• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




    View RSS Feed

    DarkestDarkness

    Last edited 19/07/2020

    These days I tend to write mostly on my phone's DJ but I tend to go through periods where I alternate where I'm DJing.




    I am writing the dreams almost as I would if I were writing only to myself. The only exception is that in this DJ I only name people by their initials at most or a nickname's initial, unless it's relevant to the dream context, since I want the dreams to be understood/readable by anyone; even if you don't know who my friends are or people I know by name, I still want you to understand the immediate contexts as much as possible.

    Comments on the DJ are welcome. See my dream signs in the general notes under my profile avatar on the sidebar.

    Click to see all DJ entries with images that I made for them

    I don't often make images for dreams because I've usually forgotten most of the details I wanted to depict.


    1. cxxix.

      by , 08-02-2020 at 12:00 PM
      Interruption to the DJ catch up to put one from the past night. Some particularly detailed dreams, but I ended up having so much initial recall of so many dreams that in the end I let go of many and only made notes of a couple. Of note is the fact that last night I took for the first time a multi-vitamin B complex. It somehow did increase dream vividness far beyond what I expected.



      2nd August 2020

      Dream:

      In space. In a game like Freelancer, flying a ship with a similar camera view as the game would have. I am on a server and I interact with some other people, but it's a small and private server.

      I remember at some point discussing something with someone and then bringing up a list looking at all the potential guns and turrets there were. There were Nomad weapons that went by names such as "Redeemer" and came in three different marks. I remember thinking that it was silly to call it redeemer because there should be a Class Ten weapon using that as an acronym. The turrets list was like a "give mode" menu too, but I didn't have access to that function.

      Everything was so detailed, I remember asteroids and distant nebulas and overall the sense of scale was just about right. I'm not sure I flew with a specific aim in mind but I found a Klingon wreckage of a Warbird or something. I shot its turrets so that I could loot them, and I wanted to do so quickly so that someone else couldn't interrupt me or steal them from me.

      Then very close by was a station where I landed my ship. I got out but don't remember doing so physically, and then was inside the station. It was like a hospital mixed a bit with an office, and now the server people were here with me as a group? But something has a Farscape feel to it. Seems poorly lit or dark, but visibility is OK.

      I forget some details but eventually H is with me at some point and we are waiting at the end of some hall. There are other people here, just sitting on some kind of benches, all waiting same as us. It was like a lobby? The light here mostly comes from the floor, a bit blue-ish, not even just a cold light, actually blue-ish. There are some commercial type fridges with the metal framed glass doors and they have cans of drink in them and I open one of them behind someone and fiddle with or organise some cans.

      Then eventually we go through a doorway. We're outside, it's day time, slightly cloudy but bright though I didn't notice shadows properly and we are visiting a church here to do some work. The transition into this area was perfectly seamless.

      The church was unusual, it was very open and seemed to be in the ruins of a massive old cathedral, some parts more ruined than others. But overall there was no "ceiling" to speak of and it was an open church. I could hear the wind and the leaves of tall trees surrounding the area, I could hear this very clearly in the dream.

      The floor was all just grassy turf and there was no flooring really, but there were brand new things and some old things here in the main congregation area of this new church. There was a wooden house of some kind, which was full-size and looked just like the typical thing seen in a nativity, just bigger effectively.

      But two kids were following us, they seemed curious. Though I got the feeling from H it'd be better if they weren't following us, so as we approached a wall panel between some old pillars, we went behind a wooden carved statue of Jesus. The statue featured prominently the colours red and blue on the clothing, and His hair was curly and dark, as was His beard. He did have a crown of thorns, too. The colours seemed a bit worn but probably better than could be expected for something out here in the elements.

      Anyway, H pushed some panel behind the statue and we went through and it shut. Though the structure was very open, this didn't really limit the kids following us, but it made it more difficult; H then went around more sneakily trying to just get past them or spook them or something. Either way, the whole time H seemed to know what he was doing and I just followed his lead as with any normal job.

      One of the kids was gone at this point, but the other one remained and followed more closely now; his father or grandfather appeared and was trying to convince him to go back with him, but the child seemed insistent in following us and seeing what we were doing. The man apologised for the behaviour, clearly nervous and feeling a bit foolish in some sense. I did not mind him or the kid so much at this point.

      Eventually we are on a rooftop part of the old cathedral building. It's high, but not as high as it would have been on top of the actual cathedral; I got the sense that this was a secondary, inner, chapel, built to be inside the cathedral itself. We got on the rooftop simply, because the grassy terrain ramped up to it, I recall. It's all leafy and there's lots of Autumn-coloured leaves on top, a contrast to the green grasses from earlier. I remember stepping on the leaves and feeling them under my boots, which made me more aware of what I was wearing. I remember walking over and maybe stepping on a dead sapling that was growing here. Its wood was dark and bendy.

      Somehow it's a truly beautiful area and scene but I don't think or realise this in the dream.

      As we get near the opposite end I become concerned and tell everyone to stop. The roof slopes down more quickly ahead and there are no leaves. I start to realise the danger of being on a roof more than before. I tell H, "there are no tiles here, we'll slip right off". So in agreement we start to walk back. I had thoughts of the kid falling and didn't want to feel responsible should something happen, but I also think about how the parent/grandparent would feel should such a thing happen.

      At this point my fear of heights seems to kick in a little and I stick more toward the inner edge, where there's a vertical structure jutting out the middle of the roof; I step up on a stone ledge of sorts and as I keep walking back with a tight grip on some stone stuff, I start to realise there had been a music playing for quite some time, in a quick crescendo now. I could hear a jackdaw or crow cawing for the same amount of time too. These sounds were immensely beautiful and as they became more and more vivid I eventually woke up.

      Dream Fragment:

      Only made brief notes of this one. Dream about visiting a therapist to treat some narcolepsy (that I do not suffer from in real life). I basically kept falling asleep throughout this dream and having different dreams within the dream. In the last part, there was some joint therapy dream thing about recognising that I was asleep, and we had a timed round to shoot enemies and shoot their limbs off with guns.

