maboroshi

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in a bedroom. The bedroom was really messy, and it had two beds, both of which were strewn over with tons of blankets.

I was looking at a pad of paper which hinged at the top, like a gum-bound sketch pad. All the pages were filled in, but mostly with words and images like photographs, as if this were some kind of newspaper or underground magazine. The images were in black and white. A lot of the images were supposed to be pronographic, and I think they were meant to turn me on personally, as if to prove I was perverted.

One kind of badly printed, overexposed photo showed a girl lying stomach down on her bed. Her head was buried under blankets, but the rest of her body was visible. She wore a dark tank top, a mini-skirt, and a diaper. I thought the girl was an adult at first. But then I came to think she might be a little girl. I tried to look closer to see the photo.

To my right, on the other bed, a little girl lay stomach down, wearing a diaper, like in the photo. An old man either knelt by or sat on the bed. He was well dressed and had somewhat nicely arranged, grey hair. But he looked really scary, and his plae blue eyes seemed to be bugging out of his head. He kept poking the girl's bottom with his index finger.

My mother, or a woman my mother's age, may also have been in the room.

I looked back to the sketch pad, to try and find the photo. But I couldn't find it. I kept flipping through the pages. But I might only have seen a bunch of words. I heard some voice talking about the passage of time and how sad it is that we can't go back to what we used to be.

Dream #2

I was in a movie theatre, sitting on the left end of a right aisle, a few rows back from the front. I was all alone in the row. My brother and a couple other people his age sat in the row in front of me. The lights were on in the theatre. It was like one movie had just finished and we were now waiting for another to start.

A tiny, little girl with kind of long, messy-curly, blonde hair and wearing a long-sleeved, red shirt and a diaper asked if the seats to my right were free. I said yes. She may have asked something else, because my brother was standing up and giving all kinds of advice to the little girl.

The little girl sat in the seat right next to me. She grabbed my arm and cuddled against it. She said, "I'm so happy we get to sit with you. My mommy will be here in a second."

I felt like my brother was jealous that the little girl had completely ignored him while he was giving his advice, and that the girl was so excited to sit by me. I hoped it wouldn't cause him to have any emotional difficulties or outbursts. But my brother must have sat down with his friends.

Eventually the girl got kind of bored sitting by me. She hopped off the seat and tapped on the back of my brother's seat, as if she wanted to talk to him. Now I felt a little jealous.

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in something like an atrium, at the foot of an escalator, with a big crowd of people. The atrium was gigantic. The walls were made of glass, and they let in the deep blue sky and sunlight, though somehow shaded, maybe because the glass was tinted slightly. The escalator was also enormous.

Bill Clinton stood near me in the crowd. We may actually have been walking near each other as we had gone down some corridor to get to the atrium. Clinton was wearing a pink polo shirt and kind of pale blue jeans. As we stood before the escalator he said something historical about the atrium, and possibly about the bridge outside the atrium. The bridge was likely the Brooklyn Bridge.

I thought the stuff Clinton was saying was pretty interesting. I tried to stand closer to him as we all went up the escalator. But I felt like I was being annoying, so I kind of backed away from him. We got up to the top of the escalator. There was a small landing and then another, smaller escalator. I think I took the opportunity of this landing to back even farther away from Clinton, to be less annoying.

Somehow I ended up out on the Brooklyn Bridge. The bridge was colossal. I could only see portions of it as I traveled under it, either via car or subway. The road was covered in dark shadow.

I was then on a subway train that was running above ground. This eventually turned into a bus. There were only two other passengers on the bus: both were male friends of mine. We, or they, also knew the bus driver. He was driving us through a kind of quiet part of town, like some area far out in Queens or farther out on Long Island. The sun was shining orange-yellow like it was early morning.

The guys and the bus driver were talking back and forth with each other. The bus driver finally asked me, "Hey, should I be dropping you off at the college with these guys?" I couldn't think of any reason why I'd be going to the college, but I didn't want to disappoint the guy by saying no. I may have been really curled up in a seat, so that my knees were against the back of the seat in front of me.

Dream #2

I was in a department store with Oprah Winfrey. We stood at the end of a bunch of clothing displays, at a wall which was a window looking down at some other section of the building of which the department store was a part. There were maybe one or two other people around us.

We finished watching some event down below. I turned to Oprah and thanked her forf inviting me to this event. She was very friendly, but I don't think she said anything. She was gone.

I walked away from the window. I was probably heading out of the store. I saw a black woman looking through some clothing.The woman's back was turned to me. But, for some reason, I thought she was Oprah. So I walked up to her and said, "Oprah, I just want to thank you again for reminding me about this event. If it hadn't been for you--"

But now the woman turned around. She was really short and round. She had very dark skin, and she wore dark sunglasses. She looked pretty mean! She wore a pale denim jacket, jeans, and hat. She yelled at me, "Why are you calling me Oprah? Just because I'm black, I have to be Oprah?"

I was scared, and I backed off pretty quick. I didn't know how to respond. I kind of forgot whether I'd thought the person I'd thought the woman was was Oprah or my old friend and co-worker, CL. I figured it must have been CL, even though I couldn't remember her name. But she didn't look like the mean woman either.

I had walked back to the window I had stood at with Oprah. I think I had figured out that CL had reminded me about this event, and that I had met Oprah there. I figured that if I really wanted to thank CL, I could write her a letter. I either held a letter really close to my face or saw a letter in my mind's eye. The letter was on notebook paper, in pencil, and in really big, loose, scrawly handwriting. I may finally have seen CL's name.

Dream #3

I was in a bedroom in the dark. There was, for some reason, a towel rack right near the light switch. It was my blue towel. In the dim light I saw a bug crawling across the towel. The bug was either a smallish roach or a gigantic bed bug. I was really grossed out, and I wanted to see what kind of bug it was before I killed it.

So I stepped back and flicked a switch on a small wall a couple feet away and in front of the bedroom door. The bedroom light bulb flickered, popped, and went out. To solve this problem, I walked a little bit into the room and pulled a string from the ceiling to turn the light on. The only thing that happened was a little bit of plaster falling on my head.

So I went to the closet to see if I could find a light bulb or some other source of light. I flicked a light switch in the closet, but it didn't turn on, either. But then, somehow, I found some source of light. This light source became like a light bulb inside the closet.

I was looking directly into the top shelf of the closet. There were a lot of lamps, all arranged as if in a shop. The lamps were all small, wooden, on a square base, with a candle-like, wooden cylinder running up about 8cm and ending in the metallic fixture for the bulb.

