Hopefully some of this helps:
1. As Lang said, hypnogogia isn't really a reliable sign that you're entering a dream state. Reason being that it doesn't always align with REM states.
2. REM timing is highly variable for most of sleep before the last one (that being between hours seven to eight). It would take a bit of experimenting and work to time it at any hours before then. For aspiring LDers, it's recommended to stick with a last hour WBTB, during which REM tends to last longer / has multiple points in the hour.
3. At a glance, it seemed there was just a bit too much concentration, not enough relaxation. During WILD attempts, there comes a point where you'd have to let go, break concentration, and allow yourself to get to sleep.
4. I don't think there was a catastrophic mistake, or anything. It's just a matter of a bit of fiddling here or there. Maybe some rescoping as well, looking at things at a more high-level, zoomed-out lens. Eg. You didn't hit a wrong note. You're just playing jazz.
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