Xanous' Dream Journal

#392 - WILD - 3:44AM

Almost an hour WBTB with some meditation and the usual Galantamine dose.

I focus on body awareness and quickly enter into a very long transition in vibrations and SP. I use every trick I can think of to get the dream going but it's being very stubborn. I forget most of the sensations, but it was all very typical for me and only mildly interesting. Eventually, I find myself floating listlessly above the foot of the bed. I look up and see the floor. I am upside down so I reach for the floor landing on all fours. I crawl out of the bedroom into the living room, heading for the front door. I feel very weak and gravity is extra heavy. The dream is very unstable and non-vivid but it's all I've got right now. I continue to crawl, making very little progress. I know I need to stand, but the thought of it seems impossible. I tell myself, "Don't be a pussy." as I use all my will to stand up.

As I stagger to the front door I see a line of dead bolts spin to the unlocked position. I was grateful for this, because the thought of manually unlocking all them seems like an impossible task at the moment. I feel hopeful as I reach outside but the dream is still really unstable. I float to the grass in the yard and feel with my hands as I revert back to crawling. I note the texture and feel as my legs drag across long blades. I recall Jenkees' dare to have theatrical music and try to conjure up something. The Indiana Jones Theme song begins to play in my ears. This is all wrong for the moment so I shake the sound out my mind. At this point the dream decides to crash.

I wake up feeling mentally exhausted and decide to hope for DILD later. I mantra "Remember mindfulness" as I fall back to sleep.

#393 - DILD - 4:07AM

Originally Posted by From Ringworld, by Larry Niven.

"I have a variable-sword," said Speaker-to-Animals. "I urge calm." The kzin stood against a curved wall. In one clawed fist he held something like an oversized jump rope handle. Ten feet from the handle, held expertly at the level of the kzin's eyes, was a small, glowing red ball. The wire which joined ball to handle was too thin to be visible, but Louis didn't doubt it was there. Protected and made rigid by a Slaver stasis field, the wire would cut through most materials including the back of Louis's crash couch.

I am at an old slave house back in the 1800's. The door is boarded up but I manage to breakthrough. I feel compassion and want to free them all. I load everyone up into covered wagon and try to think of a way to get them to the underground railroad.

I have a mini wake-up but fall right back to sleep. I am now in a mixture of my basement and the old dirt floor garage from a house I lived in as a child. I am mindlessly digging up the dirt floor wanting to make a tunnel. As I do this I recall the previous dream. I notice how odd it is that the dirt just vanishes as I dig. It's very minecraft-life. After a moment I pause and stare out a window in a door. Something feels off. I remember to be mindful and quickly recognize this as a dream.

I step outside now unconcerned with digging. I quickly recall one of my goals. I want to revisit the lightsaber play from a non-lucid dream that I had last week while taking another stab at the theatrical music. Recalling the visuals, I blind summon a red lightsaber and give it a few spins. It looks good at first but the light quickly fades out as I walk around the house. I come around the side and see a very strange and distorted version of my Dodge with all sorts of attachments jutting out from the sides.

I look at my lightsaber, but it only look like a laser pointer as I stare at a red dot on the driveway. I decide this is ok because it is now a variable-sword like the one in Ringworld. I flick my wrist and make a cut at one of the chrome appendages on the car. I see it slice a very thin line but it doesn't fall off. I go ahead and give a tap making the thing drop away. I make another slash at the side-view mirror with the same effect. Ok that's kind of cool. Now I need my music. I try to summon something, but all I get is random humming in my head that sounds pretty weak and ridiculous. I let it go for now and wonder around with my sword.

To my left, I see smoke from a something like a brush pile, and to my right, I see a tree covered with Christmas lights. I am torn between the two; looking back-and-forth. This seems to do something strange with my eyes causing my eyelids to flit open, waking me up.

#390 - WILD - Time unknown

Since I missed the past two weekends, I decided to do a quick WBTB at 1AM with the usual Galantamine. I reminded myself why I choose to do this only on a weekend. I really don't seem to get the quality sleep I need and there is never enough time to hit those longer late morning LDs. At least I had some interesting experiences however brief.

I lay down and focus on body sensations. I feel surprised when I begin to feel the early onset of the transition. Getting this feeling this quickly seems to get me way too excited and it ruins. This time I was pretty chill and focused on relaxing deeper. Well, I say it was quick, but now that I think about it, I am not sure whether I dosed off for a bit or not. It was a WILD regardless.

When I get a bit deeper into the vibrations, I fumble my way out of bed. I am blind so I try opening my eyes I but seem to be able to see the bed room from the perspective of laying down. The room looks a bit too bright so I am not sure if this was my physical eyes or not. I really need to test exactly whats happening at this stage with the eyes.

Outside, I try to peer into the darkness or the back of my eyelids in order to see in the dream but nothing is working for me. I end up crawling in the street, feeling the asphalt with my hands for stability. I hear a dog's painful yelp in the distance and the sound morphs into something like a siren from an emergency vehicle. The street is pulled away from me and my fingers drag on the rough surface for brief moment. I feel my self hurling backward my bedroom. I wake up.

I go straight into DEILD and enter vibrations quickly. The only problem is I now notice that my chin is tucked too close to my chest and I am having a hard time breathing. I try to ignore it, but I can't. I break concentration and adjust. Now I have to pee.

I don't bother starting up the DJ because I am afraid the light will rouse me too much. I get comfortable and start over.

