Thread: How do I hide a dead body?

For the last time, my friend is not eating it. He's already full from his fava beans. We got her in the back of the truck, finally. No thanks to you guys. She's all dismembered and shit, now. And we've kind of forgotten where we're actually going.

So, my friend has got a dismembered body in the back of his van, with some intestines. He can hear some cop cars coming his way, too. Don't ask me how I know what he can hear. So, this new situation, how does he handle it?

Ask Dexter.

Originally Posted by Kiza

For the last time, my friend is not eating it. He's already full from his fava beans. We got her in the back of the truck, finally. No thanks to you guys. She's all dismembered and shit, now. And we've kind of forgotten where we're actually going.

So, my friend has got a dismembered body in the back of his van, with some intestines. He can hear some cop cars coming his way, too. Don't ask me how I know what he can hear. So, this new situation, how does he handle it?

It's a female? Why the fuck didn't you tell us?
Oh, cops are coming? Throw a smoke grenade. Pick up your desert eagle, shoot at anything that moves.

Originally Posted by Kiza

God, so many suggestions. All I my friend wanted to know was how to dispose of the thing. Not literature suggestions, guitarboy and Eagle.

I'm starting to think you're not taking this seriously, guys.

The crazy fuck in Tell-Tale heart chopped the body into pieces and hid it under the floorboards.

Also, you can try dissolving it with acid.

I was going to post, since this thread was cool, but then I saw guitarboy posted. So I decided not to.

Originally Posted by Black_Eagle

The crazy fuck in Tell-Tale heart chopped the body into pieces and hid it under the floorboards.

Also, you can try dissolving it with acid.

That's what I said. Acid is too expensive. If you have any though, that could solve your cop problem.

Originally Posted by ClouD

Ask Dexter.

You called?

Originally Posted by DexterMorgan

You called?

Ahhhh Shit.

Originally Posted by no-name

Ahhhh Shit.

You've got one post left no-name. Use it wisely.

I'm gonna murder the shit out of you guys.

I might make another "Grod almighty" joke, or perhaps a nice comment on the saga of dreamviews thread.
I could make a snide comment on the obscene number of posts this thread has gotten in it's less than half an hour starting point. But best of all, I'll say how that's not my alt.

Burn it, fuck it, eat it, hide it, stuff it, dismember it, bake it, just do it soon.

Originally Posted by DexterMorgan

I'm gonna murder the shit out of you guys.

What a weirdo.

Anyway, I've my friend has decided. He's going to burn it, fuck it, eat it, hide it, stuff it, dismember it, bake it ALL AT THE SAME TIME and then hide it under the floorboards. I think it'll work.

And THEN we'll deal with those son of a bitch cops.

Originally Posted by tnemrot

Have you tried eating it? cooked, of course.

Fuck you fucking beat me to it, that was the first thing I thought of.

Originally Posted by Kiza

What a weirdo.

Anyway, I've my friend has decided. He's going to burn it, fuck it, eat it, hide it, stuff it, dismember it, bake it ALL AT THE SAME TIME and then hide it under the floorboards. I think it'll work.

And THEN we'll deal with those son of a bitch cops.

Good, good!

You could also cut it up into little pieces. Throw them off a cliff. Place them in some shop you know doesn't have camera's. Etc.

Donate it to science

What, after it has been burned, fucked, eaten, hidden, stuffed, dismembered, baked, cut into little pieces and dissolved in acid?

I imagine that would be a pretty weird autopsy.

keep him in a freezer and feed it to your dogs

Hey, who banned that Kiza guy? He was pretty great.

I just posted with Dexter to say you should probably ban me, Dexter, as well. That'd be smart.

Oh Fuck. Let's hope you don't get a permaban...

No, it's not. It's 1 week, and I'm fine with it. I broke the rules.

Now for god-sake ban Dexter.

No, don't!

Originally Posted by DexterMorgan

No, it's not. It's 1 week, and I'm fine with it. I broke the rules.

