Cynical

December 21, 2011

There was a weird video game thing where I had to escape from a town full of murderous people.*

It all started when I went to a restaurant with my family. The waitress smacked me in the back of the head with a metal pan, and I woke up in a hospital. The nurse was beautiful, and we talked for around 20 minutes. She told me she was going to have to perform some exams on me. Being me, I assumed she was being flirty. So I agreed.*

** I remember I was doing a bridge when, upside down, I saw her approaching with a fucking katana. *She swung in slow motion, and I sprung to my feet in a split second, while my hand was grasping her weapon. She flew down in front of me, and I realized she was naked. Restraining urges, I held the sword over her body firmly, then something came over me.*

**I performed the "Torture of One Thousand Pieces", where I slowly cut off her flesh, one piece at a time, until she would tell me who she was, who sent her after me and why she did it. After there was a pile of skin bigger than her, (not sure how it happened) she wouldn't budge. All of her nerve endings were exposed, so I simply stabbed those repeatedly. She was starting to piss me off, so I swung the sword across her head, like a golf putt. Her decapitated head was crying.*

**I leaped out of the window, which happened to belong to the seventh floor. My sword was raised in front of me, pointing at the ground so that I could have it absorb the shock. After my safe landing, I surveyed the area, and I decided to head to the police station, twirling my katana in my hand.*

**When someone is greeted with gunshots, they don't take it well. I was no exception. Thankfully my reflexes were beyond godly for some reason. (I kept spinning the katana around in a circle really fast) They looked at me, then at each other. They threw their guns at me, which was kind of stupid. Their aim was pretty awful, and now the officers were gunless and they had nowhere to run.*

*I threw my sword at one officer, impaling his head on the wall. The other guy could only watch in horror as his buddy's headless corpse knocked him over. *I asked the man why they were attacking me, and they asked me what I would do if someone walked in on me with a big sword in their hands. I shrugged and sliced his heart open.*

**The townspeople barged into the police station, with their own swords. They all seemed like they wanted me dead. I charged at the leader, wrestling the sword out of his hand, giving me two blades. At the moment, the thought that maybe I could wield four blades crossed my mind, so I threw both swords at the idiots charging me. One got a free castration, the other just got stabbed in the stomach. I walked over to them and picked up my swords and theirs. *

**After I found a comfortable way to wield two katanas in each hand, I went to town on the mob. (Hurr get it?)*

I woke up, wishing it was longer.*

December 12, 2011

I wish I could remember more of my dream.*

All I know is that I was on some weird quest and my family kept antagonizing me.*

There was a part where we were on a base in the ocean. Some guys were fishing, and we heard someone yell "Holy Shit!"*

We ran outside, and saw a giant splash. I can't remember what the thing was, even though everyone kept repeating the name. It was either a pokemon or another fictional creature.*

December 17, 2011

Wasn't much of an interesting dream.*


I have trouble remembering the first half. There was a giant mountain surrounded by a lake.*
Before the lake part, I remember being at gamestop with Barry. There were two games we were buying. The first was some cartoon wrestling game, and the second was the Sims. I played the Sims game first, and everyone in it sounded like Beavis and Butthead. I think all the babies kept dying.*

The wrestling game I played second, and it was awful.*

The second part was pretty freaky, however. We were in the scout meeting place, for a food pickup thing. *It was extremely bright for some reason. Suddenly the whole scene morphed, and the meeting room was 10 times bigger. It was also very dim. I was sitting across from Kevin, and there was a glass door. (As in you could see everything through it.). Some weird thing kept peering out from a corner behind the door. It had a tuxedo on, but its head seemed to be a piece of string. Kevin wouldn't look behind him.*

I woke up after that door opened.

*December 20, 2011

There's not much from this dream.*

The very end of it was pretty weird. Basically, there were ten roller coasters...more like ferris wheels. Me and a friend (can't remember who this was) were waiting in line with a girl, about 12. There were only five cars, and they were all occupied.*

(This dream was set up like plants Vs. Zombies. If you haven't played it, I strongly recommend you do.)

