Xanous' Dream Journal

#498 - DEILD - TIME?

I have to be breif and It wasn't so awesome of an LD but I was happy hitting after being unfocused so much. All I was trying to do was work on recall but I end up doing a DEILD and imagining nose plugs until it really felt like I was pinching my nose. As soon as I get a solid dreamy nose plug I realize I am in the dream and I get brief vibrations. Expectation, I suppose. I stumble around my dark dream house for a bit. Some random things happen and I have an FA where I try to DJ. Then I wake up and try DEILD again but lose focus and never wake up until the alarm. I'm lucky I recalled this at all.

#494 - DEILD(ish) - 4:50AM

I had some help from my little friend Galantamine this morning. I'm not spend a lot of time typing this dream or the next so please forgive the typos.

Dose: 3:30AM
8mg Galantamine
400mg DMAE

For some reason I'm leaving work early in the morning and I'm in the break room getting some coffee. The break room in really nice and has a lot of free food options almost like a continental breakfast kind of set up. I speak to my boss and tell her bye. Then for some reason I go back to a back room in the hot mold shop and take a nap.

I'm laying on a pile of work rags and am feeling like I am in a half dreamy state (irony). There is a TV on. While I watch it things get really psychedelic and I high. I remember I was trying to get lucid and I just relax into the sensations while enjoying all the trippy imagery.

After awhile I snap out of it and find myself in bed next to my wife. I get up for something and see the mattress is laying on the ground outside and the ground is wet and swampy. I see an hear my dog eating dry dog food as I go lay back down. I remember that I was trying to get lucid and I feel that I am really close. I decide I don't care about being wet, but my wife wakes up complaining about it we take our blankets inside a house. As we are walking I think, "This really is happening." But I wonder if I am really dreaming. There is a room with two couches and we decide to sleep there. Something feels off and I know that if I just stop and concentrate I will be in a lucid So, I stop and close my eyes and focus on my body.

I am laying down again and start getting vibrations. I focus on that for a moment then sit up quickly. There is a high pitched zooming sound and I fall out of bed. I get up and though I worry a bit about opening my physical eyes I go ahead and open them. The dream is not bright and clear.

I am in my old house that we just sold. There is sparse furniture and I forget that we already moved out. I say out loud, "Bye house. Bye." I hear my son say bye back to me from the other room. "No, Riley. You're coming with us." I laugh. I walk around the living room and see our cats running around. I scoop up Amelia and hold her close to me as I think of my dream goal. I can't recall, but I get a crazy idea to stretch the cat. I hold her up and pull. At first it feels too realistic and I hesitate. Then I just go for it and she stretches out like a noodle. She looks a little like Noby Noby Boy and It's weird so I set her down and then she has this ridiculous cartoon pouty face. I will her body to return to normal and laugh. I tell her I'll leave her alone now. I walk out the back through the kitchen noticing how vivid and detailed the dream is. Amelia follows but I ignore her now.

I pause at the back door and focus on what I expect to see. I want to avoid stepping into the void. The looks close to waking life but the sky is surreal. The sun is low behind a cloud and the sky is a deep purple color fading to black and bright stars. I pause and take in the view. For some reason looking up destabilized the dream and I wake up shortly after that.

#482 - DEILD - 4:11AM

I have a false awakening where there is some sort of party going on in my bedroom with the guys from work. There's some issue with the Playstation and I have to sort it out. I am a little annoyed they were being so loud and woke me up but I manage to go back to sleep.

I wake slightly and move just a bit to get more comfortable and focus on DEILD. There are some very mild vibrations and I get too caught up in focusing on that causing my lucidity to dip a bit.As I wait, my wife rolls over closer and starts making out with me. I'm really enjoying this and wonder if she's woke up wanting to do it or if I am really just dreaming. Either way I don't care and just enjoy the moment. She starts talking about wanting sex and some other things that surprise me a little. I think this is probably a dream and while I ponder that I actually hear her begin to snore. I realize she can't possibly be making out with me and snoring at the same time and my full lucidity returns. Unfortunately my wife begins to toss and turn a bit and it totally wakes me up.

After she settles down, I try to DEILD again only to fail. I am in the living room painting a mural on the wall. I am working painting a man and I keep having trouble with the white beard. I manage to get it to look right, but when I look away to reload my brush, the different color have blended together too much. I step back to the whole picture and I notice different sections that don't go. The man is too small and standing in trees and on the other end someone has painted furniture. I give up and tell myself I'll have to just paint over the whole and start fresh later. I decide to go back to bed for now and when I lay down thinking about all of this, I realize it's a dream.

It's really dark now and my wife is talking a bunch of nonsense. It's so distracting that I can't even think. I shout, "SHUT UP!" Shocked at my out burst I wait for her to retaliate, but she is now silent. I chuckle a bit and wonder if I said that in my sleep because it sounded so loud and clear. I shout out again wondering if maybe I really am awake. I do a nose plug and blow through so I get up, but it all feels to real. I fall back into bed and then decide to just go for it. I get up and move out of the bed room in the total darkness. I shout, "HEY DREAM!" and then fall into an abyss. I enjoy the sensation of falling for a few seconds and then hit the floor. I realize I am back in the bedroom. It's still too dark, but I can see that much. I recall the make out session from earlier and find my wife. I'll spare the details, but I decided to have raunchy sex with my wife. It's a pretty lengthy segment for a lucid dream. Some how we move around the room this is all happening and end up in the bathroom. I notice the woman has shifted from looking like my wife to looking like some other woman. I really just want my wife, but realize this is the nature of dreams.

