Thread: Dream Journal

Feeding on fever

Sometime in February I had a dream that I was at Western in a classroom. N was there and we were both taking a test. I started freaking out because I didn't know any of the answers, and I started crying. N took my test and wrote one of the answers down. After he handed it back and I read it, I suddenly knew all of the answers and finished the test. When we were done, we were tired, so we went to take a nap in this lounge. When I woke up, he was gone. I wondered where he was and then wondered where my bag was...then I remembered that I left my bag in the classroom. I went in to get it and there was a class going on with the same prof. I just went in, said hi, and walked out with my bag. Then I realized that I should ask the prof. if he knew where N was. I turned around to do so, but the prof. was staring at me and he was really, really creepy-looking...like warped-looking. So I decided to just go. I went out to the parking lot where my car should have been, but it was gone. I checked my coat pocket for my keys - they were gone. I then realized that N must have stolen my car. I'm pissed. So I started looking around for a phone and then I realized my cell would be in my bag....but my bag was now GONE...and then I started thinking about all of it. After considering the situation I realized that I was dreaming. So I kind of laughed and then decided I still wanted a phone so that I could call and report my car stolen...so I stopped and then decided to pull my phone out of my other coat pocket, and there it was. So then I couldn't remember my license plate number...I realized that I don't know my license plate number. So I'm like "shit." I have no idea how to go about anything and I think I started to forget I was dreaming and started to think that I was experiencing this in real life. I called my mom because my insurance is in her name and she would be able to tell me my license plate number - quite smart, I thought, for a dreaming Amy to think of - and so I called her and she tells me that N called her house and told her that he had wrecked my car near the Chelsea/Manchester exit. I freaked out because this is VERY far from Kzoo. Then I start to realize that I am actually in a dream and that I am beginning to come out of it...so I hush my mom and tell her to hurry and get me the number. haha. But, that's how it ends...I'm telling her to hurry and that I'm running out of time...and then I woke up.

Last night I had a strange dream with a bunch of things that stood out. I was with N and we were arriving at this house...but I don't know if it was our house or not. So we get inside and we've got our arms around each other and stuff and we're all happy. Then I turn to N and tell him that I'm freezing. He looks down at my body and tells me that I need to put some clothes on and then touches my nipple and tells me that it's "icy cold." I look down at myself and see that I'm naked...haha, which isn't as weird to me as it should be. Then he ushers me towards a sort of changing room that has a bunch of clothes in it. So I am looking through the pile and see two hooded sweatshirts - one dark blue, I think, and the other a light blue. I grabbed the light blue one and put it on...it was very big. Then I started looking for pants and grab some pajama pants...and then I glance over at N and see that he is in his pajamas, too. But before I can finish getting dressed he says he's going to pick up some food for himself. So as soon as I get dressed I turn around to see a bunch of chicken and potatoes that looks REALLY good, and then realize why N wanted to get other food - he doesn't eat chicken. Then I had some conversation with a woman that was there...I didn't like this woman and I have no idea what we talked about. I just remember I didn't like it and I wanted N to get back...so I ran to the door to look out of it for him to be coming back. It was dark, so I flicked a light switch to try to turn on the light outside...it took a while for the light to come on, so I thought "that's strange" so I turned it on and off a couple times and, while I was incredibly amused by this, something just seemed wrong. That's when I started to think that I was dreaming and then I said to myself "Well, if I'm dreaming, then N will come back right now!" And then he came walking up to the door with a white bag in his hand. He was wearing a black and red coat. I was really excited to see him and his food smelled really good, but I was sad, too, because I thought about how I must be dreaming this. I opened the door for him and started to tell him about how the lady creeped me out...and then I woke up.

Weird dream. And I really need to start eating more so that I don't dream of food. Ha. :