Now for god-sake ban Dexter.

I know it's 1 week, don't go circumventing it... can't anyway ^^

Originally Posted by Kiza

My friend wants to know.

If you're really fucking serious (which I doubt you are), the best possible way is to cut the body into several pieces. *sidenote- I'm a little fcked up and I"m sick of correcting the large amount of typos I'm making, so bear with me*

Once you cut the body into the several pieces, don't do some dumb shit like hide it in your matress, house, or whatever. Wtf. They'll get a warrant and bust your ass. Feed it to a wild animal. If yu live in the south, do like those crazy mofo rednecks down here. Feed it to an alligator. It doesn't have to be a croc, but you get the idea. Feed the shit to a wild animal. Real life isn't like CSI, most of the time they don't do badass investigations and any random person. Hsve a decent alabi, (have friend or anyone else you trust or can trick (and/or pay off) into testifyingh for you). Wear gloves, and something to protect your hair. Even if they do a bunch of hi tech sci fi shit to find your dna (which they most likely won't if you live in a country area), just make sure you wear gloves and shit. THose latex doctor gloves or whatever so you can burn them. If the police or any other detective type people talk to you, act surprised and deny everything. Don't lie. Just bend the truth a little. Give the cops a little slightly irrelevant info to throw them off. Don't just straight up lie though. That will make yo more suspicious. ALWAYS wipe down anything you touched, burn anything that can be tied to the crime. If I forgot anything (which I might have, I had a bit to drink, and some other shit, tonight), just be smart about it. Those shows like cops and csi and shit rlrealy scare people about getting busted for murder. It's seriously not like that, unless you kill someone important.

A little known fact is that a lot of well thought out murders for some average Joe never end up solved. I hope you're joking and didn't really kill someone thoguhj. Also I am not condoning ANY act like this. Just some fun informational info for studies and shit. Just don't be stupid. Have fun. GOod luck. Make babies.

Peace dude

******* This isn't from personal experience. I may or may not know several shady person(s). ANd I have most ddefinitely have never done this.

Originally Posted by blahaha

If you're really fucking serious (which I doubt you are), the best possible way is to cut the body into several pieces. *sidenote- I'm a little fcked up and I"m sick of correcting the large amount of typos I'm making, so bear with me*

Once you cut the body into the several pieces, don't do some dumb shit like hide it in your matress, house, or whatever. Wtf. They'll get a warrant and bust your ass. Feed it to a wild animal. If yu live in the south, do like those crazy mofo rednecks down here. Feed it to an alligator. It doesn't have to be a croc, but you get the idea. Feed the shit to a wild animal. Real life isn't like CSI, most of the time they don't do badass investigations and any random person. Hsve a decent alabi, (have friend or anyone else you trust or can trick (and/or pay off) into testifyingh for you). Wear gloves, and something to protect your hair. Even if they do a bunch of hi tech sci fi shit to find your dna (which they most likely won't if you live in a country area), just make sure you wear gloves and shit. THose latex doctor gloves or whatever so you can burn them. If the police or any other detective type people talk to you, act surprised and deny everything. Don't lie. Just bend the truth a little. Give the cops a little slightly irrelevant info to throw them off. Don't just straight up lie though. That will make yo more suspicious. ALWAYS wipe down anything you touched, burn anything that can be tied to the crime. If I forgot anything (which I might have, I had a bit to drink, and some other shit, tonight), just be smart about it. Those shows like cops and csi and shit rlrealy scare people about getting busted for murder. It's seriously not like that, unless you kill someone important.

A little known fact is that a lot of well thought out murders for some average Joe never end up solved. I hope you're joking and didn't really kill someone thoguhj. Also I am not condoning ANY act like this. Just some fun informational info for studies and shit. Just don't be stupid. Have fun. GOod luck. Make babies.

Peace dude

******* This isn't from personal experience. I may or may not know several shady person(s). ANd I have most ddefinitely have never done this.

Only on dreamviews.