      Then an old skeleton is under some bushes or canopy on some grass. It was Kerrigan's skeleton? The front of the skull was missing or smashed, but some of the lower jaw mandible was intact. Someone took off what was the bones of a tail part of the skeleton and then I or someone else tossed the full skeleton towards someone, Sol, I think? She suddenly had to go though, and we all criticised her for doing this every time.

      Scraps:

      - A small Spartan-like nation? They had a strong military that seemed American in some sense and they were testing some nuclear weapons and special bullets. It was sunny. Lots of concrete structures.



      Notes:
      - There sure is a lot to make note of here, and I didn't even record all the detail of the first dream fully, it would have taken me too long and most of it is ultimately filler in some sense. But I greatly enjoyed that dream's experience.
      - I probably remembered scraps of at least five long dreams in total, but all dreams were fairly vivid. They also all felt like they changed very quickly.

      - In a between-period of sleeping and not sleeping after my initial waking up, I tried to focus my mind on drawing but did not have any dreams relating to that or art in general.

      - The children following us were both boys, probably between the ages of 6-10. I don't remember having a great look at them, mostly because they followed us from behind most of the time.
      - This first dream is the longest dream sequence I have dreamt of for quite a long time now.

      - In the second dream, the skeleton was whole, all joined together, something that I know in waking life is impossible except if it had been put together as a museum piece of some kind. The bones were particularly yellowed and somewhat pitted.
      - The guns/shooting thing probably came about from playing KF quite a bit with H lately.
      - The weapons-testing in the scraps dream likely came about from a general enjoyment of controlled loud noises and explosions (despite their dangers and harmful nature).

      - The therapist figure seems to be recurring a little recently. I think it's part is an inner representation of a guide because I have often sought help from therapists for guidance with the psychological side of life and because I've had some good ones, I suppose I feel on some level that they can be very useful guides, even when they say things I'm not happy with or don't agree with.
      - This type of figure is also ironically likely to be the antithesis of my frustrations with healthcare systems; these dream therapists actually care about me and there is no payment or any such thing involved, there is a genuine feel of interest in helping me as if they were devoted to that.
      - The narcolepsy and the falling asleep thing may have been subconscious cues about dreaming reality.
    2. cxxviii.

      by , 08-01-2020 at 11:36 AM
      4th June

      Dream:

      Me, H and some other hundred workmen were redoing tiles, mostly on walls, of some cathedral/palace place.

      There was a Lord Durnstam, who had a black and gold crown. He was king of the local region. During a break, which had no set time, I wandered the main where most of the workmen were. Many walls had enormous and ornate wooden bookcases and in some vaulted alcoves there were a number of great paintings all sort of a standard size. The themes were mostly random, but pertaining to Durnstam. They were all privately commissioned by him and I wondered who the artist was.

      When I started working on the tiles at the start of the dream, the place seemed moodier and poorly lit. There was this contractor next to me, a woman with faded blonde hair which was tied back, though her hair wasn't that long anyway. She had cream colour pants and a white tank top.

      I didn't know what to do for whatever reason, or I was confused; so she started sort of poking fun about it but in a playful way. In any case I left this small room and turned around the corner looking for H, finding H immediately.

      I asked for help and he sort of rolled his eyes but got up and followed me. We went back to that small room with the lady, who was still there and working. H gave me a bit flat screwdriver to remove the mortar with. I said it wouldn't do, and asked where the electrician's chisel was. H said it would be too vicious but I didn't believe so. In any case, I started to remove mortar. But it wasn't like proper mortar, it was brittle yes, but also sort of soft. Part of me wondered how it was working at all or how it had remained in place undisturbed.

      Then the hall scene, while walking around, I was holding the screwdriver or maybe a big steel crowbar. It felt heavy but both not enough and too much to actually be either of those items; I don't remember my clothes.

      By the end of the dream I was in some side wing of the place. There were modern windows, big and plain. But the light mood was again poor and dark. The worker woman had followed for some time but H wasn't around anymore, having returned to working elsewhere. Then my old friend Da replaced the woman at some point and he was eating a sandwich, which he then passed me and then I had one of my own. I tried doing work while eating but it wasn't going to do, so I stopped trying to multitask like this and just held his sandwich and ate mine.

      Then at some point there was a big black man, sitting somewhere on the other side of the room, by the windows. He got up and started singing as he did. It was Gregory Porter and in the dream I heard the lyrics clearly, but I don't remember them anymore. They were some sort of comment on society as a whole.

      Earlier I remember on this side wing hall there were miniscule 1cm tiles all along the wall, making one long continuous mosaic. I thought I'd start on that wall from the bottom and said I was wanting to do these. Some worker walked past and almost laughed. The woman was still with me and pointed out it would be a nightmare to redo because I'd have to do the whole lot once I started. I was confused and up to that point hadn't realised the mosaic was proper tiles, explaining that I thought it was vinyl (lino cover).



      Notes:
      - Although this dream wasn't super vivid, some of the recall was quite detailed. The whole dream was quite long and felt like it took a while.
      - In reality there is no such place as Durnstam so there couldn't possibly be a Lord Durnstam.
      - The guy that sang like Gregory Porter, I don't remember him looking like the actual person; I remember the dream character as being a bit bigger and more athletic. Curiously enough this seems to relate to something I read only recently about gymnasts and musicians.
      - Unfortunately, song and lyrics and generally speaking, harmony and music, tend to be some of the first things I lose memory of on awakening.
      - The whole dream probably came about as we had recently been doing some tile-related work in our home.
      - I seem to remember the Lord was present in the main hall, but I may have just seen a portrait of him.
    3. cxxvii.

      by , 08-01-2020 at 11:13 AM
      1st June

      Dream:

      I was on a country road with H. We were walking along it when the road curved towards a big estate. There were tall and trimmed hedged along either side of the road. On the right side were some bushes partially under the shade of an oak. The bushes had bright cobalt-blue fruits. On closer inspection they looked like strawberries, in shape.