I grabbed a couple of these, figuring that if I placed these lamps strategically, I could get decent light in the room, though not so much light as I'd get if I had the ceiling ligjht working.

I then saw behind the lamps. There were all kinds of canned foods -- things like SPAM, cocktail weiners, and corned beef hash. I might have seen other provisions. I suddenly realized that whoever had put this room together had put it together as a kind of shelter in case of some kind of disaster, possibly including nuclear war.

Dream #4

I was sitting at a table and eating with my friend H. The table and the lighting of the room remind me of a fast food restaurant or a cafeteria in a place like a school. We may have been eating something like fries and mayonnaise.

H said, "You talk about -----'s (can't remember) movies so much, as if you were such a big fan of Japanese film. But when was the last time you actually went to the theatre to watch a Kurosawa film?"

For some reason I kept getting ----- confused with Ozu. But this director was much more recent. But I also wanted to tell H that I actually had seen Kurosawa films lately. I may have had images from Ran and The Hidden Fortress in my head, though I couldn't actually get their titles correct.

I may have felt, in some way or another, like I was shrinking, or maybe hunching over more and more.

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I read two comic book stories which had an American comic book style, but which were put together in a manga-like book. But I think the book read from left to right, not from right to left. Both the stories involved a woman seducing a very young girl.

The first story I read was near the back of the book. It was very colorful, and it seemed to have Buddhist images somehow, something like mandalas or tankgas (?).

The second story I read was all done in black and white. It looked almost like a Love and Rockets comic. In this story, a woman had a little girl lying on the bed on her back. The little girl wore only a miniskirt. The woman holding something that looked like a small tea pot.

At some point the woman darted her body closer to the little girl. I could almost see the woman's movement, and I heard a sound like steam.

Dream #2

It was a clear, sunny day. I was running on a track with a group of other people. Almost all, if not all, of the other people were black. We were probably all in a race, although nothing about the race felt particularly focused.

At the first curve of the track I may have been in glaring sunlight. The track may have felt large and wide, and it may have felt like there were large grandstands on the final stretch of the track.

At some point there may have been a man behind me, taunting me and trying to intimidate me with his movements. I decided to run even faster (although we may hardly have been doing little more than jogging in the first place) to get away from the man.

I hit the second curve. The fist part of the second curve was shaded by tree canopies. The second part, going into the home stretch, was sunny.

The activity of the people on the track became even more unfocused, or more relaxed, than it had been before. There were some people just running back and forth across the width of the lanes. Other people were stretching or warming up on the grass.

I found myself being passed by a lot of people. I may have been wondering why I hadn't been running fast all along. Now I'd slowed down again, and I was mad at myself for having slowed down. I tried to speed up, but my legs were frozen. I could barely move them, and it was getting harder and harder to move them.

A woman passed me and ran through the end of the curve of the track, to the final stretch. She was tall, with light brown skin, a mucsly frame, and pale red-brown hair. She wore a white, bikini-style two-piece running suit. The bottom seemed a little loose on her. As she ran, her buttocks flexed really hard and became like big, tight spheres.

As I reached the end of the curve, I may have seen a shiny, silver UFO in the sky. It may have looked like a flying saucer with a silvery lighthouse-top attached to it. It may have shot out an orange-red ray.

(Side note: I'm kind of doubtful about the image of the UFO. In other words, I'm not sure if it was part of my dream or something that came in after I woke. But the image was so strongly "there" that I put it in my journal.

Last night I went to bed reading the book Measure of Madness by Cheryl Paradis. It's a series of stories from Dr. Paradis' career as a forensic psychologist. In one of the stories, a man shoots a couple of sanitation workers because he thinks they're aliens.

I think my sight of the UFO in or after the dream was somehow influenced by that story.)

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was out with a group of people, possibly at the edge of a building like a school building. There were shrubs, possibly euonymous, just behind a short fence. I, and maybe some of the other people, may have been trimming these shrubs. But this was also like some test, like some kind of paper test that was being taken indoors.

Something happened with time. As I was walking past the shrubs, which were like a classroom, I realized I had forgotten about a class, and that I had been counted as absent. I thought, Well, now it'll just snowball down from here, and I'll start missing all kinds of classes.

I walked past a young woman, maybe college age or a little older, who was the leader of this group of people out trimming the shrubs. We may have spoken for a moment. I then saw a few other women as I walked along. Two of the women were girlfriends. They both wore jeans and dark blue hoodies. One of the girls looked boyish and had short hair and pale skin.

At some point I had decided that I was going to quit this work, which was now something like a volunteer position. I was in something like a dorm room. All the curtains were pulled down. I was either getting into or out of a pair of khaki work slacks for the office. I worried that the woman in charge of the project would be disappointed in me for quitting.

Dream #2

I was in a dorm room that was full of stuff like manga books and anime DVDs. There was a TV somewhere, and I was trying to watch some kind of hentai anime. But there was something wrong somewhere in my dorm room. I couldn't quite pinpoint it, but it sounded like a problem with the water. It was really distracting.

I was about to walk out of the dorm room. But as I opened the door to the hallway, I saw two young men, both kind of tall and fat, one Asian. I tried to close my door really quickly, because I didn't want the boys to see me or know that I had been trying to watch a porn anime. But one of the boys saw me and greeted me cheerfully.

Somehow the boys came to understand my problem. Apparently I had come outside to find out where the water problem was coming from. The Asian boy, who I actually didn't know, knew exactly what to do. We went to the dorm next door from me, which was unoccupied. There was a toilet in the dorm. The Asian boy jiggled the handle and the water noise stopped.

As I was walking out of the empty dorm room, leaving the boys in the room, I thanked the Asian boy. He explained something to me, as if he were experienced with noise or plumbing.

Dream #3

I had come back to "my psychatrist's office," which was a lot bigger and messier than IWL. I had apparently not been able to fill out some kind of form before, because I couldn't remember the words to a Japanese pop song.

When I'd first come back to the office, it had been empty. But then my psychiatrist was there. I was really proud of myself as I told her I remembered the words again. I tried to fill out the form, while standing before a table that was full of clutter. But some other woman kept edging under me, trying to get to some waste basket under the desk so she could clean it out.

I eventually let the woman through and apologized. She said something nice. The room now was more like a psychiatrist's office. It had a couch and a chair, and it felt very calm. But it was still really big.

I sat down with my brother and sister on the couch. My psychiatrist asked, "So you can remember the words to the song now?"

I said yes and tried to start singing. But I was already forgetting the words. I was now on the opposite side of the room from the couch, which seemed so far away. My brother and sister were gettin bored with hearing me try to sing. They got up and left.