I stand up in the bathroom and notice is nearly totally dark again. I recall a trick I was told about and blind summon a light from my pocket. I get some light when I flick it, but see some hideous monster with giant eyes looking at me. I put away the lighter and blindly punch at the creature as I move back into the bedroom. I quickly decide to forget I saw that and just wondering into the dining room. I try light switches and even find a huge breaker box. I flip all the switches, but I still can't see. I'm starting to get annoyed now and desperately look for any light source. I notice the fridge is open a bit and light is spilling out of it. I open and study the food items but they all look oddly distorted. I go back into the dining room and see a super bright light coming from a bowl on the table. It's too bright to look at, but only dimly lights the room. I get on the floor and study the wood grain for a bit to stabilize. Now the kitchen light is all the way on so I rush to it. When I get there the room distorts and morphs and the dream fades.

I find myself back in bed looking at my phone. I have a snapchat text open. It's mostly non letter characters, but there is one sentence. "Fell a distance of ooooooohhhhh". I laugh decide it's a log of what happened to me during the earlier part of my dream. I scroll down but the phone zooms into much to see it all and bar of black makes it hard to see. I notice I scrolled past the word "sex", but can't seem to find it again. I've been taking screenshots of all of this hoping that somehow it will be on my phone when I wake up, but I know deep down it wont. Too bad.

Now my daughters come in the room and for some reason this is so distracting that I loose all lucidity. They have swollen sores on there legs and my wife says it has to be bed bugs bites. Somehow I doubt it, but I get up and doctor their wounds anyway. After I do that my wife gets ready to leave and says she needs to take them someplace and she will be right back. I'm confused, but just say, "Ok." Then my son wakes up and runs into the room crying for her. I say, "Oh look. Mohinder woke up." That's not even close to his actual name, but in the dream I don't even find this odd. I have to hold him so my wife can leave out the front door. It's at this point that I wake up.

#470 - DEILD - 12:07AM

I wake up slightly, but have enough mindfulness to try to DEILD. It's pretty dark at first and I spend a lot of time making walking motions with my goal as my mantra (Jump on the trampoline). When the walking feels vivid enough, I decide to clap my hands and slap my face as hard as I can. There is a dull sound and tingling sensation upon impact. I now move on to my goal and imagine myself jumping on the trampoline in my back yard. The view of my backyard quickly fills in, but it's still really dark. I don't like this bother and I begin to jump extra high. The sensation of falling back down gets my stomach at first and I have to try really hard not to let it bother me. I notice how high I get as I watch the roofs of houses falls below me. After a few moments I get bored with this and latch on to an impossibly tall tree and climb up. I can clearly see limbs and bright greens leave as I make my way higher and higher. I see another tree close by and I decide to jump over to that one then swing down by hanging on the end of a long thin branch.
My brother is standing on the ground looking at me. "How did you do that?", he asks.
What does he mean doesn't he know this is a dream? I answer, "I'm just like a squirrel. It works the same way."

I am now standing in the main room of my house and I see my son smiling at me. I leap up and kick of a near wall to glide over him. I imagine flying is a lot like swimming as I swim all around the room like its a pool. My son chases me smiling and laughing and I get a chuckle out of it. For some reason I want my brother to see this and I decide to look for him in the kitchen, but he is no where to be found. Then, I become afraid that I will lose the recall of this dream so I decide to wake up.


I quickly record my dream and suddenly feel myself sinking back into that half dream zone.

I find myself wondering around some version of my house with my son. A set of non-existent stairs appear and we climb up them together. I am really curious what I will find, but I suddenly wake up again. I totally forgot that I had put my knees up while recording in my DJ and my left leg had flopped over, waking me up.

I only have recall of one other non lucid dream for the night. It was like a movie and these boys had entered into a cartoon world. They tried to find a solution to the problem.

#451 - DILD - 7:15AM

Some goons are chasing because I have an item that is valuable to them. Two come at me and to shoot them both with pistol. I feel like this is a video game and I become lucid. I run through many doors and various rooms for quite a long time. I eventually come to a larger room and meet one of the bad guys head on. Knowing this is a dream an nothing can hurt me, I bum rush the man and put my gun to his temple. I am disappointed by the lack of sound and only see sparks spurting out the other side. Perhaps they are robots? I let this thought go as collect my thoughts as I dismiss whatever story line I was involved in. I realize that I had some goals in mind, but I can't seem to recall them. The effort of thinking on this causes the dream to collapse. I rub my hands to stabilize, but it is of no use.


7:25

I lay awake for a while and think of some cool lucid dream goals. Staring at a ceiling fan and trying to walk up a rainbow. Perhaps one night I'll give it a go.

#452 - DEILD - 7:46AM

I fall into a non lucid dream of being a rapper on stage. I spout some freestyle nonsense and end up sounding a lot like Emenim. I wake up slightly and start to rub my hands with my dream body. I am surprised how vivid it feels so I get up out of bed. I am blind, but I remember that I put on my sleep mask to block out the day light. I try looking through the mask and find that I can partially see the room. This only works for awhile as I make my way outside. I very much feel the mask on my face, but never think to take it off in the dream. I am blind outside and the dream quickly collapses and I wake up.
Or so I thought. It turns out to be a false awakening and I spend a lot of time trying to record my dream in my DJ without much success. I eventually wake up.

