Thread: Tell me: What is the best way to tell a guy I'm not interested???

Just continue to be his friend, making a line in your mind you don't want him to cross (asking for your number, asking you out, blowing you kisses across the classroom ) When the line is crossed, just let him know you only want to be friends. But at some point you do have to say this, otherwise he'll follow you around like a pet lizard forever.

Get a friend to subtly talk to him and tell him what's what. He doesn't need to know you had a hand in it, and everything will go back to normal... hopefully.

Originally Posted by skysaw

otherwise he'll follow you around like a pet lizard forever.

pet lizard?

Originally Posted by skysaw

Just continue to be his friend, making a line in your mind you don't want him to cross (asking for your number, asking you out, blowing you kisses across the classroom ) When the line is crossed, just let him know you only want to be friends. But at some point you do have to say this, otherwise he'll follow you around like a pet lizard forever.

QFT

Yeah, sooner or later, if he can't catch the hint, you're just going to have to say "Look, man. I really enjoy being friends with you, and I really hope this doesn't hurt your feelings, but I'm just really not interested in us being anything more than friends."

If he can respect that, good. If he gives you shit about it, give him a judo-chop to the jugular and just walk away.

Hmmm... I would much rather be told than be lead on thinking I had a chance.. There is nothing worse than trying to get with a girl for ages only for her to then turn round and say that she actually never wanted anything in the first place but friendship. Has he actually made any advances or is it just your spider sense tingling making you think he is interested?

Originally Posted by skysaw

Just continue to be his friend, making a line in your mind you don't want him to cross (asking for your number, asking you out, blowing you kisses across the classroom ) When the line is crossed, just let him know you only want to be friends. But at some point you do have to say this, otherwise he'll follow you around like a pet lizard forever.

Hmm, good advice. And "pet lizard."

Originally Posted by Lord Toaster

Get a friend to subtly talk to him and tell him what's what. He doesn't need to know you had a hand in it, and everything will go back to normal... hopefully.

I suppose that's an option. Might take longer to coordinate than I have the patience for tho.

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

QFT

Yeah, sooner or later, if he can't catch the hint, you're just going to have to say "Look, man. I really enjoy being friends with you, and I really hope this doesn't hurt your feelings, but I'm just really not interested in us being anything more than friends."

If he can respect that, good. If he gives you shit about it, give him a judo-chop to the jugular and just walk away.

Hehe!!

So would a guy get over it pretty quickly if I phrased it that way? The last thing I want to have to deal with is him slouching in class all depressed for the rest of the semester.

Originally Posted by Adam

Has he actually made any advances or is it just your spider sense tingling making you think he is interested?

He tried to hold my hand.

Ah that old chestnut lol

Urm, well... Maybe you need to be straight with him, to prevent any embarrassment on his part in the future?

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

So would a guy get over it pretty quickly if I phrased it that way? The last thing I want to have to deal with is him slouching in class all depressed for the rest of the semester.

It depends on the guy, really. A lot of guys would hate to make your friendship awkward by getting all about it, and would just buck up and move on. Sometimes it's just better to know whether or not things would go further.

On the other hand, some guys would get all overly-dramatic and act like their one prospect in life has been mercilessly stripped from them, and will start dwelling on it (). Which kind of guy do you think he is?

In either case, though, it's better to let him know as soon as possible, so that whatever feelings he does have don't get stronger, in the meantime.

There is nothing worse than trying to get with a girl for ages only for her to then turn round and say that she actually never wanted anything in the first place but friendship

I totally agree. I remember the first girl I fell love with, and we started a relationship, and I was totally, 100% head over heels, but then she turned around and said, "actually I'd prefer if we were just friends". I was so incredibly in love that I couldn't cope with going back to be friends. It totally tore me up and I didn't speak to her afterwards (I know that sounds immature, but it was a long time ago). It felt like she didn't feel for me like I felt for her, and I didn't think I could live with that.