I was eventually sitting either very close to or on the arm of my psychiatrist's chair. I was still trying to sing the song, only haltingly getting through bits of lyrics. Something about iit may have had the "aeru no ii na" lyrics from L'arc en Ciel's "My Heart Draws a Dream."

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in, and then left, and then came back to, some room. The room was kind of small and cluttered with stuff like blankets. The room had a bunk bed, the top bunk of which now seems to have been 2.5 meters high.

The ceiling of the room had some kind of hole in the corner over the bunk bed. It was causing some kind of gross problem, possibly bugs, all through the room. It had been this way when I'd left. Now that I was back, it didn't look like it had changed.

But I needed to stay here for the time being, so I just figured I'd deal with it. I sat my stuff down on or looked down on something like a beanbag chair, which may have been dark green.

Dream #2

I was standing out on or near an open road between two fields or farms. I may have stood just under or just away from a concrete shelter for a bus depot. It was a grey day.

There was a bus near me. It kind of looked like an old-style bus, with corrugated metal siding. A bunch of people were getting out of the bus. Some of them looked old, but they wore clothes that old people might have worn in the 1970s.

I was thinking some complaining kind of thought about my boss. I may have said it out loud. Some of the people may have heard me. A couple of women asked me, "Don't you know your boss is distracted? Today his wife is going to have a baby."

I tried to figure out how this could be possible. As far as I could remember, my boss hadn't even told me his wife was pregnant.

I could see my boss nearby, walking in front of a tall, chain-link fence that stretched all the way down one side of the farm or field near the bus depot. My boss was wearing his normal suit and tie. He had his hands in his pocket, and his jacket seemed to be blowing in the wind a bit.

Dream #3

I was trying to go somewhere. I was in "my bedroom," although it looked more like a preschool classroom. One window was all fogged up, and a bunch of potted plants stood on the shelf top before it.

(Now that I think of it, I may only have been as tall as the shelf top, which was maybe 750cm tall.)

I was trying to get socks, which, I could see in my mind's eye, I would wear with white tennis shoes that had red trim. But I was only looking for the tan dress socks that I usually wear with my tan dress slacks.

I pulled out a pair. But they had holes in the toes. But I knew that at the event I was going to, I'd have to take off my shoes. I couldn't reveal holey socks. So I looked for a pair of tan dress socks without holes.

I pulled out another pair of socks with holes. Then I pulled out a pair of socks without holes. I was kind of worried, though, that I'd missed the holes. So I very carefully searched the toe-seam of at least one of the socks to make sure there were no holes.

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in a bedroom that had a window wall revealing a hallway like an office hallway. My boss may actually have been in or just beyond the hallway. Some thick, grey curtains were mostly drawn over the window. But there were still some places where people could peep in.

The bedroom was huge and it had a really big bed in it. I had a pillow that was as long as my body. I sat with my back to the foot of the bed and my knees drawn up to my chest, cuddling the pillow. I came up with a sexual fantasy with two lesbian women. I thought I'd act out the fantasy with the pillow.

For some reason my boss and a colleague of his came to the door. I opened the door a crack and said something or other to them. They walked away, but I wasn't sure they weren't coming back.

I got in bed with the pillow. I may have had some small device on which I could watch lesbian porn while I was acting out my lesbian fantasy on this pillow. But I was kind of afraid to get started. I didn't want my boss to come in and see me.

Dream #2

I was in a place that was like a college bookstore, a supermarket, and the children's section of the library all mixed together. The area was crowded with young people who were sitting at tables. I was sitting with a couple young guys.

This was something like the first or last day of classes of some kind. If it was the last day, we were also being prepared for the following year of classes. A woman was engaged in calling each of us out. She was on some kind of speaker system. She sounded nice, kind of young as well.

The woman called out some guy who sat at a chair and used a grocery store conveyor belt as a table. The guy was skinny, with pale, olive skin and a shaved head. He wore a grey and white striped hoodie. The woman said something about how the guy had gotten his last mark of development in 1999.

The guys at my table groaned a little. One of them said, "1999? What's that guy been doing for the past ten years?"

I looked down at the floor. I thought, Well that's not too different from my situation. I can't criticize the guy.

Dream #3

I was in a grocery store. I may have been with a couple of my "friends," who were Latino. One of them may have been wearing a red hoodie.

I went off by myself to find paper cups and plastic sipping lids. I seemed to have a lot of trouble finding them. I ran into a cute, blonde worker who wore a 1960s style store mini-dress and wore her hair up in a loose, 1960s style. I told the woman I couldn't find the paper cups. She said she'd help me find them.

We walked left down one aisle. Halfway down the aisle I saw the paper cups and plastic lids. I ran to them. There was only one sleeve left for each thing. I pulled them off the top shelf. Each sleeve appeared already to have been opened, and half the stuff was missing. But I figured this was good enough.

I thanked the girl, who was now Bridgette Bardot -- and naked (?). We had apparently worked on some films together, so we walked along the store aisles, talking about the times we'd had together.

As we walked along some back aisle, which opened out to more of a department store area, like a display of furniture, I started having touble with dates. It seemed like I was trying to pinpoint the start of Bardot's career, as if I had been there. But Bardot's career "had started" in 1967, which was a decade before I was born. It didn't make sense.

Dream #4

I was an attractive, blonde woman. I was naked and in a hotel room with a black man who was maybe in his forties. We had probably just finished having sex.

I walked out of the room. I was dressed and was with "some of my girlfriends." We were in some small, fluorescent-lit room, like a coffee break room. I was laughing with the girls about how I would have to break up with this guy now, and how I was afraid he would just think I was playing around with him.

I was back in the hotel room, naked. There were two beds, and only one table lamp was on. I lay on one bed, drinking from a bottle of Coke. It was a 20 oz., but I had for some reason also gotten a 16 oz. bottle. I lay on my stomach. The man was somewhere else, maybe in the bathroom, at first. But he walked into the room as I was talking.

I was trying to tell the man as nicely as I could that I didn't think we were made for each other. I eventually sat down on the floor between the two beds, trying to drink from both Cokes. The man sat down on the other bed. He was probably wearing boxers and big, nerdy glasses. He had black and grey hair.

The man already seemed to understand what I was getting at. He chuckled a little bit. He took both Coke bottles out of my hands. He stood them on the bed with him. I realized I hadn't shared any Coke with the man. The man looked at the bottles for a moment, then handed me the 20 oz. bottle, because it had less soda remaining in it.

