I really think you're cool but........

[Howie]

So if you began to date someone and found they have a lot of great qualities but are beginning to realize your religious beliefs don't jive. What do you do? I will go into further detail later. I have to get my butt to work. I wanted to throw this out there to get some preliminary feedback! Thanks in advance. ~Howie

[ClouD]

Love is the universal religion. 'Unconditional'... Edit: Perhaps...modern relationships have become less about love, not that that would be a 'bad' thing. Must religion be a requisite for communion with love? Many words waiting to be typed, not so much direction to them, but I think you may understand.

[Mes Tarrant]

It's really unfortunate that people take religious beliefs more seriously than pretty much anything else in life (politics, sports, career path, etc). I mean, would anyone be asking this question if the difference was in... favorite food? I think it's just because some people are too scared of death. Anyway. Back to the question. It depends on how serious the difference is. I'm an atheist and dated a hindu for 3 years and it was never an issue. Okay it's a big difference in religion in a sense, but I'm talking more about things like: does your partner think you are going to hell, does your partner consider you a bad person for your beliefs, will your partner try to force you to change certain things about you to conform to his/her beliefs.... Those are the kind of questions that matter to me, personally. It also depends on how much you like to talk about religion. If you never talk about it, then bah, who cares. But if it comes up every day... and there are some major disagreements... then you're guaranteed to have a disagreement every single day of your life. I hope I'm making sense. I'm a little tired. I also dated a catholic, and it was fine because he was one of those: "Yeah I'm catholic, but, I do what I want." Perhaps...modern relationships have become less about love . As opposed to, what, the lovely arranged marriages of previous (and still some current, of course) times?

[ClouD]

As opposed to, what, the lovely arranged marriages of previous (and still some current, of course) times? Ah I thought that might sound like that... What I mean though, is that modern society might not give so much leeway to love. (On the idea of course, that a romantic relationship is built around love.) Love disregards divisions between people, disregards society altogether. Edit: Whereas society obviously demands more/other than just love, (possibly being religion) which can be conflicting. Dating, I don't know what requisites. In fact, I am unsure why we have two-person 'romantic relationships' at all, it seems illogical other than from a standpoint of...'mating'. As humans, I would assume love is the main idea, though at first glance it seems a bit hard-hitting to say 'love' outright.

[nitsuJ]

So if you began to date someone and found they have a lot of great qualities but are beginning to realize your religious beliefs don't jive. What do you do? I will go into further detail later. I have to get my butt to work. I wanted to throw this out there to get some preliminary feedback! Thanks in advance. ~Howie Sort of like if I was a hardcore Christian that digs Jesus to the max, but I found out that my girlfriend is a hardcore Satanist that digs Satan to the max, would I still like her? Yes. Religion doesn't have anything to do with love in my eyes!

[juroara]

religion can change peoples perspectives of each other imagine if the christian looks at the atheist and thinks "hellbound". or if the atheist looks at the christian and thinks "sheep". how can these two remain in a romantic relationship without their perspectives of each other getting in the way? they both see each other as ignorant and blind. do you want a lover who sees you as ignorant or blind? but what is in the way of their relationship is not the religion. but their judgmental egos. ego is in the way because it tells you "I am absolutely right". love is unconditional. love is not just two people dating to see if they are good mates. that is a human relationship that evolved out of our need to reproduce. not out of our need to love. friendship is the relationship that evolved out of our need to love for loves sake. but love is not confined or defined by human relationships. people who don't understand what unconditional love is think its all flowerly and soft and weak, and passive. but unconditional love is a great power, like nature evolving. unconditional love is not about making you happy or satisfying your desires. on the contrary - its about destroying your ego. even if you do not believe in unconditional love, or do not feel you have it in your life, you can do nothing to escape it. it is already all around you whether or not you choose to recognize it. even the atheist and the christian that are in love, are still in a relationship of unconditional love. even if they fight, even if they argue, even if they went their separate ways. . . its still a relationship that came to be because of unconditional love. how? through unconditional love, they have walked into a relationship where everything their ego stands for will be challenged and shaken. that is the goal of such love, to challenge and then destroy your ego so you can be free of it. this makes for 'less than perfect relationships'. relationships that hurt us. it is the direct opposite of what we say romantic love should be, something that always makes us happy. we all have some ego issue to work over. and we all have attracted someone into our life who can challenge those ego illusions. don't believe me? this person is in your life right now! mother, father, sister, brother, friend, boy friend, girl friend, husband, wife, children, ect. look what happens when people deny unconditional love to work in their lives. they become afraid of all that is different from them. and what do you get? anti-gays. anti-jews. anti-christians. anti-muslims. anti-atheists, anti, anti, anti anti anti, you get everything bad. but even the people who are afraid to challenge their egos, can't escape the nature of unconditional love. they are surrounded with people that think and breathe the same. walking talking mirrors. and every time one of these anti people do something wrong in life, its an opportunity for the self to realize "that must mean, I am wrong too" so love every relationship, as fucked up as it is, that you walk into. even if it doesn't work out. its okay. it was all for the better. and it was all for you. however when we want to share our life with someone, its the sharing part that becomes the factor of whom we choose. if someone wants to share a spiritual life with another, do you think they want to marry a materialistic person?? or do you think a materialistic person wants to marry someone who wants to pray chant and meditate 24/7?? relationships that share last. relationships that don't share, go their separate ways. (even if they love each other) so its not like asking if different races can marry. religion and spirituality do play a factor in what people want to 'share' in life.

