Thread: So real I hope it doesn't affect my life (or become real)

I haven't had a dream like this in a long time - I usually have lucid dreams or dreams that I only recall bits and pieces from. But this one, this was one of those dreams that I had no idea I was dreaming, it felt so real that I woke up next to my bf crying and even when he told me he loved me I felt like I was hearing it from the 'him' in my dream.

My general purpose for writing this out is honestly to vent it out of my system; I can't contain the thoughts any minute longer. I would appreciate it if you think there's another meaning to this outside the obvious that you'll share it.


Dream:

Chris and I had just celebrated his long awaited departure from his current, draining job that demanded so much of his time. One thing that was no secret was my happiness at the fact that he wouldn't be working 12 hour days with her, Lauren.

I got him the new job through networking my own connections, not for the sole purpose of having him away from this girl but because for over a year now he's hated his job and I wanted to see him genuinely happier. The search for a new job had begun months before he ever met this new girl, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't elated.

He had two weeks left, and the insecurities began to build up. I noticed he wasn't leaving his long days at work at the usual time and we began to argue.

"I'm not demanding, I'm just curious why for an entire year you've never stayed past 7 and suddenly you're home at 9?!"
Silence was his response. Silence followed by a all-too-sincere "Babe, I'm home now, we just got really busy at work and I had to help out at the end."

I left, grabbed my purse and decided to drive somewhere else to be away from him. I felt like something was bothering me, like he was hiding something but I couldn't put my finger on it. I found myself gripping the wheel tightly, stressed and distraught that for the first time in our relationship I felt like I wasn't able to trust his answers.

I pulled over at a quick-stop type restaurant and decided to grab something to eat. This'll settle my nerves, I thought.
Then I see Lauren walk out. Her... with her long legs, impossibly full and long brunette hair that skirted her lower back, chiseled face reminiscent of the European lineage of an American girl. She always dressed so nicely and a part of me cringed.

I saw my face in the reflection of my phone, and it looked paler than usual for my olive complexion. I stared back at my smokey eyes, my almost-black hair all pulled to one side of my face and straightened out my shirt. I was dressed as I normally was, dark gray t-shirt and light blue jeans over my beige wedges. I frowned at my jeans being looser than usual, with all the stress I was barely eating and it showed.

She looked my way and smiled, walked over as I felt myself fight the urge to tell her to go away.
"Hey you're Chris' girl aren't you?"
"Yeah, let's hope it stays that way."
She sat down and looked concerned, "What happened?"
"You happened. Ever since he's been preparing to leave there he stays later and I can't help but think it's because of you."
I watched as the fake salesperson smile wiped off her face and only distress remained.
I took a breath in and began, "I just have to ask, is there something going on between you two? There's something different and I need to know. I won't hate you, I just don't want to be wasting my time."
That's when she divulged it. She had explained that they'd been spending a lot of time together and he even asked if she'd marry him someday.

I felt like throwing up, and was ashamed that the information wasn't enough to make me leave him just yet. So I had to ask the kicker question; I had to ask if they'd been physical.
"You guys must've done something, he wouldn't just say that. Did you kiss?"
She nodded and followed up with, "Every day on his break, we would make out and stuff... I'm so sorry. But it's time you knew. I'm so sorry." She stood up and I hung my head down, hearing her high heels as she ran to her car.

I got in mine and headed back towards Chris. The sun had set already and he was expecting me as always.
"Come here baby, I'm sorry we fought." His arms were outstretched but I slapped him, watching those beautiful blue eyes burn electric.
"I loved you Chris! I loved you and I thought you loved me! She told me everything and I can't believe it... I loved you so much."
I began to weep as he tried to think of a way to respond. He tried for a moment to tell me he was sorry, he looked at me and said, "She meant nothing, I'm sorry baby I'm sorry.. You know I love you."
"She said you asked if she'd marry you, that doesn't sound like nothing to me!"
His tone quickly changed to apathy. "Yeah... I did. It's not like we had sex, I mean we did a lot of things, every day but she wasn't in to the same stuff so we didn't do everything."
I was appalled and kept asking 'why' as if it would make a difference but knew I had to end it.
"We're done Chris. We're done."
"Yeah I figured that." And he walked to another room as I followed him, crying and repeating it.
He just looked at me. The look in his eyes was devastated, like he had just watched something die and something did. As I stormed off, I heard him whimper, "It's all my fault..."