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was watching a commercial that looked like it was from the 1970s. There was a black bakckground. In the foreground was a side-lit vending machine. The vending machine was basically a clear, plastic bubble atop a red, rectangular stand.

Inside the vending machine were little robots. They were toy robots. An announcer said that the robots were made in Japan. There was a close-up of the robots. They looked like they were made of wood rather than plastic. They seemed to have been made in two or three pieces. A main piece was c-shaped, like an old telephone receiver. Then there was a rectangular shape that revolved within the c-shape. Atop the c-shape was possibly a small, marble-like head. The toy was red with yellow squares running down it.

I found something wrong about the toys. They seemed to be projecting a strange message about the body to children. I couldn't believe that the toys were made in Japan. So I tried to get at the toys, for a closer look.

I was now on a stage, where there was blue light, like a fake sky, somewhere in the distance, blocked by a number of black scaffolding pieces and stage walls. I walked into a dark, black corner of what now may have been a room. I saw a vending machine. It was huge, and the top half of the sphere was missing, so I crawled right into the bowl of toys.

Somehow I found out that the robot toys had actually been made in Germany. But I didn't seem to be able to grab any of the robot toys. Instead I grabbed what I thought was a robot toy, but which ended up being a thin, long pillow with a pink, plushy casing around it. The pillow actually spoke if you either pressed some part of it or pulled a string.

The pillow had said something strange, so I tried to make it speak again. I pressed the button inside it and bent it and played with its string. I may finally have gotten it to say something, again something strange.

Dream #2

I was in a car with my mom, possibly on a grey day. We had driven up to some hotel, which looked more like a series of townhouses. I was apparently going to stay here for some amount of time, for something like a vacation involving my family, but not quite with my family.

We walked into the front office so I could get checked in. Along the left wall there was a whole display of pornographic programs for sale. I picked out one that looked particularly interesting to me, a lesbian porn flick. Apparently you had to get a big card, which was like a DVD, and then a smaller card, which was like a calling card.

The larger card was yellow. The smaller card was purple. On its front were photos of pin-up style girls. On it back was a description of the film. Some of the language was porn-like and hot. But eventually the language became the description of some piece of classical art in a museum. I thought, Don't they think that kind of language is a real turn-off?

I had walked up to the front desk, where my mom was talking with the worker, a pretty, Asian girl. Behind the desk and in some rooms off to the left, everything was dim. I was suddenly on the phone with my grandmother. I was telling her about some kind of bad thing that had happened in my family, something involving either my brother or sister getting really angry.

I was walking around in one of the side rooms, which was now like my mom's living room and kitchen combined. I was kind of getting sick of telling my grandmother about the incident. So I told her that my mom had lunch ready, so I was going to go and eat it. I could see the lunch -- something like a birthday cake with white frosting and blue sprinkles -- being set on a counter cluttered with books and other things.

My grandmother was already pestering me to call her back in five minutes. I told her I probably couldn't.

I had hung up the phone. My mom, my brother, and I were all in a room like a living room in an apartment. My brother pointed to a picture on the wall and asked if that was by Henry Darger. I said it was and then looked over my right shoulder at it.

The painting all seemed to have been made on wood. It looked like it was four large fragments, not quite the whole painting, all within a wood frame of the same thickness of the wood on which the painting was done. The painting was mostly white, and it depicted little girls on a battlefield.

My brother had been concerned that this was a fake Darger. I tried to assure him it wasn't. On the opposite wall, right near a corner around which was a dim room, was another Darger fragment. This was painted on a huge block of material that looked like cardboard. The painting depicted two children in a deep, green forest. But the two children were just bellies and legs -- nothing else. They looked like the bottom half of Homer Simpson, except shorter and with green pants.

The fragment was shaped like a patch of camouflage, and it hung like a lone puzzle piece in a much larger, rectangular frame of the same cardboard material. I looked closer at the thick fragment. All the colors of the painting appeared to go straight through the carboard, as if you could slice the carboard at any width and find the same picture.

My mom started getting hysterical. She said I wasn't paying attention to her problems, and that I'd pay for it. I acted like I didn't care. But then she said something like she had a lot of ways to make me pay, such as getting me arrested.

I turned away from her. We were now in something like a subway car. Three kind of trendyh, young men all walked up to me. I thought they were going to start trouble with me, as usual. But they asked me if I wasn't the guy who "that tall, blonde guy had hit on the head on the train." I said I was. They all kind of cheered me on. They said they had all been watching me, and that they thought I'd handled the situation really well.

I was trying really hard to remember the situation. But all I could remember was that I didn't get intimidated and I was ready to fight the guy, but that he had walked away. I made some body motions, swinging my body back and forth and holding my fists up. The guys mimicked me.

I was kind of hoping the guys would get off the train. I felt like the situation could easily change and that the guys would decide they didn't like me. I tried to change the subject. One of the guys was wearing a t-shirt with the Superman logo on it. So I asked the guys about Superman.

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in a different family's house. I had been there for at least one day. I made some kind of agreement with the parents. After this I either left the house or fell asleep and made an out-of-body flight out of the house.

I either drove or floated around the family's neighborhood. I thought about the deal we had made, and some kind of arrangements I would have to make. The sun eventually came up, and, as it was pretty bright, I floated back toward the family's house.

The neighborhood looked nice, like some kind of upper class neighborhood in California, with white houses and palm trees, set, apparently, among rolling hills. I basically floated right into the house, right through a front wall, on the ground floor.

The set up was a living room, then something like a half-room/half-hallway, then a big kitchen, then another room like a second living room in the back of the floor, and a few other rooms off to the left of that. Everything was lit with a kind of dim, blue-grey light, as if the bright early morning light were coming in through heavy, blue-grey curtains.

I floated through the living room. I eventually touched down and began walking. When I walked into the kitchen, I saw the mom of the family. She was the only person up. She sat at the kitchen table, preparing something, possibly something for a baby.

The kitchen table, along with the rest of the kitchen, seemed to be cluttered with household items, but not dirty.

I was wearing a thin, powder-blue babydoll-skirt with tiny, puffy sleeves. I wasn't wearing any underwear, and I seemed to be at a pre-pubescent stage of sexual development. I don't actually know whether I was myself or some pretty-looking boy.

Apparently I had made some kind of deal, either with only with the mom or with the mom and the dad, that I would dress up and act like a baby girl for them.

Something had happened to the daughter. It was like the daughter was a product, like a doll that had broken. They needed to make up for this by using me as a baby-substitute. I can't remember the details, but it reminds me of TV shows when a puppy dies and the parents try to buy a new puppy to trick the kids into thinking the puppy is still alive.