I was trying to figure out why we were even here, at a pointless ride. When we got to the top, the girl vanished. And then my alarm clock woke me up with some weird chanting song.*

December 9, 2011

My dream was fun, I suppose.*

I was in a hotel room with my parents. They were drinking alcohol. I decided to go out on town, but as soon as I walked out the door, who would be in the opposite room but Kevin and his dad? I decided to head on in and hang out with Kevin.*

But before I walked out, I decided to go on Facebook. I got a friend request from the kid who was a complete jackass to me when i was younger, even coming very close to choking me. Of course, I said yes. Then, there was a knock on the door. He was at the door already. We had a very long discussion about something and we became friends.*

Then he had a heart attack.*

(I've had one or two dreams where this kid and I became best friends.)

Kevin, his dad and I were cruising around town in a limo. I can't remember anything that we did, but it was an amazing night. I got back in at 2 AM. My parents were playing a game with some random old lady, and they told me to go to bed.*

The next day, Kevin and I decided to go check out a house that was said to be abandoned. It was pure white. As we opened the door, we could hear party noises.*

Inside, everything was dark brown. Bugs were everywhere. The last thing I remember is Kevin walking out of the bathroom covered in hornets saying, "Don't go in there."


The second dream was another Skyrim dream.*

I was with two people, a girl and boy. They were twins, and the girl was pretty cute. We were traveling along the snowy plains when a GIANT green dragon appeared in the middle of the sky.*

It was called a "Hunting Elder Dragon", and this thing was about the size of a blue whale. We took refuge in an open car.*

We just sat there in the car, wondering if we could take it down. I decided I should call in my own dragon soon, but first we should attempt to kill it. We all kept shooting fireballs at it. I think its health was almost depleted when it grew back all the way. The twins ran out and promptly got eaten. I stepped out and looked around.*

There were dozens of dragons flying in circles, like hawks. I figured it was a good time to call my dragon in. Oddly enough, the Hunting Elder Dragon seemed to be gone. I had a feeling that maybe it had split into all of these dragons, gliding around above an icy wasteland.*

My dragon flew in and started biting apart all the others. After about 20, my dragon transformed into a Hunting Elder Dragon, and I woke up.*

December 7, 2011

Ok, this is probably the coolest dream I've ever had. This dream kind of mimicked It (telling the story of the event in the past and the present, same enemy in both.)*

Kevin and I were playing video games at my house, talking about the old days. We had both agreed there was something that happened before we went on a camping trip one year ago, but we couldn't figure out what the hell it was.*

While we were talking, I texted a few friends, thinking they'd know what it was. No replies.*

"Hey, Kevin...want to head to the church?" (Our Scout meeting place is at a church, and there's a pretty big shed we also use behind it.)

"Why? What good will that do?"

"...If we both agree something happened on a camping trip, wouldn't it be a good idea to check out the place we store our Scout camping crap in?"

"I guess. Bring pocket knives, though."

"What's the worst that could happen? It's nor like we'll have to kill things, and we probably couldn't hurt anything with these knives."

"We could always split the money on a sword. They are pretty cheap and could do some damage..."

"Kevin, STOP TRYING TO BRING LOGIC INTO MY DREAM"

We walked out of the mall with three swords, getting strange looks while doing so.*

"Hey, Tim. Is there any reason you have two swords?"

"Nope."

"Fair enough."

We reached the church a second later, and*approached the shed.*

As the door came closer, the background music grew louder.*

"Kevin. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"What, kick ass?"

"No, run into a shed yelling incoherently."

"I'm positive."

"HIV positive?"

Both: "YEAHHHHHHHHHH"

As I lifted my foot to kick open the door, memories flooded my head.*

"This weekend, one year ago"

We were all at a cabin. The same exact one we were in on our last camping trip. Everyone on that trip was in the cabin, looking around nervously.*

"Hey, dad, what's wrong?" I asked.*

He replied, "They're here...in the poolhouse!"

Kevin, TK, Kait and I walked into the aforementioned poolhouse, expecting some serial killer. Instead, there was a giant black portal.*

"Kevin, you see that portal?" I ask.*

"No shit," he replies.*

"Let's run into it."