#445 - DEILD - 7:45AM

The Monday got me this morning and I just said to heck with it, I'll go in at 9 and sleep a little more.

I am dreaming and laying in some sort of box with dirt in it in the gutter. There's some tube running off of some part of my body to drain something out. I feel the worst depression I've ever known and I decide to just lay there until I die. I really want to die. The thought of it moving on feels like a great relief. Then, I think that I should at least try to get lucid while I am lying her and this partially wakes me up.

I focus on body relaxation and vibes start. I try getting out but it feels off somehow so I go more visual and find that I am walking in the house. I feel the presence of my wife or someone (but it feels like her energy) following close behind me but I can't see her. It's comforting. I step out the front door and all my depression drops away and is replaced with a feeling of bliss. The air is pleasantly cool and I am delighted that I had an OBE. It has been forever. There is a light snow on the ground and the dream is unstable so I roll around in it. I still feel my wife near me watching over me like a guardian. I love it. The birds are singing loud and clear and it is the most beautiful bird sound. Everything feels like heaven and I enjoy every second of this visually unstable dream. I soon wake up.

#437- DEILD - Time unknown

I fell back to sleep after waking from this dream. I only recalled it during my morning meditation. Lucky.

I wake up slightly and find myself in that halfway point between wake and dream. My arm is up over my part of my face and I find it uncomfortable. I consider adjusting, but I worry that I'll wake up too much if I move. Ignore it and focus on relaxing my body. I don't notice the usual vibrations this time, but I feel myself sink deeper. I try focusing on lifting up or floating and I quickly rise up out of my body and automatically land on my feet.

I walk around the house for a bit thinking hard what my goal is. I see random rooms and objects, but I don't really pay much attention. I know I want to try a TOTM and after some effort, I recall the in-dream WILD task. I quickly stop and become stiff as a board and fall to my back. I look at the ceiling for a second then close my eyes hoping for the best. I am a little worried this will fail as I let go of my dream body and relax, focusing on lucidity. After a second or two, I feel myself lift up again. I am standing blind for a bit and I ferociously focus on seeing — I don't want to fail this task. Then it dawns on me to just "open my eyes". I am now standing in a meadow on a trail leading into a forest. The amazing thing about it is that the entire scene is filtered over with red. It's beautiful and slightly ominous at the same time. As I am enjoying the scene, I notice my physical eyes have partially opened. I try to maintain the dream, but the waking world slowly comes into view ending the dream.

This pic doesn't do it justice, but it's close.

#435 - WILD - 4:15AM

I did a WBTB coffee (2tbsp coffee grounds + 1tbsp sugar) at 4AM. Chug and and crash focusing on WILD.

I quickly recognize the usual sensations but it hard to get out. I realize I need some stimuli and the first thing I think of is sex. During the enjoyment, I notice a very young girls is sleeping next to me in the same bed while some woman is riding me. I begin to feel awkward and want to get away. I notice that I am deep enough in the dream now, so I push the woman off and mutter, "That's enough."

I easily stand up and wonder into the bathroom. I have an embarrassing situation that I try to ignore so I look into the mirror to distract me. My face distorts and I now have large aliens eyes. Instead of the deep black associated with gray's, I have white glowing light like my eye are made of some sort of reflective material. I marvel at the glowing light from within for a second and then decide to try playing with the mirror a bit. It looks really dirty witch is distracting but it seems like there is a different room past my reflection. I press my face into the glass and it stretches like soft rubber. I pull back and try to focus on something in the background, hoping to fall in, but I suddenly wake up.

#436 - DEILD -5:08AM

Having realize that only 15 minutes passed since I drank coffee, I decide it can't have kicked in much though I feel mildly stimulated. I relax focusing on my face as I body awareness meditation and quickly pass out.

There is something about my brother visiting my house. Me setting at table telling myself that I am dreaming, but not caring much. Maybe I thought I had it under control, but lucidity slips away. After talking with my brother, I decide it's time to lay down for WILD.

I am in a room eating white grapes with a small boy. Then try to eat something like a grape, but rock hard. The dream fades to darkness, but I hear a voice telling me to hold me focus and wait (meaning DEILD).

I have WILD sensations, but I am able to blindly get up. I jump around to stimulate my dream body. It feels super odd. I begin to float so I open my eyes. I am now standing in the room again. There is trash everywhere and the little boy is just looking at me. He gives me a grape and I taste it. Bland. I recall the smell TOTM and quickly search the floor. I spot a banana peel, pick it up, and give it a good sniff. Nothing. I try again breathing deeper, but now I am too aware of my physical body. I remember breath is the only connection to waking world. I stop and try an orange peel that's near the spot where I found the banana. It has a mild, undefinable scent. I now recall my monster TOTM and tap the boy's elbow. "Common!", I say as I start to look for a bed. I wake up.