I didn't need to act like a little girl yet, because everybody was still asleep. Plus, there was apparently some specific event that I was acting for, and it wasn't until later in the morning. So I was about to go put on some regular boy underwear.

But as I walked into one of the rooms off to the left of the kitchen, I decided that I wanted to wear diapers and crawl around and act like a baby around the mom. So I crept shyly back into the kitchen and stood right next to the mom. I asked if it would be alright if I put on some diapers right now. She seemed indifferent and said that would be fine.

I walked through a left door in the kitchen. I was going to go around through the left room and then back to the back living room, instead of straight into the back living room through the back doorway in the kitchen. The diapers were in a cluttered pile of household items in the back living room, possibly near a fireplace.

At this point in time I may also have been sucking on a pacifier. I may also have looked a lot more like a little girl than a man or a little boy. It was now also like the baby girl I was "replacing" was still around and perfectly fine.

I thought, The little girl still has to use the diapers. The mom is indulging me by letting me wear more than I need for the time that the family needs me. It's really just wasting diapers. It's doing a disservice to the little girl, because she needs the diapers and I don't. And isn't it gross that I want to wear diapers before the event? If I'm so eager to jump into diapers right now, doesn't that prove I really like wearing diapers?

(Side note: Sorry for the hentai character of my dreams sometimes. I'm not trying to gross anybody out.

As for the not-so-hentai parts of my dreams, I think the family and California neighborhood themes come from my trip to the Paley Center, or the Museum of Television and Radio, yesterday.

This is a museum where you can watch all kinds of old TV shows, commercials, etc. It's kind of like a mix between YouTube and a library. They also have a movie theatre where they run a specific set of TV programs all day long.

So yesterday the movie theatre was showing the program An American Family, which was made in 1971 and is kind of recognized as the first "reality show." The family in that show lived in California.

Even though the family was pretty dysfunctional, I kept wondering what it would be like to be a part of the family, in a positive way. I mean, they seemed pretty dysfunctional, but pretty glamorous, too.

Anyway, then I watched some TV programs on my own. One of the programs I watched was a Nova special about UFOs. It was made in the 1990s, and one part of it involved an interview with a family in Miami whose children were apparently visited by aliens on a nightly basis. There were a little boy and an infant girl.

But what reallly struck me about this family was how white their house was. The wall were blank, white, so bright. The carpet was white, the couch was white, everything was white! It was so unreal -- I thought I'd only see a setting like that in a movie or a dream. I think the family's house in my dream was a reaction against the purity of that house.)

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was leaving "my mother's house." It may have been a grey day, and there may have been snow on the ground. I stood right outside the front door. My mom stood just inside.

I told my mom I loved her. I gave her a hug. My mom seemed really short. When I hugged her, it felt like I was breaking her spine, or like I had hugged her in such a way as to feel a part of her spine that had already been broken.

I walked to the car. As I did, I thought about a small cup of ice cream I had in the back seat of the car. It was like I still had the taste of the ice cream, or even some actual ice cream, in my mouth.

In my mind's eye, I saw the ice cream sitting in the back seat. The ice cream was kind of melted and creamy, and it had some kind of big, marshmallow-shaped, but colorful and jelly-like, things in it. The spoon in the cup seemed to be coated with the melted ice cream.

Apparently my grandmother was driving me to the airport. But the car we were taking was more like one my mom would drive. It was a small hatchback, kind of old looking. It was messy on the inside and the outside. The outside was kind of grimy and greasy. The inside was full of old garbage and fast food containers and stuff.

I was kind of disgusted that I'd kept my ice cream in the messy back seat. I thought it might not be a good idea for me to eat the ice cream.

I walked up to the driver's side of the car. My grandma was still standing outside the car, with the door wide open. As I walked up to my grandma I either thought to myself or asked out loud if I'd showed my mom well enough that I cared about her.

I was in the car, on the passenger side, riding through a kind of busy part of a suburban town, with either my grandma or some man driving the car. It was now black night.

The driver told me, "You showed your mom you cared about her. And the fact that you're worried about it shows that you care a lot more than a lot of people do nowadays."

We got stuck in traffic on some kind of quaint-looking, Main Street type area that was all decked out in lights, as if for Christmas. We kind of inched through the traffic and then ended up turning right on a side street and up a hill into something like a residential area.

As we were doing this, the driver, now most likely a man, continued, "That reminds me of a project I was reading about. People were making Christmas cards to send to the soldiers. But a lot of the people making the cards thought it would be good to send cards with anti-war messages on them.

"And that's what I mean about care. The people over there don't need to hear somebody telling them 'NO WAR.' They need us to tell them, 'We're thinking about you, and we hope you're doing well.'"

We had gotten up to the top of the hill and were now sitting on the right end of a long conference table. We were apparently inside a room. The room had fluorescent lighting. There was also a wall-sized bookshelf that I was looking straight at.

But it was also somehow like we were in a cafe with a big window, or as if we were actually floating out over the top of the hill, looking down to the Main Street area. It was like, even as I was looking straight at the bookshelf, I also saw the town below.

The man had gotten onto the topic of two books. Both books were about economics. One book was written by someone I didn't know. The other was written by Warren Buffett. The man seemed to be talking more about the book by the other guy. He then ended up talking about something extremely interesting and insightful (which, of course, I forgot).

As the man spoke about the really interesting stuff, I realized how nice he looked. He was white, with well-groomed, white hair. He wore a nice suit with a tan jacket, a subdued blue shirt, and a somewhat colorful (peach? pink?) tie. His skin was deeply tanned. His face was kind of thin and angular. But his complexion mesmerized me. It was perfect!

I then asked the man, "Who did you say made that comment? Did you say it was Warren Buffett or the other guy?"

The man said, "No. That was from Warren Buffett's new book."

I thought to myself that I needed to get Buffett's new book. I seemed to keep getting Buffett somehow confused with Alan Greenspan. But I could see the cover of Buffett's new book. It kind of looked like a modern cover of Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man.

The book wasn't an autobiography. It was actually a book on economic theory. I thought, "This is exactly what I've been looking for!" The man and I spoke back and forth for a bit on how odd it was that everybody didn't know about this book. It apparently wasn't selling much at all.

I looked down and to my left. I could see the conference table. But, again, I could "see through" the table and the room, outside and down the hill, to the lit-up Main Street area.

As I looked at the table, I was kind of hunched down and over some sheet (or pad?) of notebook paper. I scrawled on the piece of paper, in a very sloppy version of cursive, either the word "Feed" or the word "Feel."