#391 - WILD - 2:22AM

After a short time, I notice vibrations and a scene has formed. Kelly from work is talking about football and I am resting in a recliner. I look around and see dog doing funny tricks. A doberman looks decidedly human. I find it humorous but I feel detached. I wonder if the dream is stable enough to move as I get up and move forward. I walk past the dogs into a kitchen area. There is a back door open to a screen door. A familiar woman is at the sink doing dishes. I hear her say, "He's up and moving."
I go outside to a summer day in the country. There are some trees, an open pasture, and hills in the distance. A red checker table cloth catches my peripheral but I ignore it. The scene is beautiful, but dull and non vivid.

I recall my goal to renter my Star Wars dream from the night before but this time with theatrical music. As I blind summon a lightsaber, the dream goes dark. I spin the thing about and see a glowing red blade streak against the void. Unfortunately, the dream fades quickly and I wake up.

I have some other dreams, but frustratingly, they are non lucid.

It's lunch time at work and I want to eat out. l am in the parking lot of the University campus in town and I can't find my car anywhere. I begin to panic and cry that this is the worst lunch experience ever. :lol;

I am with someone in a building but it's all a scam. I can't find the flash light, but another woman knows things that other can't. She tells me exactly where to find it. I dismiss the other woman and follow this one. She tells me she also knows where my car is.

I have a negative experience where my parents show up in the middle of the night/early morning and let themselves in. They want to see my son and loudly call his name. I hiss at them that he is asleep. I argue with my dad over religion and call him a few choice words. I tell him religion ruined my life. I wake feeling bad about the dream.

#386 - DILD? - 5:48AM (2 of 2)

I had slight wakefulness but was really focused on WILD. I must have failed due to how long it was between dreams. However, it did feel like a WILD, but I am not sure what really happened. Either way a lucid is a lucid.

I am in my house and I head straight out the front door and recall my goal to fly into orbit. It is raining. The smell of it is vivid. I notice I don't feel the rain and discover that I am wearing a hoodie with the hood up. I take it down wanting to feel the wet precipitation on my face but there is no sensation. Oh well, on with the task. I jump hard while doing a mighty force push against the ground. This effortlessly propels me fast into the sky while I look down. The ground drops away, then dark clouds, then atmosphere. I get a brief glimpse of the Earth before the dream crashes.

Everything gets darker and super unstable. I put my hands out trying to focus on seeing the Earth from orbit, but I realize that I am back in my yard. Before me I see a large circle of red light with a ring around it. I notice someone getting in the car in the driveway in my peripheral vision but choose to ignore this. I focus on making the laser light show become a realistic representation of Earth but the dream quickly fades away.

#385 - DEILD - 4:21AM (1 of 2)

A couple shots of vodka just before bed for a little REM suppressant. I went to bed around 10:30PM and awoke naturally at 2:00AM from a super vivid dream. It was a little early for my WBTB but I went ahead and got up for about 45min with 8mg Galantamine and 400mg Choline. I downed the pills with a glass of home-brew Kombucha, then got got on Facebook for awhile.

I having failed a WILD, found myself waking from this dream:

I am about to go to sleep on the asphalt in a parking lot. I have my pillow and a huge comfy comforter. My wife is next to me already passed out. I have been talking to a work buddy on Facebook and decide to make a final comment then lay down. When I put my phone down I see him and his mom some feet away in their own pallets. His mom keeps making snide comments and says something about my top hat. I look over and see one next to me. It looks a lot like the one in "Frosty The Snowman". I tell her its just a top hat and not to worry about it. I lay down and flip them the bird with my eyes closed and smile. Then I get really hot and notice that I have a long black overcoat on. I take it off to reveal a while dress shirt. It takes effort but I mange to strip down enough to feel comfortable and go to sleep.

I wake partially and go into DEILD. I feel vibrations right away and let my self lucidly slip under. I feel real excitement with a racing heart and it takes a moment to calm down. Then I blindly make my way out the front door. As I feel the cool air hit me, I hear a loud sucking noise and am pulled back into my body. I am not sure if it is my physical body or dream body but I gasp for air as if I have been holding for a long time.

I wait a few seconds in the vibes and then get up again. This time I see misty swirling visuals as a dream forms in front of me. This gives a really cool effect as a copy of myself forms before me. Its a little odd but the dream is still really unstable so I grab my doubles arm and talk to him. This quickly fades as I am sucked back once again.

I realize its always my habit to rush this transitional stage so I decide to relax and just be mindfully in the moment. I enjoy multiple body sensations like weightlessness and vertigo. I begin to sing some old song. I am not sure of the name or even if the lyrics are right. "I-I-I-I-I... Get that feeling." (What's that song?) I have that moment where I wonder if I am singing out loud and I swear I think I feel my wife turn a bit in bed. I decide not to be put off by it and sing the line again though, it is noticeably softer.

Next, I use the feeling of weightlessness and start imagining flying. The feeling is real and I think I have a moment where I open my eyes and see a huge puffy cloud above my bed. After I awhile I feel like I am falling and blindly pull a parachute cord. There is a noticeable jerk as the air fills the chute and I glide softly down. I get a visual of ground below me then I land in a version of my bathroom. I immediately recall my lucid dare to find a story in the dream. I decided beforehand to either call someone to ask and listen, or find a TV and watch. I decide to look for my phone.

The bathroom is full of all kinds of junk like a tornado had hit my house. There were clothes and debris everywhere as well as all sort of cosmetic and toiletry items around the sink. As I search around it, I say out loud, "Where is my cell phone?" I have a thought to blind summon but for some reason it feels silly since I 'just woke up'. I see something under an empty Q-tip container; It's my phone, but when I reach for it I push it off into the floor. When I bend over, I feel air on my asshole like I like I am completely naked. Shocked, this causes me to pause and look in the mirror. I see a blurry and vibrating reflection in the mirror. As far as I can tell I am shirtless and probably naked with worried look on my face. The effect of the reflection feels unstable so I look away back on task. It's probably best not to worry about this anyway.

