is a bit scary.

I close my eyes (or do I?) and think *take me to the pyramids* I open them but I am still there in the market place!!! What?
I try again, harder, but it doesn't work.
I look up at the moon above my head and try to jump up towards it. I do jump higher than I normally would and with a feeling of lightness - floating down rather than thumping down. And yet I can't seem to get higher than that, and I feel a strong pressure especially around my ankles and wrists as if I am wearing invisible shackles. They are making all my movements hard.

I look up at the full moon again and say/think HIGHER SELF NOW (which is a technique that is supposed to help if you are astral projecting).

Suddenly the moon is rushing towards me (it appears to be rushing towards me but actually I am flying fast up towards it I think). I stop up high somewhere. There is something above my head blocking me.
A deep voice (higher self??!) talks to me and tells me things I can no longer remember. Not particularly good things.
A list materialises with some of these things - they are not necessarily bad things either but I am a little scared and confused - this doesn't have the good feeling of 'higher self' I imagined, in fact there is definitely something off. I realise I am in a cage! It is like I am in a dungeon that is high in the sky. It's damp and the cross hatched iron gate is covered in green slime. I don't panic but look out the gate. I hear a gruff voice bark orders for the men to pack up and go - getting the ladies out on the way. I find myself released out it to a room where women are packing fresh fruit and vegetables to take with.


There are definitely a lot of questions that this experience raised for me. In terms of symbolism there is definitely some interesting indicators of feeling trapped/helpless/restricted. However I think the last part of my dream was influenced by a book that I was reading before bed about how when Emperors died in Ancient China the Empresses were moved into a monastery and it felt like a prison to them after the royal life they were used to.

Around about the time after travelling to the moon I think I lost lucidity, but I can't pinpoint where. When I woke up from this I was confused as to whether or not I had actually lucid dreamed. For so long I thought I would have the experience, and wake up excited but I woke up feeling confused and mixed. I told my partner about my experiences and he said "you don't sound very excited about it. If you have to question it it's not a lucid dream." (He bases this on his 3 short lucid experiences.
I feel like it was a lucid dream I realised it was a dream, did a test, and kept control of my thoughts for the next little while. I had a much greater body awareness/sensation.

But why was it so hard to pinpoint where I actually lost lucidity?
Why was it so hard to control my environment?
Did my past experience on weed (only ever done 2 times) influence how I felt or expected to feel?