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in a room like a bedroom. Something about the room seemed very stage-like. The room had concrete floors or floors like a stage. I sat at a table. There was also something in the room that looked like a bunk bed. It may just have been a wooden cube that was as tall as a bunk bed.

I stood up and pulled something off of the cube. It was a mannequin without a head. It may actually just have been a torso. It was larger than life-size, maybe a lot larger. It was wood, with thick graining visible, and it was painted some kind of dark, but kind of transparent, shade of red.

I lay the mannequin on the floor. I began whipping it and stomping it. Somehow it was a living thing, and I may have injured it terribly or killed it. I may have then left the room. I may have reflected on what I'd done. I hadn't ever thought I could be so cruel. I think I felt like I must have been directed into the cruelty in some way. The only explanation for my cruelty, I thought, was that someone else had made me do it.

I was now back in the room, thinking the same thoughts. I began whipping the top of the wooden cube. The whip I used had a big, black, iron hook at the end of it. Eventually the hook pulled a wooden mannequin head into my view. The mannequin head apparently belonged to the mannequin body I had just beat and killed. I kept whipping the mannequin head, and I knew I would knock the head off the wooden cube pretty soon.

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in some kind of a small performance space. There were folding chairs all arranged before a small stage. There may have been 50 or 75 chairs. The floors were wood. The area with the chairs was dim. I stood at the back of this area.

The space behind the chairs was empty and lit, possibly with a combination of incandescent and fluorescent lights, as if the overhead light were incandescent, but a light from some other room were shining into the space as well. An adult woman was teaching a little girl how to do some kind of traditional dance. The girl may have been dressed in a dark pink leotard and some kind of sash that gave her a traditional look.

I stood there for a moment watching the little girl dance. The woman then told me that the girl wasn't ready to perform yet. The woman would give her a bit more rehearsal and then let me watch her. So it would be best if I didn't watch her right now. I assented and walked away. The woman may then have started training another girl or a couple of boys and girls.

I sat in the seats at the very front. I was the only person in the audience. I sat there in the dark, looking at the stage. There was some kind of set on the stage, maybe colored blue and gold-orange. At some point a black woman and her son sat down in the row behind me and to my left.

Somehow the idea of food came up. The boy wanted some kind of sweet food, maybet sorbet, from a makeshift concession stand which had been right where I was standing while I had been watching the girl dance. The boy told his mom, "It sure is good we waited, isn't it? Now the sorbet is ready, and we get it for free!"

I realized that we had been given tickets for free food from the snack bar. The tickets were like red, carbdoard circus tickets. But we'd had to wait until a certain time before the food was given out for free.

I stood up to get some food. For some reason I felt like I needed to beat the son to the makeshift concession stand, which may just have been a big, red cooler and some cheapish folding screen, with the dance instructor lady pulling food out of the cooler.

But I now heard an announcement on an overhead speaker. A woman's voice said, "The food being handed out right now is only rotten food." I understood that the timing of the good food being handed out was messed up. So I headed back to my seat to wait for the good food to start being offered.

But before I got to my seat, I started seeing things as if I were a camera. My view floated to a few different adults. At each person, the view would freeze and some little screen-title would pop up, saying who the person was. The people were all kind of young, edgy, and cool. They posed as a rock band. But they were really a group of spies. There were one woman and two or three men.

One man I remember sat in some booth like a shop. He sat behind a turntable, as if he were a DJ. He was white, with red-blonde hair and chunky, black-rimmed eyeglasses. He wore a striped shirt.

Behind the man were all kinds of circular objects, like plates or records. They were all colored differently, and each had some variation of a wave-like pattern running through it. One circle was yellow. Another was grey, with a dark grey squiggle-wave humping up in the center. Another was blue, with some kind of white, shell-like cloud pattern in the center.

Another member of the band was either a black man or an Asian woman who sat in the front row and far left side of the folding chairs. I think at first he was a really nice looking black man. Then my view went through the other members again. Then when I got back to him, he was a really cute Asian girl.

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

A girl was riding a long motorcycle (which may also somehow have been a horse) along a beach-like area which bordered a jungle and which may have had something like a concrete path running along it. The girl looked like my friend FA, except that she was possibly a little girl. The motorcycle was long, much bigger than usual, and it was hot pink.

The girl did a pop-a-wheelie on the bike/horse. The bike/horse reared too far back and tumbled backwards. The girl fell off the bike. She was severely injured. Two men with dark, coppery skin and black hair ran up to the girl to see if she was okay. She seemed to be in terrible shape and she had a broken leg.

A third man ran out of the jungle. He had a cell phone in his hands. I thought he was going to call the police. But instead he just kind of conferred with the other men. He figured he'd load up the girl in a wheelbarrow and push her to the hospital.

I was kind of frustrated by all this. I thought the men should be calling 911. I was now in the scene. The girl was in the wheelbarrow. She was wrapped up in a lot of old-looking grey blankets. She was so wrapped up that she couldn't be seen at all. I began pushing the woman to the hospital.

I was pushing the wheelbarrow along a concrete path on a university campus. The campus had a lot of lawn between the buildings, and the lawn was all shaded over by the thick canopies of tall trees. I saw a big, red brick building with a white facade and columns in the distance. I thought that was the hospital.

At an intersection on walkways, I stopped. A huge, red fire tuck was coming from my right. As I saw it approaching, I actually pushed the woman out into the intersection. I figured the truck would see us and stop. But it didn't care about us and wasn't going to stop. So I pulled the wheelbarrow back, let the truck pass, then went on.

I now realized the big building wasn't a hospital. It was a police station. I had pushed the woman inside the police station. It looked like a garage, but it was lit beautifully, like for a Broadway play. There was one man hunched over a small box on the floor, working away.

I tried to get the man to look at the woman. But I didn't want to be too pushy and get in trouble with the cops. But after a moment, a female cop came up to us. The cop was tall, heavy set, with feathered, blonde hair, tan skin, and a really red face. She asked me what was wrong with the woman. She then gave me some advice about what to tell them at the hospital, once I got there. It was something about making sure they did the job right and didn't rip me off.

I was now with a group of friends in some small room. The room was some other place I'd come to for help. The people there were co-workers of mine. The room was like a kind of dumpy office room in a community center or church. There was a potted palm somewhere.

One of the friends with me started answering questions that one of my co-workers, CB, was asking. CB was asking a lot of questions, not out of concern, but mostly because he was trying to reassure himself that the injured woman's experience wasn't more intense than his own personal experiences.