The phone screen is super dim, but I blindly tap random spots on the screen anyway, knowing it really doesn't matter. Its the object in my hand that is extending this form or dream control and giving me a mental boost. I put the phone to my ear expectantly and hear a ring then an answer. I try talking to the man the other end but it just sounds like I have tapped into someone's phone conversation. The dream blacks out here and I worry that I am going to have to start over. Luckily, the sensation of the phone to my ear is still very vivid so I just continue on in the darkness. I try to interrupt but they don't seem to hear me and I can't tell what they are saying. I stay persistent and finally get through to a very redneck sounding man. When, I finally understand the man, I find myself in some sort of auto mechanic shop full of colorful hydraulic lifts and tools. I walk around messing with items and flying around the shop as I talk on the phone.

Me: Hello?
Man: Who is this? Hello?
Me: Yes. It's me. Will you please tell me a story?
Man: Huh? Hello?
Me: I just really want you to tell me a short story. Please?
Man: Well OK...
Me: Yeah, go ahead.
Man: When I worked at the mill down by your place with the number one wire...
Me: Yes, go ahead.
Man: ...there was a sawed-off coffee maroon.
Me: Ok wait. (I am trying to make sense of this as well as remember) You worked at the mill down by my place with number one wire and there was a sawed-off....coffee...ma-ROON?
Man: Yes. That's right.
Me: Then what?
Man: George was like, 'What the fuck?'
I can take it any more I begin to laugh out loud at this. I notice my laugh sounds really different and I cut it off short.
Me: Dude that's really hilarious. You didn't ask George what his deal was?
Man: Yeah! That's what I did!

I was going to probe on but I suddenly wake up.

3:44AM
Joyce from work is holding me like I am a small child. I am trying to fall asleep but can't because she is talking about eating with another lady. I try to talk and move but I feel so sleepy and lethargic. This reminds me of a dream sign and I think I should nose plug but I don't have the energy to try. I really think this might be a dream but I tell myself to give is some more time.

I have an FA were I am trying to DJ but nothing is working right and I can't move. I realize I am dreaming and decide to wait a little longer.

I have another FA in a car. I am with my wife and her mom. I have false memories about camping and fishing. It's a shame we didn't get to fish much after driving all that way. I as my mother-in-law where we went camping. She says Michigan. Thinking of Wurlman I ask were in Michigan. She tells me it was near St. Florentine(not a real place) I an feeling really guilty about having camped in Michigan but totally not going to Wurlman's wedding. I tell her something about my friend living in near there and we should have drove a little farther.

5:05AM
I watch a movie of WWII paratrooper Bugs Bunny diving out of an airplane. His chute doesn't open and he does an impossible belly flop in the water. The environment is realistic but Bug's is cartoon giving it a Roger Rabbit feel. Bugs then tries to deploy his inflatable raft but that's not working either. He swims off.

I am standing in an old fashioned store in Nazi Germany. I am working as a spy with several others. Bugs Bunny is talking about calling customer service about his parachute and raft not working. There is a more modern corded phone on the wall but it is unplugged. I try to help him out but I am afraid of getting caught.

For some reason I am staring off at a wall. A Nazi soldier walk's by and yells at me to get back to work. I drop the phone cord and leave Bugs Bunny to fend for himself. As I wonder around I see there are many unusual items on displays as well as people working on wire harnesses. I tell myself that I used to do that back home and could probably jump back into it to blend in. However, I am not sure why they are building something like this in this time period. Certain items start to look really steampunk and I dismiss it as secret advancement.

I pay close attention to various tools for sale in hard plastic packages. They all look really alien but I can see how each one has a specific use. The detail is extremely vivid and interesting. Had I become lucid I doubt I would have done anything any different.

After a minute or two I find a familiar face. Some guy that looks like celebrity that I don't know the name of. He's one of the other spies. He tells me that he's really working for the Nazi's now and is planning to stay. I notice he is wearing modern clothes but I just think he's not in uniform anymore. He's really quit. I look down and have a brown military uniform on but I am holding a t-shirt with a Captain America symbol on it in black and gray colors distressed colors. I am in some conversation with the man as he walks out of the store. Not wanting to look like I am stealing the shirt, I stop at the door and yell some final words at him. When I turn around, I hear a faint alarm.

I look down at the shirt and see no sensor tag on it but I feel like the alarm is because of me. I look back and see the man come in. I feel like my cover is blown and I begin to hear theatrical pulsing danger music. I tell him that we are in trouble and need to run but he doesn't seem convinced. I say, "Don't you hear the music?" Then is dawns on me that this is related to a lucid dare I was going to try. I know I am dreaming and don't need to nose plug. Unfortunately, the dream crashes right at that moment.

6:48

I am sitting on the couch next to my mom. She tells me my old elementary school teacher, Mr Miles, just passed away and flashes a vivid photo of him. I am said and tell my mom he was my favorite teacher of all time. I cry a little and my wife comforts me. I want to see that picture of him again but my mom can't find it. I take her camera and look through he pictures stored on memory. I ask mom how she knows he died and she tells me that she just talked to his wife. I am confused why she's been talking to her. My mom knows my old teacher's wife? Takes really weird. My vision is blurry and I can't really tell what I am looking for on the camera so I try to look him up online on my laptop. I try to type his name and the town and school he taught in but I can't get anything to work right. All of this reminds me of how when I have a FA and I try to type in my DJ. I think it can't hurt to do a nose plug and I am shocked by the result.

