Thread: Tell me: What is the best way to tell a guy I'm not interested???

oh man im on like the other end of this situation with this guy i like. we are friends but i like him more then a friend. i can't tell if he likes me back, sure he drops huge hints that he does but he could just be leading me on. part of the fun is not knowing and figuring it out so you eventually know. yes i am well aware that i could be crushed, but hey life will go on. personally though id rather know right now whats the deal with him. quote from ALF -"if the world blows up tomorrow think of all the time you would have wasted." haha yes i want to tell the guy i like him and i do with subtle hints but not enough, i am very shy though.
ive also had this trouble with guys. usually i just tell them stories about me and other guys and they realize im not into them. one thing i try to be sure of though is HURTING their feelings not knowing it. i suspect this kid likes be and i like this other guy and i always want to ask m friend for advice BUT because he likes me i think he would be crushed if i kept doing this to him, so i try not to go to him for advice. idk how this helps but whatevs. good luck!

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

No YOU'RE cute!

Thanks doll

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

Guy: You know, [Mes], we've been friends for a lil while now and, uh...I've kinda been thinking...well....more wondering, actually...if you might, maybe, ...wanna go out with me?

Mes: Wow...Uh...well...uhm...

*Mes kicks Guy in the nuts and runs away*

That's too funny.

Originally Posted by Taosaur

You guys are spoiling Mes. She'll be totally undateable if you keep it up.

Cute girls aren't undateable, some guys just happened to be intimidated by them. They're just like every other girl, right Mes?


Don't say "right now," that might give him hope for later. That sounds like you've got too much stuff going on now, but your schedule might open up later.

Just tell him you only wanna be his friend. people always get hurt in the dating game, it'salways unavoidable. If he is a man i'm sure he'll get over it.

For sure he will get over it Similiar thing happened to me and I was a bit down about it but it didn't bother me for long, was just glad to get the asking over and knowing where I stood and then I could move on - you would be doing him a favour in telling him cos if he's hung up on you and he can't date you then when he knows that he can start developing another crush elsewhere! I got rejected a few times but I didn't feel badly about the girls as I liked them - I didn't cause any probs for them!

How about trying to set him up with someone else or get him a stripogram or lap dance or something ROFL or maybe get someone to show him a Chicago Town Deep Dish pizza, they usually attract a lot of attention! Ask a few girls in your class or in the uni/college place if they like him and then create a chance meeting! Mes Match Making Service! You could get a picture of him and put it on DV and see if any of the girls on here wanna take him offa your hands!

Good Luck! I think you should just tell him and get it over with so you can start worrying about other things

If he's making it quite clear, then his reasoning is as follows: "Well, she didn't completely shoot me down and hurt my feelings, so there's still hope... I'll wait and see." In other words, if it comes to it, just tell him straight out that you don't feel that way about him. Don't string him along with subtlety just because you're worried you might lose him as a friend. That's kind of a selfish thing to do.

Start treating him like one of your girlfriends, or a gay friend. Like, talk to him about who you have a crush on. Ask him if you think so and so is interested in you. Tell him you think so and so is really hot. (one of my guy friends let me know he wasn't interested in me by telling me how awesome he thought my friend was, I got the hint real quick without being upset) Be really careful not to send him mixed signals. I know attention is fun and all, but it's counter productive to be silly and flirty with him even though it seems harmless.

If he doesn't get the hint then he's a rock and just tell him straight up.

Originally Posted by Aquanina

Start treating him like one of your girlfriends, or a gay friend. Like, talk to him about who you have a crush on. Ask him if you think so and so is interested in you. Tell him you think so and so is really hot. (one of my guy friends let me know he wasn't interested in me by telling me how awesome he thought my friend was, I got the hint real quick without being upset) Be really careful not to send him mixed signals. I know attention is fun and all, but it's counter productive to be silly and flirty with him even though it seems harmless.

If he doesn't get the hint then he's a rock and just tell him straight up.

Um, that doesn't really work for guys. I would recommend not doing this, rather, be honest.

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

So would a guy get over it pretty quickly if I phrased it that way? The last thing I want to have to deal with is him slouching in class all depressed for the rest of the semester.

If he doesn't get over it very quick then he's kinda a freak. You guys never had a real relationship right? So he lost nothing except for an opportunity. Which happens frequently.

If he ends up sad and makes it awkward then he doesn't deserve your friendship anyways. That would be pathetic.

Originally Posted by wasup

Um, that doesn't really work for guys. I would recommend not doing this, rather, be honest.

I agree. Main reason being that I know girls who will do that exact same thing Nina suggested for the sole purpose of analyzing guys' reactions, to see whether or not the guys like them. They try to make the guy jealous because, if they can see that they're jealous, it tells the girl that the guy has feelings for them.

"Signals" don't always get interpreted the way they're intended. It's best to just be straight up.