I dreamt about food again last night. There were two different kinds of homemade yogurt. One of them was blackberry, which is one of my favorites. And then there was this amazing-looking creamy cake. Some frosted flakes, too. lol In the dream, there was this flamboyant gay guy that was kind of playing some sort of role for me. Like, I would think things in my dream, and then he would say them and go take care of whatever it was. Like, for instance, when I thought to myself "We need a box for that cake, so it stays fresh and the frosting doesn't get messed up," the guy was like "Do you have any boxes?" LOL. And the guy in the store was like "Um. Nope, we don't." But the gay guy kept saying "Well, check the bridal section!" lmao. I have no idea. It was funny though. I definitely think that this was some sort of lucid dream because of the gay guy doing my bidding and because of the fact that I was able to make whoever I wanted show up in the dream. I think at first I was with my mom. And then she just kind of walked off, which is when the gay guy showed up and started doing things for me. And I made someone else show up, too. I'm not sure how to categorize it...just being able to say "Where is so-and-so," and then have them show up is pretty cool. *shrug* Or being able to create some random assistant-person to carry out all of your thoughts for you? lol I mean, I don't remember at any point realizing I was dreaming or anything, but I seemed to have a certain control over everything and it seemed natural to me at the time...haha. But then when there were too many people, too much started going on and I woke up.

Another dream that is hazy to me because I woke up from it and then went back to sleep, but pieces of it came back to me...enough to where I remembered my thoughts about it after I woke up:

I can't remember the details, but there was something about registering for classes going on. Nelson was in the dream. Nelson goes to Western. Like I said, I don't remember the details, however, when I woke up I thought to myself, "Hmm...registering for classes, well, I won't be doing that any time soon. Maybe it's about Nelson registering for classes." I just remembered that dream a few minutes ago and so I went to Western's website to see when new registration begins. What do you know? Fall registration begins TODAY. I'm simply amazing....I have had several dreams over the past couple weeks where I've sort of predicted things. It's just too bad that they are useless things, like this one. I'm used to only having these types of dreams once in a while, and usually they are predictive of more important things. Lately it's been about every other night that I dream of something trivial and it leads me directly to something that actually happens/is happening.

Originally Posted by amyaem

Lately it's been about every other night that I dream of something trivial and it leads me directly to something that actually happens/is happening.

I get that sometimes too. Scares the crap outta me sometimes!

Anyway I like what I've read so far. keep at it!

Originally Posted by ranma187

I get that sometimes too. Scares the crap outta me sometimes!

Anyway I like what I've read so far. keep at it!
[/b]

Thank you.

Hmm. Well. I haven't had any substantial dreams that I have remembered. Just mostly bits and pieces of things. For instance, I dreamt that my computer was "internally" on fire...and it was flashing this thing on the screen and I was freaking out. ha. Last night I had another weird one where I kept getting the things that I was thinking of. All I remember is that there was something about trains...it could have been that I was hearing them outside...it's nice out, so my windows are open. Anyway, I can't recall, but I know that I was mysteriously getting my way in the dream and then, finally, I thought about the Coffee Beanery and how it'd be awesome to get one of their caramel coffee drinks...and then some guy handed me one...in a coffee beanery cup and everything. At that point, I was like "OK! I want a new car! Can you get me a new car, too?!" So the guy waved over another guy and they led me outside....to a big lot full of cars. hahaha. I was just like "Wow. Ok, show my your Toyotas...do you have any Echos?" haha. It was good fun, but at that point things stopped going my way because they didn't seem to have any cars I liked. They had a few hearses...weird, I know...and one of them was all vintage and cool...but I really don't want a hearse, right? So I just kept going along with them and stuff...I don't really remember anything else except for the part about the trains where I managed to cross the tracks right before a bunch of trains starting coming through. I was excited to have made it across. Then today, when I was driving across the tracks, I actually got over them right before the bell started to ring...just like in my dream. I thought that was kind of crazy. So yeah. I know there have been others that I've neglected to make a point to remember...but it's just been bits and pieces of dreams, so I've kind of just blown them off. My sleep has been very scattered, so I'm sure that is mostly why.

Ok, so, no lucid dreaming this week. However, last night I dreamt that I was trying to get to Kalamazoo. I was kind of lost and then I saw the Climax exit and a ramp to 94. I tried to swerve really quick to take it, but I ended up hitting some construction type thing and getting scared, so I swerved back and decided I would just come back around. Someone was with me in the car...on the wrong side of the car...and they wanted to get out right there on the freeway and go fix the construction thing. I was like "are you crazy?!" I was really excited to get to Kalamazoo because we were going to go shopping at some of the cool stores and hang out there....fun.

The other night I had a kind of scary dream. It was preceded by a very steamy scene between me and this guy that I know. After that, though, I don't know how or what happened, but all of a sudden I am staring at this list, I guess, and at the very top of it is the name "Michael Fenton" I don't know what the list was or anything, but I do know that it was very bad that this guy's name was at the top of the list. I was scared and just like "Oh no!" and then I woke up. I had the feeling that this guy was going to die. I don't know anyone named Michael Fenton, though.