So yeah, what I'm trying to say is tread carefully. Maybe try not to say anything unless it gets pretty serious. Although to be fair, not everyone is as immature as I am

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

The last thing I want to have to deal with is him slouching in class all depressed for the rest of the semester.

Well he definately needs to be told but if he's the kind that would be "dramatic/crushed" about it.. Toaster's advice may be the best way to go (i.e., get a friend to subtly talk to him and tell him what's what. He doesn't need to know you had a hand in it, and everything will go back to normal... hopefully).

You could even have that friend hint that you're seeing someone so that the conversation isn't even about him (and therefore his feelings won't even be involved in the conversation).

If you have mutual friends, you don't necessarily have to ask them to talk to him--if you just talk to them about the situation, it should get back to him. Also, instead of having them tell him you have a bf, you could drop info about a guy you do like when you're talking to this guy--that should get it across.

Any way you handle it is going to sting, and moreso the longer things are left gray, so just look for an opportunity to get it across sooner rather than later.

If i were in your situation, I would say something along the lines of:

Mes: Do you have feelings for me? I just want to be friends. I'm sorry, i just don't feel the same way back.

It can either go:
(a). He says okay and shrugs it off.
(b). He says okay and shrugs it off. Then goes home and gets all upset but doesn't want to show his emotions that much to you.
or...
(c). He gets surprised by your asking and denies it


If i were in his situation and you said the above... I would go with either a or b. Hard to tell since i don't have feelings for you.


Hope this helps.

Has no-one suggested pretending to be gay yet? And if so, has anyone demanded pix or no real?

I thought Mes was gay

I had a crush on one of my friends last semester, I asked her out and she just told me that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. Made me sad, but I was fine and she wasn't leading me on. That's all you need to do.

Originally Posted by Adam

Urm, well... Maybe you need to be straight with him, to prevent any embarrassment on his part in the future?

Yep. Easier said than donesszzszsz.

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

It depends on the guy, really. A lot of guys would hate to make your friendship awkward by getting all about it, and would just buck up and move on. Sometimes it's just better to know whether or not things would go further.

On the other hand, some guys would get all overly-dramatic and act like their one prospect in life has been mercilessly stripped from them, and will start dwelling on it (). Which kind of guy do you think he is?

In either case, though, it's better to let him know as soon as possible, so that whatever feelings he does have don't get stronger, in the meantime.

I don't think he'd get TOO about it. But I predict he'll get disappointed, and I also foresee a bunch of awkwardness in the future. I guess that's the price to pay though.

Originally Posted by Pensive Patrick

I totally agree. I remember the first girl I fell love with, and we started a relationship, and I was totally, 100% head over heels, but then she turned around and said, "actually I'd prefer if we were just friends". I was so incredibly in love that I couldn't cope with going back to be friends. It totally tore me up and I didn't speak to her afterwards (I know that sounds immature, but it was a long time ago). It felt like she didn't feel for me like I felt for her, and I didn't think I could live with that.

So yeah, what I'm trying to say is tread carefully. Maybe try not to say anything unless it gets pretty serious. Although to be fair, not everyone is as immature as I am

Aww. That made me sad. Girls can be cruel.

Originally Posted by Clairity

Well he definately needs to be told but if he's the kind that would be "dramatic/crushed" about it.. Toaster's advice may be the best way to go (i.e., get a friend to subtly talk to him and tell him what's what. He doesn't need to know you had a hand in it, and everything will go back to normal... hopefully).

You could even have that friend hint that you're seeing someone so that the conversation isn't even about him (and therefore his feelings won't even be involved in the conversation).

I'd rather not lie at all about seeing someone. Usually the truth is the simplest way to go. The friends thing is a good idea, but we don't really have mutual friends. He's just someone from class. I guess I could have someone else from class tell him.

Originally Posted by Taosaur

Any way you handle it is going to sting, and moreso the longer things are left gray, so just look for an opportunity to get it across sooner rather than later.