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

Guy: You know, [Mes], we've been friends for a lil while now and, uh...I've kinda been thinking...well....more wondering, actually...if you might, maybe, ...wanna go out with me?

Mes: Wow...Uh...well...uhm...

*Mes kicks Guy in the nuts and runs away*

Originally Posted by rastasteez

oh man im on like the other end of this situation with this guy i like. we are friends but i like him more then a friend. i can't tell if he likes me back, sure he drops huge hints that he does but he could just be leading me on. part of the fun is not knowing and figuring it out so you eventually know. yes i am well aware that i could be crushed, but hey life will go on. personally though id rather know right now whats the deal with him. quote from ALF -"if the world blows up tomorrow think of all the time you would have wasted." haha yes i want to tell the guy i like him and i do with subtle hints but not enough, i am very shy though.
ive also had this trouble with guys. usually i just tell them stories about me and other guys and they realize im not into them. one thing i try to be sure of though is HURTING their feelings not knowing it. i suspect this kid likes be and i like this other guy and i always want to ask m friend for advice BUT because he likes me i think he would be crushed if i kept doing this to him, so i try not to go to him for advice. idk how this helps but whatevs. good luck!

Hehe I've been on the "other" end too, but for me it's just always been really fun to have crushes on people. Makes your days go by faster.

Originally Posted by ninja9578

Don't say "right now," that might give him hope for later. That sounds like you've got too much stuff going on now, but your schedule might open up later.

Crap! You're right. I need to stop being a chicken, man.

Originally Posted by ranma187

people always get hurt in the dating game, it'salways unavoidable.

.. Quite true.

Originally Posted by Namaste

For sure he will get over it Similiar thing happened to me and I was a bit down about it but it didn't bother me for long, was just glad to get the asking over and knowing where I stood and then I could move on - you would be doing him a favour in telling him cos if he's hung up on you and he can't date you then when he knows that he can start developing another crush elsewhere! I got rejected a few times but I didn't feel badly about the girls as I liked them - I didn't cause any probs for them!

Good Luck! I think you should just tell him and get it over with so you can start worrying about other things

Thanks for the advice! Yeah I'd be doing him a favor by letting him move on, eh.

Originally Posted by Replicon

If he's making it quite clear, then his reasoning is as follows: "Well, she didn't completely shoot me down and hurt my feelings, so there's still hope... I'll wait and see." In other words, if it comes to it, just tell him straight out that you don't feel that way about him. Don't string him along with subtlety just because you're worried you might lose him as a friend. That's kind of a selfish thing to do.

Yeah. I can see that reasoning. I am acting selfish, aren't I. Well upon further thought, I dread possible awkwardness more than losing him as a friend.

Originally Posted by Aquanina

Start treating him like one of your girlfriends, or a gay friend. Like, talk to him about who you have a crush on. Ask him if you think so and so is interested in you. Tell him you think so and so is really hot. (one of my guy friends let me know he wasn't interested in me by telling me how awesome he thought my friend was, I got the hint real quick without being upset) Be really careful not to send him mixed signals. I know attention is fun and all, but it's counter productive to be silly and flirty with him even though it seems harmless.

See... I really like that idea. And then I read:

Originally Posted by wasup

Um, that doesn't really work for guys. I would recommend not doing this, rather, be honest.

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

I agree. Main reason being that I know girls who will do that exact same thing Nina suggested for the sole purpose of analyzing guys' reactions, to see whether or not the guys like them. They try to make the guy jealous because, if they can see that they're jealous, it tells the girl that the guy has feelings for them.

"Signals" don't always get interpreted the way they're intended. It's best to just be straight up.

Guess directness is all I can do.

Originally Posted by Stephent91

If he doesn't get over it very quick then he's kinda a freak. You guys never had a real relationship right? So he lost nothing except for an opportunity. Which happens frequently.

If he ends up sad and makes it awkward then he doesn't deserve your friendship anyways. That would be pathetic.

You are quite right in everything! Hehe "a freak."

Originally Posted by ExoByte

Bad! Bad bad bad! They ended up TOGETHER!

You mean you didn't tell him yet ?

Maybe you would end up with Mathew McConaughey if you try it.

Originally Posted by Spartiate

You mean you didn't tell him yet ?

No, it didn't come up on Monday because there was nothing to do but focus on the lecture, and I don't see him again until Wednesday.

Originally Posted by Stephent91

Maybe you would end up with Mathew McConaughey if you try it.

That MUST be right!

send him the link to this thread

Originally Posted by Ynot

send him the link to this thread

Oh god. It's so simple!

Oh, right, I actually thought we were Wednesday for some reason . Gah, stupid week...


Well good luck then , give him some conciliatory booze.

You could dress up in a chicken and go to class like that. Nobody wants a crazy girlfriend, no matter how cute she is.