      I took one and ate it and it was sweet. I then told H I wanted to make jam with these cobalt berries and H said we couldn't take many but I started to pick the large berries into my pockets until I couldn't take any more.

      Some bit of the dream is missing, or there is a transition.

      Then we're inside the big estate place, but it was just like our home with a bigger scale for the rooms. I remember being in the kitchen and it looked regal or something.

      Dream Fragment:

      In some kind of museum or gallery, there were many objects on display, everything was lit from underneath. I remember there was this wide trunk or stump and I smashed it's side somehow. Its core was crystalline and I pulled out one piece.

      It was shaped like an amorphous animal. I suddenly had a long knife, and started carving it to look like a dog. It felt more like wood than crystal.



      Notes:
      - The second dream may have just been a run-on sequence from the first.
      - In the first dream, I remember it was sunny and it felt like it was a quiet road. I remember that the cobalt colour of the berries was particularly vivid.
      - At the time I think I had started making jam more often, a habit I have kept a bit by now. I like to make jam or jelly out of fruits other people might not consider, so maybe the exotic character of the berries and my desire to turn them into a jam might be interconnected.
      - I still have some visual memory of the second dream which allows me to make note that it looked a bit like that place in space odyssey, with the white floors and rooms at the end. It was darker than that because the light was focused on the displays though.
      - Looking back on this dream, I quite like the idea of the crystal and of carving it. To me, quite a while now since I had this dream, it feels analogous to some of my inner concepts around transformation and undefined forms, shapeshifting and so on. The carving is significant as a whole because carving and sculpting as a whole are of major interest to me but they aren't activities I've had much chance to work in. On top of that it deals with the subject of controlling matter and changing it.
    4. cxxvi.

      by , 07-31-2020 at 03:06 PM
      31st May

      Several dreams, remember a few fragments of each.

      Dream Fragment:


      In one dream I was at my old home, in my bedroom. It was night time but the light was either on or quite bright from outside anyway. The balcony door was open, but blocked by closed curtains. The curtains that were there were the old ones from many years ago. They were white and a warm yellow. The colours inverted with one another on a bottom trim, which must be at least half a yard high or something.

      While I was noticing the pattern on the curtains, the wind was blowing sort of strongly but gently, making them sort of billow out, which in the dream reminded me of how a labcoat flows when someone is moving with one on. It was a sort of pre-lucid moment but it didn't last since I didn't actually end up questioning reality.

      I think then I walked across to where my desk used to be, but I don't really remember what happened next. Possibly it was a transition or something into another of the dream fragments I have.

      Dream Fragment:

      I was playing some space game, just starting out on it. I remember a main menu, and it looked a bit like the Starmade game, though it wasn't really like it either. But it had a desolate and empty feeling to it. I remember I was configuring a new world, but I don't really remember more than that.

      Dream Fragment:

      Some fragment of one of H's schematics. Obsessive thoughts about ohms and resistance. There were specific values in the dream but the memory is lost to me.

      Dream:

      Outside on a street. Looks like my native area or the city nearby. Though it is day time, it looks overcast and desaturated. I walk on some cobbled pavement, and I'm headed towards a store or shop? Maybe a barber or hairdresser, something about the windows it had made me feel or think this. The windows were not see-through, they had like full-sized vynil stickers on them, as a style thing primarily I think but also as a sort of advertising. I don't remember what images were displayed, but something relating to the human figure overall.

      There were other dreams but I don't remember them.
    5. cxxv.

      by , 07-30-2020 at 08:55 PM
      29th May

      Dream Fragment:


      I remember little of most of the dream. Just one part stands out.

      I was being shown someone's pet or something. It was a cat at first but then it was a hyena. It was on a stand or pedestal of sorts and the animal itself looked elongated compared to what I'd expect.

      Then the person showing me the hyena, was telling me something about its urinary system and they put their hand sort of inside the hyena from underneath and pulled out a very large fleshy and desaturated pink sac.

      Some explanation was given to me. I didn't feel any disgust and was curious about the anatomy and around this point I realised the hyena looked to be sort of split into three parts but still joined together by some spinning tube thing between each sectioned part. I remember the hyena's head was turned toward us most of the time and was panting. Something about this segment reminds me of having the dog at the vet.

      Dream Fragment:


      Maybe this was the first dream. Something about H and our friend C. I remember we were at our house, or some version of it. H was concerned about someone breaking into the shed and I reassured H by pointing at a very Sims-like alarm system installed just to the side of the shed door.

      I remember it was a dark night but there was a full moon in sight. The ambience looked darker than it should have done considering the full moon and how big/close it appeared to be.



      Notes:

      - The alarm system from the Sims should have been a somewhat obvious dream sign.
      - The dream with the hyena, while similar in feel to the experience of having the dog at the vet, was probably just a manifestation of the interest I have in analysing anatomy from a hands-on approach. My lack of disgust or similar feeling is somewhat unusual within the context of automatic reactions, but perhaps is some indication that I could overcome such reactions more easily with training or simply by being exposed to this type of demonstration on a regular basis. I often feel sad that things have to die for us to have a better look at them and this aspect and the fleshy sac both relate directly to how I feel about meat in cooking, at times.
      - I believe the rotating tube sections were simply the dream mind's way of justifying the body being split in three sections while the creature was still alive with no pain. In a way it felt a bit like something I might be able to do with a 3D model and perhaps that's part of where this originated too.
    6. cxxiv.

      by , 07-30-2020 at 08:45 PM
      24th May

      Dream:

      Was in some kind of gallery or museum. The room was large and square. It had a lower tier/level kind of, also square and I walked down to it with some stairs. H was there I think and I was supposed to connect some displays of paintings with power, but I only had a single extension lead.

