Thread: Post the best joke you can think of off the top of your head.

A young couple were having a romantic stroll along a park lane. Towards the end of the walk, the male starts to get a little horny for his girlfriend, Mary. As his sexual desires rise to a peak, Mary says, 'Sorry, I really need to piss.'
Thinking quickly, the male says, 'How about you go behind that bush there.', and points to a nearby bush. Mary agrees, and walks behind the bush. The male sits on the other side of the bush. As he could hear underwear rolling down her legs, the very thought of what was being revealed drove him nuts. He couldn't take it anymore.

So, he reaches his hand through the bush, and places it on Mary's leg. He begins to move upwards, until, he reaches this long thick object hanging between Mary's thighs.

'My God Mary, have you changed your sex?' he asked.

'No.' says Mary, 'I'm taking a shit instead.'

2 pieces grain of sand are walking in the dessert and one says "I think we're surrouned"

I busk, so I have to be full of jokes, the one I use mostly is this.
-When a lady is heckling me.
"Look lady, you work your side of the streets and Ill work mine ok"

"Whats the magic word? no, the only real magic word is please, as in 'Please dont hurt me chuck norris', to bad chuck norrise dosen't believe in magic"

How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Let's go ride bikes!

A pretzel walks down the street and gets assaulted.

Originally Posted by Demon Parasite

A pretzel walks down the street and gets assaulted.

You got it all wrong, it's a "peanut".

Originally Posted by Venomblood

You got it all wrong, it's a "peanut".

A pretzel walks down the street and gets a peanut.

A pretzel walks down the street and is violently raped by a madman.

Q: If you're an American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?

A: European!

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

No, but I heard about the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa.

Originally Posted by Amethyst Star

No, but I heard about the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa.

I didn't know that similar one.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

I have no eyedeer!

(heard this one from my grandpa)

Ever hear about the Absent minded proffessor?

He put his cigar to bed and jumped out the window!

http://dreamviews.com/community/member.php?u=6012

Originally Posted by guitarboy

http://dreamviews.com/community/member.php?u=6012

http://dreamviews.com/community/member.php?u=22073

Originally Posted by Man of Shred

Originally Posted by guitarboy

http://dreamviews.com/community/member.php?u=6012

http://dreamviews.com/community/member.php?u=22073

OOH BURN

Guy walks into the doctors office and says "Doctor doctor can you help me? i have a square dick!"

Doctor says "ok whip it out and I will take a look". So he does, Doctor says "Wow! that really is square how did that happen?"

Guy says "Well Im a construction worker and i was carrying a large metal beam. I dropped it on my dick and it was all flat. So i put it in a vice and it came out square."

Doctor says "Ok i tell you what, Ill give you two weeks off work to pull yourself around."

-------------------------

A sexy woman is lying around the house topless. Theres a knock at the door; "Who is it?" She asks. "Its the blind man" comes the reply. So she thinks, well he's blind he wont see anything, so she lets him in. "Wow nice tits!" He says, "Where do you want your blinds?"

------------------------

Ok so i am sitting in a restaurant and i see a beautiful lady. So i call the waitress over and get her to take the lady a bottle of wine. The waitress returns with a note from the lady. It says 'For me to accept this bottle you would have to own three sports cars, have 2 million in the bank and 7 inches in your trousers.' So i send a note back to her, saying "I have a Porsche, a Lamborghini, and a Ferrari, 3 mil in the bank, but i wont cut off three inches for anybody, just send the wine back."

That's enough for now.

FunK

Q: What is the similarity between a vibrator and soya beans?
A: They're both meat substitutes.

Why do women fake orgasm?






Because they think we care.



...Sorry.

Engerinzer Bunny Arrested, charged with battery.

GhostMaker arrested, charged with bad spelling!

How about an anti-joke?

A small plane is flying over the United States en route to New York. While cruising toward the destination, the something goes wrong with the plane, and the pilot is forced to call for an emergency landing. However, the pilot realizes that they won't be able to make the landing, so they must evacuate. There were only three people on the plane besides the pilot, a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. The pilot looks at them and say, "Quickly, you have to grab your parac-"

A spark hit the fuel tank and the plane exploded. There were no survivors.

This one time, when I was charging my Engerinzer batteries, one of them zapped me. It was really engerinzing.