End Dream.

When I woke up I was laying next to Chris, and I immediately began to cry. He woke up and held me asking me what was wrong and I said I had a really bad dream that felt so real. My entire dream felt like it was in real-time.
We didn't discuss it because he has work in the morning, and frankly I don't know if I will tell him the dream... but there was just so much in the dream that's staying with me. The look in his eyes when he realized he lost someone he loved because he was too foolish. The way he shut me out when he realized there was no convincing me... his reactions were so true to his character had we been in that highly unlikely situation. I say unlikely because he has always shown honesty, kindness and loyalty throughout the years.

The true-to-life parts of the dream are the fact that I found him a new job, his coworker's description, my short description (and his eyes being blue) and that's it. He hasn't spent longer at work than usual, he's never given me a reason to distrust him and nothing else is true.

What does it mean? The obvious, I'd say. I'm scared to lose the first right man in my life. I love him so much and I've been cheated on, abused and treated with a devil-may-care attitude so many times in the past by my father and by ex-bf's. It's taken a couple years to become comfortable with love again, even though we're still in our twenties.
Throughout the dream I felt like I lost something, yet again - and I still feel shaken from it.

I don't want this dream to permeate into my reality. I would be devastated.

Thanks for reading... Gnite.

Hi! That sounds like one intense dream. The thing is that what is very commmon in dreams, is that they usually have the tendency to strengthen emotions when you dreaming. If I might make an interpretion of your dream, I would like to say this.

The first thought that struck me when I read it, was that your subconscious probably had someting figured out about your life situation. But as soon as I read your real life situation, It all got clear. So this is my conclusion of your dream. Since you mentioned that you got cheated and experienced so much negativity in your previous relationships, it's no surprise that your fear of loss of your current partner is getting stronger and stronger the more you start to realize that he's your perfect partner. And since you now have seemed to found a "threat" that you think could lure away your partners attention from you so he might cheat on you. That seems to have become a reality in your subconscious mind due to your past negative experiences. It doesn't mean it's is real. But anything you feed your subconscious with, have a good chance to cary ower to your daily life.

And strong emotion of anything in our waken life, tends to effect our dreams in various ways. My best advice for you, is that you actually start to develop a full trust in him if your relation is good at the moment. There is no other way for a good relationship than trusting eachother, but there cant be only one person trusting the other. So if he trust in you, make sure that he know that he have your trust all the way, and not some half trust, half sceptic view. Dont you worry about that dream, as long as you dont have any real convincing reasons to suspect that your partner actually might have cheated on you. Good luck to both of you, and remember to build that trust, even if your imagination might scare you some times.

I agree with DreamyBear.

It's pretty much because you're worrying about your relationship being damaged, you dreamt about it ending.

I need to explain something about dreams though. In dreams, your expectation plays a big role in deciding what happens. For example, in a dream, if you were walking on a dark road at night and saw a shadow, you might think, or expect, it to be a thug, then he suddenly appears to be a thug. Then you might expect him to start following you, then he DOES. Finally, you hide somewhere thinking it's safe, but then you start thinking he might find you, then he does!

It goes like that in your dream:
_He is late, so you expect something wrong, so he gives you a suspicious answer.
_You see that girl, expecting he might be cheating with her, then you ask her, and surely she tells you he is in fact cheating with her!
_Finally, you confront him, knowing he doesn't love you like before, so he indeed does give up on convincing you too early. But, you expected him to be somewhat regretful, hence the "it's all my fault..." part.

It's kinda how dreams work. You incubated this dream because you were worrying about this issue so much during the day. I wouldn't worry at all about it being precognitive or something (these things aren't true).

