Tell me about this thing called cheating.

[Mes Tarrant]

Have you done it, has someone done it to you, WHY do people do it, and lastly please tell me that most people don't actually do it and that I shouldn't worry about it. (I ask because my past relationship has left me a bit traumatized. )

[Oneironaught]

Well OK, let me tell you about cheating. First, let's define terms here: Cheater: 1) A selfish b@stard - male or female - who thinks that their personal whims are more important than their integrity and the well-being and feelings of those they falsely proclaim to love. 2) Several of my Ex. girlfriends. Cheating: A selfish act perpetrated by a cheater upon a mistreated, well-intentioned romantic partner. Cheating is one of those things that p!sses me off and diminishes my respect for people. I've ditched friends for cheating on their partners and I've lost lovers to cheating. Your integrity is all you've got in life. If you lose everything, your character is what will determine the outcome of the experience. Your character reflects your, actions, your circle of friends and your life's path. Why compromise your character? It's your most important attribute. Equally as vital is the effect on those you lie to and steal from. Cheating is lying and stealing. If you don't like being lied to and stolen from then you'd better not do it to others. If you aren't satisfied with the one you're with then say so and get out. But, damn it, don't f*ck over others for your own selfish pleasures. As may be evident, I hate liars, I hate thieves and I hate cheaters. I've been screwed over by too many of each in my life. I don't screw you over, don't screw me over. Now, in the interest of full disclosure - and so I'm not a hypocrite - I must confess that I slept with a soon-to-be-married woman once (when I was right out of high school). I lost a friend that day, I lost a little respect for myself and I had to cope with the guilt for awhile. They ended up getting married (postponed) still but I hate the thought that I screwed over two people that day. I knew damn well I was wrong but I was stupid and selfish. I learned from the other side of the fence that day that the grass is not greener on the other side. I would never do that to some one I pledge my heart and commitment to. It just isn't fair to either of us. It just isn't worth it. I wish I could tell you that cheating isn't common but, it seems like every you turn, there's some @sshole sleeping around. That's why I've been single for a few years. When I find some one I feel I can connect with again, they're already taken. I don't trust too many women these days. I'm not the type to be jealous and worried all the time. I'm also not the type to jump into a relationship for the sex alone. Oh, I love the sex - don't get me wrong - but if that's all there is then don't waste my time. Did I mention that I'm a bit gun-shy these days?

[13redfan]

Well OK, let me tell you about cheating. First, let's define terms here: Cheater: 1) A selfish b@stard - male or female - who thinks that their personal whims are more important than their integrity and the well-being and feelings of those they falsely proclaim to love. 2) Several of my Ex. girlfriends. Cheating: A selfish act perpetrated by a cheater upon a mistreated, well-intentioned romantic partner. Cheating is one of those things that p!sses me off and diminishes my respect for people. I've ditched friends for cheating on their partners and I've lost lovers to cheating. Your integrity is all you've got in life. If you lose everything, your character is what will determine the outcome of the experience. Your character reflects your, actions, your circle of friends and your life's path. Why compromise your character? It's your most important attribute. Equally as vital is the effect on those you lie to and steal from. Cheating is lying and stealing. If you don't like being lied to and stolen from then you'd better not do it to others. If you aren't satisfied with the one you're with then say so and get out. But, damn it, don't f*ck over others for your own selfish pleasures. As may be evident, I hate liars, I hate thieves and I hate cheaters. I've been screwed over by too many of each in my life. I don't screw you over, don't screw me over. Now, in the interest of full disclosure - and so I'm not a hypocrite - I must confess that I slept with a soon-to-be-married woman once (when I was right out of high school). I lost a friend that day, I lost a little respect for myself and I had to cope with the guilt for awhile. They ended up getting married (postponed) still but I hate the thought that I screwed over two people that day. I knew damn well I was wrong but I was stupid and selfish. I learned from the other side of the fence that day that the grass is not greener on the other side. I would never do that to some one I pledge my heart and commitment to. It just isn't fair to either of us. It just isn't worth it. I wish I could tell you that cheating isn't common but, it seems like every you turn, there's some @sshole sleeping around. That's why I've been single for a few years. When I find some one I feel I can connect with again, they're already taken. I don't trust too many women these days. I'm not the type to be jealous and worried all the time. I'm also not the type to jump into a relationship for the sex alone. Oh, I love the sex - don't get me wrong - but if that's all there is then don't waste my time. Did I mention that I'm a bit gun-shy these days? Wow. That's a lot of pain. Although I agree mostly. I would say that there is another category of cheaters, who fall into the "I'm shallow and need it to make me feel better about myself" category. I can understand to some extent how some people could do it, I am in a relationship, very seriously, with someone whom I love and trust completely. Yet at the same time I am attracted to other people, mostly physically (one emotionally) whom I could very easily sleep with or cheat on my girlfriend with, and I would consider it something completely pysical and nothing more that filling the primal urge to "spread my seed" as a man. But, I don't, because cheating isn't about sleeping with someone, it's about breaking trust. As soon as I do something to break my girlfriend's trust in me, I have cheated, whether it's sleeping with someone, or asking them for the time. I wouldn't be able to wake up and look myself in the mirror each morning knowing that I've done something to break her trust in me, to hurt her, for however simple, selfish, or completely accidental reasons. So that's why I won't do it.

