Things to Run Away From Really Fast

★★★☆☆

01/09/11

I just found a Star Wars game for my phone. I decide to try it out, so I'm tilting it left and right, figuring out the controls. Spacebar is jump.

I'm in the game. My surroundings are a dank green, covered in vines and rot. This was a school once. I try out the jump command, disappointed when I realize I have only first-level force jump. It doesn't matter; I'll be able to get around just fine.

Obi-Wan's shade appears beside me to explain my mission. This is strange, because I'm pretty sure I'm a past version of him. The force ghost fizzles out and disappears, exploding into four green blobs of goo. They reform and immediately begin to scuttle about, taking shape as Gravelings, mischievous reptilian creatures that arrange the accidental deaths of the people around them.

I strike with my single lightsaber, v-stepping in and twisting away after I cut through the torso of one of the gravelings. The creature goes still in shock, before it disintegrates in a flash of red sparks. With a sweep of my lightsaber, the others are scuttling away. I finish them off with force lightening.

Later, alone in an empty room, I suddenly realize that I'm dreaming. It feels like waking up. I try to remember my goals, but I come up blank. Fine - I'll run. I love to run in dreams. I take a running start and leap from a four-foot ledge.

In one reality, I can feel myself flying.
I drift away, into the blue, blue sky, heedless of the ceiling that used to be there. Simultaneously I'm falling, landing. I can feel the remnants of the other reality until all four of my limbs slowly reach the floor. I lay my forehead onto the cold cement and just breathe.

I see Zoe, walking away into a crowd of faceless people. I call out to her, chase after her. Her blonde hair swishes as she half turns, keeps walking.

We're sitting side by side, looking at the massive crowd milling about through the mall. She's counting the cash in a till.

"There's something you want to tell me," she says, flipping through a pile of five dollar bills.

"Yep."

She scowls, but doesn't turn to look at me. "Well?" she asks, "What is it?"

"You could say," I smile faintly, "That I have slightly more than platonic feelings for you."

Her hands go still. "Oh."

"But that doesn't matter," I say, leaning back.

"And why is that?"

"Because," I say, and I stretch my hands out in front of my face, "None of this is real."

And the dream dissolves into static.

Running. Scare Factor: 3.

07/12/10

Do motorcycle chases ever end well?

I hop on my motorbike and speed toward the highway, mindful of being chased. It's been far too long since someone tried to kill me.

I pass my exit, turn sharply onto the next ramp. I'm going against the flow of traffic. I don't have time to do an RC, but since this is a dream, it's the perfect time to try out a trick from Saints Row... go against traffic, and it's harder for anyone to catch up to you.

At least, I think it's a dream. I'll risk it.

I'm pedaling my bike up a hill.

I take a sharp turn onto the exit, shift gears and find myself on the open highway. I speed up, watching the colours blur around me, faster, faster! Something's wrong, though. I'm on the right side of the road, going the right way! There goes my advantage.

I'm catching up to a row of semi-trucks. I focus on them, trying to force the images to turn around and come this way -

A truck hurtles toward me. The grill gets bigger, and closer, and I swerve into the far lane. The truck drives by me, honking. I skid over the pavement, tumbling head over heels. When I've stopped, I find myself staring up at the blue sky, trying to calm my breathing.

I get up and pick up my bike. I hop on. It's still running, but it's going really slowly up the next hill.

Someone taps me on the shoulder.

I spin around, catch the faintest glimpse of a man with curly hair before I'm back on my bike and pedaling fiercely down the exit ramp. This feeling is elation; I'm speeding down the steep ramp without a care for the wall that's suddenly appeared before me - what?

I brake and abandon the bicycle on the ramp. I'm inside of a mansion, which I know is the headquarters for my enemy. I peer around the corner, and snap back. There are two guards inside. One of them might have seen me.

"Hey," says a voice from beside me.

I jump and turn around. Shego is leaning on the wall next to me, filing her nails.

"You coming to girls' night?" she asks boredly, "We can get an action movie in if you're there."

"Sure," I say, risking a glance at the guards around the corner.

"I never saw you," she says, rolling her eyes.

I pick up my bike from the ramp. It's a stunt bicycle at this point. I peek around the corner again, looking at all of the interesting obstacles that are in there.

Minutes later, I'm ramping through the lobby of a movie theatre, being chased by out-of-breath security guards.

Zero CCs. Scare Factor: 3.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Apparently, psychopaths are drawn to the martial arts.

I'm in the middle of a karate class. I don't know the instructor, and I think I'm new to this dojo. The students are preparing for an upcoming tournament, concentrating especially on their kata. One man is leading a bunch of other students in a kata, but I notice that he moves with a limp.

The head sensei, an old man, shows up beside me. He explains that it was he himself who crippled the other man. You see, he explains to me, this man was my student at the time. Apparently, the other man was using what he learned in martial arts to abuse women he was in relationships with over the years, and the head sensei put a stop to it. The other man's punishment was that he would no longer be able to reach his full potential as a martial artist.

I'm talking with some of the other students, when I remember I have to check something. I sit down on the grass with my laptop. Firefox is already open, and I start to type something. Or maybe I'm clicking the Stumble button, I don't really remember.



A girl from high school shows up and sits on my lap, taking the computer. I look over her shoulder as she types something in.

I'm playing a video game that's a cross between Saint's Row 2 and Assassin's Creed 2. Why all the sequels?

I tell my brother about a bug in the game. I load my save game and see my character collapse and die. The game reloads, in a different place. I collapse and die. Cue loading screens to a bunch of different characters and places. Collapse and die, collapse and die, collapse and die.

Finally, we see a cutscene. An old woman is the queen of the land; she's bedridden and giving orders to messengers. Apparently, she was my character's mom at one point, only I keep dying and getting reincarnated, so I've been missing for the last thirty years.

"Change in next music and chocolate."

...what?

Lucid moment. I look at my right hand and notice that the three little fingers are bent, but it feels like two of them are, and the other three are extended. Wait a minute. I glance up and look around, but the dream is already over.

Sensei. Scare Factor: 2.

Cell phones are evil and I talk to my brother about comic book continuities. Apparently Batman showed up in the Sandman universe. I'm playing video games in a living room. I switch the gender on a character customization screen, which affects three dreams:

- A ghost enacts vengeance on his/her killer, and both go up in flames. There's a picture of a kitten involved.

- A warrior... guy... who looks like Ichigo from Bleach saves two main characters from... something, but one of the background DCs gets killed. The costume is warm, and he looks at the river, thinking about going for a swim. Zoom back to me with the video games, looking at a character screen that looks way different than the actual character did.

- I have to capture all six million Pokemon. I also have to click across a screen to keep them happy.

I'm in the same room, which is now a bar. I'm sipping on the large chai latte I bought before the coffee shop closed. Linkara is bartending. It's someone's birthday, and he randomly slices pieces off of an angel food cake when people come in. There are two cakes; one is hiding in a cupboard somewhere.

Time Management. Scare Factor: 2.[/QUOTE]