Lucid now, I stand up and run forward into another room with some random DC's chilling in some chairs. I fly around the room with my arm out like an airplane. The DC's smile at me and seem to accept this as normal. There is a strong feeling of G-forces in my gut as I circle around back to the door.

I go back into the living room but it is now a totally different house. It's way more spacious that anything I've even been in and every room and has really light brown thick fluffy carpet. The walls are nearly the same color but it has a serene and heavenly feel to it. I rush through at kitchen with a large island and come to some sort of den or family room. My father is relaxed on a cough giving me a knowing look. I fly around this room a few times but I become preoccupied thinking I had a goal in mind. I try for several seconds but it just wont come to me. Not wanting to ruin the dream, I decide to forget about it.

I come back around to the dad DC and take his hand trying to pull him off the cough. I want him to go adventuring with me but he won't move. For some reason, I notice his hand feels funny. My sense of touch is numbed but his hand feels spongy. I try to ignore it, "Dad, I am having a dream. Get up lets go." He waves me away. "But Dad, it's a lucid dream."

I fall to the floor now and the dream goes dark. I feel the carpet and try to stabilize myself. The plush is deep and I dig in holding on. My left leg twitches and it feel as if I am on my stomach. I wonder if it's my physical body but I know I am not sleeping on my stomach. Then, I feel as if my feet are being pulled up and I wonder if my Dad DC was an actual entity if he sees me being sucked into a vortex from the dream world into the waking world. I can almost see it in my mind. I hear strange noises and then I wake up.

#379 - DILD - 5:37AM (2 of 2)

I am looking in the back seat of the car for something and can't find it. I look up and see the car is rolling forward. I remember that I was in bed just a moment ago and know it's a dream. I recall my conversation with Wurlman during the podcast about having fun with cars so I go for it. I have other goals but I decide to go ahead and hop in the driver seat. The car has rolled off the street it was parked on and heading toward a wooden fence. I gun it and ram through. The feeling of invincibly surges through me. I am surprised by a second chain-link fence and crash through that one as well. It has a nice sound effect.

I come onto a four-lane highway going through a residential area. I follow the road going faster and faster. The car becomes slightly hard to handle during turns and I clip the side of a house. I don't care; this is all really fun. After a bit, I notice my view pulls back into a 3rd person perspective. I see a downtown area like on GTA5 and the dream looks very much like a video game. I notice I am not in my car anymore but some light blue SUV. I make the car go as faster (as I can imagine in this scenario) as I hit a sharp hill. It was only natural to take to the air at this point. I make the car fly up around the sky scrapers and I do a sharp turn to look around. I enjoy the view of the city, but then, I lose control and the car takes a fast dive into a busy street. There is some fiery explosions but it is mostly obscured by a large, thick cloud of opaque, black smoke.

Suddenly, my younger daughter opens the bedroom door whining about something. I assume she's had a bad dream. My wife asks her whats wrong and my daughter replies, "The ants are living with the five."
I lift my head up and say, "What?" I assume she's either had a bizarre dream and is still out of it or this is typical DC nonsense.
I become semi-lucid but I feel very confused about where I am and who's bed I am in. For some reason I think I am a child again sleeping next to my mom as my dad works the night-shift. Slowly, I make sense of everything and try to make a DJ entry. However, as I fumble around the feeling of heavy SP, I remember this isn't going to work in a dream. I notice now that my arms and head are vibrating, though I feel like I am awake and moving around. I am not really sure if this is even possible, so I relax and lay still, preparing for an OBE type exit. I spend a few seconds here and I begin to go deeper, but it's at this point that my wife sighs loudly, rolls over, and shakes me awake.

#378 - DEILD - 4:54AM (1 of 2)

I am at work and I use my laptop on the production floor. It keep playing video loudly and I have to click them away. Break time comes and I kick back in the break room to try to WILD. I feel floaty and strange like usual this brings my awareness back and I wake slightly.

I realize that I failed my WILD so I go into DEILD mode. I have general SP issues and trouble getting out of it. Eventually I roll over and have some kinky sexy time with the wife just get the dream going. It wasn't really a sex dream but it was fun. After a minute or two of that I get up and turn to the door. My wife says, "Ok. You go have your lucid dream now." I smile not looking back and walk out of the bedroom.

As I try to make it to the front door the room stretches making it farther away. I feel immobile and have some trouble seeing. My physical eyes open but I close them right away and DEILD.

I imagine being at the front door feeling the floor with my hands. I am surprised that I can feel something right away. I expect to feel the hardwood but it feels something like groutless tile; the kind at the grocery store that gets waxed. I notice some gritty feel like dirt.

My vision returns and I see the door mat that we keep inside. I smile and stand up quickly reaching for the door knob. The basic TOTM is on my mind and when I step outside I look for a pile of leaves. There are two bushes on each side of the porch steps in waking life but here in the dream one of them is the pile of leaves I am looking for. I walk to the edge of the concrete and turn around. I put my hands out and fall back into the leaves. I hear a loud, dry leaf sound... CHISSHSH. As the leaves disperse, I feel and see a dry dead bush appear. I land softly and slide on my back several feet as I hear something like the sound of a buzzing bee hive.. BUZZZZZZZZ. I recognize this sound from one of my son's toys as I wake up.

#377 - WILD - 9:29AM (3 of 3)

I try to squeeze another hour of sleep late this morning to try to make up for the periods of wakefulness I dealt with through the night. My son wakes up and I hear mild sounds of him taking a bath causing my to have a short period of light sleep.