[ChaybaChayba]

I believe in all religions, so I don't have any problems with that =P

[Howie]

Sort of like if I was a hardcore Christian that digs Jesus to the max, but I found out that my girlfriend is a hardcore Satanist that digs Satan to the max, would I still like her? Yes. Religion doesn't have anything to do with love in my eyes! yaa whatever. The person who has those beliefs has everything to do with love. Agape. They love the lord. If they believe in most doctrines we would for the most part call conventional. Unconditional love my ass. Take a look at the controversy that just the R/S Forum create between two members. And all that is to be cast aside and to be looked right past. Can you honestly rebut what Jurhaora has said? ▼ imagine if the christian looks at the atheist and thinks "hellbound". or if the atheist looks at the christian and thinks "sheep". how can these two remain in a romantic relationship without their perspectives of each other getting in the way? they both see each other as ignorant and blind. do you want a lover who sees you as ignorant or blind? Jurhora, I am not disregarding the rest of what you have said. In fact it seems very true. But that too is something that two people can find themselves in a totally different place, mindset. That is a very difficult feet for one person to achieve. Hail to the couple that can achieve that. If a relationship can continue as some of you have suggested then I don't believe that one or both of the people in the relationship do/did not take their beliefs very seriously. It's so abrasive, contradictory. Mes - Come on, how serious was your partners beliefs taken? I love you unconditionally and I can't wait to see you in heaven. ooh wait, your just going to be dirt.

[spockman]

There have been times when I've felt caught up and looked past religous beliefs. I actually find girls with alternate political/philosophical beliefs to mine to be intriguing. But... Religion is the most important thing in my life. I can't see a relationship going too long if we don't share the most important thing to some degree. If your family was the most important/one of the most important thing in your life and your significant other wanted nothing to do with your family, could it work? If you were really passionate about your career and made it a priority in you're life, but your partner thought avidly that it was a waste of time and did nothing progressive, wouldn't that be a stumbling block? It's based on priorities, I think.

[Robot_Butler]

I would give it some time, assuming you haven't already. If you like everything else about the person besides their religious title, you probably have similar beliefs on a deep level. Even if you superficially disagree about religion, you may have similar spiritual roots. Most people are very bad at expressing their beliefs. You may disagree when discussing religious theory, but then turn around and live your lives according to the same core beliefs. I would trust the experience and your feelings for the person. Of course, the situation may be reversed. Maybe you seem to agree on a superficial level, but have recently found out that you really interpret things differently.

[Howie]

I would give it some time, assuming you haven't already. If you like everything else about the person besides their religious title, you probably have similar beliefs on a deep level. Even if you superficially disagree about religion, you may have similar spiritual roots. Most people are very bad at expressing their beliefs. You may disagree when discussing religious theory, but then turn around and live your lives according to the same core beliefs. I would trust the experience and your feelings for the person. Of course, the situation may be reversed. Maybe you seem to agree on a superficial level, but have recently found out that you really interpret things differently. That was very well said RB I could not agree with you more! It is so sad to me that I had a wife that I felt I truly loved unconditionally. It was just what you have stated that I felt we had in common. "Core beleifs" We did not even have religious differances. But that entire situation plays a big factor in my lack of confidence in trusting my own feelings. Thanks for the advice.

[nitsuJ]