So fucking weird, man. Something or someone really wanted me to wake up. And I did at around 1:15am. This was after having a dream that someone was pounding on my door. I mean, pounding. In the dream, I didn't want to wake up, so I brought the sound of the fan to the forefront. A couple seconds later, I could still hear the knocking, so then I became outside of my body for a second and saw myself sleeping in my very upstairs window cubby. Then I started to convulse...and this made a noise - kind of like knocking - because the cubby is made of wood...it's like a platform. So, I'm convulsing. And I remember sensing that it was a girl at my door, but then when I started to convulse and noticed that I was producing an additional knocking sound, I thought to myself "Good, maybe he'll hear this and think that I'm not answering because I'm having sex right now." lol I kept convulsing and the a voice starting screaming my name...then that became all I could really hear. But I still can't recall the voice and whether it was male or female. As I woke up, in real life, I could still hear it and it sounded female. So, I woke up. I laid there a bit disturbed and scared for a few but I kept thinking I hear things. So I got up and checked the back first, thinking that the wind possibly blew one of the poles onto my car or something crazy and that maybe it was my neighbor at the door trying to wake me up. Nothing...still and quiet in the back. Then I went to the front. Nothing. Now that I'm awake, it's actually very, very quiet around here. I have no idea what that was about, but it does not seem that I need to be awake. I checked my cell phone...nothing going on. No emergency situations seems to be happening. And I find it hard to believe that there was someone actually at my door who gave up just as I was actually waking up. Maybe I had a seizure in my sleep. I have no clue.

I have had virtually no dream recall at all lately. Given that and the fact that I remember any details at all from my dreams last night....

All I remember is that there were at least two different little boys randomly running around, with seemingly no purpose other than to get me to notice them. In addition to that, there were at least two different men, only one of which I remember pretty clearly. The weird part is that I saw his face in a mirror. He was entering some sort of store after me, I held the door for him, and there was a mirror directly in front of me and I could see his face walking in behind me and even though it was through a mirror, we locked eyes for a long second. He was extremely good looking - the type I would probably go for.

No idea. What I think is interesting is the men/boys "theme" especially the fact that I remember those details over the other details that I know existed. Very interesting to me, since I spent about 5 hours last night with my friend Jenn and, in a round about way, we discussed childhood/adolescence versus being adults now. Getting tied down to "boys" rather than "men" has been very much a theme in my life....for all of my life - I am always way ahead of the males I meet - but especially lately because I am SO ready to get on with everything and be an adult and begin what I would consider the good things in life. I think it's pretty sad that so many men are so willing to stay children, perhaps forever, and it seems I meet all of them. I'm so beyond that. The only children that I want in my life really would be my own. Sad, sad, sad.

Anyway, I'm just rambling. At the very least, I think this dream was positive. I think it's a good "sign" that the boys were running around aimlessly like morons...and, ultimately, I was entering an actual destination and an actual man was right behind me.

Originally Posted by amyaem

...little boys randomly running around, with seemingly no purpose other than to get me to notice them.[/b]

That reminds me of the last time I went to a bar.

That was a pretty false awakening your had, with the convulsing and the pounding on the door. I don't like drinking anymore because it give me bad false awakenings where I wake up not knowing what is real and what isn't.

Originally Posted by The

That reminds me of the last time I went to a bar.[/b]

HAHA. That's funny.

And, yes, that was a very weird experience. Especially the part where I was actually looking down on myself for a second. The weirdest part is that I was totally sober....for weeks...the night that it happened.

Sick Dream.

Ok. Well, I haven't had any dream recall until the a couple nights ago. The night before last I dreamt that I had sex with one of my ex-boyfriend's friends. Thankfully, it was the one that I don't despise. He looked really good naked but the sex wasn't very good. We had a really nice time hanging out, though, before and after. haha. Crazy dream. In the same dream, I had the disturbing luck of also seeing my ex have sex with one of his other friends. It was so disgusting. I'm not homophobic or anything, but I never, ever wanted to have to see my ex have sex with someone else, let alone see him have sex with Jared. It makes me want to throw up because I can still picture it. Thank GOD they were mostly covered up by blankets. I wouldn't be surprised if those two really do hook up in real life...I'm convinced they are both in the closet. Ugh. It was so gross.