      (Some section I don't remember.)

      Then, as I was talking to someone a delegation appeared or something and a few others including H got close to the group. There was a mayor of some kind and the museum's curator. My dad was also part of this delegation. He had a dark brown suit and seemed taller and younger. Then he started moving ahead of the group into some hall and the group followed him.

      I didn't really want to join this event but H said something to me from behind and said I should go because of dad, giving me a push and then I just continued with the momentum. Then in some other room, dad and this other guy start climbing some nonsensical spiral staircase. It was made with beautifully stained wood and a carved/turned centre pillar, but for some reason only had a bannister/railing on the inner side of the steps. It went very high up, four or five stories.

      I was feeling my fear of heights so I didn't look down or backwards and wondered how the hell I was going to get back down.

      Because of the missing bannister bit, we were all climbing the staircase by pulling ourselves up on the centre pillar or something. I remembering seeing dad reach the top and jumping to a flat area just under ceiling level and over a wall.

      The whole place looked highly decorated and detailed in a neo-classic style, mostly comprising wood or painted wood. Eventually I got to the top too and I wasn't sure about the jump but the point of view changed from my eye sight to an overview of the area and then I jumped.

      Then the rest of the dream was in this sort of top down view. I walked around this secluded area and eventually found some portal or something? And then I became like Scorpion from Mortal Kombat.

      I have no more recall of the dream.



      Notes:
      - Not too long after this dream I started work on a virtual gallery project in which I pretty much wanted to embody this general neo-classic styling and museum feel. Some of this idea of powered displays must have bled through into my subconscious because I did indeed later on create something similar for my project.
      - The suit my dad was wearing was in the style of a suit I remember him actually wearing when he was more given to wearing suits anyway because of work.
      - In retrospect, H's presence in this dream was a bit "guide-like" I suppose, as H's role was fairly limited in the dream but somewhat essential for the action to unfold as it did.
    7. cxxiii.

      by , 07-25-2020 at 06:00 PM
      21st May

      Bits from one or two dreams? Didn't make notes in the morning, was too tired.

      Dream Fragment:

      I was in a desert or barren canyon type of place. I was driving some kind of motorbike, called the "MotorBeast" or something to that effect. I remember accelerating with my right hand and making note of the extremely loud roar from the exhaust. I did some acrobatics or was in some high speed sequence?

      Next thing I remember, different place, but related in some way. There was a dream character, he was simultaneously my teacher and an avatar of Anubis. But we had to fight and so he was like a boss of some sort. I remember chasing him through this dark and ancient Egyptian temple/crypt place. There was a dark red tint to everything and even though daylight broke through the ceiling in certain parts, it was still dark, like the exposure made dark places appear brighter but bright places appear much darker.

      I remember the character taunted me from behind a half wall and pillars. I couldn't reach him but shot him with a Torgue grenade launcher set to sticky mode. I remember the feeling of holding the weapon with only my right hand and the feeling of pointing it. It felt intuitive, but in retrospect it seemed far too light for what it was. After emptying my clip, the explosives went off in sequence, causing him heavy damage. He was nearly dead (I knew through some interface display?) but he was able to run very fast through a narrow hall crowded with unknown dream characters, which were his minions. I believe they looked like mummies.

      Eventually I caught up to him, finding him in a small room around a corner, where he was using some kind of self-bandaging ability (like in WoW). I tried shooting him to interrupt it, but I think something happened right after I did that, and the dream ended.



      Notes:
      - The bit where the Anubis character ran away at high speed when on low health now reminds me that some boss in Killing Floor did something similar.
      - The Torgue weapon was notable because I'd recently been playing BL3 and I always loved the Torgue shotguns in BL2; it should have been a somewhat obvious dream-sign here since it was somewhat out of place in the rest of the dream's context.
      - Though I didn't think of this at the time of this dream, I now feel as though there is a bit of a link between the motorbike and the Torgue gun since those guns are typically modelled after big engines and the like. The dream felt more randomly put together at the time but I feel like I could unpick it better now in terms of contextual/schematic associations.
    8. cxxii.

      by , 07-25-2020 at 12:30 AM
      18th May

      Fragment:
      Last dream, in a place like Azeroth, Westfall.

      Something about Warcraft II and the Deadmines. Several passing thoughts about classic dungeons. Then a mix of STV and the dam at Dun Modr. But it had a lower tier which was ramped. There was a ship like the Juggernaut inside DM but it was more Alliance-like than Orcish. The front of it looked like an old 1800s steam boat or something. I remember having a view point from above the chimney and looking in and thinking that the model wasn't finished because it just looked like a tube with few shadows and straight cuts through into each deck of the ship.

      I then became aware of my body. I was sort of crouching but sitting on my bottom and became aware or made note of my genitals. I think H was present as a voice and we were talking. I said something about how "at normal size I'd barely be able to push my tip into the top of the chimney", which made me realise my scale in the dream a little bit. Even so, being giant didn't make question reality either as it should have. The dream ended soon after.



      Notes:
      - Although I often have passing thoughts that relate to this type of dream situation (being giant-sized and "playing" with things), it's rare for me to actually have dreams within these contexts and dreams involving some kind of sexual stimulation or play are not too common for me.
      - I used to mess around in private server versions of WoW that I'd run privately/on my own many years ago and would often change my character's scale to the maximum possible (usually 10 times or something). This dream may relate to that in some sense, and admittedly I'd sort of forgotten about that until re-typing this dream on this DJ.
      - I remember when I woke up I thought it was odd I could hear H as a voice but not be aware of H's presence physically within the dream. I remember it made me feel as though there was quite a deep level of immersion in physical terms.
    9. cxxi.

      by , 07-21-2020 at 01:28 PM
      11th May

      Dream:Earliest dream. I was in some place in the countryside, the dream was very vivid. I had my boots on, some pants, some t-shirt and my leather jacket. H was walking with me, I remember feeling the gravel beneath my feet.

