Things to Run Away From Really Fast

07/17/10



The castle is light grey stone, bleached white in the moonlight. Spires reach to the stars. Atop the tallest tower, Debra Morgan stands looking out over endless mountain forests.

This is fucking ridiculous, she thinks. Of all the people to be kidnapped by a mythological creature, she should not be playing the damsel in distress. She's a cop, for Christ's sake.

She takes a breath, straightens her long, flowing (fucking impractical, is what it is) dress. It's silk, flowing patterns of blue and purple, glowing in the moonlight. The harsh notes of an organ drift across the courtyard from another tower. She frowns, humming along with the melody.

She hears her voice being played back to her, a recofded message. She stops humming, startled, and the voice stops. A slow smile forms on her face, and she starts humming the tune that the Beast is playing on his organ. She hums and listens carefully to the instructions her future self is giving her, letting a grin form. This plan just might work.



I'm a reaper, recently deceased. I've always wanted to leave Ixburg, and I was just shy of graduating high school. Now that I'm dead, I basically have sole dominion over the entire area's dead and dying.

My family moved out of our apartment block soon after my death. I get the place for a discount. Nobody wants to live in that particular suite anymore. I'm running the place for the new owners, a profession that gives me the flexibility to gather the few souls that suffer freak accidents occasionally.

For a retirement town, there's not a whole lot of death here.

Rube shows up around the corner of the shop in the back. He asks how I'm doing. I say that all I want is to get the hell out of here.

I'm jumping on fenceposts where the shop should be. I see a ten foot post and I jump up from the ground. I'm suspended in the air for a moment, and I force the dream to let me land on the four-inch circle.



I find myself in the middle of downtown Halifax. Barrington is a pedestrian only street. I feel ridiculously ashamed of my bare feet for some reason.

I take off to the south end at a sprint, enjoying the feel of running barefoot. I take the boardwalk, heading for my apartment.



I'm working at a table at some kind of convention, minding my own business, when a girl suddenly attacks me with a sword. I take a glancing blow to the neck, fall with it to avoid more damage. I pick up the short sword that was sitting beside me on the table as I dive for cover. I bring the sword up over my head as the girl strikes again. We fight.

This is a game. Damage is taken, and I slice open the girl's scalp. She hardly notices. No one loses until they surrender. I switch my sword for an axe on the table. I preferred the sword, so I switched back. The sword is knocked out of my hand and I rush the girl, tackling her and pinning her to the ground. She gets her hands out somehow and tries to struggle away, but another quick move has her immobile.

I fumble for my sword. I hold the blade to her throat, and rasp, "Do you yield?" She grins and concedes victory to me.

I'm outside, by the Halifax clocktower. The grass is green, and I look over the Vancouver harbour.

An orchestra is playing outdoors, under the blue sky. I take a breath, and allow the music to wash over me.

Now, what was I supposed to be doing?



A group of people are camping near a lake. Getting out of a car, they bicker with each other. Ron, Hermione, and Draco Malfoy are all members of the group.

Malfoy is concerned about his haircut (blond and spiky). He thinks it's just great the way it is, but they've been camping for so long that he's starting to need another haircut.

Ron can cut hair, but Malfoy doesn't trust him not to mess it up on purpose.

The Beast. Scare Factor: 4.

My team saves a little girl's life while we steal something from her father.

I'm cycling away from Vancouver, eastwards. There are people shuffling down the road on foot, heading into the city. One of them makes a grab at my bike, and I punch him, knocking him over. A few people pass me, on bikes themselves, and an older woman tells me I shouldn't hesitate to take them out if they try to grab me. A skinny bald man further up the road is moving into my path, and I hold out an arm to clothesline him, but he stumbles away at the last second.

People are still shuffling around, but they're a little more zombie-like now. Two people are holed up in a lab, a guy with shoulder-length black hair wearing a leather jacket, and the main character from Zombieland. We have a few frantic fight scenes. I end up throwing hard punches at the zombies and wishing I had a shotgun, but punching them tends to stun them for a few seconds, so that's something. A zombie with tangled curly hair, a bigger guy, rushes us, and I accidentally tear off the bandages covering his mouth. He tries to bite me, and I swing a computer moniter into his head repeatedly, until he stops twitching.

We have to get something from the control room, so I'm rappelling down a wide chute, in circles around the wires coming from the centre. I realize too late that going in circles means that I have less rope, and I'm several metres from the ground when I run out. Climbing out the vertical hole, about twenty metres, would be practically impossible, so I untangle myself from the harness and drop to the floor. I land easily. I see a flash of what's on the other side of the exit, a conveyor belt leading to the zombie from before.

I hurtle out of the chute at full speed, launching myself at the zombie and aiming a punch at his jaw. My punch barely connects, and I realize too late that it's too weak to do anything. The zombie looks at me, and I've used up all my momentum; I panic. I push back at the zombie, telekinetically blasting it into the wall, splattering its brains over the metallic surface.

Abruptly, I realize that I'm dreaming, and I walk to the control room, throwing zombies through the walls as they try to approach. I'm having so much fun, and the remaining zombies scatter like leaves, though their landings are bloodier. I reach my destination and find a zombie!GIR and zombie!Yoda standing there waiting for me. They've gotten bigger. I try to toss them away with TK, but the move barely pushes them a few centimetres. The pair stalks menacingly toward me.

I'm lucid, though, and decide this is a complete waste of time. I decide to ignore the pair and go look for Walms. I look away from the bizarre zombies and make for the exit. Zombie!GIR is a green couch bumping up against my leg.

I'm waking up. I try to stabilize, but fail.

New dream. We're survivors in an art gallery IN SPACE while running a pet shop. We find other survivors on earth and establish an alliance. My cousins want to look at the fish.

I have the wrong prescription for contacts and I'm running away from a government conspiracy with my family. Or monsters, maybe. My brother wants to know why this is necessary.

My luggage is too heavy, after I get off the bus, but I find that if I lean a certain way, I start floating along automatically. I run into Milly's mom, Pat Green*, and we go for lunch at a vegetarian cafe.

*From high school. You realize I'm making all these names up, right?

Zombieland. Scare Factor: 3.