Thread: The funniest joke you've ever heard

How many psychologist does it take to change a light bulb?




Just one, But it takes a long time and the light bulb has to want to change.

Some of the funniest jokes I've ever heard (and often thought up by myself on the spot) where in relation to the more or less current events of my every day life so I even if I could pin point one that was funniest...I doubt it would be at all funny to anyone...even though at the moment they were thought up or recited they seemed so hilareous that I sometimes fell to the ground or laughed for so long that I could barely breath.

I'm still not getting how this topic is for the squeamish o.O

Priest: What is your sin child?

Girl : I confess father, I called a man a son of a bitch.

Priest: Why?

Girl : Father he touched me!

Priest: Like this..?

(The priest then touches the girl)

Girl : Yes!

Priest: But that is no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.

Girl : Yes, but then he stripped me naked!

Priest: Like this..?

(The priest then rips the girl's clothes off)

Girl : Yes!

Priest: But that is no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.

Girl : Yes, but then he had sex with me!

Priest: Like this..?

(The priest then has wild sex with her)

Girl : Yes exactly like that!

Priest: But that is no reason to call a man a son of a bitch!

Girl : But father he had genitle herpees!

Priest: That son of a bitch!

Originally posted by Merlock
Some of the funniest jokes I've ever heard (and often thought up by myself on the spot) where in relation to the more or less current events of my every day life so I even if I could pin point one that was funniest...I doubt it would be at all funny to anyone...even though at the moment they were thought up or recited they seemed so hilareous that I sometimes fell to the ground or laughed for so long that I could barely breath.

I'm still not getting how this topic is for the squeamish o.O

THIS TOPIC IS NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH!

THIS TOPIC IS NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH![/b]

Q: How do you make a baby cry twice?

A: Wipe your bloody penis on his teddy bear.

Yeah, yeah..I know I\'ve used this classic in the other joke thread.

lmao x9

He who is sitting in the heavens doth laugh, The Lord doth mock at them.

I doth mocketh the Lord's mama, and he doth laugh and be pwned.

Originally posted by Ex Nine
I doth mocketh the Lord's mama, and he doth laugh and be pwned.

All your lords bases are belonging to me!

My Lord has no chance to survive!


Ha ha ha!

This guy died with an erection. It was to big for the mortician to put him
in a coffin, so the wife told the mortician to cut it off and shove it up
his ass. The next day at the funeral the wife saw a tear in her dead
husband's eye. She bent over and said, "I told you it hurts you fucking
bastard."

ITM,

Something about your halloween avatar reminds me of the pope. I think it's the shape of the bag and the serious hellfire-and-brimstone look you have going on...

You're not popeing out on us are you?

A man and woman fall in love and get married, having several kids over the years. One day, they decide to have a baby after a while, and when the baby is delivered, the husband shouts "All our previous kids were beautiful and sweet, why is this one so ugly?" The wife replies "I had sex with you this time"

Originally posted by kimpossible
ITM,

Something about your halloween avatar reminds me of the pope. I think it's the shape of the bag and the serious hellfire-and-brimstone look you have going on...

You're not popeing out on us are you?

I applied for the position, but was rejected on the grounds that my relations with children were too plutonic.

HAHA!

I'm no biggot, but I think this is the funniest joke in the world.


Why did Geffery fall off the swing?









Because he's black and I punched him.






heehee

Although punching a kid off a swing can be funny, but does Geffrey the name have a significance that makes it extra funny?

I will let the anti-racists and black people respond to that one...

I thought it as platooic, not plutonic. But perhaps both the priests and kids were drinking too much tonic.

Ok, so God and Adam are walking through the Garden of Eden oneday just talking, when notices' that Eve is nowhere to be found. God turns to Adam and says," Where hast Eve gone?" Adam promptly replies, " To bathe in the ocean, My Lord." God then shouts," OH GREAT, I'LL NEVER GET THAT SMELL OUT OF THOSE FISH."

Originally posted by scorpifly
Ok, so God and Adam are walking through the Garden of Eden oneday just talking, when notices' that Eve is nowhere to be found. God turns to Adam and says,\" Where hast Eve gone?\" Adam promptly replies, \" To bathe in the ocean, My Lord.\" God then shouts,\" OH GREAT, I'LL NEVER GET THAT SMELL OUT OF THOSE FISH.\"

That one as dino pooh on it...

This is kind of gross/not nice but here it is:

A guy walks into a gay bar. The waiter comes by and asks, "May I push up your stool?"

The 7 Dwarves are visiting the Vatican and are granted an audience with the Pope.

The Pope greets them and notices that the dwarves are laughing to themselves. "What is so funny?" asks the Pope.

6 dwarves turn to Dopey and say "Go ahead Dopey, ask him".

So Dopey asks the Pope "Are there any dwarf nuns?"

The Pope thinks for a second before replying "No, I don't believe there are any dwarf nuns".

At this, 6 dwarves are killing themselves with laughter. "What is so damn funny ?!?" demands the Pope.

6 dwarves answer in unison "Dopey fucked a penguin !!!!!"

Madagascar!

Ooh, Awaken
of all people to reply
you just reminded me of another one.......


Jesus is walking through Bethlehem, he's been travelling all day

Tired and weary, he spots a tavern.
After dusting off his sandels, he steps inside

The barkeep nods to Jesus, and says "What'll it be?"

Jesus, handing the man 4 nails, replies "Can you put me up for the night?"

'Ouch'