      In the dream I was recognising the place. I'd been here before in some other dream. This prompted me to tell H about it and he sort of dismissed it and even though I tried doing some reality checks with my hands, I didn't become aware of the dream state.

      In my dream mind, this place wasn't exactly like how I remembered it from the other dream anyway. There was a gravel road and some buildings and some gravel plots along it, but the original place I was remembering had a normal road and it carried on, it didn't end abruptly like this gravel road. It reminded me of the southern areas of my country. There were pine trees and short grass that looked a bit dry. The dirt was fine and dusty and caramel coloured. The sky was a little bit cloudy but mostly clear and it seemed like the sun was setting. I remember looking all around me to try and identify anything from the original dream, but I felt there was nothing. The surroundings looked vast and vague at the same time.

      After walking along the road with H for a while, we eventually came to a very large gravel lot, like a parking lot, clearly meant for that use. I remember H telling me to wait here. He had to get some book, or something, from town? I said I'd wait. I didn't know what I'd do in the meantime and I had the feeling that it would be a long time. Then my awareness transitioned to some other place.

      A dream city. H wasn't here and though I have forgotten the dream plot exactly, there was something about a family that had to get to where I just was (the gravel/pine tree area). I was here to speed things along somehow? Something about a gang going after this family.

      Then details are missing; I remember getting into a car, a silver convertible and also trying to fix down a panel on the boot or something. Then the mom of this family, who was driving, started the car before I'd even sat down and put a seatbelt on. She raced through the streets and I had little balance, tipping backwards and holding the open and swaying door with my right hand. I was partially sat on her son's legs, eventually he managed to help me in, but it took a while.

      Some other part of the same dream. The chronology of the sequences is muddled. I went into a tall building and I remember carrying my black backpack and climbing lots of stairs. I didn't feel tired at all and my legs didn't hurt. Along the way, some young adult (early 20s) tugged on my backpack to have an easier time climbing. I resent that he'd done that but I said nothing and only gave him a look that made it clear to him not to do it again.

      The staircase was very much like the one from my university. Very narrow, but no lift at each landing. Eventually I got to a pretty high floor, and it looked like my virtual gallery in some sense. There was a high open space that my fear of heights creep in a little, because there were no railings at all. I remember wondering what H would think of that.

      Just behind the stairwell I'd come from, was a platform/floor and I climbed over its ledge without too much effort. It led down a dark unlit and narrow corridor. At the end of it was another stairwell, to my left. It went both up and down. There was a door directly in front of me. A white service door to my right after a short and narrow yard-long hall. Light came through the edges of this white service door and the stairs going up also allowed some natural light in from above, but not much, as it was still very dark in here.

      On the stairs, a bunch of young adults (early 20s again) were sat on the steps. They looked at me, but more like through me. I looked back for a moment, but then ignored them. I tried opening the door in front of me but it was well shut and locked. I went back through the narrow corridor I'd come from and then skipped over the gap with the stairs and took a left turn. My mind blocked out the open space with no railings.

      There were corridors and rooms this way. Many contrasts of dark and narrow halls with natural light from some windows. The floor was carpeted, not sure what colour, but I remember a cleaning lady. It just looked like a hotel in many regards but the rooms belonged to specific people who worked here or something, like an office area in a university. I can't recall the rest of the dream.



      Notes:
      - In many ways, the last part of the dream was just some mish-mash of my first university's building and my general concepts of offices and temporary living spaces. The presence of the people in their early 20s ties in with the "university" feel.
      - It can feel a bit annoying to ask H about the reality and have him only make me dismiss what I'm thinking about, though since then I have tried to imagine the situation occurring differently.
      - My leather jacket seems to have been a recurring feature for some recent dreams but I haven't found any particular reason why just yet, since I have not worn it in a long time. The only thing that comes to mind is that feels like a bit of a shame that I just let it sit unused for quite a long time, but on the other hand it is usually too hot for me to wear it.
      - Dreams where physical activity occurs are always refreshing for me in some mental sense. Being able to do intense physical activity such as climbing many flights of stairs can feel rewarding and the amount of inordinate pain I would get from doing it in real-life makes it feel like a waste of my energy and time. In dreams my low thresholds of pain don't really materialise and it is often the only time I get a break from feeling pain and discomfort throughout a day.
    10. cxx.

      by , 07-21-2020 at 01:04 PM
      More catching up...



      12th May

      Dream:


      Dream recall faded somewhat. In the first dream I remember being at a house with H and someone else, a girl our age, but not sure who she was. We were all very hungry, and it was about noon. Someone suggested ordering pizza, but I didn't want to for some reason, so instead I got on the phone and ordered a man made of food or something, like synthetic food. He was supposed to get there by two in the afternoon. I figured when he arrived, I'd "butcher" him for the synthetic meat he was made of, wondering which bits H would be picky about, but as time went by, it seemed like he wasn't going to turn up at all, which made me regret not ordering the pizza in the first place.

      Then I remember going through some sort of tunnels or halls, in an old style (20-60s) building. No natural lighting, just incandescent lights. Gave me the impression of night time. I was still hungry, but I came to a room where there was something written over its double doors (I forget what) that suggested I could eat there. I went in and there was a bar-like counter and I talked to a woman in her 40s and asked her about eating or something. I told her I realised it was late but I really needed something and she was kind and tried to figure something out. At some point my parents showed up and start commenting on the food-making. I forget what else happened.

      Dream fragment:


      A different dream or perhaps after a different segment I've forgotten. Only small bits, many of which just ordinary. But in the end of this dream I was walking around a downtown area with my dad, H and someone else I think. There was a man announcing that free testing for a certain genetic or auto-immune disease or something would be available. I muttered to myself about it not being available to me freely in the past and then the man approached me, unconcerned by my complaints but addressing them; he began to inspect my nose with his hands and as he did he said "normally we wouldn't check people who have infections on their nose because this excludes them" or something to this effect. His attitude and face while going over my nose and talking to me suggested (some medical) curiosity. Just as he was about to move on to inspect some other part of my face or body, the doorbell in reality rang and I woke up, having to answer the door.