Eventually we were told to go somewhere else, like a hospital. As we were leaving, the place became like a cafeteria. I figured I should buy the woman some food, since she was probably hungry. I was in some small, crowded hallway part of the cafeteria. One of my friends, a short female, stood right in front of me, as if waiting for instruction.

Somehow I had bought two apples. We were now outside, on a concrete walkway on a college campus. The campus was rather active with students. My friends and I were pushing the woman to the hospital. But I decided I should stop to feed the woman.

I managed to pull the woman out of the wheelbarrow. She was still wrapped up in all the blankets. I unwrapped a blanket near the woman's face and held out an apple.The woman didn't seem to be responding. I was a little worried.

Another female friend knelt down in front of me and told me that the woman may have died. I couldn't believe it was so. I looked at the apple I was holding. It was rotten on one side. Eventually I heard bites being taken out of the other side. Then the apple was eaten all the way through, to the side I was holding. So the girl was alive!

The girl was completely unwrapped. I was holding her in my arms. But she was completely invisible.

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

Two kind of burly, fat, white guys managed to rape two guys and a woman. I saw the men and women close up, as if I were right near their faces as they were getting raped (all three at once?). I wanted to stop the men from raping the people, but I was on some kind of drugs, and I was too numb or dumb to do anything. Plus, I was probably also afraid of the whole situation.

I later heard or thought over the story of the men. They had done something like this before. They may have been something like bodyguards. They always guarded one particular celebrity. The celebrity was either a young man or a boy, and he was possibly very pretty. The celebrity didn't have much in the way of a personality. He was kind of a pretty face and not much else. But his father was possibly really mean to the security guards.

So, at this time in the past, the bodyguards heard that the father was going to be gone and that another celebrity, possibly male as well, was coming to visit the first celebrity. So, to revenge themselves on the father, the bodyguards raped the visiting celebrity while the first father was away.

For some reason I thought, Well that kind of makes sense. That was revenge. But this time, it doesn't make sense at all.

I was now outside in the daytime. I was in a place that looked like an Ancient Greek plaza. There was a long, rectangular fountain-pool running along one side of the plaza. The plaza seemed to be enclosed by stone walls.

A woman was walking in the pool. The water went up to about mid-calf on her. The woman was young, white, kind of cute, with short, red hair. She wore a long, white toga and possibly a wreath around her head. The wreath may have included small fruits.

This woman was the woman who had gotten raped. But now it was like she hadn't quite gotten raped, but like she had only gotten harrassed a bit while the two men had gotten raped. The girl seemed to remember nothing. She said she was so hung over from last night's party. She had apparently had a lot of booze and drugs.

The woman walked back and forth in the pool, and I followed her. I didn't feel like I deserved to talk to her. After all, I hadn't been able to protect her from the men.

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in some kind of big building like a museum. The building seemed to have a couple of floors, the upper floor and lower floor visible to each other. The lower floor was far down from the upper floor and was connected to it by a bunch of ramps. The walls were fronted by brown wood panels, which were set aslant from the real walls. Mild lights beamed down from the high ceiling.

I was on the upper floor, but I was talking to an old lady who stood in front of some painting down on the lower floor. The old lady had grey hair in a big perm. She may have also been wearing a blue, polyester suit, like from the 1970s.

I was apparently either a Nazi or Jewish. Somebody, not in the museum, had said something degrading about me because of what I was. The person who insulted me may have been something like a Nazi.

I was complaining to the lady. The old lady told me something like I should go right now to confront the person who had insulted me before. She told me something very specific to tell him. It may have involved dropping her name.

I may then have imagined a view of me walking outside, into the black night, in some kind of suburban area. I then imagined, without sound, being in some kind of public setting and standing before a black man, as if I were in the process of telling him to stop degrading my Nazi or Jewish character.

Dream #2

Some man had died. Something about this had caused a ghost or demon to occupy the man's place. So now there was some kind of exorcism being performed.

It was black night. A black man was chasing the ghost, who looked like Debbie Harry. The black man was dressed in some kind of outfit with a straw-woven chest plate made out of long, white beads and a tall headress that looked something like a fountain made out of straw and grass. The man kept hitting Debbie Harry on the head with what looked like drumsticks with padded tops.

The man was chasing the ghost along a weird structure that was like a maze of ramps made out of wooden planks, like a bunch of wooden bridge-like ramps. There were flat areas as well, also made out of the wooden bridge-like structures. The ramps and flat areas were all lit up by light bulbs like the light bulbs on amusement park rides.

The wooden structure was as big as a mansion or an apartment building. It seemed to be on the shore of a beach, at the edge of some kind of dense jungle.

The ghost may finally have run into some high up, central area of the structure. The central area was really lit up with a bunch of lights. It was either something like an altar or a throne.

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in a kitchen in a small suburban house at night. The kitchen was dim, as if lit only by a small fluorescent light from some place like over the counter or the sink. A small oval table filled up most of the kitchen. The kitchen opened directly to the living room and gave a straight view to the house's front door, which was open.

I seem to have seen everything from a point of view as if I were sitting on the floor or as if I were a small child standing near the table.

There were a lot of people in the kitchen. Some of them were probably my family members. Others were possibly friends of my family members, but I'm pretty sure I didn't know them. We were celebrating some kind of Asian ceremonial dinner.

My old friend L stood up and said that her husband was in the bedroom. Apparently he was too sick to come out into the kitchen with the rest of us. But he was still going to celebrate the Asian ceremony. I could see him in bed, wearing pale blue, 1950s style pajamas, sitting in a big, fluffy bed, possibly even with an old style ice pack on his head and a thermometer in his mouth.

L had prepared a whole tray of dinner items for her husband. The tray was silver, and there was a tall, thin, silver coffee pot on it. L herself was dressed in an "Asian-style" (???) black, silk mini-dress. The dress was sparsely adorned along the chest with gleaming squares of red and green glass or jewels. At the waist there were squares of diamonds (?) which were arranged to look like a thick belt.

L looked so beautiful, and her dress' adornments gleamed so brightly that everybody was stunned into silence as she walked out of the kitchen. In the living room she turned left and walked out of sight. One guy in particular, possibly a fattish, oldish man, had his mouth wide open in arousal.

There seemed to be much fewer people in the kitchen now. In fact, it may have been just my mom, one other person, and I. I now saw a line of older, Asian men walking into the house and filing into the kitchen. There were three or four men.

