Thread: Reoccuring dream about sneaking to use my parents restroom

Can you think back to when this dream might have started? It's possible that something at the time was a trigger for it to start and that since then you have just partly obsessed over it and kept it alive without meaning to. Another possibility is that the content of the dream relates not to you directly but to some behaviour you have, I'll get to this in a minute. The dream does not necessarily have to be about your family relationships if it's been that many years, but the possibility that you were left with no specific closure to your relationship with your dad could be an element to the dream.

One thing I think is worth thinking about is that it's very difficult to break a natural association such as mom<->dad; at one point they were together, and in some way they're both responsible for you, so to me, the dream could have some meanings in this area of thought. Can you necessarily think of your mom without thinking of your dad? And vice versa?

Something I'm noticing is that in the dream your mother helps you, and you're afraid of your dad to a point because you don't want to be in trouble with him. Why would you get in trouble with your dad only and not your mom too? Or rather, is there a part of you that thinks that your mother would be naturally more understanding of any reason you have, when compared with your dad?

If we ignore their real roles relative to you and think of them only as dream characters, it seems to me like they could both represent, as do the two toilets, sides of affection or personality. One side might be (subjectively) neglectful, smelly and unpleasant, but hidden away and at the back, safe somehow. Another side might be (subjectively) clean, tidy and forgiving, and is at the front, but unsafe, because it has to deal with anything that comes first. This could reflect some part of your family life, or not, only you could know that of course.

Without wanting to make any judging assumptions, and please correct anything you feel need to, if I were to think of this relating to you as a person, this would make me think that it's about two faces you can have, one face that you don't like showing and one face that you do like showing. Or perhaps not about whether you like showing them or not, but about whether you need to show them. When I said that it could be about a behaviour you have, if you think within this sort of context, you can check to see if you feel like you're hiding a part of yourself to someone else in your life, and that part could be important to you as a whole person. It doesn't even have to be someone important to you, because I'd say that the frustration of constantly hiding ourselves can bleed through into casual life all the same. Again, without wanting to make assumptions, some part of you could be scared that others will think a hidden part of you is disgusting or repulsive.

Think about the duality of everything in the dream, mom/dad, understanding/not understanding, bedroom/bathroom, they outside/you inside, and so on. You can probably think of more significant meanings yourself if you sit and think through some of this. Privately write down some feelings about the dream and these associations and maybe you'll find a pattern or something else you haven't noticed before.

Originally Posted by DarkestDarkness

Can you think back to when this dream might have started? It's possible that something at the time was a trigger for it to start and that since then you have just partly obsessed over it and kept it alive without meaning to. Another possibility is that the content of the dream relates not to you directly but to some behaviour you have, I'll get to this in a minute. The dream does not necessarily have to be about your family relationships if it's been that many years, but the possibility that you were left with no specific closure to your relationship with your dad could be an element to the dream.

One thing I think is worth thinking about is that it's very difficult to break a natural association such as mom<->dad; at one point they were together, and in some way they're both responsible for you, so to me, the dream could have some meanings in this area of thought. Can you necessarily think of your mom without thinking of your dad? And vice versa?

Something I'm noticing is that in the dream your mother helps you, and you're afraid of your dad to a point because you don't want to be in trouble with him. Why would you get in trouble with your dad only and not your mom too? Or rather, is there a part of you that thinks that your mother would be naturally more understanding of any reason you have, when compared with your dad?

If we ignore their real roles relative to you and think of them only as dream characters, it seems to me like they could both represent, as do the two toilets, sides of affection or personality. One side might be (subjectively) neglectful, smelly and unpleasant, but hidden away and at the back, safe somehow. Another side might be (subjectively) clean, tidy and forgiving, and is at the front, but unsafe, because it has to deal with anything that comes first. This could reflect some part of your family life, or not, only you could know that of course.

Without wanting to make any judging assumptions, and please correct anything you feel need to, if I were to think of this relating to you as a person, this would make me think that it's about two faces you can have, one face that you don't like showing and one face that you do like showing. Or perhaps not about whether you like showing them or not, but about whether you need to show them. When I said that it could be about a behavior you have, if you think within this sort of context, you can check to see if you feel like you're hiding a part of yourself to someone else in your life, and that part could be important to you as a whole person. It doesn't even have to be someone important to you, because I'd say that the frustration of constantly hiding ourselves can bleed through into casual life all the same. Again, without wanting to make assumptions, some part of you could be scared that others will think a hidden part of you is disgusting or repulsive.