      Notes:
      - Of these two dreams, as I am re-reading them, I actually remember the second fragment better than I do the first dream. There was an underground parking lot or something around the middle or beginning of that dream, which was where me, my dad, H and the other person had come from, out onto the downtown street area.
      - I remember in the first dream I had visualised or seen a picture of what the synthetic man was to look like. For some reason I have the memory of wooden flooring in the first house of that dream.
      - The part in the second dream where I was muttering to myself is probably a crossed over feeling of frustration at the lack of help I receive for my condition from official systems. The follow-up interaction with the man is probably representative of some of my hope that with chance and timing I might actually get someone to genuinely be interested in giving me the help I need, rather than the help that gets pushed onto me.
    11. cxix.

      by , 07-20-2020 at 10:35 AM
      9th May

      Dream:

      I was in Texas or Arizona or such. A hot and arid place in America at any rate. I remember only a few details from the end. I could see through a panoramic view of an online maps thing; I was looking up Niagara falls. To my surprise there was a city there. It was grand, modern and overall beautiful. The water courses ran under and through the city. It was a sunny day in the view.

      Then the next thing I remember, I was packing up or something, to walk there from where I was. There were others doing the same. One of them was a Turkish or Arabic man, not much older than me. We knew each other vaguely. As we said goodbye as we both got ready to leave, he said to me "may God be with you in your travels". I simply replied "goodbye", and quickly regretted it. I realised I could have said goodbye in my own language and not in English, as it would have had a more similar meaning to his own, longer, expression.

      I walked through a flat and rocky, dusty area. There were rock cliff faces to either side, or perhaps ancient ruined buildings. I came to a Y shaped road junction in the middle of the desert; this bit had a few hills but was mostly flat otherwise. Cars went by. I remember noticing a car drive past and I noticed the driver somewhat clearly, a woman, medium length hair, tied at the back. The car was a faded cerulean blue and quite old and blocky-looking. I was getting ready to cross and I looked towards the horizon beyond the road. Big red canyons, piled up in an abnormal way. Dream ended shortly after.

      Dream:

      Again remember little of the dream's start. I remember being at the foot of a mountain, then teleporting or entering some dark place. Then there was fighting as I was going through this cramped and strange factory place. It did some laundry of mine as I went through it. Some pants and hoodies, they became a warmer colour as they were made ready for me. Some boys, two twins I think, got my attention and they lead me out from the place. I think I was getting stuck on some mechanism when they started talking to me. The place had many traps anyway, when I first got in, there were flying needle darts and other things.

      The reality and history of this place were just somehow known to me to be different from normal. I didn't realise I was dreaming even so, but it was like a mix of Trigun and Path of Exile. I remember then being in a shack of some kind, made up of corrugated panels. There was an old man? Some gadgets scattered about. I remember we talked for a little while about this world of theirs. I made some surprised remark about how they had all this technology but seemed to live otherwise primitive lives. I don't remember his reply but he was amused I think.

      Then I remember being in a basement of some other shack place. It was night time, but I think I had walked there. It was in the middle of a town of sorts. This woman owned it and we talked. As I stood next to her at surface level, there was some kind of dust storm outside and I could see people in sorts of brown power armour. There wasn't much light and so through the dust I mostly just got glimpses of things, even though I think I'd seen the surrounding area earlier in the dream.

      The woman told me a story about how she got this bit of land, and then I could "see" a memory; not far at all from us, less than thirty yards away, the vision began with a medieval gate to a different area of this town, with a cliff to the right. It was day time, and this little girl, no older than eight, walked toward the gate with her dog. They looked cartoony. A massive castle tower fell from the high cliff, crashing on the gate. The impact made a small shockwave and the girl and dog were blown back a small distance, the dog landed in some deep water and yelped and drowned, the girl crying and trying to save him. This vision made me sad and the feeling carried through when I woke up later.

      The woman told me that the girl was her friend when she was younger, and that she didn't know where she was anymore. She seemed sad for not knowing, but she also seemed to convey the feeling that maybe the other girl didn't want to be friends with her anymore. The woman's face seemed to imply regret and guilt (from inaction?). I remember we walked outside for a bit in the area in front of the gate, it was sunny and clear.



      Notes:
      - Although the second dream did so very allegorically rather than in a literal sense, it reflected a lot of my thoughts at the time of these dreams. Firstly how we all live in a world of technology, but we are otherwise primitive without it because it is not a part of us. Also in the same way, technology did not necessarily makes these peoples' lives any better and this reflected my trend of thoughts about how many of us simply take what we have for granted.
      - It was odd that I was aware of the dream-world to be a different one from the waking one, but I did not come close to any thresholds of pre-consciousness, as far as I can recall.
      - It is not often that a feeling within a dream carries on into waking except when it was the last thing felt, which wasn't the case here.
      - My regret about not saying goodbye to the Arabic man in the same manner comes from the value I put on words sometimes and also reflects how I struggle with not being able to say what I actually wanted to have said to someone.
    12. cxviii.

      by , 07-20-2020 at 10:19 AM
      8th May

      Dream:

      I was in the car with H. H was driving very fast and race-like, even though we weren't in a rush to get anywhere. Pretty close one between a double length bus and a car. I remember the tyres screeching a lot all the way and I asked H why. He said it was because they brand new Michelin tyres.

