Thread: Tell me about this thing called cheating.

Have you done it, has someone done it to you, WHY do people do it, and lastly please tell me that most people don't actually do it and that I shouldn't worry about it.

(I ask because my past relationship has left me a bit traumatized. )

Well OK, let me tell you about cheating. First, let's define terms here:

Cheater: 1) A selfish b@stard - male or female - who thinks that their personal whims are more important than their integrity and the well-being and feelings of those they falsely proclaim to love. 2) Several of my Ex. girlfriends.

Cheating: A selfish act perpetrated by a cheater upon a mistreated, well-intentioned romantic partner.

Cheating is one of those things that p!sses me off and diminishes my respect for people. I've ditched friends for cheating on their partners and I've lost lovers to cheating. Your integrity is all you've got in life. If you lose everything, your character is what will determine the outcome of the experience. Your character reflects your, actions, your circle of friends and your life's path. Why compromise your character? It's your most important attribute.

Equally as vital is the effect on those you lie to and steal from. Cheating is lying and stealing. If you don't like being lied to and stolen from then you'd better not do it to others. If you aren't satisfied with the one you're with then say so and get out. But, damn it, don't f*ck over others for your own selfish pleasures.

As may be evident, I hate liars, I hate thieves and I hate cheaters. I've been screwed over by too many of each in my life. I don't screw you over, don't screw me over.

Now, in the interest of full disclosure - and so I'm not a hypocrite - I must confess that I slept with a soon-to-be-married woman once (when I was right out of high school). I lost a friend that day, I lost a little respect for myself and I had to cope with the guilt for awhile. They ended up getting married (postponed) still but I hate the thought that I screwed over two people that day. I knew damn well I was wrong but I was stupid and selfish. I learned from the other side of the fence that day that the grass is not greener on the other side.

I would never do that to some one I pledge my heart and commitment to. It just isn't fair to either of us. It just isn't worth it.

I wish I could tell you that cheating isn't common but, it seems like every you turn, there's some @sshole sleeping around. That's why I've been single for a few years. When I find some one I feel I can connect with again, they're already taken. I don't trust too many women these days. I'm not the type to be jealous and worried all the time. I'm also not the type to jump into a relationship for the sex alone. Oh, I love the sex - don't get me wrong - but if that's all there is then don't waste my time.

Did I mention that I'm a bit gun-shy these days?

Originally Posted by Oneironaught

Well OK, let me tell you about cheating. First, let's define terms here:

Cheater: 1) A selfish b@stard - male or female - who thinks that their personal whims are more important than their integrity and the well-being and feelings of those they falsely proclaim to love. 2) Several of my Ex. girlfriends.

Cheating: A selfish act perpetrated by a cheater upon a mistreated, well-intentioned romantic partner.

Cheating is one of those things that p!sses me off and diminishes my respect for people. I've ditched friends for cheating on their partners and I've lost lovers to cheating. Your integrity is all you've got in life. If you lose everything, your character is what will determine the outcome of the experience. Your character reflects your, actions, your circle of friends and your life's path. Why compromise your character? It's your most important attribute.

Equally as vital is the effect on those you lie to and steal from. Cheating is lying and stealing. If you don't like being lied to and stolen from then you'd better not do it to others. If you aren't satisfied with the one you're with then say so and get out. But, damn it, don't f*ck over others for your own selfish pleasures.

As may be evident, I hate liars, I hate thieves and I hate cheaters. I've been screwed over by too many of each in my life. I don't screw you over, don't screw me over.

Now, in the interest of full disclosure - and so I'm not a hypocrite - I must confess that I slept with a soon-to-be-married woman once (when I was right out of high school). I lost a friend that day, I lost a little respect for myself and I had to cope with the guilt for awhile. They ended up getting married (postponed) still but I hate the thought that I screwed over two people that day. I knew damn well I was wrong but I was stupid and selfish. I learned from the other side of the fence that day that the grass is not greener on the other side.

I would never do that to some one I pledge my heart and commitment to. It just isn't fair to either of us. It just isn't worth it.

I wish I could tell you that cheating isn't common but, it seems like every you turn, there's some @sshole sleeping around. That's why I've been single for a few years. When I find some one I feel I can connect with again, they're already taken. I don't trust too many women these days. I'm not the type to be jealous and worried all the time. I'm also not the type to jump into a relationship for the sex alone. Oh, I love the sex - don't get me wrong - but if that's all there is then don't waste my time.