Oddly enough, the other dream I remember from the night before was just that the same ex, along with his friend that I had sex with in the following night's dream, got arrested. For some reason I was like a fly on the wall and I witnessed the whole thing. *shrug* Stupid dreams. I hardly ever have sexual dreams, so that one was very weird. I'm extremely annoyed that those are the only dreams I've recalled. I hate those people and they aren't worthy of being in my dreams. However, I figured I'd write about it since they are all I can remember...maybe they'll be significant later or something.

Ick.

Finally...some recall. I'm starting to think that the dreams I was having a while back - where I kept dreaming about food - were trying to tell me that, in order to remember my dreams, I needed to maintain my healthy and regular eating habits. After a week of not recalling anything that I dreamt, I finally ate good food yesterday and, voila, I remembered some things. Not much, though.

The coolest thing I remember involved a ring. It was a wedding ring, on my finger. I've been having a whole lot of wedding/marriage dreams over the past few months. I'm not sure if it means anything...no idea. Maybe my clock is starting to tick. Anyway, yes, someone was putting an engagement ring on my finger. Very quickly, the engagement ring turned into a two-piece wedding set, with a band and the rock. This was weird to me because I've never wanted a two-piece wedding ring. I think it's a weird idea/tradition. Why spend all that money on the pretty engagement ring and then get another ring? Whatever. So, interestingly, the two-piece ring morphed into one piece right before my eyes. It was super pretty. But then it changed again, from a generic diamond to this really cool stone. And it got HUGE. It was almost as big as my hand. I've never been a big fan of diamonds either, for a long time I didn't want a diamond engagement ring. I don't really care anymore. In fact, it's not something that I've thought about in a long time, so I think it's especially weird that I'm dreaming about it. Anyway, that's pretty much it. I can remember what the ring looked like, but I don't see any significance in the dream really at all. In fact, getting married and all that stuff right now is kind of something I want to avoid because I want to go to grad school and I just don't have time for a wedding. Not to mention, I'm nowhere close to getting engaged. I'm not even dating anyone. *shrug*

The only other thing I remember from last night was that I was pouring orange juice into my cat's water bowl. For some reason, she passed out in the bowl and seemed to be dead. I grabbed her out and brought her back to life. I did not like that dream. My cat is like my favorite being in the entire world. Her dying, even for a second, in front of me is not something I want to see.

My conclusion is that my dreams keep showing me things I don't want to see. Moreover, I don't think I need to see them, but for some reason there they are: My cat dying, getting engaged/married, and last week, my exboyfriend being a homosexual. The only thing that remotely hits a nerve is my cat dying. I don't want that to ever happen, though I know it will some day. I couldn't care less whether or not my exboyfriend is gay. And I have absolutely no issues or reservations about getting married, except that I would like to put it off for at least another year, which shouldn't be too hard seeing as how no one is proposing to me. I have to wonder if perhaps these dreams are not showing me things that I don't want to see, but showing me things that are inevitable. Ha. Regardless, anymore talk about this would just be me trying to make something deep and meaningful out of things that I don't really care about right now at all and have no reason to think about.

I had a dream that rapist Rob came to my parents' house. It was sometime around Halloween and I was at their house alone when someone knocked on the door - so I answered. It was him and he grabbed me and put a very small knife to my throat. I somehow managed to force him to stab himself in the neck, but since the knife was small, I was afraid it wouldn't slow him down enough. So I ran, grabbed a huge knife, and came back to the doorway. Then I stabbed him in the back of the neck, paused for a second, and then decided to chop his head off. I didn't know what to do after that, so I just called everyone I could think of to tell them what happened.....a ton of people showed up, mostly my family, and then I woke up - he was still laying on the floor, in two pieces, and no one had called the cops yet or anything.

I also had a dream that I was about to eat a gigantic bowl of cereal. I poured a ton of cereal into a bowl and then, when it came time to pour the milk, it ended up taking the whole little carton of milk.

The night before last...or maybe a couple nights ago, I had a dream about my dad's mother. I haven't seen her in at least 5 years...and don't plan on seeing her again. But anyway, she was in my dream and so was that whole side of my family that I never see. Nothing was really going on...we were all just sitting around eating fried chicken. I got the sense that it was someone's funeral. The only person that was missing, though, was my dad. *shrug*

That's about all the recall I've had. It should pick up, however, because I'm eating and sleeping really well the last few nights.