Think about the duality of everything in the dream, mom/dad, understanding/not understanding, bedroom/bathroom, they outside/you inside, and so on. You can probably think of more significant meanings yourself if you sit and think through some of this. Privately write down some feelings about the dream and these associations and maybe you'll find a pattern or something else you haven't noticed before.

Oh wow, I think you got it completely right. The dream happened the night that I had a talk with someone close to me and they showed disgust with a part of my personality. And I know it's the part of me that I got from my dad. Well not really personality but the fact that we both have bipolar, and I sometimes can go into hyper mania because of it, like my dad did. And for some reason my partner shows discomfort with that part of me so I feel ashamed of it and like it's gross and so I don't talk about the stuff that shouldn't be weird like mental health. I think a lot of people in my life want me to just put up the façade that I'm perfect so they feel comfortable.

Thank you so much for helping me gain insight, that I just couldn't see! I'd better work on this lest I want to keep having this dream cx

Glad to have been some help. I'd like to put something else forward now that you've mentioned these things.

Firstly, I'm wondering if you've had any professional help with this? If you have, did you ever discuss issues like these that could revolve around social situations/relationships? It's good that you are willing to do some work around this, so my initial thought would be to start small and with people like your partner, with whom you're hopefully more likely to already have a more understanding relationship with. And following on from that, if you have had a good therapist in the past and aren't seeing anyone right now, do consider going back to them if possible and bringing these issues up, as well as the dream, potentially.

Although I do not have bipolar myself, I do know what manic moods/states are like and besides that, I do have someone in my family with bipolar. If you're having issues with your partner's discomfort, then this is probably something the two of you ought to sit down over and talk about, preferably in a stable-ish mood if you can manage it. You can tell your partner why you feel it's important to discuss this. To some extent it's natural that other people will feel uncomfortable about it, which is why it's important (more so if they're close to you) to discuss their discomfort, and to try and help them feel more comfortable about it. If someone is expressing disgust towards your condition, then they have an issue with their own expectations and might be misunderstanding something about you and your condition, in which case trying to explain the facts of it might be helpful, depending on the person.

Discussing these things with others might help you feel less self-conscious or ashamed in the long-run too, because if they can deal better with that aspect of you, then you can feel more confident about yourself and how others will treat you. With your partner especially, I'd personally say that it's quite important to discuss topics like mental health and your condition in particular. It will help both of you if your partner can understand why you get the moods you do, and it will help them in helping you if they can get an understanding of how you deal with your own mental issues. It's important that your partner understands what your boundaries are too and by going through this, they might realise that they were unintentionally hurting you in a way, and they can learn about when it's helpful for them to say something or not, or how best to approach your issues in a way that you can both feel comfortable about it.

Whether people want you to have a façade or not, in some situations it probably would be appropriate to have it and make use of it, while in others they should be able to have interactions with you without it. I do have an invisible illness and part of it is about managing my expectations versus the expectations of others. I think in a sense these things are about having a balance, and right now it seems that for you the balance is very unevenly tipped towards having a façade on most of the time.

Hi,

I love all of Dark's comments about your dream. I wanted to give you additional insight into the dream's meaning, from possibly a different angle.

From my understanding, anytime you see a toilet in a dream, or are using a toilet, this refers to emotional expression. "Getting out" what needs to get out. So, you need to use the restroom, meaning, you need to express some emotion. Your father does not approve of you using the restroom. Is he the kind of person who maybe does not like strong expressions of emotion? Alternatively, does he have an aggressive communication style?

There are two toilets. One is clean and nearby, no cover, one is far and filthy. The far and filthy one, which provides adequate cover represents (imho) expressing emotions indirectly - like passive aggressiveness. You can get the emotion out, but in the process, you are doing it in a distasteful (dirty) manner. However, it gives you the ability to hide what you're doing (as passive aggressiveness often does).

The clean toilet represents getting the emotion out directly, in a respectful manner. However, it doesn't let you hide. You have to own your feelings. And you may face a consequence for expressing them. Not everyone is going to like that. That's part of growing up emotionally - its accepting that conflict happens, it's OK to have conflict with someone, and how to navigate it. Sometimes this requires setting strong boundaries with people.

If this were my dream, I would set the intention to use the clean toilet next time, and attempt to be strong around the father figure. I would let him catch me, and I would defend my position with love and respect. I would face the fear of conflict which is at the heart of this dream.

Good luck.