Originally Posted by ninja9578

You could dress up in a chicken and go to class like that. Nobody wants a crazy girlfriend, no matter how cute she is.

Badly timed exotic latin dancing works for me if I want to scare off girls, wonder if it works the other way around...

Originally Posted by Ynot

send him the link to this thread

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

Oh god. It's so simple!

But Mes!! All I wanted to do was hold your hand and whisper sweet nothings in your ear! Now I am totally crushed! *sob!* I feel so stupid to not realize you were talking about me all this time.

Originally Posted by Spartiate

Badly timed exotic latin dancing works for me if I want to scare off girls, wonder if it works the other way around...

Make sure to video tape it so we can judge for whether it is effective.

Mes, if he feels upset. why not help him out. Do you have any friends that might like him? How about coaching him to help him find a date? would you feel good about that? I mean everytime a woman puts a good word in for me, she is my new best friend!!!

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

I agree. Main reason being that I know girls who will do that exact same thing Nina suggested for the sole purpose of analyzing guys' reactions, to see whether or not the guys like them. They try to make the guy jealous because, if they can see that they're jealous, it tells the girl that the guy has feelings for them.

"Signals" don't always get interpreted the way they're intended. It's best to just be straight up.

Yeah, I was gonna say the same thing. Like those girls who talk about other guys when it's just to make you jealous and stuff. And the simple fact of talking about certain things around him will make him think maybe you are interested. Like if this guy is not in fact gay, treating him like a "gay friend" will make him receive different signals than you intended. On a more passive level, you don't really have to tell him that much, but telling him will ensure he actually just accepts it. Like, I am sure he will hang out with you and everything, but always kind of flirting and such. And I don't want to hurt your feelings, but he might not be as interested when he realizes YOU'RE not interested. But if you wanna try it for a while, just treat him like a friend. I mean, whenever I have a friend who's a girl who I don't want it to be awkward with (though most of my friends who are girls don't like me, but I just want to keep any weirdness down), in my head I just replace that person with a guy friend and see if I would act the same way (it's the same way I see if a hot girl is affecting me... in my mind I just think... would I still be doing this if the person was an obese man? if the answer is yes, then I know it's not a matter of her hotness. and I figure out if she is actually interesting and such by doing the same thing, and thinking if I would still be interested in her as a friend and such. but that's neither here nor there). For example, I wouldn't flirt with a girl who's a friend even playfully, because I don't with a guy (unless it's like, a joke, which is why I might do it with girls, as a joke). But I don't know if that really works with girls, because you wouldn't really want to treat him like you treat a girl-friend. Though I think you get what I'm talking about... just kind of don't have looks or gender really be an aspect in your friendship. It's okay for him to be attracted to you (as I am to some of my friends who are girls), but there can be attraction and not really a desire to have something more. But if you find that treating him like a friend -- a real "friend," not a "gay friend," which I think would make him believe you are patronizing him, sending him some sort of hints, playing mind games on him, and probably hurting his feelings to some degree -- still leaves him having strong feelings for you, than just tell him upright. And it doesn't have to be awkward, or formal. It's not like you have to be "there is something I have to talk about." If maybe he "makes a move" on you, than just say you do maybe just wanna be friends. But though it can be informally, make sure the message is clear.

Sorry for the rant, but just my opinion. It's really up to you how you want to tell him, but as a guy, I think you should make sure that you make yourself clear. And not like "girl clear." But like, guy clear. That means actually saying something. Girls think their "hints" will work... most likely not. Don't be awkward yourself about it, and don't try to avoid him if he is awkward, just let him know what's going on. Don't act like anything is really changed when you tell him, because, for all intents and purposes, for you nothing did change, as you were always "just friends." But he might send you hints that he is no longer really interested. More likely is that he'll still hang out with you and still have feelings for you. But as long as you just don't really acknowledge flirtations and definitely don't reciprocate them, you're golden.

Good luck.

i think you can flirt with friends and not like them. or like them a little but still want nothing more then a friendship. in one of my classes there are these 2 guys and we always flirt with each other but we both know that we dont want anything more. we can hold hands, say things to each other and know that we aren't taking it seriously. seeing as almost all my friends are guys.. i do this a lot. aha last year about 7 guys made me RATE them on a scale of one to ten i almost died. but yes i have no problem talking to a guy friend and saying the "you have really gorgeous eyes and a nice body." or "i love you" or holding their hand but maybe that is just because we are good friends. im just saying that even though the guy make huge hints that he likes you, he may not and just wants to have a friend that is able to do this with. i know friends are always jealous of me because i am able to have many guy friends that i can talk to aand say stuff to without either of us liking each other. to me it is all just friendship. no i dont go making out with all them, i just like to know that they are their for me when i need them to talk to and i am there for all of them and that we can trust each other with our lives. i most certainly pick the good ones!