#432 - DILD/DEILD/OBE - 4:30ish

I was having a bad night with restless legs and stomach issues and ended up on the couch. I thought I was hearing noises outside so I was listening as I was falling asleep. At some point I felt the beginning of a shift in my head toward the dream state, but I latch on too soon and it stops. Seconds later, I hear glass break and a rock lightly bounces off my abdomen someplace. I get up and look at a window to see several small holes and cracks. I rush out the back door to catch the vandal and see a preteen boy standing in the neighbors back yard just looking at me. He hits me with another rock and I cover my face out of reflex. I only feel a slight sensation where the rock should have hit me and realize it's all a dream. In fact, I remember that I was literally just now trying to fall asleep and the environment has full on daylight. I quickly find a rock and launch it at the boy, hitting him square in the face. He flinches a bit, but remains largely unaffected. He smirks and picks up a huge red brick. I think, "ok fine" and get a brick of my own. We launch bricks at each other for a few moments and I backhand a few as the come at me, as well as TK to form an invisible shield in front of me.

I wake up into vibrations and relax into the feeling. My legs feel light and floaty and stretch them out enjoying how amazing and pain free they feel. It's been a while since I've noticed SP sounds, but this time I could hear to tones of high pitched ringing. I focus on the sensations for a bit along with general body relaxation. I turn my head too look at the living room and notice how much darker it all looks. I wonder why it's can't just look the same as waking life. I wake up into vibrations again and repeat the process.

After a moment, I am able to get up and blindly go out the front door. I see a few cars passing by on the street, but mostly ignore it. When I step into the yard a look up at the night sky, I see a full view view of beautiful bright stars. They don't look like normal stars but the longer I look the more they change into differing versions. All the while I am awed by all of it and hear a music cue that reminds me of this from Polar Express.

I feel an emotion release of joy and peace and I am reminded of movie scenes where the light shines down from Heaven and you hear the angles sing. I do my best interpretation of it of that mingled with the voices I am hearing in the music., "ahhhh ahhhhhhhhh" but it sound horrible and I choke on the sounds a bit. I chuckle a bit and and continue to admire the ever changing star field though, I've forgotten about the music now. Now, I'd really like see a more realistic milky-way-filled-starry-night, so I focus on it. I see something like what I've seen before only for a fraction of a second and the dream destabilizes into darkness.

I decide I better move on before I wake up and manage I manage to get my visual back. There is a car parked on the road and I leap from where I am standing several yards over to the other side of the car. As I pass over the top of the car, I run my hand over a strange glass sunroof. The car is black and strange-looking resembling one of my son's Hot Wheels. I''m not sure when my transformation began, but as I let out a growling howl I realize that I am now a werewolf. I am over come with a feeling of triumphant power with a hint of harmless mischief. My, that escalated quickly. I look into the driver side glass past my werewolf reflection to see my neighbors from across the street panicking in the car with a look of shear terror on their faces. Unsure what I should do now, I just watch them for a second and am completely surprised then they slowly vanish from the dream like Marty McFly and his family. I decide now to just use my super power to break glass. The driver side, front and back windows go easy like eggshell with a satisfying glass-breaking sound. I move to the back glass and remember a stupid video I saw on Facebook were some dope tried several times to break car glass with his head. I decide it would be fun to do this in a dream and when I raise me head back I see a cracked spot on the glass. Amused, I ram my head right into that spot. The dream goes back.

I have a vividly physical sensation of opening my eyes and find myself sprawled out over the truck of the car with my face resting on the glass. For a split second I begin to freak out as I think that I have been sleep walking and actually woke up outside. The idea quickly goes away as I remember this is and old fear and there is no way that happened. I look now at the main road and see a lot of traffic passing by. I remember a thought I had a long time ago about riding a motorcycle in a lucid dream. I'm not sure that I have ever done that and decide too now. I think I see one in a neighboring yard, but it turns out to be a bicycle. I decide to get one from the road GTAV style. I run out into the traffic and cars avoid me. While I let them pass, I see so many odd cars, again like life-sized Hot Wheels. I watch with amusement until I see a motorcycle coming up. As I passes I snatch the man off with one hand and the bike rolls forward then lightly falls over. The man is so light that I think I could hold him in my mouth like a dog with a rag-doll, but decide I'm done with being a monster and I toss him to the side. I watch him flip end over end as he fades into the night. I quickly hop on the motorcycle and take off. I work the manual transmission for fun and quickly realize I am on a dirt bike. The sound is super realistic as I zoom ahead on the road. The dream becomes way too dark again and I can only see the road that's right under me for brief seconds as I pass under the street lights. I ride for a few moments still enjoying the sensation of speed then, quickly hop backward off the bike as I realize I that haven't thought of my dream goals. I intended to use a pocket hole to travel to ISS with bemistaken. The bike rolls ahead and crashes someplace as I step out of the street. I quickly and blindly reach into my pant pocket. For some reason my hand just doesn't want to fit in there, but I manage to pull something out and slam it on the asphalt. It's a black spot on the road, but looks like it is half faded out of 'reality' much like the neighbors vanished. I decide I could work with that as long as it hold, but it's much too small. I use a pinch zoom motion over the whole and it becomes big enough to fit into. I fall over head first and the second I enter, I wake up.

#428 - DEILD - 6:28AM

I intended to have G + Menthol during WBTB but I just could not get out of bed. Luckily, I pulled off a late morning DEILD. I was slightly disappointed that I got my dream goals all wrong, but I was super stoked to get lucid regardless.

