Interesting. I think I have to change my response a bit.
If happiness is anything like love, I no longer believe in it. Thus, that would make my world a very, very dark place and there should be no reason why I am alive right now, writing this to all of you. I have tried to end my miserable life many times. But I'm still fucking here, and I don't know why. Just when I think I've discovered some speck of happiness that could be for me, the happiness bites me in the ass and says, 'Ha, fooled you! I'm not for you after all.' Serinanth has a point, your happiness should not come at the expense of another's. But that's the story of my fucking life. Everything in my life that makes me happy, even in the least, comes with such a high price that I either be the asshole and pay it, or live the rest of this shithole life unhappy. And therein lies a whole other problem. You only ever have yourself. I don't care how many friends you have, or how close your family is, they will NEVER BE THERE FOR YOU IN THE END! You are alone, a singular soul in this cosmic fuckup of a universe. That in mind, do you pay the high price and attain happiness? Would you truly be happy having paid that price?
My eyes are opening now. Put into perspective with the whole of my life, happiness does not exist. Love does not exists. Those are the truths that have been proven to me time and time again in this life, yet still I bang my head against that brick wall trying to attain both of them. I run on emotion, not logic, which is a very chaotic place to be and a lot of people don't understand my inner workings because of it. Frankly, I hate it, and i would giveup all my emotion for logic. But that's a whole other bag of chips. Someone once referred to me as 'a fiery turbulent inner emotional landscape.' I try to see the balance of existence: the light and dark, the eternal opposing forces that make up the All. Speaking of happiness and staying on subject, I am slowly beginning to lean toward the darkness again, because at least there I had something solid that I could grasp--power and control over a life that I didn't ask for yet remain stuck in until the gods see fit to take me from this body. And that is as close to happiness as some people will ever come.
Metaphorically speaking (for those of you who've read my riddle), I am giving up on that goddamn mystic apple forever. Let the other apples all fall to me as they should, for with my power I can shake them from their trees. This is my life, goddamn it, and I resolve to be happy with what I can get.
Woo. Little darkly poetic tonight, aren't I?
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