I wake fully with no dream recall but I say focused on my body. For some reason I think it is my mother who is giving my son a bath. I have some visuals of this and then I notice some vibrations. I open my eyes but this time, I am certain I have opened my physical eyes. I close them and try again without making the movement. I am not sure what is what but I can see in the dream now. The transition to move my body is a bit more difficult this time but after a few seconds, I manage to get out.

The bedroom door opens as if it is the front door to the house in Texas. I always have a strong connection to this place and though I don't understand it, I just let it be. There is the church on the other side of the yard plus and extra building with gray stucco. I don't have any goal in mind so I wander closer. I think about phasing into the wall to see what I will find but I worry about destabilizing the dream.

Around the side, I seemy neighbors ugly truck parked in the grass. It annoys me so I decide to reach into it and see whats in the engine compartment. My hand phases through the grill and I smile at the visuals and the sensation. I reach around inside and feel a tangle of hoses and wires. I grab a handful and pull them out. I can now see the engine and put my hand on an odd looking spark plug. I say something like, "You will cause problems." I hope to affect waking life as a type of curse on the vehicle. I think about taking anger out and slashing the tires for fun but I stop myself right here. This is totally stupid. I think that I should just let this go and do something else. As I turn away, my wife comes in the room waking me up.

#376 - DILD - 5:02AM (2 of 3)

I am at Wal-Mart looking for some vitamins. I wander around and realize its all a dream but for some reason I continue walking around looking for the vitamins.

I have and FA and try to record my dream but I can't see clearly and my hands feel numb and clumsy. I put my journal way thinking something is off. My wife gets up and goes to the bathroom. I try again to record the dream fumbling clumsily. As my wife comes back into the room I decide to nose plug just in case. AH! It's a dream.

I get up and enter the living room. It's really dark in there so I try the light closest light switch by the kitchen entrance. It doesn't work and I begin to hear this odd metallic groaning sound. I am intrigued at first but then I think maybe i should be scared. Fear gets the best of me for just a second but I allow anger to override that emotion. I continue to hear that creepy sound and it seems to be coming from the oven.

The room seems to have lit up some so investigate. The oven looks like some bulky white antique looking thing. I note the oddity but I am not concerned with that right now. I yell things at the oven thinking something evil must be inside. The sound continues. "Shut-up! Shut-up and come out of that oven! I dare you!" After a moment I decide to open the oven. I am really worried that I'll have to confront some twisted hell spawn but to my relief there is nothing inside. I decide to just ignore this whole thing and go do other things, but at that moment I wake up.

Lucid Fragment

I also recall a lucid fragment where I was caught up in some Dr Who. trivia on the TV. I was using at a large touch screen but the trivia turned into some 60's and 70's sitcom trivia with video snippets. There was some show called "The Strangers" about a cab driver.

#375 - WILD - 3:55AM (1 of 3)

The usual dreamamins dose. A little DMAE to mix things up. No menthol. 60 min WBTB playing a phone game "Out There" and a whole lot of WILD determination.

I almost lose awareness and have some deep visual of a dream. I pull myself back to full lucidity and notice vibrations. I feel that I am far enough in the dream to go ahead and open my eyes. The room is dimly lit and I see the ceiling. I have my right hand in the air. Suddenly, I feel a sinking sensation and watch as the dream reality stretches and skews. After sinking what feels like 10 or so feet, I decide to move on.

I make effort to get up and everything bounces back to something more normal. I don't recall making my way to the front door; Perhaps I just teleport unaware. Outside, I expect to feel cold air but it's neither hot nor cold. I remember that I want to find this mysterious dream guide that has been showing up lately and I look around. A strange looking, beefy maroon-orange van pulls up into the driveway. It has a very futuristic/spaceship look to it with glass tinted so dark it looks black. I become excited because I just know my guy is in there. There is still some mild instability to the dream and I somewhat clumsily open the passenger side door. To my surprise, there is no one in there. The interior is super plush and clean like some high dollar luxury car. I'm not sure what this is all about but I go ahead and move over to the driver seat. I use the van to drive around in search of my dream guide.

As I pull out of the driveway I notice some kids and other people down the street milling about. I hope to find him there but for some reason the van malfunctions and stay stuck in reverse. This has never happened before and I find it very annoying. After a few seconds I am able to fiddle with some sort of gear shift and manage to drive normally. I make my way back to where to people were earlier but everyone is gone now. I continue to slowly drive around familiar streets in search of someone or anyone but I have no luck.

I feel something touch my mouth and I almost absentmindedly bite it. Is that the steering wheel? I pull my head back and see something black. It's a part of the dash that has somehow grown some sort of lump in it. I say out loud, "What the crap?", as I try to push it down. My hand only wants to phase through so I just let it be. However, it's really annoying because it is obstructing my vision. I decide I really don't need the van so I step to the side phasing out onto the street as I let the van dissolve away into nothing. I can feel it sort of fizzle to nothing behind me like one of those effervescent tablets in water. I always get a rush when I do that!

I continue walking down the street looking down for stability. For some reason phasing the van was slightly disorienting. I notice my shoes and really like the brown and blue design. I hope to find something like that in the waking world. It's so cool how creative my dreaming mind is! I look up and see some white car coming down an adjacent street. I start to head over to check it out but my physical hand randomly clenches into a fist waking me up.

#370 - DILD - 5:53AM

I am in some church that looks a lot like the last one my father preached at in Texas. I am standing in the back leaning on the back rest of a pew while someone drones on up front. I come to awareness as I am staring off into space being introspective. I decide this is probably a dream and wonder into a back room.

