Clyde Machine

11.5.2011
I am in a tiny classroom for kindergarteners, but I'm with Chellie and Aaron. I am seated facing them, they are seated forward, and all three of us are quoting lines from funny videos we've all seen. Chellie faces the blackboard at the front of the class and goes to say something, but doesn't seem to want us to hear it. She has her hair in two blonde braids and grabs each with her hands, making another video reference which I find hilarious. She looks around to me, clearly not expecting anyone to hear what she'd said, and laughs with me about it.

Later, I'm the President of the United States, and am in some huge dark room where a number of large items are on display. I understand the items to be important relics and artifacts collected and saved by the American government. I'm casually playing with a straight bass that is twice as tall as me, when my butler shows me an artist-drawn picture of Noah's Ark, another artifact the government apparently has possession of. I get excited at the prospect of going to see it, and we change rooms, but the dream moves to a different scene, and I don't see the boat.

10.31.2011
I dreamed Chels and I were at the mall sitting on a cushioned bench/love-seat thing. My arms were around her, and we leaned against one another as she closed one of her hands around one of mine. After a short while she fell asleep.

The dream shifts and we are on a different but similar love-seat in the same area, when she lays sideways onto my lap. I readjust my body so she's lying against me and I wrap my arm around her. We were talking about something but I don't recall what.

Early on in the dream, before we were on the love-seats, I had ordered some food for us at the food court. When I noticed they were taking a terribly long time getting Chellie's food ready, I left her on the seat and went to the counter. On the way I read the receipt, trying to remember what I'd ordered, but didn't recognize or understand any of the items listed. I stopped trying to figure it out when I read the item "1x www.JOOBIE.com," and handed the lone worker at the counter the receipt. (That site is not as interesting as it sounds. =P)

Since I couldn't remember what I'd ordered for Chellie, I just told her, "Can I pick up the order that has a fried chicken sandwich?" She gave me a look like she hadn't a clue what I was talking about, but tried to fake a smile to hide it, and started punching buttons on the cash register. Before the dream ended, I heard someone say, "She's the first woman to discover a whole new world," and I understood that it was referring to the cashier dealing with my order.

We never did get that order.

EDIT: Another dream fragment remembered from earlier.
I'm in a church surrounded by people with their heads down. Everyone is singing and then they all cross themselves. I try blending in - I hum along and place my hand vertically on my chest without crossing myself. My efforts fail and someone announces, "There's a rebel among us," with a laugh. Everyone disperses and I walk about the church before the dream ends.

10.23.2011
Coming from an earlier dream, I am with a couple very young friends, running through a muddy pond-sized puddle. I avoid some deep spots to make sure I don’t wind up drowning myself, since I can’t swim, and run through shallow waters with the group to join a group of unfamiliar older adults on a lawn on the other side. I suspect they are of some relation to me, but I don’t actually know any of them.

Lead by a tall man among them, they are reciting some long historic quote which I recognize but haven’t memorized. When they’ve finished I walk around a bit and overhear someone asking another how to install Linux on their computer – they ask, “do you have to use a CD?” I can answer their question, but I feel like I need to drive somewhere. After thinking about it a moment, I choose not to interject into his conversation, and hop in a silver mini-SUV and drive off the lawn, down a driveway that has appeared where the pond was earlier.

I stop at the road (also replacing the aforementioned pond), still able to hear the would-be Linuxer’s questions. I think about driving off like I’d planned to, then I throw the car in reverse, hop out, and push the car by its hood backward to the group of people, intent on helping out. (Somehow I’m able to drive the car without operating the steering wheel, but I think nothing of it.)

When I arrive back at the group, I push the car away and find that they’ve all gone silent. One elderly man, an ex-sailor possibly a veteran of military service, stands from his lawn chair and approaches me, and begins reading a script. It reads like a funeral speech, or something you’d hear on Memorial Day. The man’s son was killed/died early in his young life, and the group gathered every year to remember him. However, the man began directing the speech at me, going off the script to tell everyone that I am dishonouring his memory, “standing there looking all cool, wearing the shoes he could have worn.”