I am watching YouTube through my TV and I see that CanisLucidus has his own lucid dreaming channel now. There's a lot of how-to talk and then does some funny skits and songs like some variety show. At first I think Wurlman and I need to step up out podcast game, but I quickly decide that we have our own thing going and shouldn't try to one-up CL. I find his show very entertaining and I am amused that we now have a really cool lucid dreaming TV show. I notice my father next to me on the couch and I expect him to say something about how he dislikes what I am watching, but he remains very quiet. I wake up.

At first I am pissed that galantamine didn't do much for me but then I realize I passed right back out when my alarm went off. I move a bit and get comfortable and settle right into meditation. Instead of focusing on breath I use body awareness in my hand and arms as my anchor. I hit heavy HI really quickly and my daughter says something about my hands feeling numb. at the same time, I realize they are very tingly like I had my circulation cut off. I say to her, "As soon as my hands start feeling different [normal] you let me know. OK?" I wonder, Will that really work? If I lose lucidity will my subconscious tell me when I am fully in the dream? Right after this thought, I notice I have vibrations. I decide now is the time to shift my awareness to something external — the center of the room. I start to feel some tendency to separate, so I try sitting up. It takes a lot of effort to move only a few inches and I hear a voice, "You've got to work those astral muscles. It's been awhile so it's going to feel tough at first, but the more you exercise the better..." I accept what my inner-self is telling me and make I several efforts to get up; each getting easier. Once I sit up completely, I visualize the motion of running and a scene quickly comes to view.

I am in a kitchen in a different house. I spot a back door and run to it. As I step into the back yard, I notice the numbness in my hands still, so I shift my awareness from body once more to the dream environment and quickly forget the hand sensation. I try to think of my goals, but my mind feel slightly jumbled. Flying. I was supposed to fly. I look up at the day time sky and begin to make swimming motions allowing me to slowly rise up. There is something about the swimming motion that brings my focus back to my body and the dream darkens, threatening to crash. I stay calm and simply shift my focus back to something more visually external. I see that I am tangled in a tree and I use it to pull my weightless body up higher then, jump onto the roof of the house. Now I think maybe my goal was to make music with random objects in the dream. I look around and, on the house, I see some sort of wooden structure with many different types of roof vents lined up. I decide these will make great drums and I begin to strike them with my hands. At first It is just a dull flat sound with no real rhythm. I try harder to have some sort of pattern, but my visuals won't match the sound. I decide it's better to just look away and I quickly get some sort of drum beat with realistic sounds. A song quickly forms and I sing the first words that some to my mind in a jazz tone, "Well, my little baby... she's a real sexy lady now.... Yeeaahhh." I am slightly startled how different my voice sounds, but I don't let it distract me. Organ music begins play a little tune now as I see movement in the corner of my eye. A black cat is walking along the road out front and I feel a strong desire to go after it, but I can't decide if I want to stop the music now or play a little more. I am torn between the two and sit there undecided as I suddenly wake up.

#411 - DEILD - 5:13AM

4AM WBTB, Galantamine/choline with peppermint tea.

I wake slightly realizing I lost focus. For some reason I was pretty wired at WBTB and had a hard time getting settled. I don't recall dreaming, but focus on DEILD. I feet a familiar shift in my body almost on command and exit pretty quickly. For some reason I head to the bathroom to find a something like a really tall crypt keeper coming at me trying to bite my face.



I reflexively put a protective arm over myself and push away with the other. The room lights up and now I think of it more like a zombie. Fear starts to creep in but I remind myself that it's just my dream and the fear goes away. I remember how easy zombies are to kill in The Walking Dead so, I grab the thing with both hands and smash it's face into the mirror over the sink. I am shocked when I see neither one of us have a reflection. There was a definite face impact on something but it seems more like a window than a mirror. I look loser for a reflection and find two alternate versions of myself. On has a curly white-boy-fro and is standing in the door way. The other has long straight hair and is smiling at something in to the right that I can't see. I remember the Crypt Keeper and get back to mashing it's face into the mirror again. This time I really hope for a reflection and I see it now and, even though my reflection is absent, I am satisfied. I smash the thing one more time and see it's jaw drop away. I figure that has to be good enough and I have a strong desire to get out of this uncomfortable situation.

I wander into the kitchen and find the rest of the house is way too dark. I try a light switch with no luck. I try snapping my fingers but I get a weird visual of my hands flapping around really fast in the darkness. I feel really rushed and worried that I am taking up too much time messing with stuff, but I remember Dreamers' time technique and calm myself. I have all the time in the world. I decide to just go outside now, but I'm still stuck on the idea of making light. I snap my fingers, but it just feels really weird. I try making a fire on my finger but nothing happens. I find myself at the door but when I try to open it, it's locked. I fumble with the deadbolt with little success until I remember how ridiculous it is to be worried about all that in a dream. I pull the door extra hard and there is a jolt and a pop like something broke and the doors opens.

When I get to the porch I begin to float. It's a dull, grey, overcast day and the air feels extra cool. There is some silver colored van parked in my yard. I notice the tail lights are lit up so I decide to go investigate but my I can't seem to make myself float over. About the time I start struggling the van drives ways. Yell out at the driver as I return to the ground to run after it, but it's long gone now and I don't care enough to pursue. In the street, I see it's made of gravel rather than asphalt. I find this mildly interesting but mostly ignore it. I start to feel rushed again, but remind myself that there is plenty of time and not to worry about it. It helps some, but I know the dream time is limited and there's stuff I want to do.

