I hate my brain

[LodeRunner13]

WARNING: I put a lot of emotions (mainly fear and sadness) into this following paragraph. Please go to a different thread if you think that might be too much for you. Last night, I decided to take an old magazine to bed to read before I went to sleep. It wasn't until I got into my bedroom, though, when I remembered that there was a comic strip panel in the magazine that scared me when I was little. I tucked the magazine underneath a book so I wouldn't have to see it, as my memories of fear started to grow. For the 15 minutes before I went to sleep, all I could think about was the magazine. I was very aware of its presence. My thoughts were made worse by a very similar situation that happened a year before, and a fear that it would happen again. I had a short nightmare that followed, which involved me opening a magazine, and finding a picture inside that resembled a picture that traumatized me when I was little. I won't say what this traumatic picture is named, not because I really badly don't want to be reminded of it, but because I don't want anyone else to go and look it up. It terrifies me, with all this time I spend on the internet, that this picture, one of the most scarring things I have ever seen, can be easily found with a quick google search. I still have not built up the courage to confront it since. After I saw this similar image in the dream, I was covinced it was the real thing even though it wasn't. All I thought in my head was the words: "I don't want to be here", and I woke up in shock, unable to sleep until I physically couldn't stay awake. I hate my brain. This is the second time this has happened, and it hurts me every time. It was worse the last time, but just the thought that my brain would take a deep traumatic thing like that and randomly throw it into a dream. I don't feel safe anymore. Last time, the nightmare that resulted was scarring on its own. I was lucky it wasn't as bad this time. The worst part, is that it might happen again. All it needs is the right conditions and it will grow and consume me. I don't know what to do.