His words were painful for both of us, but the sadness and guilt I was feeling was quickly replaced with anger. I became thoroughly pissed and pulled off my sunglasses, disgusted that he was publicly blaming me for his son’s death. He continued to rant, both of us standing there face-to-face with no more than three feet between us, and I could feel the situation about to escalate. He pulled out an oversized handgun, loading it with a single shotgun shell. Someone came up from behind me and tried to talk him down, as did I, but to no avail. I tried to get closer to him with a kind of diagonal sidestep in the hopes of disarming him, while making it difficult for him to aim at me, but I wound up twirling as I moved. Obviously, I start to freak out because I’m moving much more slowly than I’d intended to, and am expecting to feel a bullet break my skin. However, the ex-sailor appears to have turned into a short dark-skinned boy and is having trouble figuring out how to operate the gun. Since I can’t run, I twirl a couple more times, and someone manages to stop him – I don’t see how exactly.

I find myself on the road in the silver mini-SUV, and I’m barreling down the road. I am on the phone with the boy that saved my life, and I excitedly laugh that the scene I’d just witnessed reminded me of the movie Donnie Darko. I ask the boy on the phone if he’s seen Donnie Darko, and explain the comparison: if I hadn’t started down the driveway in the SUV, then returned to try answering the Linux guy’s question, I might not have survived – it made sense in the dream. He agrees with a laugh, and the dream ends.


Earlier dream fragments:
I am with Chelsea listening to an old woman talking. She is switching between French and English, with a heavy Mexican accent to all her words. I interpret the French words for Chelsea where I recognize them.

I’m on a train which is driving on the freeway, high above a big city, and the door next to me is open to allow me a clear line of sight to the people driving cars next to us. One person is driving what appears to be a blue-coloured variation of the Dalek suit from Doctor Who, and I call it a TARDIS (without realizing my mistake). I’m incredibly entertained by seeing this as a functioning vehicle.

10.20.2011/Non-Lucid
I dreamed I was joining the US Air Force. I was in a room with a lot of strangers, almost like a kind of waiting room for a train station, about to leave for either training or some kind of active combat. I was wearing a green uniform and looking at my military ID card in my wallet when I realized I didn't want to do this - I was doing it to impress a girl, I think. I started to reverse my dream, watching earlier sequences go in reverse like a movie being played backwards. I wasn't aware it was a dream, I just knew I could undo my life at that point. I stopped just before applying for the Air Force, and I don't remember doing anything besides before the dream ended.

10.17.2011
I am in an unfamiliar house with many other people. It's clearly some kind of social gathering for older adults, with whom I somehow blend in. While mingling I come across the host, a black man in a white robe who looks like Morgan Freeman, but younger. He is addressing the whole room and although I don't hear all his words, I realize he's about to go around the room asking what everyone's spiritual beliefs are, and it becomes apparent that it is a move to single me out as the only non-believer in the room.

Of course, he goes straight to me and places his hands on my shoulder, smiling wordlessly, expecting me to profess my beliefs. I tell him uncomfortably that I'm atheist, which leads the whole room to let out an awkward laugh. The host turns to the crowd gathered around us and mentions that I am in need of saving and that I need to accept their God, clearly assuming I'd simply not been exposed to it. I correct him in his assumption and say, "I was born Catholic, raised Christian, and chose to be an agnostic atheist." This was more disturbing to them, which produced an even more awkward laugh. I laugh myself, feeling less uncomfortable than before, and am left alone.

10.13.2011
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I find myself in a bar almost identical to the college commons. I overhear two guys talking about how they'd like to get dates for the night. They're clearly nervous at the thought of talking to a woman, and I tactfully let them know as I pass by: "Sorry to tell you guys this but you're beta as fuck!"

I give them a little peptalk and offer to show them how it's done. There's a lady in a blue and white dress standing somewhere nearby. I call out to the bartender to get a drink for her, and two for me. The bar suddenly appears populated, and the bartender (also a lady in a blue/white dress) brings me a tall glass, filling it in front of me. I thank her and join the others at the bar.

When I sit myself down I find Chelsea is seated next to me with a drink of vodka, and she appears to be enjoying it/my company. I am surprised to find that my own drink tastes really good, and I find myself successful in showing the others how a gentleman handles himself. Her wonderful smile stays with me as I wake up from the dream, and put me in a great mood to start the day with.