There is another car stopping in the street and I recall one goal. I want to see how far I can stretch my arms to grab something. I reach out at the car and my arms stretch out and snake around until I can feel something. It I may have reached about 20 feet out and grabbed the edge of the wheel well. It's an odd sensation and as I am experiencing this I ear a woman's voice close in my left ear. I reflexively forget about my arms and the car and spin around to see who's talking to me. To my surprise, I see no one.

I walk down the street looking for the woman with out luck. While I'm doing this, I recall other goals. I think of the Pegasus TOTY but I feel like this dream world is really unstable. In fact, it feels really taxing trying to hold it all together. I recall another task, to see how running feels now that I have started to do so in waking life. I turn to start, but I see a woman walking across the street. She must be the one so I head over to her. I talk to her but my words feel jumbled and her reply makes no sense. I struggle to talk clearer, but about that time the dream fades into a dull white color.

I open my eyes facing my wife's side of the bed. I see she has her cell phone on and the light from it must have woke me up. She has her phone partly under the cover like she is trying not to disturb me, but it's still really bright. I ask, "What are you doing?"
She tells me, "Just... this."
I think shes just being rude and I become really pissed off that she woke me out of a lucid dream. In a huff, I roll over to my other side jerking the covers and say in a loud whinny voice, "You woke me up! What the hell?"
Then I realize something feels off. The sensation of rolling over was very dull and numb. This is a familiar effect of my dream body. Happy again I say, "I'm not awake!" I roll back over but end up on top of my wife. She has put her phone away, but for some reason I ask, "What was that anyway?"
She replies, "I'll show you... hold on."
Before I say or do anything else stupid, I go ahead and do a quick nose plug to make sure I am really dreaming. I feels redundant, but I enjoy the confirmation. Now I say, "You're not real."
Then, my wife's face morphs into the Crypt Keeper from earlier and I bail. It's not that I am afraid, but I really don't want to deal with that nasty thing again.

I recall my running task again as I head back to the front door. I start running while singing, "Run run run baaaby." When I get to the door, I wake up. This time for real.

#410 - DEILD - 4:08AM

WBTB @ 3AM. Caffeine from coffee.

I wake slightly surprised that I can recall no dreams. I lay still and focus my attention a few inches from the crown of my head. Vibrations quickly start and it's not long until I feel my dream body float up from my physical body. There is a moment where I can feel both simultaneously and this causes an in-and-out-feel or 'bouncing' effect of my dream body. I shift my focus to walking and make my way to the living room. I am blind, but I feel like I just have my eyes close so I slowly and cautiously open them, worried that I will open my physical eyes and wake up. Luckily, this clears up the dream with no other effect. As I walk to the front door, I have a strange feeling like I am half crouched or hunched over and my eyes feel like they are trying to roll into the back of my head. I correct this by straightening up and trying to look more downward.

Outside, I see a full moon and the yard is only lit by it's dim light. There's are a few scattered stars and I recall one of my goals to meditate on one with the intention of travel. As I look up my eyes go out of focus and the feeling of them rolling into the back of my head returns. Then, there is some visual distortion like my physical eyes have opened slightly. I make a poor attempt to correct this not really knowing how and I wake slightly again.

I DEILD the same way as before, but this time when I reach the living room I enter a true void. Usually I have some phsycial sensation during these 'void' experiences, but this time I feel truely cut off from everything; no sight, no sound, no touch. I don't even feel like I have a body. Instead of fighting against it, I decide to relax and enjoy whatever I am given. I then regain some sensational and feel as if I am slowly floating around a space. I then begin to roll and I see a light on each rotation through closed eye lids. I had no sense of time and wondered if there was light coming from my bedroom window. Maybe it's later in the morning. I begin to wonder if I am going to roll on top of my wife. I think about this and decide to have dream sex with her. I kiss her, but the feeling quickly slips away.

I am fooled momentarily by a false awakening. I open my eyes and find that I have in fact rolled on top of my wife except I have my butt in her face. I feel embarrassed and we both laugh. I quickly get back on my side of the bed and try to focus again to DEILD. I have a vivid image of my wife laughing, but her teeth look very brown and decayed like some meth-head's.



I am repulsed by this, but quickly realize this is a dream. I say to myself, "You are still asleep!" I know this is true, but I feel as if I still need to continue with the DEILD. The same as before happens, but this time I enter into a vivid dream (I was already there).

There is a mirror on covering one whole wall in the bedroom and I hear a song from an acoustic guitar. The music sound generic and unoriginal yet familiar. My reflection has a giant wrench in his hands and is singing into it while bobbing up and down.

Like this guy.



I feel disconnected from it for a second, but quickly we merge as I sing. I have that awkward moment where I am not sure if I am singing in my sleep or not, but I do my best to ignore it. The lyrics just come to me without much thought, "I've got some issues. Yeah some issues. I've got some issues. Yes I do." Then I use the wrench to play guitar with then into my crotch as I use it to do some pelvic thrusts. I turn to the mirror on my wife's closet door and dance a little in front of that. I go out of the room and the song changes, "I'm gonna make great love...great love...yeah great great love. I've got some issues yeah some issues but I'm gonna make great great great love." I recall another goal that involves a dub-step song to try to induce a Star Wars battle. I sing loudly, "Destroy them with lasers!" Unfortunately, the music doesn't change. I say out loud, "Oh ok. I guess we're gonna keep going with this then." I start to sing some more, but the dream quickly fades and I wake up.