Did I mention that I'm a bit gun-shy these days?

Wow. That's a lot of pain. Although I agree mostly.

I would say that there is another category of cheaters, who fall into the "I'm shallow and need it to make me feel better about myself" category.

I can understand to some extent how some people could do it, I am in a relationship, very seriously, with someone whom I love and trust completely. Yet at the same time I am attracted to other people, mostly physically (one emotionally) whom I could very easily sleep with or cheat on my girlfriend with, and I would consider it something completely pysical and nothing more that filling the primal urge to "spread my seed" as a man.

But, I don't, because cheating isn't about sleeping with someone, it's about breaking trust. As soon as I do something to break my girlfriend's trust in me, I have cheated, whether it's sleeping with someone, or asking them for the time.

I wouldn't be able to wake up and look myself in the mirror each morning knowing that I've done something to break her trust in me, to hurt her, for however simple, selfish, or completely accidental reasons. So that's why I won't do it.

I have NEVER cheated on any girl I have been with. But I have been cheated on. And I am of the thinking now that it is infact the minority that don't cheat. It's a nasty thought to have, and the more you are hurt, the more your going to e suspicious of new relationships! I don't know how I'm going to let go should I find someone again. I have been hurt plenty in the past!! So much so that the last relationship I got into I already had the mentality that it was all going to end with me being hurt, so didn't really put much expectation in to it being worth trying for. And it did all end in tears!

But, I might just be unlucky I guess. Maybe I attract the wrong type of girl, who knows?

Good luck in your search for a decent guy

Originally Posted by 13redfan

I would say that there is another category of cheaters, who fall into the "I'm shallow and need it to make me feel better about myself" category.

Nope, that falls under my first definition: Cheater: 1) A selfish b@stard - male or female - who thinks that their personal whims are more important than their integrity and the well-being and feelings of those they falsely proclaim to love.

...and I would consider it something completely pysical and nothing more that filling the primal urge to "spread my seed" as a man.

I've got to say, I don't like that train of thought at all. That's the kind of thing cheaters tell them selves to justify and excuse their cheating behaviour. "But it didn't mean anything... You're the one I love..." Those words make me cringe.

But, I don't, because cheating isn't about sleeping with someone, it's about breaking trust. As soon as I do something to break my girlfriend's trust in me, I have cheated, whether it's sleeping with someone, or asking them for the time.

You nailed it right there.

Thanks for the replies guys.

Yet at the same time I am attracted to other people, mostly physically (one emotionally) whom I could very easily sleep with or cheat on my girlfriend with.

See that sort of thing would already break my heart a little. Maybe I expect too much by wanting to be someone's one and only?

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

Maybe I expect too much by wanting to be someone's one and only?

I don't think you expect too much.. Why would it be expecting too much to have one person as devoted to you as you are them? I would love this! To be able to give my all to someone, without feeling that they might not want to reciprocate...

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

Thanks for the replies guys.
See that sort of thing would already break my heart a little. Maybe I expect too much by wanting to be someone's one and only?

Well I do have a strange situation, but anyway I don't think you're wanting too much.

My girlfriend is my one and only, and I'm her one and only (as far as I know) and I wouldn't consider doing anything with anyone else, regardless, and if I am doing anything that someone might consider crossing the line, I ask her or tell her 1st, if she's not comfortable with it then I won't.

But that doesn't mean I don't find Angelina Jolie attractive, or any other hot girl for that matter. The same as I don't mind that she thinks Johnny Depp is the sexiest creature ever born.

Cheating is just for idiotic people that don't know what they want.

I disagree with "you have to go through hell". WEll it's true on some level. But my experience has been "when is this hell going to end." I think it's important to acknowledge crappy emotions when you get cheated on, or when you feel violated. In my experience, as long as i don't dwell on it too much, I'll be ok.

And isn't it important to realise that over time if you are still upset, that the experience you have now is different than the experiences you had then? That, with your new perspective you can learn from those experiences and move on instead of dwelling on it. That now, you can in fact build better experiences with people in the future based on the understandings from your experience.

Originally Posted by Burns

I have been cheated on, and my trust of men has never fully recovered.

I feel your pain. After being cheated on multiple times myself, it's so damn hard to have that trust again. Just when you get cozy, you're haunted by the memories of how perfect everything seemed the last time. You know, BEFORE you were f*cked over, when everything seemed so cinched up and tidy.

