Quote Originally Posted by Darkmatters View Post
Also, confidence isn't really a choice so much as something you either have or you don't - or I guess it's fair to say we all have different levels of it. There are some guys who might be right on the borderline and can step up without trying to be somebody they're not, but most of us either have that kind of confidence or we don't.
You cannot flip a confidence switch inside you and suddenly be more confident. This is true. But you can become more confident by facing your fear of shame and desensitizing yourself to being a focal point of attention. In other words practice. Anything you read about how to pick up chicks will tell you the same thing: Rule 1 is to start picking them up even if you don't know shit. Try and fail and try again.

To me it doesn't have much to do with testosterone, there's another chemical in the brain that makes you cautious and they've linked the deficiency of this chemical with people's likelihood to be outgoing. Young people have less than old people, men less than women, adrenaline junkies have a lot less than people that cant even ride roller coasters. This chemical directly effects your ability to enjoy frightening situations because if there's too much, there's an overload and you become too stressed or anxious to enjoy it.

I see sensitivity being the deciding factor out the gate. I don't see sensitivity to be related to testosterone so much as just emotional development. I mean there's probably a link, I'm sure testosterone has an effect on this whole process, but I see sensitive guys who are not cowards or even slightly skinnier or more passive than the next guy, just more emotionally intelligent and in tune with people, able to read their reactions. For a girl this kind of sensitivity doesn't stop you from getting laid because guys aren't testing your reactions for confidence. For a guy, this can be a deal breaker. That's why jerks do better than nice guys. They don't have to work in order to become self-assured because they never gave a fuck what you thought to being with.

You're allowed to be a nice guy and be confident. In fact otherwise you're not helping yourself, true confidence is genuine. Women are most attracted to you when you are your genuine self, unfaltered by her feelings towards you. And she will check to see if she can falter you. It's part of the mating ritual.