      It was like my native country and town. Eventually we arrived at a place, ground floor of a building, in front of it was like a petrol station. The place we walked into was like a school, for kids between the ages of eight and ten. H and I had been here earlier in the dream to drop off a keyboard temporarily. Now, we were here to pick it up again. I think the kids were actually teens in the earlier part of the dream. One of the kids now, was asking why we had to take the keyboard away again and H explained it had only been meant as a temporary thing anyway. H asked if anyone had played the keyboard. Some kids said they hadn't, somehow clearly afraid of being reprimanded, even though it was unlikely, but they also said they had practised at home like H had taught and demonstrated.

      I didn't speak much at all, H talked to the kids a lot. Somehow reminded me of my geometry teacher, trying to actively get the kids to think and take interest in things. Eventually, a lady walked in, the teacher who runs the place. She was happy to see the kids entertained and it was as if we'd known her and vice versa for years. I remember noticing I had my black leather jacket and my regular boots on. I think in the dream we both became distracted from our objective of getting the keyboard. There was also a set of keys we'd left in the earlier visit, but we weren't being able to find them. The layout was different from the earlier visit.

      Scraps:

      Grandma from mom's side, dad and I, talking. I remember she was holding a golden cross that she wore around her neck. I made mental note of the size of the cross, almost too big to be held by one hand alone.



      Notes:
      - I don't believe H has actually ever bought Michelin-branded tyres.
    13. cxvii.

      by , 07-19-2020 at 11:21 AM
      7th May

      Dream:

      Don't remember the start but was in a game doing some crop-related things while I was appearing offline or something. All of a sudden, a female character shows up and starts punching me up with some flying fists. At first I assumed it was A but then I die and respawn and notice it's someone else that I don't know.

      It's a Spanish player and we mostly speak in Spanish. I realise my accent is a bit broken but that doesn't stop me so much. I tell her I don't remember knowing her, I assume it's possible I've just forgotten who she is but she doesn't really answer the question or seem bothered by this, anyway. Then she starts telling me how she used to live on some place called something "Peak". In the dream I had some vague memory of it. I ask her if she had a place nearby on K and she insists not, but my dream memory tells me she did.

      In any case, she then tells me how she'd lost everything. I realise I don't care about my place so much anymore and offer to give her some stuff and tell her we need to go to my place in the game. Most of this seems to take place on K. We then start going through some portals or something, and I start carrying her on my back for some reason. I remember some other players spotting us and staring for a minute.

      Then eventually we're at my old (actual) home, it's night time and dark. I walk into the room that used to be L's and there's an extra bed like a sofa bed. There's a computer with an old CRT screen on the desk and I think about using it to give her some stuff? She asks me some questions and I answer, I think mostly about the room? I think she just looks like a person now and not a game character.

      Then all of a sudden while we talk, my sibling T sits up. T had been sleeping on the extra bed all along and we somehow hadn't realised. Looked younger and not so scruffy? I apologise and say I didn't realise. I look at the screen for a moment and it has something like Diablo on it. We leave the room and go to my old room instead. But essentially, the exact same thing happens again there. I don't remember to question the dream-like nature of what just happened. Rest of dream recall is mostly gone. Scraps of being in the street and talking to this Spanish girl.



      Notes:
      - The initial context within the dream of giving my stuff away is a common occurrence anyway when I'm playing games in which you are able to hoard or accumulate stuff. I often end up giving stuff away because I have not created any particular attachment to it or feel like I might not be putting it to good use any time soon. One further note on this regard is that sometimes I feel that my kindness is taken but not appreciated, it becomes "old history" so to speak of rather quickly, with some people, while others do remember it for a long time.
      - Although I wrote this dream months ago, I have the feeling that the computer screen in L's room was a CRT, but this may be a false memory now. When I wrote that it has something like Diablo on it, I think I meant that it had Diablo II just running but with nothing happening.

      Updated 07-20-2020 at 10:19 AM by 95293

      Categories
      non-lucid , side notes
    14. cxvi.

      by , 07-19-2020 at 11:17 AM
      4th May

      Fragment:


      A few dreams, the last one was in some kind of hotel room with two of my cousins, from dad's side. I don't remember much furniture at all We had some backpacks, mine was nothing like I've ever owned however. It was blue, bulky and square-ish; I have seen these in the past and have wondered what it would be like to have one, often thinking they are "cool".

      But for some reason, we all got naked; there was some kind of pretext about us being smelly at the end of the day or something; then the two of them went to shower. I remember peeking through the somewhat open bathroom door and seeing two walk-in shower/wetroom areas, but only one shower head/hose. C was washing herself, and then her sister in turns. I think they were giggling for some reason.

      Dream:

      Not sure where or how this one started but I was in a city; sunny and stray white clouds. I remember lots of cut limestone blocks in the buildingwork, so it was like areas from my old home. This place was very busy, it was like one of the town/city areas with lots of public space. R from university was there. At first I walked right past him, it took me a while to recognise him.

      His hair was slightly curled rather than flat. He was sitting or leaning against a wide limestone edge and was sweet talking with his girlfriend who was practically in his face and vice versa. I retraced some steps back as I realised it was him and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned and greeted me, apparently happy to see him. I remember conversation, but not its content.

      A transition? I'm somewhere entirely different, I can't recall the environment very well but I can only describe it as dirty and gritty. Dominant hues in red, orange and moss green.

      There was a small apartment building here, not far from a road, fourty to sixty yards. The building had a kind of trough dug around it, but not very deep, no more than a foot deep. More like a small dip really, and outside the trough circling the building, was a effectively a circular pile of guns. There were so many piled up I can't even guess at the number. Some had bright colours. Reminds me of Borderlands somehow. I remember going inside and walking through some poorly lit halls until I came to a flat that was quite small, the door was wide open. It looked a mess. There were some closed curtains and the room was poorly lit too. Outside still seemed dark-ish.

      I think I was here with someone, maybe H? But I don't remember what else happened in the room. I think there was a third person, a woman possibly. Then I remember being outside the building, I'm walking over the pile of guns carefully as I assume them all to be loaded. I look to my right and there's this shack made of corrugated panels or the like and there's a gang hanging out there.