I probably sound like a total psycho, but that kind of thing drastically changes your perception of people.

If so, maybe we can share a "couple's" straight jacket because I can definitely empathize.

Originally Posted by AdamA

Its ok Burns, I asked Mes to marry me and she said yes last night, I will take care of her

Them's fightin' words, buddy

Originally Posted by Oneironaught

I feel your pain. After being cheated on multiple times myself, it's so damn hard to have that trust again. Just when you get cozy, you're haunted by the memories of how perfect everything seemed the last time. You know, BEFORE you were f*cked over, when everything seemed so cinched up and tidy.

Yep, that's exactly the feeling I was trying to describe. And there's always the constant doubt in your mind because of it. *sigh*

And you know what my biggest motivation for letting it go is? My ex would be floored if he knew how much that impacted me, like he had that much control over my emotions for this many years to come. If that's not reason to let it go, I don't know what is.

Well, it's been confirmed, my fiance is screwing some other dude.

Right now, I don't know, I'm furious, depressed, just distraught. And I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but it did. Just a little background info on this whole thing.

I had a friend in the army, we'll call him M. Anyways, decent guy and all, we were bros. So two years after we met in basic, we get back from Iraq, he ditches his wife (whom in reality, the marriage between those two was pretty fake) and gets strung out on drugs, and goes AWOL. Not uncommon to push the limit when you get back from the sandbox, but he went to far (like stealing my Ipod, PSP, cd player, and other things, so he could buy crack). Anyways, so his wife, who I had met before, calls me asking about him, since she hadn't heard from him in months. FYI he was also living with some 30 year old woman at the time, and planning on getting married. His wife didn't know any of this. So I felt bad for her, really bad, and decided I would help her out, since we had both been screwed over by M. So I helped her get her finances straight, helped her through the divorce process, etc etc etc. Also, I supported her emotionally the best I could, since she was a wreck. Well during all this time we kind of formed a bond, and hit it off. After months and months, we knew we were in love and wanted to get married, start a family, blah blah. It should be noted that the amount of heartache, grief, depression, not to mention the amount of money spent on her, I went through for her was amazing in retrospect. I don't know how I did it. My whole drive during all this was the fact that I've tried to devote my life to helping others, and that I couldn't give this up. To shorten this up a bit, let's just say that recently I havent gotten any calls, she never answers the phone, and when she does she is drunk with this one guy. Now this is pretty obvious, but hey, I let her exlpain and like an idiot, I bought it. Tonight though, talking with her sister, she revealed that yes, she was doing this guy, and that they pretty much live together now.

I'm sorry this is such a long post, but I had to get it off my chest. I mean, she was my fiance for God's sake. I know there have been way worse cases of this with actual married couples, but still. It hurts. I know there are plenty more fish in the sea, and that's all I've been hearing from friends, but come on. Every girlfriend I've had, I've been cheated on. Have I ever cheated on anyone? Hell no, and I never will.

Damn, it would just be nice to find somebody who wasn't so damn weak.

Damn did i ever get just tottally cheated on.

Originally Posted by ranma187

Damn did i ever get just tottally cheated on.

Sorry to hear that, man. I'll never understand why so many people are like that.

honestly i think it's an insecurty thing.

A lot of people who have low self esteem - when they stumble apon something really good, they think they don't deserve it. So they sabotage it unconciously and their self worth becomes a self-fullfilling prphecy.

I think I'm definately gonna have to figure out where a girl is at in her confidence level. If they don't love and respect themselves, how can they love and respect you? from now on I'm gonna elicit each potential GF's values, on life and herself.

People who cheat sicken me. I've been cheated on, and it is not fun. Thank goodness that I have a person like I do, who understands this premise as well as I.

1) when you found out your partner is cheating on you: before you confront the partner, you can cheat a little. This may have the advantage of being able to forgive your partner more easily.
2) when you are happily married for a long time, you can cheat on extremely rare occasions. For some people this will help them to keep the marriage going well.

I am much more understanding toward the first one but not the second... wtf?? How does the second one make any sense?

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

I am much more understanding toward the first one but not the second... wtf?? How does the second one make any sense?

I was wondering the same thing...

I think possibly what dodobird might be getting at are some relationships, or marriages dont have the physical side to them, so people might cheat to get that satisfaction out the way and then concentrate on everything else in the marriage, thats about the only thing I could come up with.

Either way people suck, and will always shit on others!!