I don't know what it is with Chelsea and vodka, and she doesn't know either! XD BTW In case it wasn't clear, my dream-self didn't determine if the girl I'd bought the drink for was actually Chelsea, but it seems to make sense since she isn't a drinker and would be unlikely to have one in her hand had I not ordered it for her.

I also recall having a short lucid dream earlier in the morning, but it is of an embarrassing nature, so I'll simply say it happened and leave it at that. To protect the innocent, shall we say.

10.11.2011
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I'm on a field trip with Chelsea. We're at some outdoor event, like a carnival but with shops. Chelsea is sitting at a table much like an outdoor cafeteria and says she would like some vodka fries. Yes, vodka fries. I disappear from the group to peruse the shops and after several weird reactions from shop owners, I found a shop selling a bag of vodka fries. When I brough it back to her, I wouldn't let her have any, prompting her to chase me around before getting any.

She didn't get any vodka fries before I woke up. =P

16.06.2010

110: 6.16.10; 9:52AM BREAKING NEWS: Police Arrest Off-Duty Officer, and the Minotaur is Dead! (MILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I had a rather lengthy lucid dream, of which I will relay two parts to ensure the details I provide are accurate and interesting.

I was at the end of my driveway (a recurring location in my dreams), and saw three police trucks speeding on the road, coming to a fast stop in front of my driveway gate, lights flashing in the warm daylight, arranged in such a way as to surround a black SUV, now stopped along with the police vehicles on the road. The police got out of their vehicles with shotguns drawn and aimed at the SUV. I put up my hands to show that I was there and didn't intend to interfere, but figured that as I was standing next to my gate behind a couple trees, I really didn't need to have my hands up like the man who was exiting the SUV, and stepped a little behind my gate to watch the events unfold.

The man stepped out of the SUV, a well-built man with dark clothing and a shaved head - certainly not a person to be screwing around with. His hands were still up as he got to the hood of his car and leaned over it, as the cops wanted. One of the officers drew a rifle that resembled the shotguns the others had, and shot the man in the chest three or four times. He fell to the pavement with no visible wounds, leading me to the conclusion that it was a kind of stungun, with non-piercing rounds.

The officers surrounded him, allowing just enough visibility of the man for me to see that he himself was wearing a dark blue jacket with police patches all over the sleeves and shoulders. I figured I'd see it in the next day's newspaper, seeing as he was an off-duty officer who's arrest I'd just witnessed. One officer looked over at me and said something, which I only took to mean that they were okay with me standing there close by, watching. They took the man away and the dream transitioned.


A while later into my dream, I was in an all-wooden room on a structure made of poles, almost like bamboo coloured a rich brown. I wasn't alone within this structure - I was fighting a minotaur. Yes, I know, it's awesome! This minotaur was a giant, agile skeleton with great horns affixed to the skull, with one nasty temper. He knew the structure well, a multi-level scaffold with no walls, since the structure was encased in an enormous and tall room.

He wasn't at all shy about flaunting his knowledge of the room's layout. He expertly raced about each level to get to me, forcing me to find ways to move up to higher levels to stay at least one floor away from the skeletal beast. My movement took me to a very high level of the structure, achieved by flying with my signature arms-shot-straight-up flying method through square holes I found in each level's floor, almost as if there was supposed to be a ladder for each, and of course, the minotaur was close below me. I knew what I could do at this point to stop him once and for good, and I let him reach my level.

He reached this floor quickly, and stared me down with a nasty smile - well, as much as a skeletal minotaur's human-shaped skull could muster - and proceeded to approach me with a slow walk. He was visibly smaller than his regular size, now matching my height. I would use this to my advantage: I drew him closer to me, and positioned myself behind the square hole in the floor, watching the minotaur walk toward me in a perfect linear fashion. He stepped into the hole and slipped down, both feet first.

I leaned over the hole and watched with a smile as the (relatively) miniature skeleton fell several stories to the floor and crash-landed on his back. Upon impact he returned to his full and giant size, leaving only his chest and skull (with those giant horns, now coloured rich brown like the wood surrounding me) visible from where I stood. I believe I saw some bones flying off him when he'd smashed into the floor, but he appeared now to be a perfect, flawless, unmoving skeleton. With horns.