      Some woman, possibly the one from before, stands next to me and tells me I should go talk to them. They've been causing havoc for some time in the region/area. I agree at first but then I look down and see some blue and red grenade launchers. I pick them up, not as heavy as I might expect. I turn to the left and aim at a tree or something which is at a similar distance to me as the gang was. I fire a few practice shots. I then quickly turn back towards the gang and start firing a hail of grenades over their shack. They grab some guns and start running towards me shouting and shooting with poor aim. I remember noticing a health display of sorts over some of them that were injured. They got quite close, but I still kept using the grenades to fight them.

      Recall fades a bit but then there was a transition and I remember being in some hallways, dark and moonlit. My recall stops about here.
    15. cxv.

      by , 04-20-2020 at 11:42 AM
      Mostly just one long dream and a small disjointed fragment from an early awakening.



      Dream Fragment:


      Something about a physical vault for porn; it was a gazebo-like building in the middle of a tiny island surrounded by a lot of water, but there were some nearby cliffs. I remember seeing it from there. H was in the dream and I remember feeling aroused from some of the images. I was sorting them, like they were in a computer file system. I wanted to finish what I was doing and spend some time together with H after I was done.

      Dream:

      Me and H were in the car. We were somewhere in Northern Ireland, we'd gotten there by boat but I don't have a dream memory of the boat trip. We drove through a few small villages. I remember someone telling me or talking about the weather, about how this little village here was always damp, wet, and cold. There were some very curvy roads, surrounded by nice and scenic woodland. Along the way two old men were just waddling about the literal middle of the road and I told H to slow down and be careful, since I was afraid we might hit someone like them. H didn't seem too bothered but slowed a bit.

      We went up some hills, eventually we arrived somewhere. We came here for an appointment apparently. Initially in the dream I was confused, because I didn't remember having any appointments coming up soon, but it was for H actually. I remember being at the lobby/desk and "checking in", I was asked for a name and gave mine, and I remember looking away at a clock on a wall and saying it was a 12:30 appointment. The man said something but I don't remember what, but everything was OK anyway.

      Then I went into a bathroom. It didn't have lights? But it had some natural light, but it was still dim. I don't remember what I was wearing up to this point, but now I was changing clothes, getting dressed as if going to bed. I had no pants on or anything but my top was the same one I actually slept with. The dark green one, which is long enough that it covered my private areas, so I just walked out of the bathroom not caring too much about it, walking more or less straight ahead, as I could see H sitting on a chair in a room, through a door. Understandably I did get some strange looks and glances from the nurses/staff as I walked towards that room.

      I walked into the room and expected the therapist would close the door. She didn't, but then it closed itself, or I did it. The room was small and plain with a typical office-like look, but it only had two walls, the one with the door, and the one behind where me and H were sitting. There was no ceiling and beyond the two missing wall sections was a green area, and some kind of stadium? I remember waiting for the therapist to say something. At this point, I was still in some dream-confusion about whether this appointment was for myself or H. But then H spoke and I encouraged it too, so they'd talk about some anxiety stuff. This part of the dream recall is a bit vague for some reason but some people across the way interrupted the therapist somehow; they shouted, calling for attention or notifying her of something?

      She seemed embarrassed and also unsure of herself. I remember she looked a bit like H's sister, but was naturally blonde and had at least twenty or more years on us. A bit out of nowhere, her superior showed up, a tall man in a suit, juxtaposing with her naturally small stature. He put his hand on her shoulder in a comforting way and told her something, but they were too far for me to hear.

      At some point through all of that I remember noticing my bare left knee. Before sleeping, the past night, my knee had been having burning sensations and hypersensitivity. When I looked at my knee now in the dream, I could see a circle of strange bumps, with somewhat concentric lines of more bumps on the inside of that circle.

      There's a transition of some kind. All of a sudden we're elsewhere, home maybe? I tell H I can't remember how we got here. I tell H that I have no recall of a trip back here and I feel confused, but do not remember to question reality.

      The next thing I remember is we're in a mine of some kind. Dark, poorly lit, but the lights are a warm colour. Details are missing. At some point, I see a grenade on the floor, over a grate of some kind. Oddly enough, I'm unafraid of the grate despite realising there's a bottomless pit under it, and I see the grenade still has its safety pin. I grab it and inspect it. I remember H talking to me and me to H as I was doing this. On the grenade, with the bad lighting, I try to read for instructions; although I have a general idea of how it should work, this grenade seemed very small, I could make a fully closed fist around it. The only writing I could see on it was a lot number of some kind. It was difficult to read because of the light and the fact that it was just sort of embossed into the surface, there was no contrasting pigment. It read "l624" or something.

      Disappointed by the lack of instructions, I threw it gently over onto a nearby tunnel that was lit by a lamp. I didn't want to hold on to it if I couldn't be sure how it worked. But then I detonated it or something, but while there was a big blast, there wasn't much light or noise. Virtually no damage occurred either.

      Then I remember walking up a slope in the mine with H, and as we were about to exit the mine (which in the context of the dream was like our hideout) for some reason, a woman about our age showed up. She just walked in but was not hostile to us. A small-ish bear and a wolf of the same size followed her. She had semi-blonde and very curly hair. We both spoke to her and the animals went into the mine to sleep; H stayed speaking to her and I followed the animals, finding them asleep. I gently woke the wolf up and he growled at me, I was unafraid and let him feel that I was happy he was interacting with me. I let him sniff my hand and then he seemed to like me. Then I got some notifications on some interface overlay that the girl favourited some things I'd posted? It didn't make much sense. But now she like me and H more.

      The last bit of the dream is kind of gone from memory now, but it involved some refugees she was helping and that we were then helping too.


      Might edit in some notes later but a bit tired of typing.

      Updated 06-25-2020 at 11:18 AM by 95293

      Categories
      non-lucid , dream fragment , side notes
    Page 1 of 9 1 2 3 ... LastLast