I remember the costume task for the task of the month and look for my manatee outfit. There is a white toy chest behind a stack of chairs. There seems to be a bunch of stuffed animals and puppets in there. This is perfect for what I need. I reach in and pull out a grey hoodie with a plush manatee head for the hood. I decided before hand that I didn't want a complicated costume but this unexpected item is genius. I find a full length door mirror so that I would have a visual ground as I slip the costume over my head. My reflection doesn't cooperate and is making funny faces at me. It's not even doing the same movements I am. I decide this DC is annoying and move to another mirror. My reflection is still making faces but at least it's cooperating. I carefully slip the hoodie on while I keep a visual on the mirror. Once I have it one with the hood up, I turn around and imagine being in the water.

The hallway behind me quickly fills with water to the roof and I start swimming. Air bubbles swirl around me as I level out and make swimming motions. The dream fades here a bit but I focus on memories of snorkeling and quickly find myself in something similar to King's Bay. I even act the part and pretend that I have fins for elbows as I 'walk' the bottom among the vegetation. after a few seconds, my vision fades to black again but I decide that I have done the task so I let myself wake up.

I go ahead and nose plug but blow through. I set up and find myself outside next to my wife. I have the Manatee hoodie in my hands. I say to my wife, "Look, it's a Manatee hoodie! I just made it up on the fly but you would really love to have this. I wonder if it exists." My wife doesn't say anything but just smiles. I decide that I should do a web search when I wake up. This thought sends me into another FA.

I nose plug and am upset that I can't wake up. I am really worried that I will forget doing the task. I try really hard to wake up but just have some SP feelings instead. I quickly recall the costume dream and feel I have a good memory of it so I go ahead and allow myself to have some more lucid dream time. I sit up and feel slightly bored not knowing what to do next. I see my wife lying next to me and get some ideas. I'll skip the details, but I enjoy some rough anal sex with her stopping just before I reach completion not wanting to have a wet dream.

I have another FA and I nose plug. What the hell? I see my wife fully clothed looking into the mirror on the closet door. I am not at satisfied from before so I enjoy some oral sex. I feel that I am being ridiculously rough with her but decide that it's ok in a dream. I have an intensely satisfying release at the end and feel that I have now had a wet dream. Annoyed, I decide should wake up and change.

I have another FA and nose plug. I shout out, "Goddammit mother fucker!" my voice is vivid and loud. I spend a few seconds trying really hard to wake up, but I just can't. I decide to let go the worry of forgetting the dream and needing to change and decide to be thankful for such a strong LD. I open my dream eyes to look around and instead of a ceiling, I see a vivid, clear deep space view of a bright blue planet nestled next to a golden nebula. I am in awe of this sight and spend a few seconds taking it all in. I want to fly to the planet and explore so I reach my arms up to it as I lay in bed. I try to fly up to it but can't seem to move or float up. I don't want to try to stand up or do much of anything because I don't want to ruin such a beautiful sight. Fixated on the view, I relax hoping to float up but I have another FA.

This time I can hear the box fan humming and I try to move to get up. The effort jerks my physical body and I wake up for real.

10:25AM - Non Lucid - CanisLucidus At The Event

My wife and I are with CanisLucidus and his wife in a limo. CL is talking to his wife about getting tickets to some Glenn Beck event. His wife told him not to worry about it because she order early and got an awesome deal on some first class seating and there were going to meet Glenn Beck. I am a little disappointed that we didn't think of this. We had to order cheap tickets last minute.

We separate and I am with my wife in a crowded street like it's New Year's Eve in Times Square. There seems to be a million people here. I am talking to my wife about random stuff and I tell here that all it will take is just one person to turn into a zombie and then everyone will quickly be infected and wiped out. I somehow know this is really about to happen so I keep a watchful eye on the people around me. My wife seems to think I am nuts but I am ready to fight the zombie hoard.

Now I am watching CL with his wife like it's a movie. CL is narrating and I feel like I am reading one of his DJ entries. I see everything as from CL's point of view. He is next to his wife. She is in a fancy evening gown and CL is wearing a gray suit. They are high up in some balcony like in an Opera House. There is some conversation. I say to myself that I like how this is playing out like a movie with a plot. It's also skipping back and forth between characters like a movie. Seeing from CL's eyes, I look down at the jewel encrusted wine glass in his hand as he takes a sip. It looks like a moscato or some other white wine. There is some fine cursive lettering etched on the base of the glass. Now I am not looking from CL's eyes, but like I am there. I take the glass from CL and look closer. It is part of CL's DJ entry. It's hard to read and I don't remember it all but it says something about how he likes how he knows were are the DC's are in this part of the dream. This is just before 'it' all happens. He uses actual names rather than DV nicknames, but he tells where He and his wife are, where my wife and I are, as well as Dreamer and OpheliaBlue. There is something about how he's disappointed that I had to join the crowd down below but I had volunteered to help out with the event. I thought this was totally wrong and I begin to wonder what's going on. I try to read more of the small print to get some understanding but can't seem to see what the words are anymore. I am suddenly woken up by my wife getting out of bed.

#369 - DILD? - 4:38AM

I scored two LD's last night and I'm super excited because it has been awhile since I have had this kind of high level lucid. I really didn't employ any sort of technique this time other than being super motivated and highly worried that I was going to have another G fail as I enjoyed a 45min WBTB. I suppose I did a sort of MILD tech; while doing some basic body awareness, I imagined being lucid and feeling the walls with my hands. But really, I suspect my paranoia of screwing this up was what brought my awareness up while dreaming. I guess I need to worry more!

In this first one, I don't recall how I became lucid and I was probably only semi or low level lucid to start.