Note: This was another lucid dream induced through simply requesting to have one prior to going to sleep. Is this enough to call it a MILD, even without RCs?

09.06.2010

109: 6.9.10; 12:00PM Miscellaneous Mischief from Clyde, Revisited. (DILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I dreamed I was going to hang out with some guy, but found I'd have to run through a garden to get to him. I jumped and floated, and got lucid all at once. I took the opportunity to float over a truck in the garden. I met up with the guy, and killed him by whipping knives at him. I ran through the garden and found a paper I'd written for school - which I promptly set on fire. I found myself singing a little and enjoying it a great deal, and wanted to put myself onstage with Protest the Hero. However, things went blurry and I went into a false awakening.

02.06.2010

108: 6.2.10; 11:20AM In a Band with Austin. (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I dreamed I was in a band, with my friend Austin as the singer. We played a show, which was rather energetic, and afterward I asked Austin what he happened in the last few years, since we hadn't seen each other for some long time beforehand.

01.06.2010

107: 6.1.10; 9:00AM Girl Scout Cookies, and Relatives. (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I dreamed I was handing out invitations to Julia's birthday party - or at least, I tried to, but couldn't find the invitations. I looked in my bedroom and found a couple boxes of Girl Scout cookies. Even though they were already open and I suspected they'd been there a long while, I grabbed a couple and ate them. Then, a couple spiders made their appearance among the cookies. As you can imagine, I said, "Oh my God."

The dream transitioned and continued to be around my house, this time watching a bus roll up with a lot of relatives I didn't recognize inside.

30.05.2010

106: 5.30.10; 9:45AM Part 2: Am I Lucid AND On The Phone? Or Just Lucid? (DEILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Coming out of a dream, I moved only enough to get comfortable, then visualized going to Julia's room. I got into the DEILD, but what I saw was a Poke'mon game in which Julia was my character, walking down a couple lengthy golden halls. Well, that wouldn't do, so I tried to will her to be going to her room. I heard Julia's voice talking to me, and I asked her if this was a lucid dream, wondering if I was dreaming while I had her on the phone. I went into a false awakening after being unsuccessful, and took the opportunity to attempt a DEILD again.

Going into another lucid, I was in Julia's house going to her room. I heard her voice talking to me, again as if she were on the phone outside the dream, and I described to her my actions to help them become manifest in the lucid. I don't recall meeting her within the room before waking.

30.05.2010

106: 5.30.10; 7:00AM Part 1: A Humourous Encounter with an Ex. (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I had a humourous non-lucid in which I was back in middle school. While there I went in search of my old locker, remembering my combination to be 13-49-15. I found the locker, and discovered that my ex-girlfriend Krystee was nearby and had noticed me. I acted civil toward her, unsure of what to expect, and thought of introducing Julia to her. Looking around, I found there were several people around me I didn't recognize, then I spotted Julia.

Taking her by the arm, I brought her over and introduced her to Krystee. I looked to Krystee and told her, "This is who I lost my virginity to," and she went insane. I don't recall if she started beating on me or if someone held her back, but I remember her screaming at me hysterically.

I found that to be pretty funny.

28.05.2010

105: 5.28.10; 9:08AM Part 2: Ancient Egypt + Invasion. (The True Power of DEILD.) (DEILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I go into a DEILD from a previous dream and am reading a newsletter or news article that's taking up all my vision. Knowing that I wanted to do one of the tasks of the year, I tried imagining Egypt, and tried opening my eyes to go there. However, I felt my real life eyes trying to open, so I attempted this only twice before abandoning the idea. I thought of how else to clear my vision, while watching the article go from having a white background to a black one then back to white. I thought of pulling it off my face, now feeling like I was very much in the lucid, enough to not worry about real life bodily movements, but moving my hands to my face didn't help. I really considered leaving the lucid and going back into another DEILD, but I began looking around the newsletter for other possibilities first. While looking over all the words I found that looking off to the right of the paper brought me to a desert city with a richly-coloured landscape and horizon - I'd done it!

In my excitement I shouted profanities and flew through my fully lucid world, flying skillfully over small lakes and cottages nestled into rocky areas of the desert, and I began searching for pyramids to find one being built.

