Snacks From the Butler's Pantry

I woke to a FA in my bedroom, and immediately recognized that I was still dreaming. As soon as I realized it, I felt myself waking up for real. My bedroom began fading to black, with everything turning to shadows and silhouettes. I struggled to hang onto the dream. The walls of my bedroom melted away into blackness, and my bed beneath me began to disappear. I watched as my bedroom disappeared around me, and transformed into a beautiful black night sky lit by millions of stars. It was like the kind of sky you see when you are far from the lights of civilization, only much clearer. It was as if I could see forever, into layers upon layers of stars. It was not a void. I could feel the ground beneath me, and could see the silhouettes of mountains on a distant horizon line. I was sitting on a high ridge, looking across to the opposite side of a dark valley.

After a moment just staring at how beautiful everything looked, I realized I needed to move if I wanted to hold onto the dream. My peripheral vision felt limited, but I could barely make out the shadowy forms of a person on one side of me, and a seated chimpanzee on the other side. I was still halfway aware of my body lying in bed, so I reached out to shake the hand of the person next to me. I introduced myself, "Hi, its nice to meet you, whats your story?" My voice sounded strange. My voice was loud and more powerful than normal, but I could hear a faint echo, like a mumbling coming from my real body (my girlfriend later told me that I was talking in my sleep).

As soon as I spoke, the darkness disappeared. A room snapped sharply into being around me. I saw that the person shaking my hand was a well dressed man, and the chimpanzee next to me was now an older woman who looked like an aging supermodel. The room was very small and Gothic looking. Old wood furniture was crammed into the space and lit with several small candles. I stayed in the dream for several more minutes, conversing at length with the two people about the nature of free will, and what the future will hold.

I hope none of their predictions come true.

I was at a party at a house that seemed strangely familiar. I was talking to a man who was explaining that when we die, our spirit is sent to a dream world for 300 years. At the end of the 300 years, we die in the dream world, and are reborn to the 'real' world again. The man was very excited, because he was at the end of his 300 years, and was about to be reborn.

I knew this was a dream. I was totally lucid. The problem was, I believed 100% that dreams were where we went when we died. Using this confused logic, I believed that I was in the afterlife. My own personal dream heaven.

It was night time, and I was in a beautiful beach house with its own private beach. Looking out across the water, I could see the lights of several other beach houses on the other side of the cove. Each beach house was reserved for a group of friends. Everyone who knew each other during their lifetime was sent to a beach house. In this way, your afterlife was only populated by the people you had met and loved during your life.

There was a huge party going on, and I had memories of this party going on for dozens of years. All of my friends were there. Occasionally I would see a friend that just arrived at the party. I would feel sadness that this friend just died in the waking world. At the same time I felt joy that they we were now reunited in the afterlife. There were thousands of people at this party. Everyone I've ever been friends with.

I was completely lucid. At one point, I decided that since it was a dream, I should just do whatever I wanted. I took off all my clothes, and was walking around naked. I reasoned, Who needs clothes when you're dead?. There was a room in the house that had a floor covered in a giant trampoline. Me and my buddy were jumping on this trampoline, when I remembered that we were naked. I looked at him and said, "You know, if this wasn't a dream, and we were alive, this would be real gay. Two naked dudes jumping on a trampoline?" We laughed as more people joined us.

I saw a girl I used to know, and felt incredibly sad that she was dead now too. I gave her my condolences for being dead, but told her how great this was that we could now be together again. She seemed very sad, and had tears in her eyes. "This is my dream," I said. "We can do whatever we want. We can go wherever we want. I'm so glad you're finally here." I morphed the scene around us to the top deck of a cruise ship, then to the streets of Paris, then the jungles of South America. She started to cry, and told me, "You act like I just got here. I have been at this party for 100 years, and you have ignored me the whole time. Its too late to make up for lost time now. You had your chance."

I later walked into a bar area of the house, and saw my girlfriend. I hadn't seen her since I died, and she looked so beautiful. I was so happy that we could now be together. A sleazy looking man was hitting on her at the bar. I walked up to send the guy away politely. I had so much catching up to do. As I went to put my arm around her, I noticed that the two of them were holding hands. I started yelling at the guy for hitting on my girlfriend. He tried to punch me, and it escalated into a full scale fight. I destroyed him completely with my god-like dream powers.

In the fighting, I accidentally injured my girlfriend. She was dying. As I went to heal her, she had the most horrible look on her face. She was furious with me. As she was dying, she told me that that man was her husband. When I died and left her in the waking world, they met and were married. Before she could finish her story, she died in my arms. I knew I could not bring her back to life.

I carried her outside to the beach. Her body looked like it was scaled in jewels, and she had wings made of gold leaf. As I walked along the beach, she started to disintegrate. Flecks of gold and jewels started lifting off her body, where they rose into the night sky and became stars. By the time I got to the water, all that was left of her was a handful of gemstones that were filled with liquid like batteries. I laid these stones on the sand, and with a wave of my hand I lit the entire beach on fire. Green flames spread to cover the sand and fuse it to glass. As the gemstones were consumed by the flames, they exploded one by one into clouds of multicolored light. I knew she would be reborn into a new life.

I was sort of half-heartedly WILDing, and got stuck in sleep paralysis. I felt my body go completely numb, and started to see the darkness at the foot of my bed get denser and form into the hazy shape of a monsterously disfigured person. I started to get absolutely terrified, and feel the most terrible sensation of cold and evil. The thing climbed onto my bed and onto my paralyzed body. It grabbed my wrists to hold me down, and stared directly into my face. It's face was that of a woman, but constantly changing. It looked like it kept changing in age - from a young attractive girl to an old mummified corpse and back again.

By this time, I was completely out of my mind terrified, but in the back of my mind I had this nagging thought that this felt familiar. I was wracking my brain trying to remember what to do to get out of this situation. I remembered that if I could get through this, I could make it to a lucid dream, but I couldn't think of what to do. For some reason, as soon as I thought the word "lucid dream", I remembered the task of the month. I somehow reasoned that if I could complete the task of the month, I could get away from this disgusting mummy lady dripping puss on my face.

I fixed my eyes on hers (the only part of my body I could still move), and yelled at her with my thoughts, "What's my new years resolution?". Her face turned to an unattractive middle aged woman, and she leaned back and smiled in a sinister way. "My new years resolution is to harvest your semen, and devour your soul," she replied.

I was now completely lucid, and no longer afraid. I asked again, "But, what's MY resolution?" She looked a little confused, and turned her head to look behind her. I noticed there was a horrible looking man standing behind her this whole time. He looked like a pale, ghostly translucent clown illuminated from within. Sort of like a combination between the albino dread locked guys from that Matrix movie, and a rotting zombie in a clown suit.

He walked towards me, and sat on the edge of my bed right beside me. "You are going to discover the ability to open portals to other dimensions. When you do, the offspring we have sired from your sperm will become all powerful and invade the planet. We will start with Hawaii, since the people there are superstitious."

I was totally lucid now, and thought this quite rediculous. "So, my new years resolution is to open a portal for some sort of demon clown invasion?" I laughed, "That doesn't sound very fun to me. I don't think I'll keep that one."

I decided I had had enough of this, and woke myself up to write it down. The weird thing is, I had a dream about that same clown guy earlier in the night before this dream.

So, if a bunch of my demon clown children warp to earth to devour Hawaii, I apologize ahead of time, guys.