I know this thread is about a month old now, but I would like to propose an idea. I've always been under the impression that you shouldn't try and bite off more than you can chew when it comes to dream control. It's a bit like learning to walk the first time. No one can really explain how to make their limbs move, but they know how to do it after they figure it out. If you try and sprint before you know how to even balance yourself standing up, you're going to fall over--there are just too many things you don't know how to do yet. Your brain has yet to experience the proper brain activity that leads to desired result, and it has to forge those pathways for the first time, then strengthen those pathways later on so that the brain activity almost naturally occurs without you consciously thinking about it when you decide to do something.
When you're in a dream, it's tempting to try and control everything with brute force out of a desire to control every detail of what's going on. The dream is a result of a lot of unconscious brain activity that is occurring on its own. If you want a specific person to appear, it would be less likely to end the dream if you simply desire their presence and let your mind do the rest, than if you want to control exactly how they show up, what they're wearing, what hair style they've got, etc. The more conscious effort you focus on making something be exactly like you want, the more likely you are to wake up. The idea behind this comes from the fact that the frontal lobe and prefrontal cortex experience markedly low activity when dreaming, even in REM sleep. This area is responsible for executive decision making and logical reasoning. Obviously some degree of activity is okay for dreaming, but if you force yourself to control too much of what's going on without allowing your mind to naturally produce many of the details, it's not much different than getting overly excited when you first realize you're dreaming and you wake up.
Where does what I said about learning to stand/walk before sprinting come in? Well, practice on controlling minor things and the feelings you experience when you are successful at manipulating the dream. Like with practicing any sport or activity, it'll become more natural and you'll get the hang of it. Eventually, albeit maybe slowly, you'll be able to exercise greater degrees of control. It will probably involve a good balance between learning how to get things to happen while not consciously controlling too many aspects of what's going on, and just the natural phenomenon of learning what you're doing.
Another good example that might help you get what I mean about letting your (unconscious) mind handle a lot of what you're doing is to think about how artists typically go about drawing the human figure. First, they draw out a circle for the head, and pretty much sticks for the other body parts, adding the outside edges, etc. You want to do that... focus on the big picture, and let your mind handle filling in the rest of the details--it should happen automatically. Also, I know I focused on losing the dream a lot, and it's not directly relevant to this thread, but I feel its pertinent to the topic.
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