Thread: Recurring Emotional Nightmares

I think it is definitely worth trying using lucidity to resolve these nightmares, though I can see why it would be very difficult. I had some emotional abuse as a child though not as extreme as your wife's I assume, but I can relate to some extent. My self esteem as a result is not very strong and I am very hard on myself because I had been called an idiot too many times when growing up. This may be part of the issue: your wife may not trust herself to be capable of being in control and overcoming the nightmares, and believing in herself is essential to overcoming them while conversely overcoming them would give a huge boost to her self esteem. I suggest mantras and auto suggestion reminding herself that she can do this, that she is a strong and capable woman who can overcome her fears, reminding herself that while her relative somewhere out there is real but the dream character she encounters is just a figment of her imagination, remembering that she can control her own dream. Whenever a nightmare occurs, afterwards try to rethink it of how it could have gone more in her favor of how she could have taken control. In the nightmare itself if lucid, tell the dream character that it is only a figment of her imagination, that it cannot hurt her, that she does not want it in her life any more. Speak with conviction and expect the dream character to become less scary as a result. Imagine it in a ridiculous outfit or much smaller than in real life. If there are things that this relative has said to her that hurt her that she is reliving in her dreams let her hold a mirror in her dream or some magical item that reflects or sends back the curses onto the one who is trying to hurt her so that in the dreams instead of hurting her he/she hurts self. Realize that behind the abuse there must have been insecurity and lack of control on the side of the abuser, and use that knowledge of abuser's weakness to realize that they are not in control. Realize that you have won against them - do not fight them in your dream because that could leave you vulnerable, but realize that the victory is already won. Imagine your dreamself with special armor, invisible but impregnable special armor that the other's abuse cannot pierce. Know that you are safe. It will not be easy at first. But as long as you are determined to overcome this, these expectations and determination will win - though it may take time and effort.

Your wife must realize that during lucidity, she is in full control of her dreams.

She can fly away if she wants, visit anywhere she wants, she can get away from this character, she can even confront the character in the dream, saying things like "Leave me alone." or "You're not real!"; I would probably suggest shouting at the character "You're not real! You can't scare me any longer, I am in control of you!" or something of those sorts.

I hope all goes well, and I'm sorry for not being very much help; I've never had a lucid nightmare before.

Originally Posted by DarthLucidity

Your wife must realize that during lucidity, she is in full control of her dreams.

She can fly away if she wants, visit anywhere she wants, she can get away from this character, she can even confront the character in the dream, saying things like "Leave me alone." or "You're not real!"; I would probably suggest shouting at the character "You're not real! You can't scare me any longer, I am in control of you!" or something of those sorts.

I hope all goes well, and I'm sorry for not being very much help; I've never had a lucid nightmare before.

A word of caution: Just because the dream character is not real does not mean that the fear is not real. And thus it may take a while for this to work. When I confronted my father in my dream telling him he is just a figment of my imagination, he denied it and I felt I did not win that argument, in part because he has always been someone in waking life against whom I did not win arguments, and thus I did not expect to win deep down because of expectations based on waking experience, and even though I knew that he was just a DC in my dream, but I was still intimidated, and this was during a time in my life when me and my dad got along much better than at any other time of my life, and thus I imagine that this same dream would have been much scariest for me in a crisis - it was actually kind of funny for me at that time, and I self analyzed it with a smile realizing why I had not convinced him. Self analysis is crucial I think to overcoming issues: one needs to examine oneself, understands why one reacts the way one does, work on self improvement, knowing that it may require small steps and patience. It may be that next time she will still be scared but no longer as scared of the nightmare, and that would already be an improvement.