[Adam]

I have NEVER cheated on any girl I have been with. But I have been cheated on. And I am of the thinking now that it is infact the minority that don't cheat. It's a nasty thought to have, and the more you are hurt, the more your going to e suspicious of new relationships! I don't know how I'm going to let go should I find someone again. I have been hurt plenty in the past!! So much so that the last relationship I got into I already had the mentality that it was all going to end with me being hurt, so didn't really put much expectation in to it being worth trying for. And it did all end in tears! But, I might just be unlucky I guess. Maybe I attract the wrong type of girl, who knows? Good luck in your search for a decent guy

[Oneironaught]

I would say that there is another category of cheaters, who fall into the "I'm shallow and need it to make me feel better about myself" category. Nope, that falls under my first definition: Cheater: 1) A selfish b@stard - male or female - who thinks that their personal whims are more important than their integrity and the well-being and feelings of those they falsely proclaim to love. ...and I would consider it something completely pysical and nothing more that filling the primal urge to "spread my seed" as a man. I've got to say, I don't like that train of thought at all. That's the kind of thing cheaters tell them selves to justify and excuse their cheating behaviour. "But it didn't mean anything... You're the one I love..." Those words make me cringe. But, I don't, because cheating isn't about sleeping with someone, it's about breaking trust. As soon as I do something to break my girlfriend's trust in me, I have cheated, whether it's sleeping with someone, or asking them for the time. You nailed it right there.

[Mes Tarrant]

Thanks for the replies guys. Yet at the same time I am attracted to other people, mostly physically (one emotionally) whom I could very easily sleep with or cheat on my girlfriend with. See that sort of thing would already break my heart a little. Maybe I expect too much by wanting to be someone's one and only?

[Adam]

Maybe I expect too much by wanting to be someone's one and only? I don't think you expect too much.. Why would it be expecting too much to have one person as devoted to you as you are them? I would love this! To be able to give my all to someone, without feeling that they might not want to reciprocate...

[Horizon_Diver]

I've never cheated on a girl in my life, but the majority of girlfriends I've had have ended up cheating on me. The past week has been a living Hell because of my fiance, who lives 8 hours away from me and is more than likely cheating on me. Getting drunk with a bunch of guys at her place by herself, then when Im on the phone with her some guy is tickling her and telling her he loves her. What does she do? Laughs it off. Anyways... Why do people cheat? In the end, they're weak. They are either doing it to get you back for something, or in most cases, they are just too damn weak to suppress their own animal instinct for sex. Extremely sad, in my opinion.