Coming across a few more settlements, complete with trees and houses (basically want you'd expect to find if a city flourished in the middle of a desert - it was pretty cool looking, rather relaxing and inspiring), I saw some pyramids in the distance. I closed in on one, obscured by a little fog, and when I drew close I found that it wasn't yet a pyramid, as it was still being built.

There was a proper square brick foundation, with tall square pillars standing inside it in a disorganized manner, none of equal height. Coming close to the pyramid's foundation I found that there were workers inside it, wearing oddly regal ancient Egyptian dress for being pyramid builders. On the sand floor, in the middle of the square sat two parallel sarcophagi with no lids, white sheets covering the bodies inside. Two workers were laying a golden lid on the one on the right, which might explain why they were regally dressed. (This wasn't simply the construction of a brick pyramidal structure, it was a burial ritual.)

At this point the dream plot was interrupted by something inbound toward our location, like a massive vehicle. Whatever it was, it was plenty large enough to convince me to get out of there, and in an instant I was on my home road, surrounded by the many woods on either side of the pavement, the sky now covered in beautiful shades of blue with stars lighting it everywhere.

Like I said before, my road (at least, most of it) has incredibly few houses on it, and my nearest neighbours are barely within walking distance, so my road has dense woods on both sides, which are only interrupted by my quarter-mile long driveway - this dream was the same way. Because of the woods and my incredibly long driveway, I was nowhere near anyone else while standing out here on the road.

Whatever had visited me in ancient Egypt was here in present-day Michigan. From the woods came an obscenely oversized car, crashing recklessly through the thick trees and brush to get to the road. I made my way to my driveway to get behind our massive gate, in an effort to distance myself and to hide myself from whatever was out there.

The car left down the road and from another part of the woods came a tank, also oversized, and an older-style SUV. They both made it onto the road without a scratch and started racing off. I wasn't scared of them since they weren't coming toward me - on the contrary: I watched the SUV rolling by and said out loud with a laugh, "This is one weird f*ckin' dream!" I don't talk like that in real life, so that should be a good indicator of how insane this dream was.

Things got a little weirder, but a whole lot more cool. The tank and SUV, as well as a few other cars heading down the road in the same direction, started leaning and skidding off the road toward the woods opposite my driveway, going back to where they'd come from, and disappeared noisily into the dark woods. I looked up above the trees and saw a great car rack, loaded with these giant vehicles - like those on trucks that hold all kinds of cars being shipped to and from dealerships. I looked around and noticed another 20-story rack behind the first one. Behind that, two more. Behind them, enough to stretch beyond the horizon.

A quick look in the other direction told me these racks were making a line probably around the entire world, or at least as far as my eyes could see. I focused on the one in front of me and made my way to it, though unable to fly. When I approached one, which now seemed to be out of the woods and right beside the road, I found it was covered in what seemed to me like Spider-man's webbing, with a few kids stuck in it. I attempted to fly to the top, but my jump brought me back to the pavement. I remembered successfully flying in a past lucid by shooting my arms up. I tried this, failing again.

I resolved to try jumping and grabbing the webbing - it was there for a reason, right? - and tried slinging myself up. Instead, it just made me bounce off the pavement, which made me go disproportionately higher in the air, and allowed me to grab onto more webbing, and onto the top of the rack. (One of the kids said that if I hit the ground I could "bounce off my lucidity!" I guess he/she was right.)

On the top I found more kids trapped. I pulled out something from pocket that resembled a breadbag twisty-tie, and cut the webbing to free the girl nearest me. I made sure she wasn't hurt, and asked where my girlfriend Julia was. She replied that Julia was above her, but being at the top of the rack I assumed this meant "above" being relative to her perspective - since she was lying down, I had to go to where her head was pointing.

A quick check initially revealed no sweetheart, but an instant later I was with her, and thought about getting intimate with her. Of course, the dream began fading now, and I was out of it before I could try stabilizing.

I have the coolest dreams....

28.05.2010

105: 5.28.10; 7:25AM Part 1: Protest the Hero Learning Session. (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Among other dreams and fragments, I recall dreaming of learning a Protest the Hero song riff, while watching the band learn it as well.