I am in some elven chamber with Royal High Elves like in something from The Lord Of The Rings or Elder Scrolls. I am given a strange looking mace or blunt weapon made of a bright magical metal, but that is only the covering for a short sword. I draw it out at the handle letting the blunt part fall off and hold a bright glowing sword. I know that I have been sent into the darkness to defeat an enemy. I turn and see some sort of open portal that takes up an entire wall. There is a darkened and distorted courtyard full of humanoid creatures hiding from the light. I don't really want to rush out there and be overwhelmed so I decide that I'll try to coax them out one by one. I notice some grapes growing up the interior walls and wonder why they are there. I dismiss it as one of those funny dream things and decide to enjoy it. I pluck a handful and munch on a grape or two; the taste is as expected. As I do this, a few creatures rush in past me, but I let the elves worry about that and focus my attention outside. One of the creatures has a bow and arrow and starts shooting at me. I take cover close to the wall and throw some grapes out. I tell the bowman to come out and almost call it like a dog. I sort of hope it will try to eat the grapes but it doesn't seem interested. The more I study the creature hiding under a structure, the more it looks like a Jawa. For some reason this helps and I am less afraid. Maybe I just need to know what I am facing. After a few seconds, I realize it's not going to come out so I rush out to attack in spite my previous apprehension. I forget that I have a magical sword, but I am carrying a dagger in my right hand. It is enough. I stab the Jawa in the chest and look up in time to see movement to my right. I turn the dagger and strike out sinking the blade deep into another's face. More twisted and evil looking Jawas are coming and now I remember the magical sword. I blind summon and lift the glowing blade into the air. The dark creatures shrink back as my field of vision is engulfed by a white light. The dream fades from there and I wake up.

I roll over to find my DJ, but something feels off and very dreamlike. I do a nose plug and blow cleanly through. I am a little shocked and do this a few more times. I am actually a little disappointed and worried that I will forget my dream but I get up anyway. My lucidity is now at a high level but the dream is dark. I wonder into the living room and peer into the darkness trying not to give this hang-up too much power. I decide to call out and interact with the environment, "Helloooo?" Nothing responds as I feel my way to the kid's room and open the door. I can now see a little bit and I hear the toilet flush in the bathroom. "Hello? Who's there?" I am back to coaxing creatures out of the darkness and wonder why there seems to be a connection to the previous dream. The door slowly opens and my two cats run out. I chuckle to myself and pick up Sputnik, my one-eyed, black cat. I walk to the front door talking to her in a high-pitched teasing way, "Let's go outside. Do you wanna go out? You little black asshole." I talk like this to my animals all the time in waking life.

Once outside, I immediately recall the pumpkin task for the task of the month. I must have dropped my cat or it vanished because I have no other memory of her from here. I use a strong sense of expectation as I walk around to the side of the house. Just as I thought, there is a nice looking pumpkin in the driveway resting up against the house. It looks pretty solid and I briefly wonder how I am going to cut it open. I recall OpheliaBlue's dream and remember hers was sort or soft so I decide that's how mine will be. I reach down and rip the top off; it feels really pliable and half rotten. When I take a look inside, I see many smaller pumpkins among the typical stringy pumpkin guts. No seeds; just miniature pumpkins. I feel a little disappointed that I didn't find something cooler but this is kind of neat. I get the idea to open the biggest mini pumpkin, but the inside of that one was just solid pumpkin mush. I begin squishing and playing in the mess like a kid in the mud. Not far into this, I wake up and do a nose plug to be sure.

I later recall a non lucid about going to the grocery store down the street. There had been an explosion with the propane tanks and part of the building was blown out. I was still able to go inside and do my shopping.

#367 - DEILD - 4:54AM

Galantamine has been unpredictable lately but this dream was kind of cool. I think I need to re-establish a healthy sleeping pattern and focus more on recall and awareness in order to get back to my usual proficiency. Hopefully, I'll be able to do that this week.

I have a FA in a hospital. I was napping with my son and I feel like I had been sleeping a really long time. It's something after 3 in the afternoon. I get up and walk out.

I am now in my house. I head outside and work on the car. Something is wrong with the A/C. I spend a lot of time pulling out wire and make new connections. I turn it on and I feel cold air now.

I see the neighbor woman come out. Kelly from work pulls in the driveway. I am surprised they know each other. I clean up things in the yard and see an old piece of bamboo. I ask the neighbor if she wants it. She says something about getting it later. I put it by the fence that I now notice. It runs along the front. I don't recall when we put it there but I am happy to have some separation. There are various garden tools on my front steps so I pick the all up to take to the back.

I have another FA. I am in the bathroom but the entire room is holding water. I am bathing with my wife in a non sexual manner. I wash my face and the sensation of it is vivid. When I look up, I see Roy from work standing there doing his own thing but he's naked. I am not too bothered by it; I just advert my eyes. Then it dawns on my that my wife is in here. I kick at his legs and wake up.

DEILD. Vibrations start. I focus on relaxing my body. I get deeper but I feel stuck. I've been really resistant to spending time here but I work through it. I try moving my hands and get my right arm free but my left feels stuck. Knowing better I forget the feeling of it being stuck and it comes free also. I snore and wake a little.

I enter back in and hear the song "So Hot" by Wallpaper. playing. I like the song so I sing a long for a bit but quickly decide I would rather do other things after hearing my own horrible singing voice. It sounds so bad that I worry that I am singing in my sleep. This causes another brief wake/DEILD. After a moment, I feel like I am lying in bed with my eyes open. I see a really dim light near the door so Im pretty sure its the dream. I get up with some effort and open the bedroom door. I go blind so I feel around. It's something like a closet and there is some nylon jacket material. I say out loud, "Who's there?" but my voice sounds weak. I try again more slowly and it sounds better. I am a little afraid of what I'll find but I really want to get the dream going. Nothing is responding so I try again, 'Helloooooo?" Nothing. I focus on seeing as I open the door more widely.

