Dreamwalkwr

When I lay down that night for bed I thought about how I'd nearly lost it over the sound of the fireworks going off; I thought about how I just couldn't keep avoiding sleep anymore. It was just too much. That night I went to bed, purposefully, and resolving to sleep regardless what haunted me in my dreams anymore. I knew they were just dreams and maybe that's what the trick for me was but that night I became the monster.*
I can't honestly say I remember which dream I had that night just that as soon as it began I had the moment where I said this is only a dream, my dream, and I took control from that point. There were times I would change into something much larger than whatever was after me or into air so as to have no body that could be harmed. There were times I simply decided to switch the dream if it started turning ugly. Like changing the channel I'd just flip into another dream. I could litterally do whatever I wanted in the dreams.*
Eventually the nightmares got less and less so I stopped practicing lucid dreaming as much but was still capable of lucid dreaming as soon as something threatened me.
*I have of course had normal lucid dreams too over the years but I don't get the nightmares so much; ( I found this interesting and maybe someone out there knows something about this aort of dream? I do believe in hauntings etc and my X and I had bought this really nice old place, only I kept getting the creeps as we were moving in. Along with a few other strange things I had this dream one night where this little boy chewing on a dead hand just walked into a normal dream I was having, like he just interupted what was going on. He said to me, a girl died here in this hall. I told him pretty much to piss off and he turned into something nasty so I attacked him. He disapeared and I woke up. Maybe a month later I was woken up by my x, he swore he'd heard some girl screaming. He said he was sure he hadn't been dreaming it and ran outside to look it had frightened him. I heard nothing and he found nothing, just kinda creepy)
The last few months I've discovered that lucid dreaming was an actual thing that people try to do. Anyway, I've started being more interested in them enough to start experimenting now. I don't have much trouble doing things I want in the dreams so now I'm just seeing what else they can do, can I find a so called spirit guide this way... That's if such things exist. I've read stuff and heard of stuff but I don't believe just anything.
So, that's my story and now I will just go ahead and journal away as I please from here.*
I actually have some pretty weird dreams though and even my husband has had a really out of character dream about a spirit coming to me at night when we were in Mexico and putting it's mark on my arm. He doesn't even believe in those things. He doesn't dream like that either.*

When I was maybe 10, my nightmares had gotten so bad that I dreaded going to sleep. This will seem comical but at the time it had become a real problem. I was dreaming every night about spirits rising from their graves in our yard and they would haunt me. You know that feeling where they try and take you in your sleep? Or they would chase me. I'd dream about dead things trying to get me, but the worst for me (no laughing pls) was the dinosaurs.
I'm not pulling anyones leg here. My bedroom was right beside the furnace and the furnace was very loud when it kicked in, my dreams would translate the sound into the thunderous stomps of Trex's that tried to eat me. Every night dead things and dinosaurs chased me and I was genuinely very frightened. Probably some of the dead things in my dreams came from reading Stephen King books which I was into at the time but still, it had begun to effect my waking life.
It was July 1st and my mom had decided against taking us to the fireworks that night, can't recall why. So we were all doing our own thing, I was sitting in the livingroom watching t.v when the first boom of the firecrackers started. I jumped so high and my heart lept into my throat and I had this insane blending of dream and reality. I, for a moment, had felt as though I'd been thrown right back into a nightmare. I'd imagined the huge foot of a Trex smashing down on the earth towards me.
Not good when it feels like you're loosing that line between wakefulness and dream. I'd become so sleep deprived because of my fear of sleeping that it was starting to chase me into reality. Even if it was all just in my mind but so is insanity and this felt like it was starting to take me down that road.

Well, my first entry hasn't dissapeared, so far, so good I think. Now, let's see if they will both post under the same thread or if I will find my self hunting my thoughts down like some broken jigsaw puzzle.
Before I learned how to take control of my dreams the dreams controled me. I had nightmares pretty much every night as far back in my memory as I can go. I remember waking up crying to one vivid dream where my family were all tied up and hanging from their wrists on meat hooks. I was in the shawdows surounding the scene and there were people dressed in black, they had guns directed at the scene and some of my family had been skinned. I disn't even know they had been meat hooks until I was much older and saw a room like that in some move (who knows what movies my family exposed me too) I was still young enough to be sleeping in my moms bed at the time. This was one of the worst of my nightmares but I had many, some of which seem comical now but were alarming at the time.
I will leave this entry here as I want again to be sure my effort wont be wasted or lost.

I'm not sure about this site; what's seen, what's private. If the message box here is for dream records or what? Will I write two pages of thought just to have it all wiped out and my hard work undone after I hit submit? So this is a test. I have been a frequent lucid dreamer since I was a child so tortured by nightmares that I was afraid to sleep. One night so exhausted that I was starting to think I was loosing my mind I just gave in and went to sleep. I decided this was enough and that night was the night I took control.