I used to find myself being quite nihilistic when I was younger. As I've aged my views have naturally migrated toward existentialism.

I think the principal reason for the switch is related to a change in world outlook, my attitude, and my mental health (because it improved and became more positive). Before the meaningless, monotony, and ennui of existence was such a pervasive influence on my beliefs that I completely abandoned my value system. This formed a feedback loop that guided all my thought patterns, mood, and outlook toward negativity and neuroticism. Without a value system or believing in any real meaning, nothing had significance in my life and all actions become permitted and justified. After all, I'm not religious and had no objective sense of morality (i.e. a value system); if I was going to die nothing mattered anyway because nothing would ever amount to anything in the end.

Of course, despite believing nothing really mattered and nothing was actually that "real", I could not ignore the reality of personal suffering and pain. No matter how much you rationalize or justify how meaningless it is to care about anything (including personal suffering), you cannot escape these without turning to dangerously unhealthy forms of escapism (like drug abuse or obsessions). I had stripped myself of the ability to experience pleasure, joy, contentment, or happiness but could not strip myself of negativity, pain, and suffering. In the end I was still judging myself to be every bit of worthless and pathetic as I was viewing everybody and everything else, and that negative sense of self-worth only increased the suffering.

Once I started to recover, I realized how important value systems are. I thought I had understood that any meaning anything had could only be created by me, but I was not able to actually create any meaning because my general outlook and philosophy at their core were preventing that from occurring. Once I reestablished my moral compass with thoughtfully constructed personal beliefs, my literal feeling of morality/right and wrong did not return in the way it used to exist when I was younger. At first this was dismaying, but I soon came to the conclusion that restoring that feeling wasn't necessary and my current sense of right and wrong was merely different, not deficient.

So, despite the absurdity of the human condition and reality, I firmly believe in the good and overwhelmingly positive effect that forming your own meaning and a personal value system has on one's life. Outright nihilism, to my understanding now, is a very toxic, negative philosophy to base your sense of reality around.

What about you guys? Which philosophy do you believe more in, and please explain why.