[Man of Shred]

I don't do relationships at all, because of this cheating thing. You're right about being the minority.

[Mes Tarrant]

I don't do relationships at all, because of this cheating thing. You're right about being the minority. You'll have to do it eventually. We're programmed to be happiest in relationships (in good ones, anyway). Horizon, I feel like you really have got to have a serious chat with this girl. If you don't you might endure more heartache than you can handle. I don't think you expect too much.. Why would it be expecting too much to have one person as devoted to you as you are them? I would love this! To be able to give my all to someone, without feeling that they might not want to reciprocate... Now that makes me more optimistic. Oneironaught, thank you for sharing those things in your post. Very helpful to see other people's experiences like that.

[13redfan]

Thanks for the replies guys. See that sort of thing would already break my heart a little. Maybe I expect too much by wanting to be someone's one and only? Well I do have a strange situation, but anyway I don't think you're wanting too much. My girlfriend is my one and only, and I'm her one and only (as far as I know) and I wouldn't consider doing anything with anyone else, regardless, and if I am doing anything that someone might consider crossing the line, I ask her or tell her 1st, if she's not comfortable with it then I won't. But that doesn't mean I don't find Angelina Jolie attractive, or any other hot girl for that matter. The same as I don't mind that she thinks Johnny Depp is the sexiest creature ever born.

[TripleX223]

cheating is of the selfish nature of jerks from females to males... they break peoples hearts just to fill their own

[Vex Kitten]

I've been cheated on and it wasn't the act itself that broke my heart, it was the complete and irreparable shattering of the trust I'd allowed myself with that bastard. I didn't care who it was he slept with or why. What I could not stand, and what physically sickened me, was that he'd taken my trust, used it and abused it and then expected me to take him back. I can not fathom why someone would cheat. I mean, if you want to be out getting laid by someone different every night, don't get into a relationship for Christ's sake. Or at least have the decency to break up with the person youre cheating on so that they can deal then move on.

[Mes Tarrant]

I can not fathom why someone would cheat. I mean, if you want to be out getting laid by someone different every night, don't get into a relationship for Christ's sake. Or at least have the decency to break up with the person youre cheating on so that they can deal then move on. Exactly.

[Man of Shred]

I think I'll want a relationship later on in life at course. it's just now i think i need a break. I've been doing the casual thing for a while. But I'm always honest about it. When some one asks if I'm into a relationship i just say . "I'm not really interested in one right now". Some women have thanked me for being honest about it. BUT, you have to be carefull with it, especially in a "friends with benefits" situation. I didn't know that there was a chemical that goes off in a womans brain, increasing hre emotional attatchment to you every time you spend a night with her. I had a FWB thing witha woman for about 4 months! so yeah, 4 months is pretty mucha relationship. She eventually sat me down and let me know her true feelings about it. I really like her personality and everything else but she's definately not the type of person i'd see myself with in a serious relationship. That was a tough spot to be in.

[Burns]