"Whatever."

The two of us ran into the portal, arriving in a strange place. Everywhere there was a metallic covering. In front of us was a giant door, with the words "DO NOT DISTURB" printed on it.*

"Hey, Tim, you got those sunglasses?

"Of course. Here's your pair, Kev."

"Why are we wearing them?"

"Because they're cool."

"Sigh," Kevin sighed.*

As the door opens, lightning bolts strike us. We are infused with the power of the elements, and I could choose two out of three attacks: "flame Throw", "Lightning Storm" or "Ice Mice". Of course I picked the first two.*

A giant dragon greets us, "Good moooooorning!"

We killed it in three seconds.*

"That...can't be it," Kevin points out like a character in a shitty horror flick.*

The earth rumbles, and thousands of demons start shuffling out of the walls and ground. Suddenly, all of us are in**the church parking lot. The demons are coming from the she, and everyone else on the trip was watching us from the smaller part of the church.*

"Kevin, let's light shit up!"

Kevin looks at me, visually disgusted, and slaps his palm to his face. (A facepalm, if you will.)*

The sky turns purple, giving our lightning powers a pretty good power boost.*

Unfortunately, the lightning also went out of control. While the demons' numbers were considerably diminished, everyone we camped with was also disintegrated.*

**We ran toward the horde of evil, with swords made of fire. Everything we touched turned to ash. Kevin and I made a bunch of fire related puns (Hey, is it hot in here or is it just you? You got burned!) and I think we got about 500 down.*

Then Jesus thanked us and flew away.*

*Present Day*

"Kevin, please tell me you also saw that."

"Yeah...that was awesome."

"It made no sense! How could they have died a year ago when we saw them yesterday?"

"Open the door. We're gonna give them quite a shock," Kevin said with a smirk.*

The same exact scene played out, but we used lightning instead.*

Jesus didn't show up that time.*

"All the smoke from the fire you used last year caused you to hallucinate," Kevin said.*

I woke up, wishing I could relive it.*

December 1, 2011

A dream influenced by god knows what.*

It starts with me getting out of a white car with four other people. They were a family. Mom, dad, son and daughter. We were in the middle of a forest. There was a giant lake nearby, and there was a cabin right next to us.*

The dad spent most of his time locked in a room. There was a funny smell coming from outside. *The next thing I remember is that there was a giant white truck outside. The father gave the driver (my brother in law) a giant box, and the driver gave him a few DVDs of Breaking Bad. There were a lot of games in the truck, and when the driver was preoccupied with the dad, I stole them all. As we walked away, the father patted my head, saying "Just like I raised you."

It turned out I wasn't human, but an alien child he found on his door step. Him and I were a duo of thieves, but he didn't say what his goal was. I asked him what was in the box. "All in good time, son."*

I'm missing some pretty awesome details from my dream, but I know this part very well. The five of us started to go into a restaurant near the cabin, but we saw a bear. We went back to our car, which was now a golf cart. The dad told the son to get in the back of the cart, and the mother to drive as fast as she could. The son pulled out a Tommy Gun, and the cart sped off. The bear was keeping pace pretty well.*

The dad and I walked into the restaurant. The host looked at the father, and they both high-fived and laughed. Then a police officer walks up, and hands the dad a napkin. The napkin says:

You are under arrest for*
Murder
Drug Dealing
Drug Possession
Petty theft
Grand theft*
Kidnapping
Loitering

*I look around at everyone. The father has his hands in his pockets, the host is reaching under his podium and the officer is picking his nose. The dad yells at me to run. He pulls out two assault rifles, and then he rips his shirt, roaring. He runs around on a shooting rampage. One minute later, we're the only two left in the restaurant. "Check please," he says to no one in particular.*

We walk out, and the bear appears to be dead. The family hugged each other in a happy moment. Then the bear got up, walked over to the family and blew itself up. The forest became a giant wasteland, and only the father and I remained. He told me to continue the mission, and then he died.*

I just shrugged and walked away.*

The second dream I had wasn't as fun. I went to my first school, *and decided to say hi to all my old teachers. They told me to fuck off.