#397 - DEILD - 7:08AM

My WBTB was around 2:30AM and I kept it super brief. I was up only long enough to take some galantamine and wash it down with cold peppermint tea. This G night was a little disappointing since I didn't start becoming aware until much later in the morning. I suppose it was because I have been having back issues and I over did it with muscle relaxers pre-bed making me extra tired. Sometimes its hard to find that balance between dream and wakefulness that's required for LD and a lot of thinks factor into it.

I partially wake from a dream and enter DEILD. I have vibrations and slowly float out of body. I see something odd made of red laser light but I ignore it since I feel really unstable. I exit the room and find myself in what looks like D's house (my mom's friend). I haven't been here since I was little and I am surprised it's showed up in this dream. I just want to get outside so I exit the front door. There is a lot of stuff out there and I spot a cat curled up sleeping in a cushioned chair. I reach down and pet the cat on the head. The cat responds with a low purring meow sound and I walk away. I step into the yard only to find the edge of dream world disappearing into the void. I don't want to deal with that so I try entering another part of the house. I open a door but there is void in there too. Instead of stepping in, I reach an arm in and feel around for a light switch. The dream seams to be breaking up so I look back at the well lit porch for stability. After flipping the switch, I look back to see nothing has happened. I enter the room anyway and find myself lost in the void. I try going back but the door I came in is no longer there. I need stimuli and go with the first thing I think of. Sex. I blind summon a naked female body and couple with her. Her face look sort of familiar but no one I really recognized. We make out and things start to become more sexual but I stop as I begin to feel a bit of guilt. The dream crashes here and I wake up.

#398 - DILD - 8:53AM

I am at the park up the road from my house looking at my old Ford Ranger that I used to own in waking life. There is a wheel missing and the other tires are flat. For some reason I have a push lawn mower and my mountain bike. I really want to ride the bike but I don't want to leave the mower here. I try putting the mower in the truck cab but it wont fit. I realize I drove my SUV and fit the mower in the back of that. I spot some tough looking men with colorful glasses strutting by. I worry that they are up to no good but they don't bother me or my stuff. I feel the need for some shades and spot some white ones in the front seat and put them on. I realize that I don't usually wear white but I figure I may as well try something different. There was a lot of time spent here messing around with things but I finally feel content and decide to hop on my bike.

As I ride my bike toward the street I notice something feels odd. I look down and see the tires are flat on the bicycle. I decide to keep pedaling as I head in the direction of the gas station to get air. I tell myself that if I pretend the tires are normal then they will be. This thought reminds me of dream control and brings me to full lucidity.I am nearly into the street now and I decide that I will be able to ride super fast with the cars. Unfortunately, it's kind of slow and difficult like riding up hill. Although I can't pull of the speed thing, I know I can't be hurt so, I decide to mess with the oncoming traffic. I spy and orange car and pedal hard toward it expecting some sort of impact. Just before the collusion, my front tire jams up sending me over the handle bars and the car vanishes just before it hits me. This is disorienting but thrilling at the same time. I get back on my bike to experiment with this again but before I get going, someone makes a noise in the other room and wakes me up.

I have two other instances during the morning trying to DEILD. I recall hitting vibrations and trying to move my dream body but not getting very far. I recall very little else and assume I must have lost concentration.

#388 - DILD/DEILD - 6:46AM

I am entering a house with a young and mildly attractive woman. She is being flirty but I ignore this. She's talking about how she goes running to negate the bad effects of smoking. I tell her that this is really pointless, but she assures me that 10 miles a day is more than enough. I remain unconvinced but I let it go. She tells me that she wants me to go jogging with her but I tell her that it would look bad if we are seen together.

I sit on a couch in the living and she sprawls across a love seat adjacent to me. I notice she's removed most of her clothes and I can see she has grown much fatter with stretch marks and varicose veins all over her body. I notice she has a pretty face and think how its too bad the rest of her looks so horrible.

As I sit I quiet my mind and look around. I can see her family at a dinning table beyond with woman on the love seat. Something looks odd. It's took blurry. I can't make out the faces.
This is a dream. No. I'm just pretending. This is real life. I continue to stare at the family. They look so odd and motionless. Wait... No this might really be a dream. I worry that the dream will crash if I do anything, but I decide to go ahead and do a nose plug to settle my internal debate. I blow cleaning through. The dream crashes. I knew it!

I wake up and move a bit but quickly decide to hold still for DEILD. I focus on deeply relaxing my body and body awareness. I realize that I feel like I am being dragged like someone is pulling me by my though it doesn't feel like anyone has a hold of me. As soon as I note this the sensation stops. I focus on feeling it again and it starts back up. It slow at first but quickly accelerates to high speed. I feel G-forces in my stomach and gasp.

I notice that I am feeling very faint vibrations like tingles in my arms and decide that It's probably safe to move. When I pick up my left arm the dragging stops and I open my dream eyes. It's very sunny in the room and as I get up, I watch my feet move to the floor like I am looking at a foot cam.

I am in a very tiny version of my bedroom with no door to exit. There is only a night stand and a window. I see the window but think it would be funner to phase through the wall. I haven't done this in a while and I very sloppily try to push my face through. It feels like rubber so I try to claw and tear through. Unfortunately, as I struggle with this I am sucked back to my body in bed.