yaa whatever. The person who has those beliefs has everything to do with love. Agape. They love the lord. If they believe in most doctrines we would for the most part call conventional. Unconditional love my ass. Take a look at the controversy that just the R/S Forum create between two members. And all that is to be cast aside and to be looked right past. Can you honestly rebut what Jurhaora has said? ▼ Jurhora, I am not disregarding the rest of what you have said. In fact it seems very true. But that too is something that two people can find themselves in a totally different place, mindset. That is a very difficult feet for one person to achieve. Hail to the couple that can achieve that. If a relationship can continue as some of you have suggested then I don't believe that one or both of the people in the relationship do/did not take their beliefs very seriously. It's so abrasive, contradictory. Mes - Come on, how serious was your partners beliefs taken? I love you unconditionally and I can't wait to see you in heaven. ooh wait, your just going to be dirt. I was stating for myself that religion doesn't matter, and I think it shouldn't matter to anyone in a relationship. I don't really care about religion. Can you have friends that aren't of the same religion as you? Yes. With that same reasoning, don't you think it'd be fair to say you can also have a boyfriend/girlfriend that's not of the same religion? I do. Not all boyfriends and girlfriends have the same views on everything, some like one thing, the other likes the opposite, do they still make a relationship work? Yes. R/S is a place to debate, or talk about religion. I don't really think anyone in here straight up hates another member because of their religion, I'm pretty sure if everyone on DV got together, no matter their views on religion, they'd get along just fine. I believe if two people got together and had different views on religion, they could still make a relationship work. There's actually someone on here with a theist girlfriend, and the guy is an atheist, or agnostic, one of the two, I can't remember who it is though. I remember them talking about it in the chat once though. Everyone has their differences, even boyfriends and girlfriends. If they all got along 100% fine with no different views on anything, then they're either not human, or one of them, if not both of them are brown nosing each other hard. Just because their religions are different doesn't mean they're relationship will fail.

[Howie]

I was stating for myself that religion doesn't matter, and I think it shouldn't matter to anyone in a relationship. I don't really care about religion. Can you have friends that aren't of the same religion as you? Yes. With that same reasoning, don't you think it'd be fair to say you can also have a boyfriend/girlfriend that's not of the same religion? I do. Not all boyfriends and girlfriends have the same views on everything, some like one thing, the other likes the opposite, do they still make a relationship work? Yes. R/S is a place to debate, or talk about religion. I don't really think anyone in here straight up hates another member because of their religion, I'm pretty sure if everyone on DV got together, no matter their views on religion, they'd get along just fine. I believe if two people got together and had different views on religion, they could still make a relationship work. There's actually someone on here with a theist girlfriend, and the guy is an atheist, or agnostic, one of the two, I can't remember who it is though. I remember them talking about it in the chat once though. Everyone has their differences, even boyfriends and girlfriends. If they all got along 100% fine with no different views on anything, then they're either not human, or one of them, if not both of them are brown nosing each other hard. Just because their religions are different doesn't mean they're relationship will fail. I can appreciate that view nitsuJ. With respect, I can't say that I agree with you though. Not that i'm in disbelief that this can happen. I just don't think it's realistic.

[Xox]

Pretty much what everyone mentioned. I wouldn't be happy with someone who constantly tried to shove their opinions down my throat. Or someone who thought I was going to go to hell, etc. I agree, it's really a shame people take religion so seriously.. And when it comes to marrying, religion can be a big issue. I guess it just depends on the person. You'll find people for who religion is the hugest "deciding" factor in their lives. And you'll find people who label themselves as religious, but do what they want and don't let religion interfere.

[marlie]

As far as im concerned.. being in a relationship does not equal being the same.... its about the undying urge to be together no matter what. You dont have to have the same views, beliefs or skin colour as your partner for it to work.. however a huge mismatch in religion could obviously equal a huge mismatch in general standards and morals.. which especially could become an issue when raising a child together. I have christian friends that are married to Muslim husbands and it doesnt really affect them, exept a few arguments around certain religious times of the year when they first met, now they accept that they each need to put up and shut up at each others religious gatherings.. and concluded that they could pretend to belive each others when neccessary whilst still remaining true to their own religion. Being someones "partner" doesnt have to mean change for either one.. just acceptance.

[DeathCell]

So if you began to date someone and found they have a lot of great qualities but are beginning to realize your religious beliefs don't jive. What do you do? I will go into further detail later. I have to get my butt to work. I wanted to throw this out there to get some preliminary feedback! Thanks in advance. ~Howie Who cares? Unless she is crazy... telling you to believe in this or you will burn or something along those lines..

[spockman]

I think everyone should ask themselves what the most important thing in thier life is. If the girl/guy wants nothing to do with that thing, could the relationship work well?

[Robot_Butler]

What if the girl/guy is the most important thing in their life?

[Sandform]

So if you began to date someone and found they have a lot of great qualities but are beginning to realize your religious beliefs don't jive. What do you do? I will go into further detail later. I have to get my butt to work. I wanted to throw this out there to get some preliminary feedback! Thanks in advance. ~Howie If you are atheist, when around your lovie dove, you just pretend to be whatever silly religion she is. What do you care? LOL.

[spockman]

Then the individuals religions are not the most important things, obviously. So sharing the same religion would have less weight.

[Howie]

It's like a love triangle, they never work!

[LucidDreamGod]

Well I wouldn't have a problem with it, I know it's just part of the american culture to be christian. I wouldn't mind debating with her, but I some how think she would interpret it as bad arguing, and see are relationship is bad because we argue philosophy. I'd probably avoid it if I have to, if she really was irritated with how I could possibly be an atheist.

[Psylocibin]

Man, I'm having the same problem! And some people here just convinced me not to take my own perspective as the only one. Heh, thanks.