LOL. Maybe you're in denial about wanting a giant rock on your wedding ring.

Who knows, maybe your man-to-be will get you a two-piece, giant diamond for you one day

May 9th/10th Dream:

Creepy girl:

We (three of us) are swimming down/up the street, which is flooded. There is this weird thing, like a tube, in my heel and part of it is actually exposed. It hurt. Creepy girl said something about going to a gay/lesbian "community group" when I asked her about school. So I was all like "you've never been to an actual school?" She implied that she had not. So, we are talking and I started sympathizing with her about what it must be like when you don't get to be "normal" or whatever and how it makes sense for her to be screwed up....which I guess she had admitted to being (???). I had this feeling about her, like she was handicapped. Anyway, so then my sympathy turned into empathy as I realized how many examples from my life I could think of that were like hers - where I have been prevented from being "normal" somehow. Sooo...then we were both sad, I guess, she was crying and I'm not sure if I was or not. I hugged her and I was talking or whatever about "being a real person" after having not had a real life...or something....and she, in the creepiest voice said "Should you be a real person, too, Amy?" Which creeped me out so much even in my dream, and I just said, "Well, of course." But in my mind I thought about how I've not been authentic, not been myself in some ways, which is dishonest, and as I was thinking about these things I noticed the creepy girl's grip on me (we were hugging) got a little more tight and aggressive....and I pulled away a bit to look at her and she had a scary, evil look on my face. With her arm still around me, she moved her hand down below my waist and then she smacked my ass, in an aggressive, creepy way, and then she just started striking me and hitting me everywhere, just out of control. I started to fight back, of course, but I woke up.

I think, among other things, this dream very much speaks to reality, in which it seems I am consistently persecuted/judged/attacked by individuals who are so beyond me when it comes to not being a good person, or a stable person, etc....like, SO beyond me. It's so funny/sick/retarded. Those were my immediate reactions to the dream, anyway, after my initial feeling of alarm. It might mean more later, I suppose. It was a very, very odd dream for me. Lots of unusual elements.

Hmmm. Hopefully I will remember more of my dreams as the day progresses...but right now I remember dreaming about Mike. All I can recall is him saying "Well, if you want that, then you're going to have to wait three years." Creepy. I have no idea what "that" is.

Ha. I dreamt that Mike and I were about to have sex in front of his mom, some guy, Michaela, and I think there was another little girl there. His mom yelled at us and was like "What the heck are you doing?!" Mike said something totally random in response. Then all of a sudden my nose got really stuffy, like I was allergic to something, but REALLY bad. I asked Mike for some tissues. He brought me a bunch and then went into the other room. When I finally felt like I was done blowing my nose, I looked to see what Mike was doing. He was making a bed on the floor in the back room out of a big, thick blanket and a ton of pillows. heh.

In another dream, or maybe just another part of that dream, I kept dreaming about a carousel, I guess it was....or maybe something else, but some kind of carnival ride. I kept wanting to go on it. There was a bar, and I think the bar was outside. If not, it was right near the carousel. I kept dancing around right next to the carousel and bugging whoever I was with to come on and get on the carousel. The guy that was running the ride kept laughing and waiting for me, to see if I was going to get on this time or not, before he started the ride over again. I'm not sure or not, but I think I was about to get on it when I woke up/transitioned into another dream. I'm pretty sure the Mike dream happened after this one, now that I think about it.

Could have something to do with Mike telling me about the festival.....even though he didn't mention a carousel....he DID mention how Michaela rode a pony, though. *shrug*

I think that's about it.

I dreamt that the FBI, or some other spying government agency, was watching/invading my house. The same thing kept happening over and over....I would come home with significant other to a cream-colored car pulling out of our dead end street to leave....every day at 4pm as significant other and I were getting home. Our house was the second or third from the end, on the left side of the street....hardwood floors....very new architecture...open floor plan that went around in a circle, with sliding glass doors in the back

Same dream. Sooo....smoking hot significant other and I decide to give the FBI a show and we are totally getting it on...I have an orgasm before we are even undressed, but he starts freaking out because he's not functioning properly because we "drank too much." Too much drinking really did occur in real life last night....but that doesn't really affect me at all.

Another funny thing is that we kept getting interrupted by people....randoms....we knew who they were, I guess, but I have no clue who they were supposed to be. There was a dog, too....and the randoms were supposed to be walking the dog, I think. Anyway, after being interrupted a few times, we didn't care, but it just wasn't really "happening," though he wanted to keep trying.....I just woke up at that point because I was pretty much already finished anyway. haha. Anyway...that's about it.