The men wore long, slender robes of a thin material like bed sheets. The robes were kind of neutral colors, like pale, light brown. They had kind of standard, paisley-like designs, like you might see on a bandana. The men also wore headdresses that seemed to be made out of something like wicker or twisted twigs. The headdresses were like three or four tall loops that tiered upward to look something like crowns. At least one of the men also wore eyeglasses.

Despite this kind of drab appearance, something about the Asian men seemed to be iridescent and gleaming, as if just a thin patina of some kind of purple, pink, and blue material were coating the crowns and possibly also the robes. I didn't know whether to be impressed by or disappointed by the men.

I ended up walking away from the table and into the living room as my mom began speaking with the men, possibly doing something like making arrangements for whatever kind of ceremony they might be performing for everybody at the house. As I walked away from the table I was probably seeing from the viewpoint of a small child.

I could hear my mom talking as I walked into the living room. When I got into the living room, it was daytime. The living room was kind of full of bright daylight. I turned left. I now saw from my adult height. One of my uncles possibly sat in a recliner chair at the left side of the room.

My mom was still in the kitchen, talking with someone like my uncle. I could hear her as if she were speaking from within the back of my head. She was complaining about my uncle (as if she weren't speaking to him!). She said, "I have a lot of energy to do things. Not like him. Because I don't do all those things he does, like listen to rock music and write weird stories on the internet."

I felt guilty because I listen to rock music and write stories on the internet. So I felt like maybe I was wasting my energy instead of doing useful things. I may have started looking at a tall, thin bookcase which was near the front door.

I now had a view of a scene like from a movie. There were two male police officers. They were plainclothes detectives, and they were dressed in suits, possibly 1970s style suits. One cop was black. The other cop was Mexican, and may have looked like a fat, worn-out version of Jimmy Smits.

One of the cops got shot in the stomach. The other cop seemed to be really surprised by this, and he opened and puckered his mouth as if he himself had gotten shot in the stomach.

Dream #2

I was in a room that was like a copy room in an office. But it also seemed to be part of some building in the woods, like a ranger center in a national park. There was a window letting in a moderate amount of natural light. But there were no lights on in the room, I think. The room itself may have been pretty cluttered. There was even a cot-like bed near the door into the hallway of the office.

I stood by the copier, waiting for some printing job of mine to come out. Apparently I was waiting for some kind of series of pages of charts or tables for a report that my boss was putting out.

The job itself was four pages long, each page with two tables. The tables themselves may have consisted of a title section and a body. But both the title and body were just empty rectangles. There were paragraphs of description between each table. A number of copies were being printed out, but they were interspersed with two other jobs that some other people at the office were printing out.

Both of the other jobs were being printed in color. They had green lettering. One just appeared to be the print out of a Power Point presentation -- although it seemed like it was only the back pages of the presentation: all the legal disclosures "fine print." The other report seemed to be written all in Arabic. It may have been a full report, including maps (of Africa?), but it also included a lot of "fine print" pages, also in Arabic.

The jobs were all being printed out so randomly that I had to sift through all the pages just to find my pages. I was getting so tired that I actually sat down in a small, cot-like chair right next to the copier's feed area and slouched far back while shuffling through the loads of paper that kept coming out.

I was apparently wearing khaki shorts and no shirt. My pale blue shirt, which I wear to bed at night, was laying somewhere, as if I had been wearing it, but I had taken it off. Also, at some point, bright, fluorescent lights were on in the copy room.

As I shuffled through the loads of paper, I became really interested in the report written in Arabic. I couldn't understand any of it, obviously, but it seemed to be about something really interesting.

Suddenly my boss opened the door. The chair was so close to the door that my boss couldn't open the door all the way. He looked in and saw what I was doing -- looking through all these other reports. He started to ask me about something work-related. But, disgusted with me, he stopped talking and just shut the door.

I felt bad for having been looking at the other reports. But I then wondered why I should feel bad. My boss had set me to the task of retrieving all these pages. And that's what I was doing. They were just all coming out so randomly that I had begun to occupy myself with other stuff in the meantime.

But, still, feeling guilty, I stood up and walked around in the copy room, as if walking around would somehow prove that I was actually working. The lights were off again in the copy room, and only natural light from the window came in.

I could now hear my boss complaining to someone, possibly one of his bosses, about how he had discovered me in the copy room, wearing shorts and no shirt. I suddenly became conscious of the weirdness of my attire, even though I had been aware of my attire before. I wondered how I could have worn my night time shorts and shirt to work, and what would have made me take off my shirt altogether.

There was apparently a back door to the copy room now. It was open. I looked out. There was something like a forest scene: pine trees, and grey, kind of chilly light.

I looked back into the copy room to find my shirt. I may have found it on the bed. I walked over to the bed. The bed was now full of food. A lot of the food was stuff like snack bars and yogurt-covered fruit and nuts and stuff. Some of the snack bars were like oatmeal with red jelly. There were also Ziploc bags and brown paper lunch bags on the table. There may also have been some kind of padded carrying bags.

I realized that I had to put together a few lunches, at least for myself. It wasn't quite like I was going on a hiking trip, but it was like I was going away for a while, and possibly into the woods. I may have been going with a group of friends. I started to focus on the task of putting the lunches together. I wondered if I would do a good job.

I was now standing next to my sister. My sister's best friend A was also in the room. My sister may have said something. I may have made a really careless comment that made my sister feel really bad about herself. I realized as soon as I'd said it that I shouldn't have said it.

My sister made a weird comment, in a cheerful tone, regarding the way people feel when people make bad comments about them. It was like my sister wasn't acknowledging -- maybe didn't even realize -- the bad thing I'd said. But she was expressing almost exactly my guilty feelings after what I'd said.

I looked at my sister. She was really short and really fat. She had a scrunched in, extremely solid-looking face, which looked like the face of A's mother, except that it was deep red and rock hard. I felt really bad, because I felt like my statement may have made my sister look like this.

It was now like the room was just a bedroom-sized room with just the bed in it. The back door still opened out to the forest. The floor was white tile. My mom now came into the room at some point and began complaining about my sister. I walked out of the room at some point. I walked into a hallway which may have led to a living room. I then came back into the room.

For some reason my sister and A had taken over the task of putting the lunches together. But they may actually have stopped making the lunches. We were still going away into the mountains. But it was also like we weren't going into the mountains. We were no longer going outside.

My sister explained. She said she'd heard some kind of siren-like or buzzing noise outside. This noise was something like either a man-made alarm or some other kind of indicator of a dangerous situation. My sister said, "It sound like there's going to be a lot of radiation outside. I thought we shouldn't go out there. I even think this might be the end of everything for us. There might be too much radiation in the air."