Dreaming about my former lover

**BwayGirl676** · 03-13-2014 05:42 PM

Last night I had a dream about a guy I was involved with for two years (we weren't in an "actual relationship"; he's in a common-law marriage and I was just the girl on the side.) He was the first guy I was ever sexually active with. I'm currently married (have been since June of last year.) In my dream, I'm a soldier in a war, and when I return back to base camp and go to my room to sleep, I wake up and my former lover is there. I'm surprised and shocked to see him there, but then my old feelings for him come back and I'm really happy to see him again. We start to make out and almost have start having sex when I wake up. I'm not sure what to do about this; I feel like, in a way, I'm cheating on my husband. Can someone help me please?

**Screen** · 03-13-2014 06:46 PM

If you're not already a lucid dreamer, you won't be able to find the reason through that method. I'd recommend you'd try visiting some form of therapist to better learn why you're dreaming that. If I was you, I'd feel like I was cheating, too, and it would definitely make me uncomfortable. I know you're not intentionally doing it, so, all the more reason to find out what emotions are causing it in the first place, because who knows where else it might be manifesting itself in your life.

**Tygar** · 03-13-2014 07:09 PM

I can understand how you feel. But what you did isn’t cheating.

I have had non-lucid sexual dreams about women from my past (including an ex-wife who treated me like complete crap). My wife has had sexual dreams about men from her past (and recently the lead singer of Motley Crue

…but he looked like he did back in the 80’s not like he looks now). The logic in your non-lucid dreams just doesn’t apply to reality. Feelings seem to be much stronger in a dream an often take over. Plus, both men and women are more sexually aroused during the REM stage of sleep (due to increased hormone levels).

I am sure if you met that guy in real life you wouldn’t even consider sleeping with him.

If you feel it would hurt his feelings or he would make a big deal about it, don't mention it to your husband. Remember, a dream is a dream. Now, if you are dreaming about this person regularly....then you may be harboring some feelings.

**Screen** · 03-13-2014 07:53 PM

True, a dream is a dream and sometime it's just random nonsense. I have them all the time. And she didn't cheat. But then, there are some dreams which are trying to tell you something important, and I don't believe in coincidences. Of all the things in the world, she just happened to land on what she did? Besides, dreaming about sex isn't really that common. Related to the subject, maybe. But with people you know? No.

Rather than looking at this as a, say, guilt-trip motivation, recognize it as something she's feeling that needs her attention. It may be "good" or it may be "bad." Whatever it is, I would say it's important.

**Tygar** · 03-13-2014 08:37 PM

Originally Posted by Screen

True, a dream is a dream and sometime it's just random nonsense. I have them all the time. And she didn't cheat. But then, there are some dreams which are trying to tell you something important, and I don't believe in coincidences. Of all the things in the world, she just happened to land on what she did? Besides, dreaming about sex isn't really that common. Related to the subject, maybe. But with people you know? No.

Rather than looking at this as a, say, guilt-trip motivation, recognize it as something she's feeling that needs her attention. It may be "good" or it may be "bad." Whatever it is, I would say it's important.

All good points. Personally, I feel that having a single disturbing dream probably doesn't indicate there are underlying issues. However, it definitely depends on how BwayGirl676 feels about the dream.