You just need to deal with the fear of losing him. Surely that's hard, but the worst thing you can do is show him you're sceptic, it would really bother him and make him worry a lot about the troubles that this scepticism might make, including troubles from untrusting him. In other words, no body wants to hear his partner doesn't trust him, even if it's just skepticism. So it's better too not to share this dream with him, even though lovers should be open with each other, but this is best kept inside you until you resolve it. Your partner doesn't need to know about it (ESPECIALLY if he himself believes in precognitive dreams).

But, if you do feel that there is something off, something that is suspicious, you need to find out what would be going on. The thing is, if I have something that is troubling me, I would actually go to my lover and find comfort with her. If you feel he might be lying about something, then:

_He might be hiding something, which would be a problem, or
_If he has some problem, he is clearly not finding comfort in sharing with you, which would be a problem because lovers should be able to be completely open with each other, to be VERY VERY close.

So the first might show that he might be cheating on you, and the second might show that there could be communication problems.
Now I'm not telling you to stalk him if he shows these signs, just a little investigations like checking his phone. Never check Facebook though because it's mostly just figurative. Also asking in his work place is a bad idea because workers there might gossip.

Also, VERY VERY IMPORTANT!! Make him take the 5 love languages test. Just Google "The 5 love languages test". You need to know which is his main love language.
In short, love languages are things that make you feel the love if you do them with your partner. They are:
_Words of affirmation( like if he tells you he loves you)
_Touch( like a nice cuddle for example)
_Quality time
_Recieving a gift
_Recieving help with something(like if he helps you with some project you need to finish)

When you see His test results, you'll know what moves him the most! (This is not just important for any relationship, but also if you wanna see how close you both are)

But don't assume what his love language might be, because you might get it completely wrong.
For example, my love language scores are:
Quality Time (11/12)
Touch(10/12)
Recieving Gifts(5/12)
Recieving help(4/12)
Words of affirmation(4/12)

Yes, nothing beats a nice romantic cuddle next to a fire the whole night for me!
I was very surprised that words of affirmation are so low for me! You really NEED to know his main love language(s)! You might be using the wrong love language with him!

After you figure them out, see how much he gets moved by them. If you feel that he is not so close to you, or he's not letting you into his heart completely, keep showing him your love (using his main love languages) and he'll eventually let you in, in his heart and his mind!

Bottom line, I wouldn't be worried if I were you. Just make sure there is good trust and communication in your relationship, and the best way to do that is to show him that he can be comfortable with sharing with you, and also show him some love!

Thank you for the responses, I honestly wasn't expecting to get any so that was actually quite comforting.

I guess what I'm having trouble with is that instead of something I can ignore and move on from, like other silly paranoid feelings I get as a result of my past, this felt so real it's stayed with me today. I'm trying to remember it wasn't real and I was likely guiding the dream, as LouaiB stated.

Thank you for the responses, I honestly wasn't expecting to get any so that was actually quite comforting.

I guess what I'm having trouble with is that instead of something I can ignore and move on from, like other silly paranoid feelings I get as a result of my past, this felt so real it's stayed with me today. I'm trying to remember it wasn't real and I was likely guiding the dream, as LouaiB stated.

Your welcome! It's not that your paranoid feelings are silly, because they have actually become true to your mind. But they are most likely delusional feelings due to your imagination that have been formed to your past feelings of getting cheated and rejected of the people you once loved. Yeah what LouaiB said is most likely the case, and I agree with that. Just remember, that what you have felt and experienced in your dream is most likely to be born out of fear of loss. And that feeling of loss originate from your past memories of when you all the time you been misstreated and hurt. Your feeling is perfectly normal. Keep in mind though, that if your current partner treat you good. Your not in the past anymore, you are here and now with a person that loves and respect you fully. Dont be afraid to lose him, but rather be brave enough to love him with all your heart.

That last sentence was gold, DreamyBear! I also like to think about relationships like that, and also add to it that if the relationship ends, I will not hate love, but instead thank it for passing by (Surely I didn't rip that one off of that MBC ad I assure you hehe *nervous laugh*)