Ha. I dreamt that Andre and Jenn were supposed to be meeting me at the bar...and I was waiting and waiting and they weren't showing.

*In real life, Jenn and I met Andre at the bar last night and WE were the ones waiting and waiting for HIM.*

Finally, my phone rings - with its real-life ringtone and all - and it's Andre. I answer it and he says "Ok, so this is over." And something else, but my phone cut out. My phone actually cut out in my dream. Then, he proceeded to hang up the phone and slam it down on the receiver a million times.

*Then I got woken up by Jenn's phone in real life.*

I also had a dream before that one in which Jenn and I were, surprisingly, at the bar. The bar was very, very long and VERY high. Our barstools were sooo high. I don't remember too much, but I know that Jenn and I kept talking about the bartender/"her" and, though I never saw her in the dream, I know the person we were talking about was Tim's girlfriend. The only other part of that dream I remember is when these two boys, who I believe were supposed to be gay, both bought the same type of loaf of bread....from the bar. When Jenn and I saw them both carrying the same loaf of bread, we laughed at them and started making fun of them for having loaves of bread.

Oh. In addition, there were several times during this dream that Jenn and I made out. haha. It was funny because kissing her felt EXACTLY like kissing Andre felt, but I think I liked kissing Jenn more. lmao. It's not surprising that I dreamt about Jenn and I, since we were talking that way all night at the bar and she was sleeping right next to me while I was having the dream.

That's about all I recall.

Warped.

I dreamt that I was having a conversation with someone who would NOT shut up. I was dying to say stuff, but I couldn't get a word in...I thought it was kind of sad/pathetic that, in my own dream, I couldn't say what I wanted to say. The only thing I remember wanting to contribute was to tell the person the story about how Code's grandfather was a member of the Jewish mob (Kosher Nostra - ha). True story....my imagination is not responsible for that.

I also had a dream involving corn dogs. I don't eat corn dogs, or even hot dogs. I took a bite of one, though, and then the person holding the corn dog quickly explained to me that they were something like soy/organic/vegetarian/gluten free..... lol ....they threw a lot of words out there. I'm amused that my "unconscious" non-hot-dog-eating self would respond with such a quick recovery so as to, I'm sure, save myself from puking/freaking out.

I was thankful to have even that much recall, as I have not had any in a month or so now.

Hmmm. Well, I live in this house where, if you step outside, the roof is parrallel. I guess I have just had surgery on my wrist (again). There's quite a bit of dialogue....none of which really seems like it was important. I called my sister and she said she was chimney sweeping. It's confusing because at the same time that I am feeling/thinking that I don't want to have surgery....it's like I've already had it? There's a chunk of time spent in this bedroom....I'm there and I'm glad that it's warm because winter is coming and that means it has good insulation. I look around and consider how I might decorate things....try to figure out how high I would have to build a canopy over the bed so that my boyfriend won't catch his head on it, etc. I'm laying down trying to sleep, when I jump up, startled, and start to freak out because I need to eat and take my pain killers, so that by the time the numbing agent wears off, I will have pain killers in my system. I'm starving, so I must east first. The scene moves to the kitchen for a moment, where I guess I eat, but I don't recall. There are two kinds of banana pudding....one warm, and one cold. I want the warm kind. Odd, because I usually want anything that is like pudding to be cold when I eat it, but with lots of whipped cream. I'm not sure if I ate banana pudding or not....

Anyway, then I'm driving to "school" I guess....trying to find my way....I'm unsure of which highways to take and I start to panic when I get to this big interchange area. I see "West" and choose it...realizing that it must be "West" because I live all the way to the East. In real life, that doesn't really make sense because there are all kinds of highways I know of that go North-ish, when they say they go East, and vice-versa. But, none of this dream makes any sense in real life, soooo. So, whatever, I go "West" because I think that's the way to go, and I get onto "96" because I think that's the way to go. Then I'm talking to my mom on the phone because for some reason I realized that I had forgotten to take my pain killers. I'm not sure what she is supposed to do for me, but either way, I'm alarmed that I am driving with a wrist newly gone through surgery....and I'm all panicky and whatever.