I am now in something like the break-room at work but it has a larger cafeteria feel to it. I recognize several of my co-workers but rush past them. I feel the visual is very blurry and unstable so I try to stabilize by exploring and feeling the environment. I rush into Dave sitting at a table and crawl over him. He's laughing as he tries to get away. Next I come to Jon and this time I fly right over him. He laughs. I'm starting to enjoy this but I suddenly have some breathing issues and it fully wakes me up without warning.

#362 - DEILD - 4:14AM

WBTB was tough! I tried staying up longer but only made it 5 or 10 minutes. I was super tired and didn't bother trying to WILD hoping to ride the galantamine out later in a DILD or DEILD.

I wake from a non-lucid dream about putting up Christmas decorations in my old house. There are multiple people from parts of my life that don't mess. I feel confused and unsure what to do.

I roll over throwing and arm up but it puts me in awkward position. I hit vibrations almost right away but I feel so uncomfortable at the same. I try to tough it out knowing that if I can get past this I wont even feel my physical body. I eventually have to break out of it and adjust myself.

After a few minutes, vibrations start up again and I spend a lot of time trying to break into the dream. The paralysis is strong and I can't seem to transfer over to my dream body. All I can manage is some wiggling motions at first. Several minutes later I start making it out blind and can only feel along the wall and them get slammed back in my body.

Much later I make it outside though I'm still a little unstable. I recall that I have been missing the feel of the air when I step out in my lucids so I check it. It feels really cold outside. Too cold for comfort. I shift my attention away from it and I notice it no more. I remember my goal is three part; find Robin Williams, ask for my fortune cookie, and make a patronus. I begin searching for Robin and I see a red SUV parked on the street. I punch the window and make a fist-sized hole but it really hurt and my hand didn't go through like I expected. I pause looking at my hand. "OUCH!" I shake away the pain and just open the car door. There's is a woman in a tan business suit at the wheel but she seems really drunk and disoriented. I shake her and she is barely able to look at before passing out. I cop a feel of her right breast before I walk away.

I see other cars down the street with head lights on. One turns off and I get a direct hit from the lights blinding me. This disorients me and the dream crashes. I think I might DEILD but the thought of all that effort made me just roll over and give up for now.

#297 - DILD - 7:35AM

I am at a bookstore like Hasting's or Books-A-Million. I have two books to purchase. I make my way to the registers, but all of them are closed. Frustrated, I look around and am surprised to see that there are two registers open behind me. I make my way to one feeling really dumb that I made such an obvious mistake. An attractive woman starts chatting with at the next register. I say something about how stupid I feel for not even seeing the open registers. She keeps talking and lightly flirting with me but I lose interest as it is now my turn to check out.

There's nice gray haired woman working the register. She scans my books. (I have no idea what the books looked like or what the titles were.) The little green display shows my total. The numbers are a little distorted but it reads $83 and some change. I stare closer at the display it seems blurry and I remind myself to get my eyes checked. I tell the lady that there must be some mistake. These books were on clearance and should have only totaled around $6. The lady looks the books over and agrees that I am right. I feel like the display is just broken so I ask her if I swipe my card, will it ask me to approve the total. She says it will so I fish in my wallet for my debit card. I become annoyed when I can't seem to find it. I pull out random fake looking cards and something like a library card. I even see my AutoZone Rewards card. I notice in my side vision that someone has walked up in line behind me. I apologize to the cashier and she assures me its not my fault. I tell her that I just can seem to get my stuff together.

Finally, I find my debit card and take it in hand. I look up at the total again and now it reads $90. I become a little suspicious that this could be a dream. I look down at my card and now it has changed into some other random card. I smile, and decide if this is a dream it will just work. When I swipe, The card reader displays an extremely long string of random numbers then, they all change counting up to nine the cycling back at zero again. Then, the entire screen scrolls lines of counting numbers at at such a high speed my eyes can't follow.

I laugh out loud at this totally convinced it's a dream. I look at the old cashier and say, "You know what? It's OK. I won't be needing these books after all. It's just a dream." She seems confused as I walk away to the glass doors. I notice she is following behind me so I stop and ask what she is doing. She says, "I'm getting your books."
I assume she's intending to give me some free books. I say, "No. You don't understand. It won't matter. I can't bring the books with me." She seems confused and looks away like she's not really listening. I take her face in both my hands so she has to look at me. "This is a dream. We are dreaming." She doesn't seem to understand but gives up on the books. I take her hand, shake it, and tell her I love her as a sort of apology.

I step outside and I looks like the same area that the old Hasting's was. I see a silver car sitting idle but I walk past it. I recall my goal to do the Jack and the Beanstalk task. I see a patch of earth near the sidewalk and asphalt and make my way to it. I reach into my pocket for beans but don't really feel anything. I decide to just fake it. With my other hand I dig a small hole in the ground. It's really wet and muddy making it really easy. I put the pretend beans in the mud and quickly cover it up.

I get close to the ground and look at the spot from a level side view. Right away I see three spouts. (Guess I thought Jack had 3 beans.) I chant grow grow grow and the sprouts quickly begin to get larger. I am amazed to see something grow so fast but knowing how big this is supposed to get I worry that it's taking way too long. I shout, "GROW FASTER!". It just continues at the same rate and is now only about 3 or 4 inches tall. I wait patiently hoping the bean stalk will get larger. Suddenly, I hear my son cry out in his sleep jerking me out of the dream.