I agree. I just need to stop worrying about hurting his feelings and do what's best.

Originally Posted by xXSomeGuyXx

If i were in his situation and you said the above... I would go with either a or b. Hard to tell since i don't have feelings for you.


Hope this helps.

Hmm. I guess a or b don't sound all that bad.

Originally Posted by Siиdяed

Has no-one suggested pretending to be gay yet? And if so, has anyone demanded pix or no real?

You!

Originally Posted by ninja9578

I thought Mes was gay

That's sarcasm there, right?

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

That's sarcasm there, right?

I can point to dreams with Angelina Jolie that can say otherwise. So you're bisexual? Well then tell him the truth, you met a hot guy on the internet who dances with bananas and sticks his tongue out at you.

Originally Posted by Siиdяed

Has no-one suggested pretending to be gay yet? And if so, has anyone demanded pix or no real?

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

You!

Don't poke fun, I think he was being serious.

imo, the less direct, the better. I would find it incredibly awkward and significantly humiliating if the girl of my dreams sat me down and gently tried to break it to me that she's really not interested, and to stop it with my advances. I would feel a right fool. Maybe that's just me. I don't know how much he's into you either, or what kind of guy he is, obviously if he's like ninja, then your laughing .

I can't think of another way to let him know apart from those already mentioned, though.

Originally Posted by ninja9578

I can point to dreams with Angelina Jolie that can say otherwise. So you're bisexual? Well then tell him the truth, you met a hot guy on the internet who dances with bananas and sticks his tongue out at you.

Hehe no! Me straight. Dreams are just dreams, IMO.

Originally Posted by Lord Toaster

Don't poke fun, I think he was being serious.

imo, the less direct, the better. I would find it incredibly awkward and significantly humiliating if the girl of my dreams sat me down and gently tried to break it to me that she's really not interested, and to stop it with my advances. I would feel a right fool. Maybe that's just me. I don't know how much he's into you either, or what kind of guy he is, obviously if he's like ninja, then your laughing .

Gaaah! I'd rather be less direct as well, but I can't think of a way to do that! Baaaah.

Hehe. Why does this even have to happen to me.

So, have you decided which one is best advice?

(I have little to no clue... they're all good. I would NOT like to be left in the dark though. It's best to tell him soon. If you do wait for a while, I think he would get mad.)

kick him in the nads

it'll be less painful

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

Hehe. Why does this even have to happen to me.

Because you're really cute.

Originally Posted by Ynot

kick him in the nads

it'll be less painful

Originally Posted by ninja9578

Because you're really cute.

You guys are spoiling Mes. She'll be totally undateable if you keep it up.

Originally Posted by Taosaur

She'll be totally undateable if you keep it up.

Exactly. Hehe.

Originally Posted by xXSomeGuyXx

So, have you decided which one is best advice?

(I have little to no clue... they're all good. I would NOT like to be left in the dark though. It's best to tell him soon. If you do wait for a while, I think he would get mad.)

Yeah thus far I'm going to be direct but nice. I was thinking maybe something like, "I really like hanging out with you, but I don't feel very comfortable with the 'other' stuff right now." How's that?

Originally Posted by Ynot

kick him in the nads

it'll be less painful

Originally Posted by ninja9578

Because you're really cute.

No YOU'RE cute!

Originally Posted by Taosaur

You guys are spoiling Mes. She'll be totally undateable if you keep it up.

Bwahaha!! That is totally false.

I'm just standing up for my right to reject people I'm not attracted to. I used to not do that. It was... less than desirable.

Originally Posted by Ynot

kick him in the nads

it'll be less painful

Rofl! I can see it now:

Guy: You know, [Mes], we've been friends for a lil while now and, uh...I've kinda been thinking...well....more wondering, actually...if you might, maybe, ...wanna go out with me?

Mes: Wow...Uh...well...uhm...

*Mes kicks Guy in the nuts and runs away*

ROFL