Somehow I get to "school." I've never seen this place or any of this stuff. The highway interchange I have never seen either. So I get to school and there is this giant parade going on or something.....for some reason I think of Dawson's Creek, start laughing, and then the parade people start singing a song making fun of Dawson's Creek. I only ever watched that show about 3 times, maybe, but it's retarded, right? I don't know why the parade people reminded me of the show. Blah blah blah....there's a song and a giant pack-in to get people in this auditorium or something. I see Allison on my way in, I haven't seen her in a decade or more. We are talking and whatever....freaking out together. There are guys everywhere, who just keep looking at me and smiling, but not talking.....I start to think it's strange. Allison and I get in and try to figure out where to sit....I point at sections saying "Broadway,"...."Wall Street" .....hahahaha.....and when I say "Wall Street" she says "Oh yes! That's where I want to sit!" We go to the Wall Street section....the desks are all different, so I try them all out....it looks like Allison has the best one. Then I realize that I still haven't taken my pills and my hand is starting to get feeling back in it. Shit. So...I see a little hallway almost straight ahead....I decide to make my way to it....it turns into this weird tunnel-like bathroom area, with carpeting on the walls. I go in and get a drink and swallow my pills. There are these girls talking.....about how this guy is a sleazy whore. One of them is warning the other about him.....his name is like two letter-initials and a last name. Like, W.C. Fields or something. Ha. So one of the girls is walking out and says something like "Yeah, he'll soil your rocks, alright, but it's only about getting his rocks off. Understand?" The other girl nods as if she does. We lock eyes for a moment and I give her a sympathetic grin while committing the guys name to memory....start to walk out of the tunnel area...and wake up.

I had this dream that I was back together with my exboyfriend....or still together, I think. It didn't feel like we had broken up. So I can't remember what was happening before this, but I came downstairs, where he was sitting and watching a movie on the couch. I was in a loft, looking down on the couch and him. I felt very beside myself....as if I was watching the scene as a third party observer, but I was still myself. I don't know how to better explain it. So, he made some comment, which made me feel that he didn't want me there. He looked at me and seemed so happy to see me, but I just felt so strongly that he didn't want me there. I said something to that affect, like "Oh, sorry," or something. He then was just like "No, Aem, come here," and he patted the couch, moving things to make a place for me. I just shook my head. All I could feel and think was he was pretending...he was pretending well, too. That's where the being beside myself part comes in - part of me wanted to be there with him and believed that he loved me and wanted me to be there, and the other part of me just kept saying "No, he's lying, he's just an actor." After this little argument with myself went on for a bit, I then felt as if I was becoming "whole" again, and then I started flipping out. I went crazy, screaming and such. I actually started pulling my hair out. He seemed concerned, like he didn't really understand and wanted me to stop, but I couldn't shake the awful feeling that he was faking all of it.

I didn't know I could still feel those feelings. I woke up very disturbed by my behavior in the dream, as well as the similarities between my feelings in the dream and my feelings in real life, when I was in this relationship. I felt very sad. Upon reflection of the dream and, I guess, the theme, I realized that I am actually in a situation that is possibly the opposite of this one - where I am/was certain that a guy loved me, but he just doesn't and I can't figure out how I believed something like that when it wasn't true. This all makes me very mad, of course, because everyone wants to be able to trust their own instincts about a situation. And I just feel like I'm clueless. But then I realized that, in the first case, I actually wanted him to love me, which is maybe why I never really believed that he did...maybe that need is just that scary, to the point where you're continually questioning it? In this current scenario, though, I realized that I don't care if he loves me. I just don't care. I don't love him. Maybe that's why it was so easy to see it, even though it's not there. Anyway, I'm glad for the dream now, even though I don't think I'll ever figure out the problem. Unfortunately, remembering this dream made me forget the other couple that I had. Hopefully they'll come back later.

It's too fuzzy to report coherently, however, some stuff from my weird dream:

Tarantulas....crawling up the sink drain
Lots of empty coke cans
Some very large cleaning/rubble job that I did not want to do
The ocean...a cabana....
Some story about a dead pirate and his buried treasure...I think we were supposed to be in his house
A pull-down attic, that I never went into, but thought about it
There was an in-ground swimming pool in the back yard, which had been completely lifted out, leaving only the whole it was in....revealing that there were cinder blocks, windows, and a complete lower level to wherever we were
Something about a creepy doll....or perhaps a dead baby? No idea. It was creepy, though; I remember the feeling, just not the details of the thing/object