I have been cheated on, and my trust of men has never fully recovered. One night about 7 years ago (when I was still in college), I found out my boyfriend of 2 years had been cheating on me. We were in a long-distance relationship (we lived about 1.5 hrs apart), but I still completely and utterly trusted him. I had never been cheated on before and I thought it was something that happened to other people. After all, he always told me how beautiful and perfect I was, so why would he ever have a reason to cheat? So when I found out one night he was cheating on me, I was completely shocked and appalled. I felt so confused and betrayed. I lost about 15 lbs (and I didn't have any extra weight to lose) and had no self-worth left. The boyfriend somehow got me to believe it didn't mean anything and it would never happen again, so I continued to drive to see him (he never made the effort to come see me). I found out he was still seeing the whore he was cheating on me with, so I finally got the guts to break it off completely, even after my self-esteem has been completely shattered. Shortly thereafter, I met my now-husband and I'm very happy now. But I always have the seed of distrust and paranoia that I am going to get cheated on again. I know these thoughts are irrational, but I can't help it. That whole ordeal left me damaged and I'll never be the same again. I don't think about it as much as I used to, and I know my hubby would never do that, but then that little voice in the back of my mind pipes up and says, "but you thought the boyfriend would never cheat either, and you were too blind to notice what was going on", so then I feel like I have to be extra vigilant or I might miss the signs. I probably sound like a total psycho, but that kind of thing drastically changes your perception of people. I've gotten to the point now that I try to push bad thoughts out of my mind and not let those vile thoughts take root and influence my actions. Whatever will be, will be, and that's it. I've just never understood why people cheat. If you are in an exclusive relationship, and you feel like fucking someone else, either don't do it, or just break up with that person first! God why is that so hard for people to understand?? In my ex's case, it was just being greedy - he could have me once a week, and the other girl any other time. It makes my blood boil just thinking about it again. grrrr... Death to all cheaters!!! /rant

[Adam]

I see where your coming from Burns, but I hope when I meet the one, I will know it and will be able to let myself go with her and not ever think about things like this. I'm still hoping that when she comes into my life she will give me everything like I will give to her. I still hold out hope. I have been badly hurt and miss treated by girls, so hoping there is someone out there right for me. Unfortunately I'm a typical Libran Librans are sensitive to the needs of others and have the gift, sometimes to an almost psychic extent, of understanding the emotional needs of their companions and meeting them with their own innate optimism - they are the kind of people of whom it is said, "They always make you feel better for having been with them." They are very social human beings. They loathe cruelty, viciousness and vulgarity and detest conflict between people, so they do their best to cooperate and compromise with everyone around them, and their ideal for their own circle and for society as a whole is unity. In their personal relationships they show understanding of the other person's point of view, trying to resolve any differences by compromise, and are often willing to allow claims against themselves to be settled to their own disadvantage rather than spoil a relationship. They like the opposite sex to the extent of promiscuity sometimes, and may indulge in romanticism bordering on sentimentality. Their marriages, however, stand a good chance of success because they are frequently the union of "true minds". The Libran's continuing kindness toward his or her partner mollifies any hurt the latter may feel if the two have had a tiff. Nor can the Libran's spouse often complain that he or she is not understood, for the Libran is usually the most empathetic of all the zodiacal types and the most ready to tolerate the beloved's failings.

[Burns]

I see where your coming from Burns, but I hope when I meet the one, I will know it and will be able to let myself go with her and not ever think about things like this. I'm still hoping that when she comes into my life she will give me everything like I will give to her. I still hold out hope. I have been badly hurt and miss treated by girls, so hoping there is someone out there right for me. Unfortunately I'm a typical Libran Yes, I'm sure you will find the One and it will be everything you hoped for and more. And yeah, even though you've been stomped on by other girls, that doesn't mean the next one you date has to suffer for it. Which is the reason I have to try to forgive and forget, and know that what I have going for me now would've never happened if that bastard had never cheated on me, so everything happens for a reason, and I can't imagine my life any other way. Thanks, AdamA, for helping me realize that. btw, where did you find that quote info? I'd like to see what it says about Pisces.

[Adam]

