Scary recurring suicide dream!

[DanWatt95]

So last night I had the same WEIRD dream i've had 2 times before. Firstly before I continue.. I am quite happy/content at the moment, I have felt low at times in the past but i'd say i'm quite upbeat at this current time, which is kind of why this dream doesn't make sense to me. But basically In the start (or earliest point I remember) of the dream me and one of my close friends (the same one all 3 times) were in a hospital room sitting down, the doctor talked through how the potion in which we agreed to take to kill us for no extreme circumstance (just cause we kind of didn't want to live anymore) worked and asked if we were 100% sure we wanted to take it, we both agreed and as he went away to prepare it we both talked as usual, we seemed quite happy. anyway he came back to give us the potion we both stared at it, it was in a strange thin tube like bottle, the tubes making up an 'S' shape, I then seen my mother (whom works in a hospital in the dream and in real life) down the corridor, she looked at the room and pulled a disappointed face, she knew what I was doing although i'm not sure how. anyway I said I can't go through with it. then my friend said 'well neither can I' so we got up and started to leave, the Doc wasn't happy and kept shouting 'this cost millions of pounds you were asked many of times if you could do it?! in which you said yes'. I then said 'I don't care, i'll give you every penny I have cause coming here and attempting to take this has been the best decision of my life, it's made me understand how i truely feel about wanting to live' I suddenly felt extremely happy in my dream, I then ran around the hospital searching for my mother, it took a while, and the hospital was like a maze, but i knew exactly where she would be and kind of had a rough idea of the route I needed to take, after a few wrong turns and asking people if they knew where she was, I eventually found some more of her colleagues serving dinner to some old people in which the food had writing on it in marker pen, for example the 'mushy pea's' had 'sex nuts' written in (weird I know haha) suddenly I see my father taking his spoon to them, I then see my sister eating in the corner with no sign of my mother. that is all I remember. Any help is greatly appreciated though as it kinda freaks me out as you can probably understand xx