I hold still and wait and quickly see a scene form. I am laying in a sunny spot with trees around me. The green leaves look extremely vivid but when I try to move the scene crashes. I decide to focus and wait for another scene but quickly lose lucidity.


I recall some short and random scenes before waking up. I tell Wurlman about getting lucid. The woman from earlier pulls her pants down and shows me her ass. All those veins. I turn away. Other images that I can't recall.

#385 - DEILD - 4:21AM (1 of 2)

A couple shots of vodka just before bed for a little REM suppressant. I went to bed around 10:30PM and awoke naturally at 2:00AM from a super vivid dream. It was a little early for my WBTB but I went ahead and got up for about 45min with 8mg Galantamine and 400mg Choline. I downed the pills with a glass of home-brew Kombucha, then got got on Facebook for awhile.

I having failed a WILD, found myself waking from this dream:

I am about to go to sleep on the asphalt in a parking lot. I have my pillow and a huge comfy comforter. My wife is next to me already passed out. I have been talking to a work buddy on Facebook and decide to make a final comment then lay down. When I put my phone down I see him and his mom some feet away in their own pallets. His mom keeps making snide comments and says something about my top hat. I look over and see one next to me. It looks a lot like the one in "Frosty The Snowman". I tell her its just a top hat and not to worry about it. I lay down and flip them the bird with my eyes closed and smile. Then I get really hot and notice that I have a long black overcoat on. I take it off to reveal a while dress shirt. It takes effort but I mange to strip down enough to feel comfortable and go to sleep.

I wake partially and go into DEILD. I feel vibrations right away and let my self lucidly slip under. I feel real excitement with a racing heart and it takes a moment to calm down. Then I blindly make my way out the front door. As I feel the cool air hit me, I hear a loud sucking noise and am pulled back into my body. I am not sure if it is my physical body or dream body but I gasp for air as if I have been holding for a long time.

I wait a few seconds in the vibes and then get up again. This time I see misty swirling visuals as a dream forms in front of me. This gives a really cool effect as a copy of myself forms before me. Its a little odd but the dream is still really unstable so I grab my doubles arm and talk to him. This quickly fades as I am sucked back once again.

I realize its always my habit to rush this transitional stage so I decide to relax and just be mindfully in the moment. I enjoy multiple body sensations like weightlessness and vertigo. I begin to sing some old song. I am not sure of the name or even if the lyrics are right. "I-I-I-I-I... Get that feeling." (What's that song?) I have that moment where I wonder if I am singing out loud and I swear I think I feel my wife turn a bit in bed. I decide not to be put off by it and sing the line again though, it is noticeably softer.

Next, I use the feeling of weightlessness and start imagining flying. The feeling is real and I think I have a moment where I open my eyes and see a huge puffy cloud above my bed. After I awhile I feel like I am falling and blindly pull a parachute cord. There is a noticeable jerk as the air fills the chute and I glide softly down. I get a visual of ground below me then I land in a version of my bathroom. I immediately recall my lucid dare to find a story in the dream. I decided beforehand to either call someone to ask and listen, or find a TV and watch. I decide to look for my phone.

The bathroom is full of all kinds of junk like a tornado had hit my house. There were clothes and debris everywhere as well as all sort of cosmetic and toiletry items around the sink. As I search around it, I say out loud, "Where is my cell phone?" I have a thought to blind summon but for some reason it feels silly since I 'just woke up'. I see something under an empty Q-tip container; It's my phone, but when I reach for it I push it off into the floor. When I bend over, I feel air on my asshole like I like I am completely naked. Shocked, this causes me to pause and look in the mirror. I see a blurry and vibrating reflection in the mirror. As far as I can tell I am shirtless and probably naked with worried look on my face. The effect of the reflection feels unstable so I look away back on task. It's probably best not to worry about this anyway.

The phone screen is super dim, but I blindly tap random spots on the screen anyway, knowing it really doesn't matter. Its the object in my hand that is extending this form or dream control and giving me a mental boost. I put the phone to my ear expectantly and hear a ring then an answer. I try talking to the man the other end but it just sounds like I have tapped into someone's phone conversation. The dream blacks out here and I worry that I am going to have to start over. Luckily, the sensation of the phone to my ear is still very vivid so I just continue on in the darkness. I try to interrupt but they don't seem to hear me and I can't tell what they are saying. I stay persistent and finally get through to a very redneck sounding man. When, I finally understand the man, I find myself in some sort of auto mechanic shop full of colorful hydraulic lifts and tools. I walk around messing with items and flying around the shop as I talk on the phone.

Me: Hello?
Man: Who is this? Hello?
Me: Yes. It's me. Will you please tell me a story?
Man: Huh? Hello?
Me: I just really want you to tell me a short story. Please?
Man: Well OK...
Me: Yeah, go ahead.
Man: When I worked at the mill down by your place with the number one wire...
Me: Yes, go ahead.
Man: ...there was a sawed-off coffee maroon.
Me: Ok wait. (I am trying to make sense of this as well as remember) You worked at the mill down by my place with number one wire and there was a sawed-off....coffee...ma-ROON?
Man: Yes. That's right.
Me: Then what?
Man: George was like, 'What the fuck?'
I can take it any more I begin to laugh out loud at this. I notice my laugh sounds really different and I cut it off short.
Me: Dude that's really hilarious. You didn't ask George what his deal was?
Man: Yeah! That's what I did!

I was going to probe on but I suddenly wake up.