Yeah, everything does happen for a reason, and what you have now, would never have happened otherwise!!! http://www.astrology-online.com/pisces.htm Pisces! About Your Sign... Pisces, Pisceans possess a gentle, patient, malleable nature. They have many generous qualities and are friendly, good natured, kind and compassionate, sensitive to the feelings of those around them, and respond with the utmost sympathy and tact to any suffering they encounter. They are deservedly popular with all kinds of people, partly because their easygoing, affectionate, submissive natures offer no threat or challenge to stronger and more exuberant characters. They accept the people around them and the circumstances in which they find themselves rather than trying to adapt them to suit themselves, and they patiently wait for problems to sort themselves out rather than take the initiative in solving them. They are more readily concerned with the problems of others than with their own. Their natures tend to be too otherworldly for the practical purposes of living in this world as it is. They sometimes exist emotionally rather than rationally, instinctively more than intellectually (depending on how they are aspected). They long to be recognized as greatly creative. They also dislike disciple and confinement. The nine-to-five life is not for them. Any rebellion they make against convention is personal, however, as they often times do not have the energy or motivation to battle against the Establishment. Pisceans tend to withdraw into a dream world where their qualities can bring mental satisfaction and sometimes, fame and financial reward for they are extremely gifted artistically. They are also versatile and intuitive, have quick understanding, observe and listen well, and are receptive to new ideas and atmospheres. All these factors can combine to produce remarkable creativity in literature, music and art. They may count among their gifts mediumistic qualities which can give them a feeling that their best work comes from outside themselves, "Whispered beyond the misted curtains, screening this world from that." Even when they cannot express themselves creatively they have a greater than average instinct for, and love of, beauty in art and nature, a catlike appreciation of luxury and pleasure, and a yearning for new sensations and travel to remote, exotic places. They are never egotistical in their personal relationships and give more than they ask from their friends. They are sexually delicate, in the extreme almost asexual, and most Pisceans would want a relationship in which the partner's mind and spirit rather than the body resonated with their own. Unfortunately they can be easily misled by a lover who courts them delicately and in marriage makes them unhappy by a coarser sexuality than they expected. They are nevertheless intensely loyal and home-loving and will remain faithful. In their employment they are better working either by themselves or in subordinate positions. Their talents are individual in a commercial business or similar undertaking. They would be afraid to manage more than a small department, worrying always that they would fail in a crisis. They can make fair secretaries and bookkeepers. Their sympathy equips them for work in charities catering for the needy, as nurses looking after the sick and as veterinary surgeons caring for animals. As librarians or astronomers they can satisfy their mental wanderlust, and their fondness for "faraway places with strange-sounding names" may turn them into sailors or travellers. Many architects and lawyers are Pisceans, and when the creative abilities are combined with gifts of imitation and the ability to enter into the feelings of others, Pisceans find their fulfillment on the stage. Their psychic and spiritual qualities can lead them into careers in the church or as mediums and mystics. They may find an outlet for their creativity as caterers, and are said to make good detectives because they can imagine themselves in the place of criminals and understand how their minds would work. In technical occupations they are well employed in dealing with anaesthetics, fluids, gases and plastics. Because of their lively versatility and inability to concentrate overmuch on any one project, Pisceans often simultaneously follow more than one occupation.

[Burns]

Their sympathy equips them for work in charities catering for the needy, as nurses looking after the sick and as veterinary surgeons caring for animals. Well, I'd say that's right on. Thanks, AdamA. Sorry, Mes Tarrant, for hijacking. I'm sorry you've had to experience the whole cheating thing too, but everything will work out for you, and you are too young and beautiful to be hurt by such a worthless loser. Want me to hunt him down and hurt him for you?

[Adam]

Its ok Burns, I asked Mes to marry me and she said yes last night, I will take care of her

[Burns]

Great! So you can "take care of" that cheating bastard for her then! I will lend you my Doberman if you need help running him down.

[Adam]

No need, I'm sure he has realised his mistakes and is hurting enough from that! If not, there is no need for revenge, some people will never change, and lowering yourself to the level of others who firstly don't respect others, and secondly don't respect themselves is not the answer. Good things happen to good people in the end

[Vex Kitten]

In regards to this topic, when I was all depressed and part psycho from being cheated on someone took me aside and explained, "Sometimes you have to go through hell to get to and appreciate heaven." I believe that. It's what helped me climb out of the hell I was left wallowing in after I was cheated on.

[NeAvO]

Cheating is just for idiotic people that don't know what they want.